Chapter 31
THIRTY-ONE
Zephyrine
Levi and I have spent the last week riding every day after Dakota gave me a couple of days of introductory courses.
I’m still struggling to get in and out of the saddle gracefully, but once I’m in, it’s not half bad.
Teddy and I have bonded over our week together.
The one day I rode Lady Luck instead because he was out on the trail, he greeted me with an enthusiastic neigh and sniff at my pocket for treats when he saw me in the barn again.
I guess this is why people love horses so much. If I had one like Teddy, I might too.
As we wait for the horses to be saddled by one of the ranch hands, a blonde woman, whose lack of makeup and mud-caked state take absolutely nothing away from how gorgeous she is, grins at Levi.
He tells her something that makes her laugh and touch his arm as I hover near the entrance to the stables.
It’s obvious they know each other well, maybe even as well as we do, and my heart plummets in my chest as the two of them continue chattering on while she finishes her work.
It’s a glimpse at his life before I got here, and likely after too.
Levi grabs one of the reins, and she grabs the other, walking the horses in my direction.
They look like the perfect couple, side by side, both raised out here with horses in the mountains.
She probably doesn’t look like a fool when she climbs into the saddle, and he’s probably never had to rescue her from drowning in a lake because she’s clumsy as hell.
“You should come out with us for drinks,” I hear her tell him as she nudges his shoulder.
“When are you going?”
“Friday night, after we’ve got things all closed up for the day around here.”
“I might be able to make it,” he says as he tilts his head in consideration, and the nerves prick at my chest.
“You’d be my hero if you did.”
“You’ve got my number?” he asks, and my heart sinks even lower.
“Yep.”
“All right. Text me when you know the time.” He smiles at her, and she positively beams back in return, the golden strands that have come loose from her braid under her hat framing her perfect heart-shaped face.
I think I might hate her. Which is ridiculous.
She seems like a perfectly sweet person.
She’s been nothing but kind the last couple of days we’ve been down here.
Even downright encouraging to me when we brought the horses back the other night after she saw me attempting to ride.
I can’t blame Levi for liking her. I probably would too in his shoes.
“Teddy’s out on the trail. She saddled Lady Luck for you. Said she’s a good pick for novice riders.” Levi’s grin remains as he brings the horses to me.
“I’ll bet,” I say as I take the reins, and we walk them both out of the barn. I frown at Lady Luck. It’s not her fault she’s not Teddy. Just like it’s not mine that I’m a nun with a complicated past and not a carefree ranch hand with normal Friday nights.
“You all right?” He frowns as he looks me over.
“Fine. Just nervous,” I deflect.
I’m not about to admit I’m jealous over him.
It would be the most ludicrous thing in the world to be jealous over a man I have zero claim to when I’m a nun in training who’s planning to return to her convent just as soon as I fulfill my side of this bargain.
He doesn’t belong to me, even if that wasn’t the case.
He’s been clear all along that he’s not good for any sort of attachment, that his only loyalty is to his family.
I’m the daughter of the person he hates most in the world.
The one he’s using to get to that person, training her to ride because he needs her to know how when they use her to penetrate his defenses and steal from him.
This isn’t some great love affair. It’s a distraction.
One I wanted. Needed, really, in the wake of everything with Corey.
But one I absolutely can’t get caught up in.
Being silly and believing it’s some sort of fairytale.
Seeing them makes me realize how much the cabin fever has gotten to me.
Especially since I’m a novice rider, in every sense of the word.
I might not be a virgin, but I’m wildly out of practice, and I doubt eagerness makes up for a lack of skill.
It’s a good thing I didn’t have to try to seduce my captor to get out of this hostage situation. I would have failed miserably.
My heart stops in my chest. Isn’t that what he’s been doing this whole time?
Flirting with me, leading me on, making me think he wants me just to get under my skin.
It certainly worked back at the abbey and continues to hold me captive while we’ve been here.
I rub the heel of my palm over my sternum.
What if everything he’s done has been a lie to get me to do what he wants and I’m just too dense to realize it?
“You ready? I can boost you.” Levi helps me up the small set of steps.
