Chapter - 20
LOGAN
A couple more weeks passed with Eloise and I sneaking around our friends.
Multiple nights a week, she and I would find time to get together. We even went out on dates, not that either one of us formally called them that. Instead, we would make it casual. One of us would ask if the other had dinner yet before meeting up at either my place, or her place if everyone else was out of the house.
We would go out, go home, argue over which movie to turn on (we found ourselves alternating between her beloved romcoms or my preferred action movies), have amazing sex, and fall asleep tangled up with each other.
Some mornings I would sneak out of her room early enough to not get caught by Courtney or Susan. Other mornings she would sneak out of my bed early enough to make it back to her house without drawing too much suspicion. I respected that this was where we were at.
But I also hated it.
Every time I thought about broaching the subject into becoming something more, something real, the words wouldn’t make themselves present. I chickened out.
Now, though, after a quick shower and dressing in a casual suit after our first home game of the season, I realized that my time with Eloise would become much more limited. I walked out of the locker rooms and headed towards the space where everyone would be waiting to congratulate me on the game. However, I was busy thinking about how I would be traveling a lot more for the next few months. Half of my time would be on the road, playing across the country. Training would take more of my day, which would naturally cut into our time together.
I was pondering about the reality of asking Eloise to become my official, known-to-everybody-else girlfriend, when I glanced up and felt irritation spike in my veins.
It took me a while to be able to name the burning inside of me at the sight of Eloise and Connor talking.
Even though Eloise was clearly uncomfortable.
But Connor didn’t seem to care as he kept stepping into her space. She would immediately step back, her eyes flicking around as bodies swarmed the area outside of the locker rooms. The area where friends, families, and sometimes reporters waited to meet with players.
John had followed me out, taking his husband”s hand as they left. I found my group of friends next. It was easy to do since Josh was the easiest to spot, even with his baseball cap underneath the hood of his sweatshirt. He also wore sunglasses, which no one questioned for some reason, even when we were indoors.
However, Josh and Courtney were not paying attention because they were talking to a large cluster of fans who recognized them, separating themselves from the rest of the group, including Eloise and Connor. She was shorter than Connor and refused to meet his gaze for more than half a second at a time. And still, he just kept talking, stepping closer and closer until they were near the wall.
Beck and Adam were somehow separated from Eloise as well, on the other side of the fandom, but I could see Adam looking over the crowd and tugging his girlfriend’s hand, trying to make it over to where Eloise was clearly needing help. Taylor, who was on the other side of Josh and Courtney, staying back, saw Adam’s struggle and followed his gaze to where Eloise was cornered. They cracked their neck once before grabbing Courtney’s shoulder and gesturing with their chin to what was happening.
Eloise clearly required assistance, and none of our friends were able to immediately help her out.
I was disturbed by the sight of my agent so infatuated with her. A number of things clicked in my brain seeing the two of them. The woman Connor had spoken to me about who had ghosted him, the awkward meeting at Eloise’s clinic, and everyone’s general reaction to his presence.
Holy shit…Eloise was the woman Connor wanted to try hooking up with again.
Absolutely the fuck not, the words repeated themselves in my head over and over. I thought I saw someone start to approach me, but I ignored them when my feet started moving again.
Eloise had already made it perfectly clear that she had no desire to sleep with, or even talk to Connor again. But he didn’t care. He just ignored her obvious dismissal and had been for months at this point. That knowledge infuriated me even more.
I marched toward her, my hockey bag bumping into some other players that I passed, but I couldn’t find it within myself to apologize to anyone.
Eloise’s eyes found mine, and I wasn’t sure what expression my face was making, but when I saw her shift and start to walk toward me, I felt my chest expand. She flicked her eyes at Connor, clearly saying something dismissive to him, but he halted her obvious attempt at a retreat with a quick hand placed on the wall behind her, essentially locking her in.
At that, Courtney’s eyes widened in clear alarm as she followed Taylor and Adam, leaving her fiancé to his fans, in an attempt to get to Eloise’s side.
But they were too late because I was already there.
