Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
‘I saw you go home with Ian and I didn’t stop it.’
After ripping away the curtain from the darkest night of Ellen’s life, Lucy sank down onto Robert’s favourite armchair and faced Ellen on the sofa. Her eyes were such deep pools of guilt that Ellen was frightened to look into them.
The shame and humiliation of that night, and the following morning, had stayed with her forever.
Drunk beyond all knowledge, she still had no idea whether she’d consented or not.
She did know that she’d spent half her life hiding the fact that she’d cheated on Robert.
But had had no idea that Lucy had kept her secret, too. ‘How did you know?’
‘I’d been searching the bar for him. We’d had another row and I was hoping to make up, idiot that I was. I saw you leaving together. He had his arm around you. You were all over the place. I’d never seen you so drunk.’
Ellen could hardly breathe. ‘Why didn’t you say something?’
‘I was mortified. I knew he’d cheated on me. Why do you think Clarissa and Petra didn’t hang out with us all any longer? He’d hit on both of them. But I never imagined it would be you.’
Ellen had had no idea about any of this. ‘Lucy, I am so, so sorry. I was completely drunk. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. That’s no excuse, but it’s true. And nothing ever happened again.’
Hunched in on herself, Lucy looked the shadow of the woman she’d been only an hour ago. ‘I think I was more hurt that you didn’t tell me afterwards. That you weren’t honest with me. I knew that he was a liar. But you were my friend.’
Robert hadn’t been the only person Ellen had betrayed. Suddenly, it all made sense. The change in their friendship back then. Ancient grief tightened her chest. ‘I was so ashamed of myself. I was trying so hard to block it out and pretend that it hadn’t happened.’
Lucy’s eyes searched her face. ‘And you never told Robert, either?’
She was almost as ashamed of the deception as she was of what she’d actually done. ‘I was terrified that he’d leave me.’
There was no surprise on Lucy’s face. ‘I was tempted to tell him myself a couple of times. A petty act of revenge.’
Ellen was so grateful she hadn’t. ‘Thank you for not doing that.’
Lucy flushed. ‘I didn’t keep quiet for you. I did it for Robert. He’s a good man and he didn’t deserve to hear it from me. Have you never told him since? In all the time you’ve been married?’
Guilt that she’d carried for all these years pushed down hard. ‘No. There was never a right moment.’
Lucy opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the shrill ring of Ellen’s phone. It was the hospital. She almost dropped the phone in her hurry to pick up the call. ‘Hello?’
‘Hello. Mrs Cooper? It’s Mr Grayson. Just letting you know that Robert is out of theatre.’
A rush of relief brought tears to her eyes. ‘And did it all go well? Is he okay?’
‘The procedure went as planned. Once he’s fully recovered from the operation, we’ll be able to run some tests and see where we are.’
‘Thank you. Can I come in?’
‘He should be back in his room in the next ten to fifteen minutes. You are welcome to visit, but he will probably be very sleepy for a while.’
There was nowhere else on the Earth she’d rather be than by his side. ‘Thank you. I’ll leave now.’
Holding the phone to her chest, she closed her eyes and sent up a silent prayer of thanks before turning to an expectant Lucy. ‘He’s out of surgery. I can go in and see him.’
Lucy’s relief was as palpable as her own. Like a mask she slipped back on, she turned back into her usual self. ‘That’s great news. Do you want me to drive you?’
They’d need to pick up this terrible conversation another time. Right now, all she could think about was getting to Robert. ‘Thanks, but I’ll be fine. The girls will want to come. I’ll call them now.’
Not wanting to call Grace while she was driving, she called Abbie’s phone first. It wasn’t until she heard it ringing upstairs that she remembered that Grace had told her to leave it behind.
When she tried Grace’s phone, it went straight to voicemail.
Maybe it was buried in her bag. ‘Hi love, it’s Mum.
The hospital have called to say that Dad is out of surgery.
I want to go straight away, so why don’t you meet me there? Call me when you get this message.’
She clearly wasn’t thinking straight because she’d hung up before she realised that Grace had her car. She turned to Lucy. ‘Actually, can I take you up on that offer?’
Lucy picked up her bag. ‘Of course. Ready when you are.’
It was only a twenty-minute drive to the hospital. Once Lucy had punched the address into her sat nav, they were on their way.
Ellen had never been in a sports car before.
Robert had toyed with the idea once a couple of years ago, but the girls had been so merciless in mocking a possible mid-life crisis that he’d let it go.
It suited Lucy with its cream leather interior and sleek dashboard, but Ellen didn’t feel particularly safe this low to the ground.
Lucy pulled out of the road into traffic. ‘You must be really relieved that the operation is over.’
‘I am. Although I’ll feel better when he’s awake and I can actually see him. Talk to him.’
She checked her phone again for a message from Grace. Had she not heard the voicemail? She tried again, but there was still no answer. She left a second voicemail. ‘It’s me again. Mum. Did you get my message? Can you just get Abbie to send me a text from your phone or something?’
Lucy flicked down her indicator. In this luxury car, even that sounded deep and expensive. ‘They’re a nightmare with their phones, aren’t they? They are welded to their hands unless you’re trying to contact them and then…nada.’
She was right, but surely Grace and Abigail would be listening out for a call about their dad. ‘Maybe she’s driving. I think they were only going to the supermarket for snacks.’
‘It’s nice that they get on so well.’
‘Yes. It’s great. What about yours?’
‘So-so. It’s definitely better now they’re older.’
‘It’s funny that we’ve both ended up with two girls with similar age gaps.’
‘Mmm.’
They’d reached a junction so there were a few moments of silence while Lucy waited for both lanes to clear so that she could turn right. Once they were moving again, she glanced at Ellen. ‘When did you say that the girls are having their tests to see if they have the same condition as Robert?’
Ellen stared out of the passenger side window, watching the houses go past. She didn’t want to face Lucy or this subject. ‘We haven’t booked anything yet. Mr Grayson said it wasn’t urgent.’
‘But they want to find out as soon as possible, surely?’
She swallowed. ‘I guess so.’
There was silence for a few beats. ‘You don’t want Grace to be tested, do you?’
Ellen’s heart plummeted to her boots. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Ellen. Look at me. Tell me the truth. Is Ian Grace’s father?’
Ellen could barely breathe. This was the question she had dreaded for the whole of Grace’s life. ‘I honestly don’t know.’