Chapter 23 #2
I looked at him over my shoulder, scoffing a little. “Are you wanting me to lie down?”
When he flicked his hand in a come-hither motion, I shook my head. “I’m pushing forty, Jackson. There is no way I’m going to get comfortable enough to sleep in the bed of my truck.”
“Then just rest. Take a load off and let your eyes close. It’s a warm, clear spring day. We earned a few hours’ break.”
I wasn’t sure I agreed with that sentiment, considering I’d hardly done anything except be an asshole most of the morning, but the picture he made was too inviting to pass up.
Moving back, I finally managed to situate myself into a decently comfortable position with my head resting on Jackson’s pec, one arm draped across his stomach.
His fingers found their way into the hair on the top of my head, playing with the strands, and despite the hard grooves of the bed of my truck digging into my side, I found my eyes slowly shifting closed.
“I’ll figure out something for the claim,” he said under his breath, almost so softly that a strong gust of wind would have carried the words away. “I promise.”
“I believe you.” And I did.
Nearly a week after our conversation about the jacket, the weather still hadn’t dropped back down into cool enough temperatures to require wearing something so thick.
The only difference was that the unscratchable itch inside my soul had been quelled by Jackson’s promise.
I couldn’t get the image of his stern expression and the sincerity in his words out of my head, and it made me half out of my mind.
Part of me was still stuck in the void, tormented and tortured by the loss of a man whose very soul had felt so akin to mine, I hadn’t felt whole since he left this Earth.
The other part was starved, desperate for the attention and affection that Jackson wanted to shower me in, and more than ready to shower him right back.
But those two parts didn’t mesh. They fought and tore at each other, taking off vital chunks anytime they were too close.
They were green and red, bleeding together to make the muddiest shade of brown, when all I wanted was a shade of sunrise.
But if I was being honest with myself, maybe I liked the olive brown they made, because if I looked at it long enough, it reminded me of a certain farmhand’s eyes.
Plus I’d agreed to try.
Which was why despite five more births in the last week and too many late nights where Nighttime tried convincing me the sunrise I craved was nowhere on the horizon, I told Granger I needed him to spread coverage for both Jackson and me.
“For how long?” he asked, leaning against a wall with his arms crossed as he watched me tack up Poe.
“Preferably the day.” I grunted, cinching up the girth as tight as I could get it. “But at least a few hours, if you can’t manage.”
Granger scoffed. “We’ll manage. That’s not the issue.”
I knew there was more. He was waiting for an explanation I’d never be able to give, but his blue eyes stayed trained on the side of my head as I made sure everything was sorted for Poe’s tack. Finally, he spoke up again. “You got something you want to tell me, Tuck?”
“Not particularly,” I responded honestly, ducking under the cross ties to move to the next paddock where Sky was waiting for me to get her ready for the ride. The weight of his sigh was harder than the sound of it.
“Then, I’ll tell you how I see it. You’ve been acting weird ever since Jackson showed up.
You’re hot one minute, cold the next. Passing him off to anyone you can but also wanting to oversee every moment of his day personally.
You’re letting him sit in Raleigh’s chair and talking about him like he hasn’t been the hairpin trigger for your anger for the past three years.
The two of you have been orbiting each other, sneaking around in the dead of the night—”
“We have not!” I interjected, whipping my head in his direction.
“Sneaking around in the dead of night!” he repeated louder over me, and I huffed as he continued. “Secret meetings on the farmhouse porch and out in pastures, and now you’re asking for both of you to have the whole day off… Together. So, tell me again how nothing’s going on.”
My head fell forward slightly, sucking in a fortifying breath before I turned toward the only person I’d consider a best friend on this plane.
“Am I making the biggest fucking mistake of my life, Grange? I—” I paused, running a hand across the back of my neck.
“I still love Raleigh, and I probably always will, but I can’t deny the pull I have to Jackson.
He… He feels right. More right than anything in the last three years has. ”
Granger pushed off the wall, expression unreadable as he came over to me, and for a split second, I wondered if he’d deck me for the indiscretion of even considering moving on from one of his closest friends. But instead, strong arms came around me, pulling me into a tight hug.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I spluttered, more shocked than angry. Sure, we’d cuff each other on the shoulder, and the other guys would often fuck around with arm punches and the like, but Granger and I hadn’t been physically affectionate friends.
“Losing Raleigh was hard on everyone, but I know you’ve carried it more than anyone else. If this man is helping pull you out of that dark place, then I’m all for it. Fuck all the other noise.”
The air in my lungs ran off from me, and when I finally caught it, I could only manage, “Raleigh is the other noise.”
Granger pulled back, his blue eyes stormy as he shook his head. “Whether you believe it or not, Raleigh never would have wanted you miserable, Tuck. That man loved you too fiercely to ever deny you happiness. Even if it came from another man.”
A sliver of my broken heart screamed at him.
Wailed at the top of its lungs that he’d never known Raleigh like I had.
How could he know those things when I wasn’t even sure of them?
We’d never had those conversations because it’d never been in our cards.
Raleigh was supposed to be here. But just as loudly as this piece screeched its outrage, another one cheered its agreement.
Raleigh loved me. He’d truly loved me, and that love spanned time and space, so wherever he was, he was still loving me.
And he’d never wish this shattered state on me.
I sucked in a stuttering breath and nodded slowly. “He did.”
Granger squeezed both of my arms once. “The real noise is he’s your employee, and he’s a fucking infant compared to you.”
“Goddamn it, Granger,” I groaned, the tension inside me effectively snapping back into place with his words.
“What? I’m just saying,” he defended, that classic panty-dropping smirk appearing on his face. “You’re practically ancient. I can’t see what he sees in you.”
“Yeah, well, me neither,” I grumbled, turning back to resume tacking up Jackson’s horse for the ride I had planned.
“Tuck,” Granger called, pulling my attention back to him. “I’ve always got your back, you know that, right?”
I nodded, emotion welling up in my chest because despite it all, I’d needed the reassurance he’d just given me. “Yeah, man.”
“Where are you taking him?” he asked, propping himself back up against the wall like the last few minutes hadn’t just happened.
“The river,” I muttered, lifting the saddle up onto Sky’s back after getting the saddle pads down.
“Fuck off, you can’t go anymore,” Granger protested, standing up straight again in his indignation. “It’s hot enough the chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs, and you’re ditching us to get your man naked in the river? I call fucking foul.”
All I could do was grin because, yeah. Maybe I was.