“I’m just saying,” Connor’s voice was low, and part of me wanted to hurl when I realized he was trying to sound seductive, “It’s not like—”
“Nice game, Logan!” Eloise’s voice was high and riddled with nerves, and it made certain instincts prick up inside me. I had reached my hand up to grab Connor’s arm holding her hostage, but at the mention of my name, he had quickly dropped his arm and turned a surprised expression towards me.
Now my hand hovered in the air for half a second, and I was going to drop it again, but Eloise instead took my lifted hand as an opportunity to embrace me in a tight hug.
I froze, my eyes meeting Courtney’s wide ones, and Adam’s lifted eyebrow once he and Beck finally made it over.
I blinked my surprise away and wrapped my lifted arm tight around Eloise, successfully making it look like I had also been going in for the hug the entire time.
Connor’s eyes bounced between me and Eloise, clearly trying to assess the situation.
I wanted to flip him off behind Eloise’s back, but I refrained.
“You two know each other?” Connor asked, his hands gently fisting themselves in the pockets of his slacks as Eloise released her arms from around my neck. I wanted to hurt him. Possessiveness overpowered me. I knew it was stupid, and that Eloise and I were both trying to keep our extracurricular activities private, but I didn’t care at that moment.
This was the only reason that could explain why I kept my hand on Eloise. It had wrapped around her lower back during the hug, and even though she released me and stood on her feet, I kept my hand firm on her waist, my fingertips gently digging in enough to keep her from stepping too far away from me.
Courtney clocked my grip with surprised interest, while still mostly behind Connor’s shoulder. Her eyes met mine for a brief moment before she spoke up, making Connor turn to look at her, and to force him to take a step back to expand the circle of conversation.
A step farther away from Eloise.
“What a gong show that game was!” Courtney smiled.
I gave her an unimpressed look because there were no excess fights or problems during the game. She clearly just pulled a random hockey term out of her ass.
“Uh,” Connor looked just as confused before he decidedly ignored Courtney and refocused on Eloise, his gaze doing a double take on my hand still holding her waist. “Are you all going to the bar?”
There was a bar right next to the rink in Anaheim that the players were known to visit after home games. It was large and had both an indoor and outdoor seating area, making it an obvious choice to celebrate wins with the fans. Connor’s invite wasn’t a polite one, and maybe I was paranoid because he was clearly interested in the woman that I was seeing, but it held a note of dismissiveness. Of challenge. Like he was trying to find an excuse to lose this group that had suddenly surrounded and ruined his chances of talking to Eloise.
“Of course!” Beck spoke up, interlacing her fingers with Adam’s hand. Josh had finished with his fans, but stayed back behind Taylor, studying the odd exchange with a cool mask while Taylor crossed their arms and let their gaze trail around the room. “Eloise and Logan promised to do shots with me.” Beck winked, making Courtney’s lips part in a conspiratorial smile as she noticed the sudden stiffness in Connor’s pose.
Eloise was also a stiff board next to me, but with one gentle tug on her waist, she stepped closer into my space, almost leaning into me. The message was clear, and Beck had helped out by speaking about us as a pair, that Eloise was unavailable.
Connor’s blonde brow pinched. He nodded, and pasted a fake smile on his lips, “I’ll see you all over there then.” He lifted a hand and gave Eloise a longing look as he turned to retreat, making her turn her head away from him and towards me. One glance down at her bright red face made me realize that she was trembling.
I rubbed my thumb against her waist, a poor attempt to soothe her while anger with my agent still thrummed within me.
Once Connor disappeared into the crowd, Courtney whirled on the two of us. “Nice move, Logan,” she smiled at me before looping her arm through Eloise’s and successfully tugging her out of my grip, “It felt a little caveman-ey, but Connor is clearly the kind of guy who doesn’t back off unless another man is involved.”
Irritation burned my throat, my hand clenching into a fist from the loss of Eloise’s body. Beck eyed me nervously. Courtney pulled a clearly stressed-out Eloise towards the doors, leaning down and murmuring to her. Taylor had rushed over to Eloise’s other side, leaning in close as well. I could tell by the hunch in their shoulders, and how Josh rested a hand on Courtney’s back as well, that our friends were discretely trying to check in with Eloise. To see how she was feeling.
While our friends were consoling the woman that I desperately wanted to soothe myself, Beck fell into step beside me.
