Chapter 10
CHAPTER 10
‘We’re going to have a fete!’
Nine in the morning was too early to hear Tally screeching at her highest pitch. I unwrapped the round of buttered toast I’d put in my bag and took a savage bite. I felt awful – headachey and embarrassed. That would teach me for drinking a litre of white wine and confessing my infertility to the world. ‘When?’ I said, mid-munch.
‘April 2nd.’ Fi was smiling at Tally’s glee.
‘Bit risky, weatherwise,’ I said gloomily.
‘Perhaps we can hire a marquee in case things go south,’ said Fi.
‘Or north,’ I said, taking another bite. ‘What’s the occasion?’
‘The anniversary of the earldom being bestowed upon Henry Gervase Mulholland,’ said Tallulah loftily.
‘Oh that ,’ I said. ‘Can’t believe I’d forgotten.’
‘It’s an old tradition,’ said Fi. She and Tally were smiling at me, so it seemed I’d kept withering sarcasm out of my tone. ‘But Jamie hasn’t done it for a while. He thought he’d revive it this year.’
‘All the tenants, volunteers and estate workers are invited,’ said Tally.
‘Why would he revive it?’ I said.
Fi shrugged. ‘George and Roshni are visiting this weekend. Maybe he was thinking over old times.’
I raised my eyebrows as I munched the toast. I’d seen the names on the family tree that Tally had pointed at on my first day, hung prominently on the office wall with its beautiful calligraphy: Jamie’s brother George, his wife Roshni, and their two little boys Kes and Jake. And if he was dwelling on the family dynasty, he might be ready to give romance another go. Prepare yourself, Lucinda.
‘You okay, Anna?’ Fi said.
‘Fantastic,’ I said, taking another bite of toast. ‘I’m just about to go and rake over Belheddonbrae with Keith. We’re preparing it, ready for planting. Almost there. You?’
‘I’m not too bad,’ she said, smiling. ‘Make sure you pop back mid-afternoon. Tally volunteered to buy office cake today.’
‘I did what?’ said Tally.
George and Roshni arrived the next day in a hybrid 4x4 right in the middle of visitor hours. I noticed a streak of blue pass the office windows and looked out to see tourists scattering and gravel flying as it ground to a halt on the far edge of the carriage drive. Feeling a jab of nerves in my stomach, I took a few deep breaths. Was I ever going to feel confident about being around the landed gentry?
A strikingly elegant woman dressed in cream who I took to be Roshni, Jamie’s sister-in-law, unfolded herself from the front seat of the car. ‘I’m so sorry, Jamie,’ she said, opening her arms as Jamie arrived on the scene. ‘I shouldn’t let George drive outside London. He gets overexcited.’
I didn’t catch Jamie’s response because two young boys were tumbling out of the car, talking nineteen to the dozen and addressing many questions to their uncle.
‘Uncle Jamie, where’s Hugo?’
‘Uncle Jamie, is there cake for tea?’
‘Uncle Jamie, are we going to go fishing?’
The man who’d been driving had now joined them, floppy-fringed with a broad grin. I saw the resemblance to Jamie – the clear-cut jaw, and piercing eyes – but he was much more smiley and younger-looking, and he was charmingly dishevelled rather than rigid and pristine.
The family tumbled through the office. ‘Hugo’s in the flat,’ Jamie was explaining to one of his nephews. ‘I didn’t want him barking at the tourists.’
‘I love Hugo,’ replied the little boy seriously. ‘His ears are so soft.’
‘I love him more,’ stated the other little boy. ‘I love him so much I could eat him.’
‘Hugo pie?’ said Jamie. ‘Sounds a bit hairy to me.’
Over the sound of their sons’ giggles, George and Roshni each embraced Fi then waved hello at Tally, and asked after Callum, who had disappeared for the morning.
‘Dear old Cal,’ said George. ‘Hates hellos and goodbyes, doesn’t he? And who are you?’ He had turned his very pretty eyes on me.
I extended my hand and smiled. ‘I’m Anna, the new rewilding manager,’ I said, as confidently as I could.
‘Wonderful!’ George beamed and shook my hand.
‘Pleased to meet you,’ said Roshni, and did likewise. She smiled warmly, and something flickered in her face, as though she was slightly assessing me. ‘Jamie said he couldn’t believe his luck when he hired you. Weren’t you involved in that groundbreaking rewilding project in Scotland somewhere?’
