3. Hayden
3
HAYDEN
I should have worn a tie.
I cursed low beneath my breath, drawing a dirty look from the middle-aged woman and her teenage son beside me.
“Sorry,” I muttered. The back of my neck heated, and I tugged uncomfortably at my collar. I’d really thought the white button-down shirt and the clean pair of jeans I’d pulled on that morning would be enough. That I wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb.
But even the teenager beside me wore a suit, like it was him who was about to walk up on stage and be handed an award by the mayor of the city.
“Hayden!”
I turned at the familiar voice and threw an easy smile at my sister-in-law Mae when she waved me over from the table she’d snagged right beside the stage.
She stood as I approached, her long black dress swishing around her ankles and her blond hair all piled up on her head in an elaborate up-do. Diamonds sparkled on her ears, and there were matching ones around her throat.
I grimaced when she wrapped her arms around me, drawing me in.
“I’m so underdressed,” I whispered into her ear, hugging her back.
She stepped back, holding me at arm’s length. Without missing a beat, she shook her head. “Well, I’m overdressed but I was so excited to not wear Mom clothes for a few hours, so I went all out. You look great. Your brother doesn’t care what you wear. He’s just going to be so glad you came.”
A burly man from Mae’s other side reached out a hand and took mine, shaking it with a firm grip. “You can join my no-tie club. They aren’t my thing either.”
I grinned at Heath, returning his handshake. He was part of my brother’s family, and I’d always liked the guy. He and I were similar in a lot of ways, but it didn’t really make me feel any better that his neck was also tie-free. Because his shirt was crisp linen, and his jacket and pants matched. Even his footwear showed mine up, his polished dress shoes, while I hadn’t even considered wearing anything other than my old boots. I didn’t even own a pair of dress shoes, let alone ones that matched my outfit as nicely as Heath’s did.
I went around the table, saying hello to Rowe, the third of my brother’s partners, as well as my mom and stepdad, who were busily doting on their grandsons.
I sat next to my brother’s eldest, Ripley, and held out a fist to the kid.
He bumped it and grinned. “How you doing, Chaos? ”
I rolled my eyes and ruffled his hair. “How many times do I have to tell you, that ain’t my name no more.”
Ripley sniggered. “It’s so much cooler than Hayden, though. Hayden sounds like he works in a bank and eats tuna for lunch every day.”
I dropped my mouth open in mock outrage. “And what exactly is so bad about tuna?”
Ripley screwed up his face in disgust. “Have you tried Mom’s tuna casserole lately?” He made some quiet gagging sounds for effect.
I elbowed him. “Hey. Don’t disrespect your mom like that. I bet she worked real hard to make that tuna taste good. It’s your immature, preteen taste buds that are the problem.”
Mae glanced over and winked at me. “Thanks for the backup, but he’s right. It was awful.” She turned a disapproving eye on her son. “But Hayden has asked you before not to call him Chaos. In this family, we respect that, okay?”
He nodded quickly. “I know. Sorry. I was only joking.”
Mae smoothed out the hair I’d ruffled out of place, her eyes full of affection for the kid who had grown about two inches since the last time I’d seen him.
QB, my stepdad, had Mae and Liam’s younger son, Jay, on his lap, and was keeping the little boy occupied with magic tricks that would only fool a six-year-old. While my mom tried to keep hold of their toddler who, despite his cute suit and tie, clearly wanted to be anywhere but here.
“Where’s the man of the hour?” I asked, my gaze flicking around the room and not seeing my older brother in it .
Mae took Casper from my mom and put him on her hip. She swayed back and forth, rocking her overtired son. The ceremony was a formal lunch thing, but Cas was still young enough to need a nap. “Backstage somewhere. He’s the first award, so they wanted him ready to go…”
A voice came over the loudspeaker. “Could all guests please take their seats. The ceremony is about to begin.”
Mae made a face that was half excitement, half “better do as they say or we’ll get in trouble.” She took her seat between Rowe and Heath and looked up at the stage expectantly.
I followed suit, sitting as the room quieted. The ballroom was windowless, positioned in the middle of a government building, overhead lights the only reason we could see. They dimmed so the stage could be spotlit.
It was a relief. At least in the dark my wardrobe faux pas wouldn’t be as noticeable.
With heels that clip-clopped across the stage, the mayor took to the podium. “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I’d like to welcome you all to today’s ceremony, and thank you for coming out to support your friends and family who have earned these awards. What an honor and privilege it is for me to be invited to hand these out, and I’m sure you feel the same. These award recipients are the most outstanding members of our community. Their tireless efforts in the areas of sport, health, finance, law, and community service are overdue in being recognized.”