We all paused in a small, quieter corner of the facility before leaving out the doors. Others passed us, waving goodbye to players, or laughing, or getting ready to meet up at the bar with everyone, but our little group huddled close to Eloise.
“Lo,” Taylor asked, grasping Eloise’s fingers, and squeezing. Eloise’s eyes were wide, and she kept blinking as if she was trying to focus them. At the sound of Taylor saying her name, she quickly snapped her head in their direction.
“Yeah?” She asked, releasing Taylor’s fingers, and rubbing her hands on her cheeks.
“Are you okay?” Taylor mumbled, keeping the conversation low enough so others passing by couldn’t possibly hear.
“Y-yeah. I’m fine. Just annoyed.” Eloise shook her head once and rubbed her head, meeting the gaze of everyone circled around her before a wobbly smile touched her lips.
“Are you sure?” Courtney laid an arm around Eloise’s shoulders, squeezing her close before she asked, “Because it’s okay if you’re not. He was being very forward and ignoring your discomfort about it.”
“I know,” Eloise shrugged. “He’s just being a creep. Can’t take a hint. Yada, yada.” Eloise smiled at Courtney and patted her hand on the arm that was draped across her shoulders.
“I have to ask,” Beck said, “Did something happen between you two? The night you…”
Eloise’s face went tomato red, and I felt a lead weight in my stomach when her embarrassed expression turned to meet my gaze. I had no idea what expression I was making, but it took every bit of effort to smooth the muscles in my face to something comforting, a relaxed facial expression to let her know that she had absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. Especially in front of me.
“No, nothing bad happened,” Eloise lifted a shoulder, gently shrugging Courtney’s arm off of her. “He was just a bad lay, and can’t take the hint.” Eloise’s gaze met mine again, almost as if there was a challenge in them.
I had no idea how to react to that, so I just held her eyes and tried to silently convey that I was here for her.
She blew out a large breath, and then clapped her hands together. “I’d love to have a drink, though. Are we still going to the bar?”
Everyone exchanged not so subtle looks with each other, trying to see if that was the right call. When Eloise clapped her hands again to encourage us to get a move on, we all agreed to follow the team there. Courtney held her fiancé’s hand, who had been a silent support at our sides this entire time, and wrapped her free arm around Eloise’s shoulders before leading her towards the exit of the facility.
Taylor followed behind them.
Beck and Adam fell into step beside me.
“Sorry if I crossed a line,” Beck whispered, careful to keep her words low so others wouldn’t hear. Then, she switched over to ASL, I saw you grab Eloise and thought I would lean into it to make DJ go away.
Daddy James. Her and Courtney’s disgusting nickname for my agent.
I lifted a shoulder and glanced up, catching Eloise peeking back at me before she pressed her lips in a firm line and faced forward again.
I lifted my hands to sign back to Beck, No one else knows about me and Eloise?
I specifically stared at Adam, who was walking on the other side of Beck and clearly saw my question. His expression didn’t change, and he acted like nothing interesting was being discussed as he reached forward to hold the door open for Beck and me to walk through.
No, Beck responded, glancing at her boyfriend, but I think Adam does now.
“I suspected,” was her boyfriend”s low reply.
I didn’t care.
I was getting tired of it. It had been months since Eloise and I started sneaking around our friends like this. I was reaching the point where I couldn’t quite remember why it was still a secret. We had agreed to be monogamous and there had been moments between us that were clearly more than just sex. I had thought Eloise and I were starting to grow closer, maybe even heading toward a relationship outside of sex.
But we hadn’t talked about it.
So I wasn’t too upset about Beck stepping in and making it sound like Eloise and I were a couple. In my mind, we pretty much were outside of the fact that we hadn’t discussed it and made it official. Courtney, however, clearly thought it was all a display for Connor’s benefit.
I wasn’t sure how Eloise felt about that whole interaction, but by the way her legs stiffly walked to the car that Josh’s driver had waiting for everyone, I didn’t think she was doing well.
I made it over to my own truck, waving goodbye to Beck and Adam as they followed the rest of the group. Once I was seated in the driver’s seat, I pulled my phone out and sent a text to Eloise.
Me: You okay?