‘Yes.’ I named the project. ‘But just on a voluntary basis.’
‘Do you spend a lot of time at your desk? Somehow when I think of a rewilding manager, I think you should be out in the landscape.’
‘Hugging trees?’ said George.
‘A lot of the job is strategic rather than practical,’ I said. ‘But I manage to get outside sometimes.’
Jamie had already gone, slipping away, his nephews’ voices fading as they followed him through the house. ‘That’s it, bro,’ called George after him. ‘You put the kettle on.’
‘Go ahead, my love,’ said Roshni, brushing his shoulder with her hand. ‘Don’t let the boys tease Hugo.’
He grinned and went.
‘Do you want to join us for tea, Anna?’ said Roshni. ‘Jamie is really enthusiastic about the rewilding project. We’d love to hear about it.’
‘That’s really kind,’ I said, feeling slightly terrified about the idea of being under her analytical gaze, and mindful that Jamie wouldn’t want me barging in on his family time. ‘But I need to check on Belheddonbrae. I was just about to head there now.’
‘Maybe another time,’ said Roshni. She flashed a smile that was decidedly playful for someone wearing Gucci glasses and a pale cream trouser suit, blew kisses and departed, her energetic, graceful stride echoing her husband’s.
I sighed inwardly, relieved the introduction had gone well. Excellent – they didn’t seem to dislike me on sight, as Tally had. The scent of Roshni’s perfume still hung in the air, sweet and musky. I wondered if she had got on well with Lucinda when Lucinda was dating Jamie; composed, groomed Lucinda, who strode through this house on her long legs with an air of calmness and confidence. I’d faked confidence pretty well during my London years, but it had never settled into my bones – not really. It had all been a sham. No wonder when disaster struck, I’d been knocked over like an empty plant pot caught in a storm. Perhaps it really was all a matter of class.
‘How are you doing?’ I said. Fi and I had linked arms and were walking to Belheddonbrae. She smiled at me, blinking in a rare shaft of sunshine.
‘I’m good thanks,’ she said. Then caught my expression. ‘No, I mean it! Really good. We’re just going to move on, try again.’
‘That’s great.’ I couldn’t think of anything sensible to say, so I squeezed her arm instead, and she squeezed back.
At Belheddonbrae, Mica and Keith were starting to plant the plug plants I’d ordered. Although there was lots of bare soil now, I could imagine it in the future, with swathes of sorrel, corn chamomile and prunella; melancholy thistle and yellow rattle, with paths mown through according to my plan, allowing the grass to grow long in certain areas. Keith smiled at me. ‘Looking good, isn’t it?’ he said.
‘Don’t do all the planting without me,’ I said, and we laughed. ‘I’ll be here all day tomorrow.’ It didn’t look much at the moment, but it was going to be beautiful. I dropped off a box of cookies to Mica in the potting shed. ‘Thanks for the pruning you did on the shrubs, Anna,’ she said. ‘I came down on Tuesday and it was as though a little helper had visited in the night.’
‘No problem. I was up early and I love hacking at things,’ I said. I’d come in from my pruning session pretty much coated with mud and with a broad smile on my face.
Also rescued from the general mess was an ornamental wooden and wrought-iron bench with a curved back and arms. Keith had sanded down the slats and given it a coat of wood stain, and it sat resplendent at the highest point of Belheddonbrae. After I’d chatted with Keith about plans for the following week, Fi and I settled on the bench. Before us lay the hills and fields of the estate, beginning to transform as spring made its way through the countryside, but still breathtaking in their unforgiving silhouette: dense mossy green slopes delineated by grey stone walls and hedgerows, the sky its vivid, cool blue that pierced my heart.
‘It’s lovely, isn’t it?’ said Fi.
I nodded. ‘Sure is.’
‘You are happy here, aren’t you?’ She turned her straightforward gaze on me. Nowhere to hide. Fi nurtured things, and people. She was an exemplary PA and manager, with her eye for detail and comfort, smoothing out the wrinkles in the running of the house. But I didn’t want her to feel that she had to care for me too. She would be the perfect mum when the time came, and she needed to rally her resources for that.
‘You don’t have to look after me,’ I said gently. ‘Yes, it will probably be a while before you see me dancing for joy, but I’m doing fine.’
