Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
‘Joe! Joe!’
Ellen screamed at the top of her lungs as she hunched over her husband, checking that he was breathing.
Joe was there in seconds. ‘What is it…oh no, I’ll call Charlotte.’
He was on the phone in seconds. ‘Charlotte. Where are you? It’s Robert. He’s collapsed.’
Jagged terror ripped through Ellen. ‘Can you hear me, Robert? Can you hear me? Charlotte is coming.’
His voice was weak and uncertain. ‘I’m okay, I just felt lightheaded. I’ll be okay.’
And then his eyes rolled back in his head and he passed out.
Charlotte must’ve run from wherever she’d been because she was out of breath as she crashed into the sitting room. ‘What happened?’
‘I don’t know. He was talking one minute and the next he clutched his chest and looked as if he was in pain. He was talking and then he just passed out.’
How could this be happening? He’d only just told her about it. It had sounded like he had time to make a decision. Was it too late?
‘Robert? Can you hear me?’ Her voice was strident, echoing from the walls and the marble floor. ‘It’s Charlotte. Can you hear me?’
As if she’d slipped into water, everything around Ellen slowed and muffled as she waited, suspended in time, for Robert to reply.
Charlotte’s voice – calling his name over and over – was almost drowned out by the sound of her own heart thudding in her chest. She willed Robert to come back to her.
He couldn’t leave her. He wouldn’t leave her, would he? Wake up. Please, wake up.
At last, his eyelids fluttered and opened and relief coursed through her like a river bursting its banks. ‘Is he okay?’
Charlotte didn’t answer. Her full attention was focused on Robert. ‘Slowly now. Deep breaths. Don’t try and move.’
Later, Charlotte said it had been a few minutes before Robert was sitting up and drinking a glass of water, but it’d felt like hours.
Robert had always been strong, confident, in control of any situation.
Now he looked weak, defenceless and vulnerable.
She’d worried over the last few weeks – and even more over the last three days – that she was in danger of losing her husband.
But not for one minute had she anticipated it might be like this. Sudden. Shocking. Irrevocable.
Charlotte breathed out and sat back on the sofa. ‘You scared us all for a moment, Robert.’
Robert smiled weakly over the top of the glass of water he was sipping under Charlotte’s watchful eye. ‘Sorry about that.’
A sob broke free from Ellen’s chest and out of her mouth. ‘I was so scared. You were…Oh Robert, I was so scared.’
‘Hey…’ He held up his arm and she leaned in to him, trying her best not to put any weight onto his chest ‘…I’m okay. I’m still here.’
But for how long? The surgery might be terrifying to contemplate, but there was no choice.
Without it, this could happen any time and next time he might not be so lucky.
She looked at Charlotte who was taking Robert’s pulse with her fingers, timing it on her watch.
‘He has to have the surgery, doesn’t he? ’
Charlotte moved her lips as she counted the last few beats, finishing with a smile and a nod at Robert before she turned to Ellen. ‘As his doctor, all I can do is tell him the risks and benefits of either option.’
‘And as his friend?’
‘Ellen, I can’t answer that.’
‘What would you do if it was your dad?’
They both looked up at a white faced Joe who was patting Robert on the shoulder. Charlotte frowned. ‘If it was my dad, I’d want him to have the surgery.’
Ellen shuffled closer to Robert. ‘You need to have the operation. You can’t risk this happening again. What if you’d been driving or you were alone?’
She shuddered at the images crowding into her head. Robert sighed. ‘I know. But we have to talk through some things first. With the girls. I need to sort out finances and?—’
‘No!’ She pulled away from him, desperate to stop him from finishing that sentence. ‘You are not going to have to talk about finances or anything else because you’re going to come through this and everything is going to be good again.’
‘Ellen, we have to be practical about this.’
‘I don’t want to be practical. I want to go home and get you seen to urgently. I want you to be well.’
Charlotte’s voice was gentle. ‘Ellen is right, Robert. Getting home to the UK is urgent. This could happen again at any point. We need to get you back to the hospital and run some tests. See what’s going on in there.’
In her bag, Ellen’s phone rang and – with the habit of a lifetime – she reached to pick it up and scanned the screen. ‘It’s Abigail.’
‘Don’t tell her anything.’ Robert’s face was a warning.
It took every ounce of control Ellen possessed to keep her voice clear of her fear. ‘Hi, sweetheart. What can I do for you?’
‘I was trying to call Dad but he’s not answering his phone.’
‘You were trying to call Dad?’ she repeated in order that Robert could decide whether he was well enough to speak to her. He shook his head. ‘I think Dad’s in the shower. What do you need? Can I help?’
