4. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
Luciana
My wedding day.
My dress fits perfectly. Off the shouldered. All white. Hugs my body and flares out around my legs. It’s like something out of an old Hollywood movie.
My hair is perfectly curled on top of my head. My makeup is perfectly set.
I look perfect.
So why do I feel like I’m screaming inside?
I clutch the bouquet of flowers – dahlias and peonies. The ones Matteo chose for me. Not the ones I chose for myself.
My wedding I have been dreaming of since I was a child and now it’s just… gone. I didn’t get to plan it how I wanted. I didn’t get to choose the man I’ll marry. It’s all been chosen for me.
My dress is the only thing I’ve had a say in, which is something. But it’s not enough. It’s just a dress. Nothing more.
My father knocks on my bedroom door. The hair stylist and makeup artist already left. I’ve just been staring at myself in the mirror for the past hour, unable to move.
“Luciana?” He walks into the room, looking me over, before tears seep from his eyes. It’s a rare sight to see my father cry. “You look beautiful. You look like a grown woman.”
It’s what I was going for. The desire to be a grown woman. And yet, I have to become one only because I’m marrying a man who scares me. Matteo made it clear last night that I shouldn’t think about running. My father’s life is in danger. How can I ever love a man like Matteo?
“I’m so scared I’m going to lose you,” my father whispers.
“I know.” I still can’t get myself to face him. I’ll crack if I do and today, I have to be like stone. “But you won’t. I’ll still be your daughter. Matteo can’t keep me from you.”
“I hope he doesn’t but he might. He might take you out of the city and there’s nothing I’ll be able to do now. All for peace. For fucking peace.” He scoffs.
Hearing my father cuss is a shock. He rarely does it.
“Matteo will hurt you, Daddy. I cannot let him do that. I’ll marry him. I’ll be a good wife. A good daughter. I’ll do the right thing. It’s what I’ve been raised for, hasn’t it?”
“I raised you to make me proud, so I guess, in a way it has been what I raised you for. But I was hoping you’d marry a man I got to choose for you.”
I finally turn to face him. “Daddy, would you have ever chosen a man for me? You would have clung to me forever if you had the chance.”
“You’re right,” he admits, wiping his eyes. “You’re right. I wasn’t going to let you go for anything but now I have to. Because Gabriel is making me. Sometimes I love him as a boss. I care for him. But other times, I really hate him and right now, I despise him for making me give you up.”
“I know. But I will be fine. I have to be.” Or I might crack and then who knows what will happen?
He nods, resigned to the fact that this is happening.
We drive to the church in silence. I’m grateful for our driver, Tom, because right now, I don’t think my father could drive. He can’t stop crying.
He clings to my arm as we walk up the church steps and stand before the door. Once it opens, my entire life is going to change. I’ll be married to Matteo. I’ll be a mafia man’s wife instead of just a mafia man’s daughter.
This is the moment I was raised for.
And it’s the most terrifying moment of my life.
“I love you, Daddy,” I whisper right before the doors open. Music swells. The guests stand up from the pews. The large, ornate church is beautiful and gothic and rich. But all I can see is the man standing at the end of the aisle. Matteo Marani. My husband in just a few moments.
He looks incredibly handsome in his black suit. His dark hair is slicked back. His five o’clock shadow makes him look more tempting.
How can a man look so good and yet so terrifying? An angel and a demon.
I take in a deep breath and step forward. My father forces his feet to move and then we’re walking down the aisle. Gabriel and Aurora are here. So is Sienna and her mother. Alexandra and some of the older mafia ladies are present. A lot of my father’s men are here as well.
I notice some men I don’t recognize. Probably Matteo’s men. The mafia side of him that I don’t know at all.
Leo and Emma are not here, which is for the best. I don’t blame them after everything that happened with Matteo.
The music suddenly stops and it makes my head jerk up. It’s then that I realize I’m at the end of the aisle. Matteo is standing a few steps above me, holding his hand out.
My father, with trembling fingers, grabs my hand and places it into Matteo’s. I stumble when I walk up the steps. Matteo rightens me.
My face flushes when I hear a few snickers. A quick glance to the side shows Alexandra and the other older mafia women smirking. They like seeing this. They like knowing I’m going through pain. Embarrassment. Women like Alexandra have nothing else to live for.
I force my breathing to slow down as I look into Matteo’s eyes.