Fi slipped her phone out of the back pocket of her jeans and started swiping. ‘I was going through some old photos the other day,’ she said. ‘I found this.’ She turned her phone towards me.
It was a photograph of Fi and me. We must have been eighteen years old if we were a day, sitting side by side on a night out, arms around each other, smiling. What struck me first was our stupendous, dewy-skinned youth; how great we had both looked, and how little we had known it. Then, something more: the sweet, uncomplicated happiness of our smiles.
‘Was that at your brother’s twenty-first?’ I said. ‘I think I actually remember that night.’
‘Yep.’ Smiling, Fi looked down at the picture. She pointed at my face. ‘I was looking for something to remind you. That’s my girl. So confident, so full of hope and excitement for the future.’
‘Yes.’ I remembered that time. Remembered the future opening up in front of us, ours for the taking.
‘What I’m trying to say is,’ said Fi. ‘ That Anna. She’s still there. You just have to find her again.’
I felt a shaft of emotion so pure I knew I had to push it back for now. ‘I mean, I hate to break it to you, but my skin is never going to look that good again, no matter how much collagen I take.’
She laughed and elbowed me playfully. ‘Oh!’ she said, and waved. ‘It’s Roshni. Now remember, do not panic, she didn’t go to finishing school, and she’s not a snob.’
‘Send me that photo,’ I said.
‘I will,’ she said.
Roshni had changed into skinny jeans, a checked shirt and a pair of red wellingtons. She was making her way smoothly across the rough ground. She raised her hand at us and smiled as she made her way over.
‘She’s been wonderful for George,’ said Fi, putting her phone away. ‘I’ll never forget the first time he brought her back here. You could see how tense he was. But she just got out of the car, looked around, smiled and said you’re worried about this ? I thought you had a proper castle.’
‘Hello!’ Roshni had arrived by us before I could ask more. ‘As you said you were whipping this area properly into shape, I couldn’t resist taking a peek.’
‘There’s not a lot to see at the moment,’ I said, and explained the plan, showing her my drawing on my mobile phone.
‘Amazing. How on earth did you learn how to do this?’
I gave a half-hearted laugh. ‘A circuitous route. My first job was in admin – a project assistant. I worked my way up to project manager, and studied at night to keep my interest alive. First, garden design, then wildlife conservation, so I could move in that direction in my career. Long story short, I ended up working for an ecological and environmental consultancy.’
‘Which means?’ Roshni’s hair was caught in the breeze and she brushed it back. ‘I’m sorry, I only really know about financial markets.’
I smiled. ‘It means all kinds of things, from ecological appraisals and protected species surveys, to devising strategies for people who want to manage their land in harmony with nature. Luckily, the firm I worked for was big on their staff’s personal development, so I got to strike out. I worked on a woodland management project with a contractor, and after that, I got involved with rewilding projects, sometimes in my own time, sometimes on secondment. In short, I can do a Gantt chart but I can also dig up a tree stump and replant a border.’
She nodded. ‘I’m in awe. I love looking at beautiful trees and flowers, but I can barely keep a houseplant alive. I’m more of a numbers kind of woman.’
‘Anna is totally brilliant,’ said Fi, putting her arm around me and squeezing.
I smiled, and tried unsuccessfully not to look awkward.
Roshni looked between the both of us. ‘So you’ve checked the work here, right? You can both join us for tea and cake now? George says he can’t recuperate from the drive without cake.’
‘I – er…’ I said, but then saw Fi was giving me a very definite look. A just-go-along-with-it look.
‘Don’t worry,’ said Roshni breezily. ‘My brother-in-law has agreed it and I’ve even invited Tally and Lucinda, who I found in the courtyard, loitering. No soldier left behind.’
‘Come on, Anna.’ Fi gave me a small and – she would have said – loving shove. There was no other place to go. I’d rather not have risked my fragile détente with Jamie, but I wasn’t being given a choice.
‘Jamie said your design skills are brilliant,’ said Roshni.
‘Did he?’ I said, wondering how I was heading for the house at such speed when I’d declined the offer several times.
‘I don’t mean to impose, but if there’s any chance I could discuss our little garden in London with you, I’d really appreciate it.’ She was striding ahead and I was struggling to keep up. Fi was bringing up the rear.
‘Of course.’ I could feel myself running out of words, and I was aware that I was speaking carefully and crisply. My telephone voice, Sean used to call it. It was the class thing, again. Knocking me off-kilter, making me try to appear a different version of myself. Don’t do this, Anna , I thought, gritting my teeth.