I waited in my seat. We had turned on our ‘read receipts’ for each other, and when I saw that she had read the text a few seconds later, I waited while those three little dots appeared.
Eloise: I’m fine.
Eloise: Thanks for stepping in.
I released a breath of relief because a small part of me was worried that I had overstepped. I didn’t want Eloise to think that she couldn’t handle herself, but I also didn’t think she needed to handle things by herself. I waited in my truck for a while after that. I wanted time to critically think about this situation I was in with Eloise. A year ago, I never would have dreamed that she would even look at me with anything other than disgust.
I was a lucky man.
But was I lucky enough to push for more?
I hadn’t had a serious relationship for the entirety of my adult life, and as a grown man in his thirties, that was more humiliating than I had originally considered. Eloise had dated, both casually and seriously. Would she even be open to giving me a shot? Or did she only want to be casual with me?
A small voice reminded me that Eloise was taking ASL classes online. That she had gone out of her way to learn my primary form of communication. The night I helped her during her period, she even hinted that she was learning for me. She was also stoned during that conversation, so I wasn’t about to hold anything she said under the influence of marijuana against her. Sure, Beck and Susan and some others used ASL too, but Eloise didn’t even tell me that she had an interest in seriously learning the language until after we had slept together.
She wanted to learn.
Eloise was constantly frustrated when she didn’t understand my signs, and was more than willing to ask me questions about the language for her classes.
I thought about this as I drove to the bar. I thought about what it would look like if Eloise did decide to make things official. To define the relationship, or “DTR” as Courtney liked to call it.
I heard loud singing as I stepped out of the truck, but I didn’t pay too much attention to it as I loitered just outside the bar, not seeing the bar itself, but only seeing Eloise’s face.
Her face when she was stoned and curled up in my arms.
Her face when she blushed for me in the bookstore.
Her face when she laughed with me under the bedsheets.
I wanted to talk to Eloise. I wanted her. I never thought I would be at a point where I could both admit that to myself and also consider the reality of that being on the table. Maybe it wasn’t, but I wouldn’t know until I asked her.
Stepping into the bar, the blast of noise made me blink once to refocus on my surroundings. To the far left side, Beck and Adam were chatting with John and his husband, Alonzo. The four of them were clearly deep in their own conversation, and I saw Beck and Alonzo signing animatedly back and forth to each other.
Eloise’s voice sounded across the bar, and my attention was immediately upon her.
Josh and Eloise were on the small karaoke stage near the back.
The memory of Eloise and Josh’s band manager, Kate, singing karaoke in the living room of the townhome a year or so prior came to mind. Eloise’s voice was just as beautiful now as it was then, even though she was laughing throughout the performance.
The two of them were singing “Love Story” by Taylor Swift.
And my team was whistling and shouting and encouraging them, also singing along to the words.
Within seconds, the entire bar filled with mostly men, were all singing along with Eloise and Josh, (who still donned his hat and sunglasses), to the corniest pop song of all time. Bodies of athletes were both jumping and moshing to the beat, making everyone else seated at the bar stools and tables laugh with joy and amusement at the scene.
I found myself grinning too, and didn’t shrug off my teammates as they pulled me into the mosh pit.
This is what Eloise Bane did.
She was sunshine, and filled the room with such whenever she chose to.
Josh eventually looped a long arm around her shoulders, both of them laughing and singing the words to the song as Eloise’s clear blue eyes met mine in the crowd, and my pulse skipped in my veins when she started pointedly singing the words to me.
There were dozens of guys around me, shoving each other, and dancing, and head banging to the pop music, but I locked my eyes with hers. I let her serenade me in a bar full of people.
I was laughing, the broken sound drowned out by shouting male voices and karaoke music, when I glanced to the side and met the irritated scowl of my agent.
Connor James sat at the bar top, watching the team cheer on Eloise as she sang with the disguised rock star, though I was positive that most of the people in the bar knew who Josh was. Connor quickly turned away from me when my eyes met his, but that didn’t stop me from catching the glare he had made. The frown on his face, and the pinched brow on his forehead.
Connor had just realized, at this moment, that he wasn’t going to get with Eloise again, and for some reason, something in my gut was warning me that this didn’t bode well.
Perhaps it might be time for me to start sending feelers out for a new agent.