“I’ve got it.” I put my foot in the stirrup and swing my leg over the saddle.
There’s nothing like a fear of looking ridiculous to push you out of your comfort zone in a hurry.
Blessedly, I don’t fall off the horse, and Lady Luck is as patient as promised.
Maybe she’s in on the conspiracy to make me feel comfortable here too.
I blow out a frustrated sigh, annoyed with my own need to over analyze everything.
“You good?” He looks up at me, still holding Reaper’s reins. His brow furrows under his cowboy hat, and his eyes narrow behind his glasses like he’s trying to determine what has me so terse. I’m hoping this ride keeps me focused enough that I forget all of this.
“I’m good,” I insist.
We ride out into the expanse of the ranch, following a shallow river off into prairie land and toward the forest. It’s a gorgeous day, and the leaves turning on the aspens have bathed the forest in a golden halo.
The air is that perfect crisp breeze that you wish you could breathe in forever, and the sun keeps you just warm enough that you never get cold.
Lady Luck is every bit as sweet as a horse could be, and she almost makes me forget how scared I am.
I doubt the horses at my father’s ranch will have this kind of temperament, but I suppose wilder things can happen.
By the time we head back to the barn, I've almost forgotten the blonde woman exists. Except she’s there waiting when we get back, and Levi stops to tell her something as she walks the horses back into the stable and toward their stalls on the far side.
I wait patiently by the empty saddle stands, watching as he looks around as if he’s trying to be sure no one overhears.
Then he leans in to tell her something that has her smile spreading wide, and she looks up at him like he’s the best thing she’s ever seen in her life.
That much at least, I can relate to. Which tells me I’ve spent far too much time on this ranch.
She wraps her hand around his forearm and presses her other hand to her mouth before she animatedly answers him.
He’s flirting with her. Again. Right in front of me.
I can’t believe I ever let myself fall into this ridiculous fantasy with him.
As if I’m anything but a means to an end in his world.
This right here is his real life. Now that I’m finally seeing him with people outside of his inner circle, everything’s under a different light.
She'll be here long after I'm gone, and they'll be laughing and whispering to each other about the nun who thought she had feelings for him.
Hell, they might be doing that right now.
The worst part of all of this is that I just have to stand here and wait.
I can’t leave. I can’t run off. I just have to watch it all unfold and then go back to the cabin with him for dinner.
And I have to do my best not to crumble from sheer embarrassment.
It’s moments like this I miss the convent, and my friends there.
They’d tell me I was being awful at this whole nun thing and to focus on things I can control, like the dinner I was making or how far through the catalog I've made it in the archives. Without those distractions, I have far too much time on my hands. Abbess always said idleness was an invitation for temptation. As I wait here, it’s also an invitation for doubt.
As Levi walks toward me, he smiles, as if nothing in the world is wrong. Still happy from our ride, like I should be.
“You ready to get some dinner?” he asks. “We could eat at the ranch house or see if we can sneak some leftovers from the kitchen at the inn for a change.”
“You sure you don’t want to have dinner with her?”
His beautiful face is temporarily marred by confusion, and then he looks back over his shoulder.
“With Millie?” He turns back to me, his eyes sweeping over me as if he’s trying to puzzle me out. “Are you jealous of Millie?”
“I’m not jealous. I just thought maybe you two have a thing going on. Like we do or not like we do. Obviously, we don’t have a thing; we just have an inconvenient cohabitating situation.” I can’t even find the right words to discuss this.
He stares at me for a long moment, and it feels like I’ll melt under his gaze.
If I didn’t die of embarrassment before, I will now.
I don’t know why I opened my mouth. I don’t want to know they’re having a thing.
Like us or otherwise. I would rather live in blissful ignorance of anything they’ve had.
“We don’t have a thing,” he says at last.
“Had. Have. Will have on Friday night. Whatever the case might be.”
“There is no thing. Now or ever.”
“Okay. I know I’ve been living under a rock, or on one, quite literally, but I also know what flirting looks like when I see it. She was obviously flirting with you, and you were eating it up. You don’t have to lie to me. It makes me question other things.”
“Like what?” I can tell the implication rankles him.