Roshni came to a sudden halt. ‘Oh God, I’m galloping, aren’t I? So sorry. Fi!’ She held her arms out towards Fi, who gave her a rueful smile. ‘Just shout at me when I do that.’ As everyone caught up, we started off again. ‘I can see it is an imposition, Anna,’ Roshni said.
‘What?’ I broke out of my self-chastising thoughts. ‘No, not at all, we can talk about your garden.’
We’d reached the side door. Roshni turned the handle and pushed the door open. She caught my gaze and her smile was sincere. ‘Thank you. But only if you want to – I mean it.’ She gestured towards the door. ‘After you.’
We entered Jamie’s flat to find Tally and Lucinda sitting at opposite ends of the green dilapidated sofa as Kes and Jake bounced up and down between them, the smell of baking pervading the whole place. Roshni shot me a meaningful look. ‘I’ll just check on the cakes,’ she declared loudly. ‘I’ll leave you all to have a nice chat.’
I glanced at Fi questioningly. ‘She’s a bit mischievous,’ Fi murmured, ‘but well meaning.’
I sent Callum a text. Family gathering in flat. Will you join?
I was used to him taking several hours to answer, but this time it was instant.
No way hahaha.
Hugo was engrossed in the children, barking delightedly and stretching out his front legs, lowering himself into a doggy bow, showing that he wanted to be involved in their games. I’d hoped I might stroke him as a way of avoiding speaking to anyone, but I clearly wasn’t going to get a look in.
Jamie was in deep conversation with his brother. Tally was concentrating on her fingernails and Lucinda was neatly positioned, legs swept to the side and crossed at the ankle, princess-style. She really was perfect for Stonemore. Perfect for Jamie.
‘Such a lovely day, isn’t it?’ she said to me brightly.
‘Oh yes,’ I said. ‘Beautiful.’ She smiled in response, but I could see her eyes flicking towards Jamie every few moments. If she kept staring like that, the laser-like intensity would have the flesh melting off his bones before long.
‘So you’ve adapted to this lovely place?’ Lucinda continued. ‘People tend to stay for their whole lives. That’s always what I thought I’d do.’ She was holding a long-stemmed glass containing something sparkling like champagne, which she was fitfully sipping.
Was Roshni trying to get us all drunk? As if on cue, she appeared, carrying a full glass for me.
‘I thought it was just tea and cake?’ I said, accepting it, then putting it down immediately. There was no way I was drinking in this situation. Her smile broadened, and she returned to the kitchen.
‘Do you ride?’ Lucinda said suddenly.
‘Nope,’ I said, wondering how many glasses she’d drunk. Not many riding schools in our neck of the woods , I added silently. I had once been taken on a trip for ‘disadvantaged children’ to a farm where I bounced around on a pony for half an hour whilst clinging to a neck strap. Utterly terrifying.
‘That’s a shame. You really should ride.’ Her eyes fixed on the place she wanted – Jamie’s face. ‘Don’t you think, Jamie? Anna should ride, shouldn’t she? If she’s going to stay at Stonemore?’
Roshni appeared in the doorway. She was holding a plate of fairy cakes but gave no indication that she was intending to offer them to anyone. She had heard Lucinda and come to watch what was developing.
‘Jamie!’ Lucinda half shouted, then gave a tinkling laugh. ‘We’re over here! Don’t you think?’
‘I’m sorry?’ Jamie reluctantly joined us.
‘Anna can’t ride. But it’s a skill one should pick up in the country, don’t you agree?’
‘I can ride,’ Tally chimed in. ‘It’s not exactly a special skill.’
‘Boing boing!’ shouted Kes.
‘Well, as I said, who knows how long I’ll be here,’ I muttered.
Jamie looked at me directly for the first time since I’d walked in, his blue eyes boring into my face. ‘Don’t forget you need to give three months’ notice,’ he said. ‘Perhaps I should have asked for six.’
I picked up the champagne and took a gulp. Had I really signed a contract that had a three-month notice period? Three months was a corporate amount of notice. Highly surprising for somewhere like Stonemore. Maybe, if I really wanted to go, I could claim I was emotionally compromised when I signed the paperwork. I had been so desperate to leave London, I would have agreed to anything.