She paused for a breath, but the people around me took it as a sign for applause. I joined in, clapping my hands.
The mayor waited for the applause to die down, then leaned into the microphone. “Please keep that applause going for our first recipient. This award is presented to Liam Banks, for his tireless efforts in the area of law. Liam’s work in representing underprivileged and low-income earners in the Saint View area has not gone unnoticed by those in his field. After speaking with him backstage, it’s clear to me how much this man truly cares about giving each and every person a fair trial, no matter what they can afford to pay. On top of working at Simonson Lawyers and Partners, Liam volunteers at the local homeless shelter on a weekly basis, not only providing those in need with clothes and a safe place to sleep, but with free legal counsel. He’s a dad to three, and despite all he does for the community, I’m told he still manages to volunteer at the school bake sales.”
The mayor turned to the side of the stage. “Without further ado, I’d like to ask Liam to join me and accept this award.”
Across the table, Heath let out a wolf whistle. Rowe cheered while clapping loudly, and Mae smiled, the pride in her eyes so bright it rivaled her diamonds.
Ripley and I joined in, clapping and cheering for my brother who strode across the stage, a big grin stretching his mouth wide. His dark-blond hair was slicked neatly to the side, and his suit was immaculate. There was zero trace of the jam-smeared dad I knew he could also be, except when he gazed down at his family around me and beamed like their cheers were worth more than the twenty thousand dollar check his award came with.
My brother took the award and the check from the mayor and then took her place at the microphone. “I’d like to thank… ”
Liam’s words washed over me, déjà vu sinking in. How many times had I sat in the audience, watching my brother receive awards? I couldn’t count that high.
Liam excelled at everything he did. From sports to business. Hell, the man had even somehow made his polyamorous relationship such a nonevent that no one batted an eye when he walked off stage to the woman, two men, and the little tribe of kids he called family. I let them all hug him and stood behind my mom and QB, waiting for them to finish congratulating him before they sat to give me a turn.
Liam’s grin widened, and he took my offered hand and drew me in for a hug. “What the hell are you doing here?” He stepped back. “I didn’t know you were coming!”
I shrugged, but it was with a proud smile. “Mae invited me. Of course I came.”
Up on stage, the mayor was moving on to the next award, but Liam jerked his head toward the bar, a question in his eyes.
I nodded, figuring it was after twelve and this was a special occasion, so a drink was warranted. I followed him to the back of the room and the empty bar. I pulled out a stool, Liam did the same, and we settled there, Liam ordering us both a glass of whiskey.
The bartender got busy making our drinks, and Liam set his award and check down on the bar top before turning to me.
Laughing, he punched me in the arm. “You look stupid. Where’s your leather jacket and—” He leaned in and made a show of sniffing me. “Is that shampoo I smell? ”
I punched him back. “At least I’m not in a suit. And fuck off. I wash my hair regularly. You’re just jealous I have so much more of it than you do.”
Liam reached around and tugged on the short ponytail I’d tied up at the nape of my neck. “Hey, I could grow mine out if I wanted to. Don’t start rumors I’m going bald.”
I sniggered as the bartender pushed our glasses toward us. “I don’t know, I think that hairline is receding.”
It wasn’t, but it was part of the brother code to give each other shit every time we saw each other.
Liam took a sip of his drink. “You keeping yours long so no one accidentally thinks you’re a fine, young, upstanding member of the community? Or just so women can pull it when you’re going down on them?”
I snorted. “Don’t say that too loud. You have all these people fooled, thinking you’re a classy lawyer and respectable father.”
“I am!”
“Pfft,” I sniggered. “Hardly.”
Except we both knew he was. He was a good guy through and through. He was the successful one. The smart one. The one who had settled down and given my mom grandchildren. He was the man who ran a successful law firm but still volunteered to sew on Ripley’s Boy Scout patches.
Once upon a time, I’d resented Liam. I’d been jealous as hell of everything he’d been given. It all seemed to come so damn easily to him. While he’d been excelling at school and earning degrees, I’d been busy doing the opposite, hell-bent on rebelling. For every award Liam got, I would go out and get drunk. Or high. When Liam had been accepted to an Ivy League college, I’d gone out and joined a street gang, just as a fuck you.
I couldn’t compete so I hadn’t even bothered trying.
But things changed.
People grew up.
I grew up.
