Chapter 8 #2
I wasn’t counting on Dad appearing. For a horrible moment I thought he might insist on checking their seatbelts, but he let me do it.
Dad started the ride up, and my heart was pounding.
But then him and Pea and Alex left before I had to send the second carriage off.
I had to time it just right, so that the collision happened in the undercover part.
We didn’t want anyone to properly see it.
And then Haskins was on the scene, and Lou, and they just took control of everything.
It was pretty slick. I was half focused on the money that was going to land in my bank account once probate was sorted out, but I was thinking about where AJ would end up, too.
How he’d live the rest of his life. I looked over at Dad, who was walking away from the ride, when the crash happened.
I saw him turn back, saw his face. With that sickening sound, I think we both knew that our lives were going to change forever.
But the difference was that I’d known it was going to happen.
I’d let it happen. Helped make it happen.
Danny: This is some story, Sebastian. Since the last episode aired, the press has gone into overdrive about this. People have tried to track AJ down but with no success. I guess what I’m asking is, why should we believe you?
Sebastian: It doesn’t really matter to me whether you do or not.
I would never have said a word about it if it hadn’t been for the fact that he screwed me over.
He’d explicitly promised me two million pounds, but when the money came, via Lou, it was one point eight.
Maybe that sounds petty, but we’re talking about two hundred thousand pounds, and I’d put myself out for him in a significant way.
Of course, I had no way of getting in touch with him, no way of fighting back, so I just accepted it.
It was still more money than I’d ever seen or thought I’d have.
I mean, he could have just not given me anything and I wouldn’t have been able to do a thing about it.
But then, when you appeared and started raking things up, I thought about it again.
And I thought, no, fuck this, it’s been nearly thirty years and I’m still a bit pissed off.
Plus the fact that he went back on his word to tell his family he was still alive. That was pretty low.
Danny: How did they sort out a death certificate and coroner’s report, once they’d declared him dead?
Sebastian: I don’t know how Lou pulled some of that stuff off.
I reckon Haskins would have signed a death certificate, and I read that the funeral was closed casket – that AJ had stated that in his will – so I guess they just paid the funeral directors off and cremated an empty coffin.
I honestly don’t know. But what I do know is that Lou must have had a lot of fingers in a lot of pies.
Plus, these people had serious money, and with that sort of money, you can pull off pretty much anything.
Danny: What has your life been like, Sebastian? Do you regret your actions? How do you think your dad will react to this news?
Sebastian: Well, that’s the question, isn’t it. Was it worth it? The short answer is no.
Danny: What’s the long answer?
Sebastian: I guess the long answer is that I sold out my family, and I can see now, with hindsight, that it was the wrong thing to do.
I was so angry with Dad, but did I want to completely destroy his life?
I think if you’d asked me back then, I would have said I did, but now?
The man’s a lonely alcoholic, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Mum’s been okay, she’s very resilient, but I’m not sure about Pea.
She’s in a good place now but for years she didn’t settle down, didn’t seem fully content.
And I can’t know, I suppose, whether she would have been in other circumstances, but it’s something that plagues me when I can’t sleep.
Did I sell my sister’s future happiness for one point eight million quid?
Danny: Has your dad been in touch since the last episode aired?
Sebastian: No, he hasn’t. I listened to it when it aired, and then I waited.
I thought he’d call immediately, actually.
I thought he’d shout and scream at me. But I suppose that was the old dad, the one who was drinking and angry.
And it hit me that maybe I don’t really know this new dad as well as I thought, the one in recovery, who’s presumably faced up to some of his issues.
And perhaps I never will. If he’s listening to this, I’d like to say I’m sorry.
Danny: One last question, Sebastian. What did you do with the money?
Sebastian: Well, you’ve heard that I gave some of it to Mum in the aftermath of it all, because she was struggling to make ends meet.
It was a risk, because I knew she’d be curious about where it came from, but I couldn’t see her stressed like that when I had all this money I didn’t really need.