But also, why had I just hinted I was leaving? I didn’t want to go. Although with Tally and Lucinda bearing down on me, about to fight to the death regarding the level of their riding skills, resignation was looking more tempting by the minute.
‘Three months’ notice?’ Tally looked aggrieved. ‘I only have to give four weeks.’
‘Or one month, as it’s otherwise known,’ I murmured, already emboldened by the champagne. Only Jamie heard me, and flashed me a look (and possibly Roshni, who seemed to be enjoying things vastly).
‘Four weeks is standard,’ said Jamie, sounding weary. ‘Callum is three months too.’
‘I can understand Callum.’ Tally tilted her head. ‘But why Anna?’
‘Because she’s vital,’ Jamie snapped.
Silence fell. I could sense Lucinda looking at me with new interest.
‘Maybe I’ll make some tea,’ said Fi loudly.
Jamie sighed. ‘Yes, please,’ he said. ‘Roshni, you’re failing in your hostess duties, you know. Shall we have tea and cake before George starts bending my ear about financial instruments again?’
Help me , I texted to Callum.
Hahaha , he replied.
‘Uncle Jamie,’ said Kes, playing with Hugo’s ears, ‘if you were a dog, what kind of dog would you be?’
‘A beagle,’ said Jamie, without missing a beat.
‘I’d be a Labrador!’ cried Lucinda, a little overeagerly. ‘How about you, Anna?’
I put my hands in the air. ‘I have literally no idea.’
She tilted her head. ‘Perhaps a Jack Russell? Small.’
‘They’re quite yappy though,’ added Tally.
Lucinda tinkled with laughter. ‘Yes.’
I took a large bite of fairy cake and allowed the conversation to move off in another direction, wondering if that remark had been innocuous or the worst insult I’d ever received in my life.
A minute later, Roshni drifted past. ‘Would you like another cake?’
‘I’m fine, thanks,’ I said.
‘I thought Labradors were supposed to be friendly,’ she said, in an undertone, her gaze set on Lucinda. ‘But this one is definitely crossed with a wolf, don’t you agree?’
Half an hour of stilted conversation later and Fi and I escaped into the open air. She had claimed an urgent photocopying errand needed doing and I had offered to help. We left Lucinda attempting to play a convoluted form of hide and seek with Kes and Jake, whilst Tally tried to interest Jamie in Poussin’s early landscapes.
‘What’s going on with you and Callum?’ Fi glanced at me, gimlet-eyed. ‘That was him you were texting, wasn’t it? You had that look on your face again.’
Luckily, I was already breathless in the fresh air. I opened my mouth, trying to assemble a sensible answer.
‘You haven’t slept with him, have you?’ shrieked Fi, as though we were teenagers again.
‘No!’ I cried. ‘Not that it would be a disaster if we had. I could do with a bit of fun.’ She glanced at me warningly. ‘We did attempt a kiss, though.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ She wheeled around and caught my arm.
‘Let’s see,’ I said. ‘Number one, you’ve had a lot to deal with. Number two, it was just a kiss. Number three, it’s not going to lead anywhere, and I’m fine with that.’
She stared at me in the early spring sunshine, the wind rifling her hair. ‘Please be careful, Anna.’ She stomped on. ‘I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.’
‘I didn’t tell anyone ,’ I said. ‘I’m trying, Fi – trying not to, I don’t know, bleed over everyone! I might be walking wounded at the moment, but I don’t want to bring other people into my issues. I’ve got to get on top of things and start dealing with things on my own. You know?’
She waited a minute, still assessing me. ‘Right,’ she said finally. ‘But I’m always here. You know that, don’t you?’
‘I do,’ I said. ‘Come on, before I sober up completely and leave you to do that photocopying on your own.’
‘Hug?’ she said. I nodded, and we clutched each other. She gives good hugs, Fi; I never trust a friend whose hugs are less than two seconds long, and she’s a good three or four.
‘You really unsettled Jamie,’ she said, as she unlocked the door to the staff office. ‘The way he looked at you when you said you might leave.’
‘What do you mean?’ I asked.
‘Like you’d pulled the rug out from under him,’ she said.
My stomach inexplicably did a back flip. Daytime champagne, never a good idea.
‘He probably deserves it,’ I said airily.
‘So cruel, Anna,’ chided Fi.
I smiled. I was definitely not going to start feeling sorry for Jamie.