So instead of going out and getting drunk at some bar tonight while the world celebrated how great my brother was, I’d showed up for him and hoped like fucking hell that just a little of his success, his drive, and his commitment would rub off on me.
Liam watched me carefully, the teasing smile slowly fading away into something more serious. “How you been? Haven’t seen you for a couple of months.”
I nodded, running a finger around the rim of my whiskey glass. “Yeah, sorry about that. I know I missed Ripley’s school play last month, but I’ll be there when baseball starts back up.”
“He’ll like that. Means a lot to him when you show.” He paused, thinking over his words. “Means a lot to all of us. It’s been nice having you around more lately the last few years. You know that, right? You don’t need an invitation. You’re always welcome at whatever we’re doing. Or even if you just want to drop in at home sometime. We’ve always got coffee.” He lifted his glass again. “Or whiskey.”
“Actually, I haven’t been drinking much.”
Liam nodded. “I noticed.”
I raised an eyebrow. “You did?”
He shifted on his seat. “You think we haven’t noticed all the changes you’ve made over the past few years? Cutting back on drinking. Showing up for family things. I haven’t seen you high in years, so if you’re still doing that, well, you’re doing a good job of hiding it.”
“I’m not,” I said quietly. “Not in a long time.”
Not since…
I swallowed thickly.
Liam had an uncanny ability to read people’s minds. It was what made him so well liked. He paid attention. Actually gave a shit about how other people were feeling and made an effort to understand it.
He sighed heavily. “I know it’s something we don’t talk about, but everything that happened with Kara and those women…that was a rock bottom you needed to hit. Frankly, I’m just fucking glad you made it out alive, because we were well on our way to losing you before all of that happened.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and took a thick swallow of amber liquid at just the sound of Kara’s name on his lips. I might have been doing better these days, but I never let myself think about her. About everything I’d put her through.
About how she’d left five years ago, and no one had seen her since.
I knew she was safe with her family and that was all I was entitled to know after what I’d done to her.
Liam punched me in the arm again. “Hey. I didn’t bring all that up to have you go dark again. I just meant we’re all really proud of where you are now.”
I gave him a tight smile. His words and praise meant a lot. “I’ll try to come by more. I’ve been doing double shifts at the restaurant and working seven days a week. Just trying to save every penny I can, you know?”
Liam nodded. “I get it. How is the restaurant? ”
I made a face before I could think about trying to mask it.
Liam chuckled. “That good, huh?”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t want to complain. I’m grateful for the work.”
“But…”
I groaned, unleashing every shitty thought I had about my job. “Simon is driving me insane. He refuses to try anything new. Did you know we’ve had the exact same menu for the entire five years I’ve worked there? Five fucking years of the same tired burgers and french fries.”
Liam shrugged. “People like burgers and french fries.”
“Yeah, I guess so. Place is always busy so I get why he doesn’t change things up.”
“But you want more.”
I lifted my gaze to meet his. “I’m an asshole, aren’t I? Simon gave me a job when nobody else would. He taught me everything I know about food—”
Liam held up a hand. “Uh, no he did not.”
“He did,” I insisted.
But Liam wouldn’t hear it. “You just told me the man has had the same menu for five years. So yeah, sure, you owe Simon for teaching you how to make decent mac and cheese, or how to deep-fry potatoes. But I’ve seen the shit you’ve been posting on your Instagram. That isn’t deep-fried, diner food. Simon didn’t teach you that.”
That heat started up at the back of my neck again. “You follow my Instagram?”
Liam chuckled. “Mae said I wasn’t allowed to tell you that we found it. She thinks it would make you uncomfortable.”
“She’s right.” I hated the idea of my older, much more successful brother following along my stupid, dinky little Instagram page that had less than a hundred followers. That was embarrassing.
Liam wasn’t having it though. “Your food looks like something out of a cooking show. You’re an amazing chef.”
I shook my head. “I’m not a chef. Just a cook.”
Liam rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. A second later he spun it around to show me a photo I’d taken of the chargrilled tuna steak with salsa verde, shaved fennel, and a green bean salad I’d plated up yesterday after Simon had gone home for the night. My boss had no idea I stayed late, well past closing every night, in order to practice making dishes that weren’t on his very basic menu.
I probably needed to shut the stupid Instagram page down. If Liam and Mae had found it so easily, then Simon probably would too. Then I’d be fired for fucking around.
I couldn’t afford to lose my job. Not when I was this close to having the down payment for a restaurant of my own. I didn’t care that I rented a shitty apartment in the worst part of Saint View. Or that my truck was about as old and run-down as they came. I’d keep putting the damn thing back together with sticky tape if it meant all my money could go toward buying something of my very own.
