Ten
TEN
Kat
“Graham.”
His name came out like a plea, a desperate attempt to get him to understand what I needed, what I wanted.
But I wasn’t quite sure how he’d be able to do that when I wasn’t even sure what it was that I was seeking.
We were in my bed, his big body was over mine, and his face was buried in my neck. And that was the thing that was doing it for me. Not that I didn’t love the feeling of having him moving between my legs, because I did. Even with the slow, languid pace he’d chosen to go with today—a new thing for us.
But there was something about feeling his lips as they traveled along the side of my throat up toward my ear. Maybe it was that he was so close to my ear, and I could hear every sound he made. Perhaps it was the mix of his soft, tender kisses and the gentle stroke of his tongue on my skin. It could have been the way he nipped lightly with his teeth at the spot where my neck met my shoulder. Whatever it was, I knew it was far too much and simply not enough, and the only thing I could do was give him that one-word plea.
Sex with Graham had always been frantic and hurried. We always seemed far too desperate to go at one another, and nothing but satisfying that ache as quickly as possible mattered.
Today, Graham came to my place and decided to switch things up. For the first time since I’d met him, he was taking his time. At first, I thought something was wrong. I thought he was losing interest in me—maybe the flames we’d stoked for weeks and weeks now were slowly being extinguished.
But as we got into it, albeit slower than usual, I didn’t feel like the spark had diminished. Everything still built inside me like before, but it seemed that I now had the opportunity to enjoy it, to savor it.
If anything, my experience had been elevated. My senses were heightened, and I was being lifted higher and higher by the things I hadn’t been able to appreciate as much before now.
It was the way his masculine scent filled my nostrils and wrapped around me completely, like a warm blanket.
It was the way his body was so much bigger and stronger than mine, but still had the ability to be so gentle.
It was the way his fingertips caressed my skin. And his kisses lingered longer than normal. And his groans resonated somewhere deep inside me. And, and, and…
All of it had existed before, and somehow, it had gone unnoticed. Or, perhaps, just underappreciated.
I didn’t know what prompted Graham to give me such a gift now—if he even realized what he was doing—but I loved every bit of it.
Perhaps taking things slowly had been an attempt for him to experience the same as he was allowing me to do this time. Maybe he wanted the opportunity to savor the curves of my body, the heated stares between us, the soft moans filling the air, and the gentle touches we exchanged.
The more we got into it, the more convinced I was that this was not Graham being the least bit bored or uninterested in me and what we had between us. If anything, it felt needy and possessive, and dare I say, emotional. Like something was happening beneath the surface of this for him, too.
Unable to contain the way it was consuming me, unable to run from or toward anything, I had no choice but to just be. To know that Graham would lead us right where he wanted to go, and when he was ready, he’d allow it to wash over me.
“Graham,” I whispered, feeling like I was nearly there.
He groaned.
“Kat.” His voice was a deep rumble, but there was something else lingering in his tone. Maybe it was that hint of desperation he’d seemed intent on avoiding this time.
Recognizing that for what I believed it to be only served to propel me closer to that edge. Graham was taking things slow between us, and it was driving him wild.
Just a few strokes of his cock and several whisper-soft touches of his lips against my skin later, my muscles tightened and my fingernails bit into his arms.
My eyes clenched, and my limbs shook. Moans of pleasure filled the room as my orgasm tore through me in ripples that left me breathless and panting.
At the tail end of it, when the last of the tremors left me, Graham pulled his face back, looked down at me, and kept his gaze on me as his release crept closer. And when it hit him, I watched as his lips parted and his irises turned molten.
Like everything else that had just happened between us, it left me thinking we were clicking together in a way we hadn’t before. Hope surged inside me.
But in another surprising twist, Graham didn’t stay connected to me after he’d made it to the other side. Just as soon as it left him, he pulled out and rolled off me onto his back. Despite the slow pace of what we’d just done, our breathing was labored, and we both took a few moments to regain some control over it.
I wasn’t quite sure who’d gotten there first, but it was Graham who broke the silence. He sat up and turned his body away from mine, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “I’ll be right back.”