‘I don’t think so. My toaster won’t work. I knew Dad would be able to tell me what to do.’
It was such a mundane request, but it brought fresh tears to Ellen’s eyes. That’s what they did. When things didn’t work or broke or were too difficult to understand, they asked Robert. All three of them. ‘Can you borrow someone else’s toaster for now? Then maybe Dad can call you later?’
‘I suppose I could. But can you get Dad to call me? He’ll know what to do.’
‘Of course I will.’
‘Thanks, Mum. Love you.’
‘I love you, too.’
Robert raised an eyebrow. ‘Her toaster?’
She nodded. ‘We’re going to have to tell the girls what’s going on.’
He shook his head. ‘Not yet. Not until I know what I’m going to do.’
‘But you have to have this operation.’
The door opened and Lucy came in. ‘Can I get anyone anything?’ She squinted at Ellen. ‘You look like you could do with a stiff drink.’
Robert moved slowly into standing. ‘I’m going to have a nap, I think. I’m exhausted.’
She stood next to him. ‘I’ll join you.’
He waved her away. ‘No, you have a drink with Lucy. I won’t be able to sleep if you’re hovering over me.’
She was terrified at leaving him alone. ‘What if something happens?’
‘You can check on me once I’m asleep. How about that?’
As a compromise, Ellen sat on a stool in the kitchen, which was closer to the bedrooms. From a squat glass bottle with a long neck, Lucy poured an inch of dark-brown liquid into two lead crystal tumblers. ‘It’s Spanish brandy. It’ll take the edge off the shock.’
Ellen was about to refuse – she wanted all her wits about her to listen out for Robert – but she could do with something to stop her hands from trembling. The sweet smoky brandy hit the back of her throat and the strength of it made her cough. ‘Thank you. I think.’
Lucy raised her own glass before taking a smaller sip. ‘It helps if you don’t inhale it.’
The first time she’d ever drunk proper spirits had been with Lucy.
When Ellen was at sixth form, they all drank sickly sweet alcopops and cheap fortified wine.
It wasn’t until she got to university that Lucy introduced her to vodka that she kept in the fridge and whisky that she insisted they drink at the end of the night.
She took another, smaller, sip. ‘How long have you known?’
Swirling the amber brandy around in its tumbler, Lucy cleared her throat before she spoke. ‘About Robert’s illness? Two months.’
Two months? That was back in the summer. Before Abigail’s exam results. Weeks and weeks ago. ‘And, in all that time, you didn’t think to call me. Tell me what was going on?’
As she cast her hands outwards, Lucy’s brandy threatened to slip over the edge of the glass. ‘It wasn’t my place, Ellen. Plus, Charlotte is part of his medical team. It could’ve got her in all kinds of trouble if I was calling Robert’s wife.’
These were excuses. ‘But you were supposed to be my friend.’
Lucy’s laugh wasn’t particularly kind. ‘We hadn’t seen each other in over twenty years, Ellen. I’m not sure you can pull that card on me.’
The reasons for that were a whole other conversation, but this wasn’t the time for digging over the past. ‘I can’t believe he didn’t tell me. We’ve been married for so long. How could he keep this from me?’
Lucy took a deep breath. ‘People keep secrets. Sometimes it’s to protect other people. Sometimes it’s to protect themselves.’
Was Ellen imagining it, or was Lucy looking at her as if she was trying to project a message into her mind? ‘How was Robert protecting himself by keeping this a secret?’
Lucy took another sip of the brandy. ‘I wasn’t talking about Robert.’
Ellen turned as the door opened and Joe strode in. ‘Do you have one of those for me?’
Reaching up to the cupboard behind her, Lucy had to stretch up on her toes for another glass. ‘Did you get the flights sorted?’
‘Yes.’ He picked up the bottle of brandy and poured himself a generous measure into the tumbler Lucy had slid in front of him.
Then he took a large gulp before smiling at Ellen.
‘I know you have return flights booked, but I assumed you wouldn’t want to wait, so I’ve booked three seats for you, Robert and Charlotte to fly home in the morning.
She needs to get back and we thought you’d feel more confident if she was with you. ’
It was like being treated as a child, but she was grateful for it. ‘Yes. Thank you. You’ll have to tell me what we owe you.’
He waved away her offer of payment in the way of someone who has never had to worry about money.
‘Charlotte says that you mustn’t mention that Robert has been feeling unwell or they may not want to risk him getting on.
But it’s imperative that he gets back home so they can do a scan or whatever it is they need to do. ’
She wasn’t comfortable with that, but she was also desperate to get Robert home. And, right now, she’d do whatever Charlotte told her. ‘Okay.’