Something I could be proud of. That no one could take away from me.
I didn’t even want to rent a place. Something deep inside me needed to know it was mine. That I couldn’t be kicked out at the whim of some asshole landlord. So I’d been saving every cent for years now.
“That is the work of a chef.” Liam stabbed a finger over the screen and scrolled through my photos. “As is that. And this. And this, oh damn, what is that? That looks fucking amazing.”
“It’s lobster thermidor.”
“I don’t know what that is but am I drooling? Like seriously, my mouth is so full of saliva right now it has to be sliding down my chin.” He lifted the phone toward his mouth.
“If you lick that screen, I’ll never let you live it down.”
Liam let the phone drop away from his face. “Fine. But my point still stands. You’re a chef. And you’re way too fucking good to be working in that shithole diner, even if they do sell good burgers. You’re going to be running your own place in no time.” His eyes lit up. “Did you see that place on the main street of Providence is up for auction? That would be the best spot for a restaurant. Not a ton of competition for food like yours either, but the right market for it.”
“I’ve seen it,” I said reluctantly, knowing exactly which place he was talking about because I’d been stalking it for weeks. And just this morning my app had reminded me the auction was that afternoon. “It’s going under the hammer today. In a few hours, actually. You’re right. It’s perfect.”
So fucking perfect I wanted to cry every time I drove my shitty truck past it. I’d been looking at properties in Saint View for the best part of two years, just waiting for something workable to come up, but it hadn’t happened. And then just last week, I’d gotten a ping on my real estate app, and up had popped the space of my dreams.
But of course, it was in fucking Providence, so it was well out of my price range. The two towns shared a border, but it was very much a case of upper-class snobs to the left, broke-ass bitches to the right.
I was one of the broke-ass bitches, unfortunately.
Liam, not so much.
Once upon a time that would have eaten away at me. I would have become sullen and angry about the fact he’d always had so much more.
I didn’t want to go back to being that person.
Liam eyed me. “So go for it.”
I peered over at him. “Go for what?”
“The place on the main road! Start your own restaurant. You’ve got the experience.”
“But not the money.”
Liam’s leg bounced. “How much would you need?”
My fingers tightened around my glass. “To get the deposit the bank requires to give me the mortgage? Or to actually be up and running?”
“Both.”
I shrugged. “I’ve got some saved for a deposit. But I’d need a lot more.”
Liam pushed his check across the bar top. “Would this cover it?”
I froze. “That’s twenty thousand dollars.”
My brother nodded. “Yeah, that’s what it says.”
“I can’t take that.”
“I mean, sure. Not this check. It has my name on it. But I’ll bank it then write one with yours.”
I shook my head so fast it nearly fell off. “No. No way. ”
Liam rolled his eyes. “You need money. I have it. I want to give it to you.”
I shoved the offending piece of paper away. “I’m not taking your money, Liam. You have a family to spend that on.”
Liam stared me dead in the eye. “What are you, Brother ?”
I swallowed hard, staring at the zeroes printed on the check. There were so many. It seemed absurd he would want to just give me that much money. I knew he had plenty of it. Hell, with three partners and four incomes, especially Liam having a partner salary from his law firm, I knew this was just a drop in the bucket to them.
But it was everything to me.
Not just money. It was dreams. Security. A legacy.
“I would pay you back,” I whispered, barely daring to hope he was actually serious.
Liam shrugged. “Or you don’t, and I become a silent investor in your restaurant.”
That felt like way more pressure. I’d never even considered searching for investors. I was a nothing from Saint View. The idea that someone would want to invest in me was ludicrous. “What if I fuck it up and the whole place bombs?”
But Liam’s gaze never wavered. “You won’t.” He slapped my arm. “We’ve all watched you grow up over the last five years. Don’t think we haven’t noticed you aren’t the thug you used to be.”
I still felt like him inside though. So much of my identity was wrapped up in “Chaos” that sometimes I still found it hard to just be Hayden.
I touched my fingers to the numbers printed on the check. My brother was offering me everything I’d ever wanted. All I had to do was say yes.
A slow smile spread across my face. “Don’t you need to ask Mae and Rowe and Heath?”
“You’re their family too. I’ll ask, but I already know what they’ll say.”
I did too. Because they were good people. So fucking good I surely didn’t deserve them. Not after everything I’d done.
But I found myself agreeing anyway.
Liam held his hand out. “Partners?”
Despite myself, I nodded. “Let’s buy a restaurant.”