Granted, with the exception of the day I’d gone to his place and shared about my sister’s engagement—something I still hadn’t quite come to grips with—Graham and I didn’t exactly have lengthy conversations. It was often brief, and every attempt for more had been made by me.
So, Graham’s response just now wasn’t entirely unexpected. It was simply that after what we’d just had between us in my bed being so different than any other time that we’d been together there was a small part of me that had been hoping for more, wishing he’d been feeling the urge to forge a deeper connection. I had hoped he’d want to do that by simply opening the lines of communication and taking an interest in me outside of the physical relationship we had.
Unwilling to look like a hopelessly romantic fool, I scooted to the opposite edge of the bed and got out. Graham had no intention of crawling back in to cuddle or talk or even go another round. If there was one thing that had been made abundantly clear, it was that.
I grabbed a new pair of underwear, snatched up a T-shirt, and held both up to my chest while I waited for him to enter the bedroom again. Whether it was the thoughts I’d been caught up in or how it actually was, I couldn’t be certain, but it felt like Graham had taken longer in the bathroom than usual. Unfortunately, when he did finally step out, his face was an unreadable mask that destroyed all hope I’d had of something bigger and better with him.
Ducking my head, I barely made eye contact with him and scurried into the bathroom to get myself cleaned up. And once I’d accomplished that, I took a few deep breaths and stared at myself in the mirror.
“This was progress,” I murmured.
I couldn’t expect an overnight change, not when we’d entered this arrangement the way we had. For whatever reason, it was going to take Graham a bit longer to get on board with something different. At least, I hoped he’d eventually be willing to get on board with something else.
Finding the capacity to have some confidence in our ability to get there, I vowed to just go back to normal and find small ways to seek out more with him.
Steeling my spine, I exited the bathroom and found Graham dressed and ready to go. I’d expected as much, but it still felt like a lance through my heart. Swallowing down the disappointment, I smiled at him. “You have to go,” I guessed.
He dipped his chin. “Yeah.”
Back to business as usual.
I walked ahead of him, out of the room so we could make our way downstairs. “Right. Well, it was nice to have you come here today. I’m not going to lie. I’m thrilled to not have to get in the car and drive myself home now. Maybe, if it works for you, the next time we get together, we can do it here again.”
We reached the bottom of the stairs, where I turned to look up at Graham. He offered a half-hearted smile. “Sure. Yeah, I can come here next time.”
I returned the smile. “Perfect. So, do you want to set something up for Saturday?”
An apologetic look washed over him. “Unfortunately, something came up, and this weekend’s not going to work for me.”
Bummer.
Without thinking twice about it, I replied, “Oh, okay. That’s not a problem. I could do Monday or Tuesday after work, if one of those days would be better for you.”
Graham hesitated for a beat. “Tuesday should work for me.”
I gave him a nod. “Perfect.” As we moved away from the stairs and toward the door, I felt the urge to make the effort to connect with him on a deeper level once more. Since he hadn’t brought it up at any point after he’d arrived, I thought the easiest thing to do was bring up the last moment we’d had together that didn’t involve sex. “I’ve been wanting to thank you.”
“Thank me? For what?”
We came to a stop in front of the door before I answered him. “For listening to me vent the other day. I know it wasn’t what you had planned, nor was it part of our arrangement with one another, but it was nice to know you were willing to lend a listening ear. It meant a lot to me.”
He grimaced, and I wondered if that was because I’d pointed out the reality of our situation in such a flippant manner. “You’re welcome. I’m… I’m glad you… we talked that day. If it helped you, then it was worth it.”
Shrugging, I confessed, “I wouldn’t say I no longer have any feelings about it that are keeping me up at night, but I’m certainly in a much better state than I had been that day. It helped to have someone to talk it through with.”
“That’s good.”
I waited, thinking he might add something else to it, but nothing came. Even though I’d been hoping for some additional conversation, Graham just wasn’t interested in the same yet. What he’d done days ago had been huge, so I figured I could wait a little bit longer for him to get on board when I wasn’t in the middle of a crisis.
“It is. Anyway, thank you, again, for being there for me that day.”
Graham offered a nod of acknowledgement in return, remaining silent.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you on Tuesday, then,” I said, reaching for the doorknob.