I would have given it all to her if I could have done, but then her suspicions would have been too much.
The rest of it is still sitting in my bank account.
It became clear to me quite early on that what I’d done was wrong, and as soon as I acknowledged that, I couldn’t really justify using it.
Strangely enough, your podcast has made me realise what I should do with it.
Danny: And what’s that?
Sebastian: I’m going to reopen Wildworld.
Or, rather, I’m going to pay for Wildworld to reopen and ask Pea to run it.
I mean, it’s all still there, most of the rides, everything.
Some of them were taken in the bankruptcy case but most weren’t.
I think it was just too much hassle to try to sell them on.
It just needs a new lease of life. It feels like the right thing to do.
Danny: So there you have it. By the time I picked up again with Pea, Sebastian had put this to her.
So to recap, the last bit of Pea’s story we heard, it was 2009.
She was running a dog rescue centre and she’d just seen Zak for the first time since 1996.
Let’s hear her reaction to Sebastian’s suggestion that AJ Silver didn’t die after all.
Pea: I mean, I don’t know what to say. I believe him, Sebastian, because I don’t see what possible reason he would have to lie about it.
But it’s just mindboggling to think that AJ might be out there somewhere.
That Zak and his parents didn’t have to do all that grieving, that we didn’t have to lose Wildworld and break apart like that.
If I think about it too much, I get angry with him for his part in it.
Yes, he was young and he was pissed off with Dad and he wasn’t the instigator, but still. He played his role.
Zak: Look, I know better than anyone what fame was doing to my brother.
I knew how low he got sometimes, how trapped he felt.
So if it’s true, if Sebastian helped him to escape the circus that had built up around him, and AJ is out there on a beach or in a city just living an anonymous life, I’m okay with that.
I wish we hadn’t all had to go through what we did, thinking he’d gone so young and in such a horrific way.
But if he’s happy, I’m happy. And if he ever wants to get in touch, I would love to hear his voice, or see his handwriting, and find out what he’s been doing these past twenty-nine years.
He was so special, AJ. You don’t get to that level of fame without having something incredibly special, and I’d love to know where he’s put all that energy, all that talent.
I don’t think Mom would see it that way, though.
We all broke apart when AJ died – when we thought he’d died – but she suffered the most, I think.
I’ll never fully understand how it is sometimes between mothers and sons, at least not from the mother’s perspective, but she hasn’t got over it.
I think this revelation will open it all up for her again, and she will spend the rest of her days looking for him, so I really hope Sebastian’s telling the truth and not just fucking with us all.
I don’t see why he would, though. And that offer to reopen Wildworld for Pea, that’s really something.
He shouldn’t have done what he did, and he shouldn’t have profited financially from it, but it feels like he’s trying to put that right.
And after all, he’s just the messenger, isn’t he?
AJ’s the one we should be angry with about the whole thing, if anyone.
Sebastian was just there and he had an axe to grind with his dad, and AJ took advantage of that.
Pea: I’m trying not to count my chickens, but yes, this would go a long way towards putting things right, for me.
I’ve drifted a bit over the years, I can’t lie.
I grew up believing that I would be involved with Wildworld and when that rug was pulled out from under me with no notice, I flailed.
It wasn’t that I’d done badly at school, I just hadn’t done the visualising that a lot of kids do about future careers.
I thought that was all sorted, so I just didn’t spend time thinking about it.
So over the years I’ve been a waitress, a teaching assistant, a manager at a dog shelter.
I trained as a hairdresser and did that for a while.
It’s fair to say I haven’t found a career and settled into it.
For the past few years, I’ve been trying to recapture the way I used to feel when I was at Wildworld.
I’ve been operating rides at a theme park.
It’s not easy work. There’s a lot of standing around in the cold.
It can be boring. People are dicks, sometimes.
But of all those jobs I’ve had over the years, this one feels the most like me.
So the chance to go back to Wildworld, to take it on the way I always thought I would? That’s magical, to me.