That’s a mistake. His expression is dark and intense and deep, like he could swallow me whole with just his gaze.
Will I lose myself to him when I don’t even fully know who I am yet?
I was never given the chance to discover myself as a woman instead of a little girl.
Without a word, Matteo nods at the priest while still keeping his eyes glued to mine.
The priest begins the ceremony, talking about love and honor and obeying one’s husband. Fighting for one another. Choosing each other every day. It all sounds so romantic and yet it feels like a trap. I’ll be bound to Matteo in just a moment and then I’ll never have my freedom.
I don’t even know what my freedom looks like. More shopping? More fake conversations with older mafia women? In this moment, I don’t know anything.
“Do you, Matteo Marani, take this woman, Luciana Santori, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“I do.” Matteo places a ring onto my finger. It’s binding. I am his now. My hands feel numb but I still feel that tingling sensation in my stomach. Is it fear? Excitement? I have no idea.
I can feel the priest’s eyes on me but I don’t look away from Matteo. Don’t crack. Don’t crack. Don’t crack.
“Do you, Luciana Santori, take this man, Matteo Marani, to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
The room goes quiet. Someone coughs. No music to hide my answer. I’m on complete display.
To save my father’s life, I have to do this.
“I do,” I answer as confidently as I can. The priest hands me the ring and I slip it onto Matteo’s finger. His large, strong hands. He could hurt me with these hands.
He could also show me love with these if he chooses.
I may have been sheltered all my life but I know what happens between a husband and a wife. I know that sex can feel good. It’s obvious from everything I’ve read and seen on TV.
Will it feel good with Matteo? Can I give him my body tonight to cement our union?
Matteo wraps his large hand around mine, encompassing it. I feel so tiny next to him. I’m not sure that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss.”
Matteo cups my face before leaning down and pressing his lips to mine. It’s a small kiss. Nothing more. But it’s my first one and it lights a fire in my stomach. My lips feel like they’re tingling even after he pulls away.
With a smirk, Matteo takes my arm and walks us down the aisle as our guests cheer for us. My eyes pass by my father to see him crying. He’s the only one who looks miserable.
Matteo doesn’t say a word to me until we get into the back seat of our car that will take us to the wedding reception. “You didn’t run.”
I startle, having been gazing out the window, watching the beautiful old buildings pass me by. My eyes flick to the driver. It’s not Tom. This new driver is one that belongs to Matteo. My life belongs to Matteo now.
“No, I didn’t,” I murmur. “I’m not na?ve. You would have hurt my father otherwise. I wasn’t going to let that happen.”
“Since we’re married now, there will be peace between our families. I have no reason to go after your father and he has no reason to go after me. I didn’t want a war in the first place.”
“So why did you kidnap Emma then if you didn’t want to cause problems?”
I can feel him looking at me but I don’t look at him.
“Like I already told you: I was promised her and then that promise was broken. It made me angry. But as long as everyone keeps to their word, there won’t be any problems. Contrary to what you might believe, Luciana, I don’t enjoy getting into fights. I like living.”
His words should be comforting but they only make me more tense.
“We’re married now,” he continues. “It’s best to let the past rest and focus on our future. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“Yes.” It would be the best thing for me. To forget the terrible things my husband has done. Maybe he won’t be terrible to me. Maybe he’ll be nice and I can find a happy life with him.
But it’s hard to start a happy life with someone you didn’t choose. A life you were raised for and yet, it’s nothing like I expected now that it’s a reality.
We arrive at the elegant hotel that’s hosting our wedding reception. Our guests are already here when we walk into the ballroom. They clap for us as if we’re performers on a stage and I guess in some ways, we are. I know I’m faking the smile on my face right now.
Matteo takes me onto the dance floor for our first dance. His hand on my low back is distracting. Despite how scary he is, my husband is a handsome man and it’s making my stomach do flips. I rest my hand on his arm and can feel the strong muscle underneath his jacket. It makes my face flush.
“You’re a good dancer,” he says as he guides me around the dance floor.
Our guests watch. Feeling all of their eyes on me makes me stumble and it’s Matteo who rightens me.
A glance in the direction of my father shows me he has his head in his hands.
Another glance in Alexandra’s direction shows her smirking with her friends. My head feels lightheaded.
“Thank you,” I respond, because it’s good manners. “And you’re a wonderful dancer yourself.”
“Thank you. How did you learn to dance?”