Graham moved past me and through the open door before turning to face me again. I had to fight every urge inside me not to reach out and touch him. It was the first I’d ever experienced that with him, leaving me wondering if it had been the way he’d just been in my bed with me that led me to feeling such a strong sense of longing for him.
“I’ll see you on Tuesday.”
“I’ll look forward to it. Have a good night, Graham.”
“You, too, Kat.”
His eyes lingered on my face for a few seconds longer than was normal for him. Was he fighting that same urge as I had been only moments before? Did he want to engulf me in his arms and hold me close as much as I wanted him to do that? And if that was how he was feeling, what was it that held him back?
Before I could think of doing something that might give Graham the encouragement he needed, he stepped back, turned, and walked away.
And for some strange reason, despite knowing just how beautiful what we’d had in my bed had been, there was a small part of me that was worried I’d never be able to convince Graham to reconsider his stance on us only having a physical relationship.
It was just as I was about to leave work on Monday evening when I pulled my phone out of my purse and saw that I had a missed call and voicemail from Graham.
Since the two of us so often planned our next time together when we were with one another, it was a surprise to see that he’d reached out to me at all. The shock of seeing his name there sent a wave of excitement through me.
I tapped on the screen, pulled up the voicemail, and held the phone to my ear. “Hey, Kat, I’m very sorry to do this, but I’m going to need to cancel with you tomorrow. If you want to try to set up another time to get together, give me a call back. This week is a bit hectic, but maybe we can figure something out. I know you’ve got your sisters coming in this weekend, so we might need to push it off until after their visit. Again, sorry about tomorrow. I’ll talk to you later.”
Lowering the phone from my ear, I tapped on the screen to listen to his voicemail again. Even though I’d already gotten the gist of what he’d said, there was something about it that left me feeling unsettled, and I wanted to be sure I wasn’t thinking too much about it than was necessary.
After listening a second time, I was reasonably convinced I hadn’t misinterpreted anything.
If you want to try to set up another time to get together…
Why did he say it like that? If I wanted to get together again. It made it seem like he didn’t care one way or the other.
Though I couldn’t prevent the overwhelming sense of dread from washing over me, I tried to remain logical. It was a voicemail. Clearly, he might have said everything differently if he’d gotten me on the phone.
Then again, if he’d wanted to be sure to speak to me, why hadn’t he waited to call me sometime tonight, when he knew I wouldn’t be at work?
I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but it was unavoidable.
The truth was that Graham had been acting differently ever since I’d broken down in front of him the day I learned about Amy’s engagement. Sure, we’d gotten together once since then, but he was so different.
I thought it was a good thing.
No.
No, it had been a good thing. It was, arguably, one of the best times between us, because there was something so much deeper than just sex between us. I could feel it, and I refused to believe he didn’t.
Unwilling to spiral out of control and assume the worst in this situation, I tapped on my phone again and returned Graham’s call.
It went to voicemail.
“Hey, Graham. It’s Kat. I just finished up at work and listened to your voicemail. No worries about tomorrow evening. I could make Wednesday or Thursday evening work, if you can make either of those happen. Give me a call when you have a minute, and we can figure out the details. I’ll talk to you then.”
I disconnected the call and promised myself I wasn’t going to freak out about anything until I heard back from Graham.
Surely, he’d be leaving work shortly.
And if I hadn’t been mistaken about everything that I’d felt the last time I saw him, when he called me back, a few words from him would ease all my worries.
On that thought, I gathered up my things and left.
But as the evening progressed without a return call from him, I grew more and more concerned.
I stayed up a little later than usual, hoping to hear from him.
Sadly, it wasn’t until I climbed into bed thirty minutes later than I normally would have when my phone buzzed from the nightstand. I lifted it up and saw there was a text from Graham.
Graham
I didn’t want to call this late in case you were sleeping. It looks like this week isn’t going to work out for us. It’s probably best we plan for after your visit with your sisters.
He didn’t even offer up any days that worked for him next week.
Granted, he wasn’t writing me off completely and still wanted to get together next week. But something about this felt off.
I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was.
As much as I had wanted to respond, I decided against it.
Graham thought I was asleep.
For the sake of my own heart, I determined it was best to let him think he was right.