Chapter 43
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
wildflower
REY
EARLIER THAT DAY
“Rey,” I hear Xander shouting from downstairs.
I’ve just come out of the shower, moisturising my legs in my ensuite bathroom, and can’t make out the words that follow.
But there’s something about the tone that brings a chill to my gut.
I wrap my long, wet hair in a towel and throw on my favourite yellow dress.
On the chair in my room is Mark’s Cambridge Uni t-shirt that I still haven’t given back to him. I smell it and smile. I can’t wait to see him again at work, and I only left him an hour ago. My heart swells, picturing him lying in bed, smiling up at me.
“Rey!”
It sounds more urgent, so I get a move on out of my room.
“What?” I shout as I jog down the stairs, but stop halfway.
Xander stands in the hallway, peering out the window.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“There’s a bunch of reporters outside, and they’re asking for you.” His voice is cold, and I’m struggling to make sense of it.
“Xander?” I step slowly down the last steps and touch his arm.
He turns to face me; his expression is one I’ve never seen on him. His brow is furrowed, his jaw working hard, his eyes narrowed. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
“You’re all over the news, Rey. Is it true—” He stops and clears his throat. “You were never a bartender, were you?”
“What are you talking about?” I shake my head, and it dawns on me he’s somehow found out about my modelling gig and he’s reacting exactly how I feared. “I—I’m an atmosphere model, okay, I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t think you’d understand.”
He rubs his eyes. “Rey, I don’t know what to believe. Some write you’re a luxury escort. It’s very confusing, and I can’t go to work now with the fucking reporters out there.”
“What, but why are people writing about me?”
“You haven’t seen it?” he asks, finally lifting his head and looking at me, but still with that cold stare that makes my throat tighten. “You and your arsehole man are all over the internet.”
I gape at him, and he pushes his phone in my face.
And there we are. My naked back. Mark’s fierce gaze on me.
Our special moment, when I told him I love him.
But I see what it looks like from the outside. Us together like that in his office.
Shit.
I run upstairs and find my phone. There are lots of messages from Kaia and others, but before I can read any, Nia calls.
“Nia, what’s going on?”
“Rey, you need to stay home. Don’t come to work.”
“I—I can’t, anyway. There are reporters here. I’m scared.”
“I can’t believe it, Rey. I’m so sorry I let him do this to you. I put you in this position.”
“You didn’t, and there’s no position, we—I…” I stutter, not sure what to reveal.
“I’m going to have to suspend you until further notice, Rey. I’m sorry, but you have also broken the rules.”
Jesus Christ, if I’m suspended, what’s happening to Mark?
“Nia, they’re writing things about me. Xander is furious.” My voice cracks as I realise my world is falling apart. I was afraid my blissful bubble would burst. It was too good to be true, but it didn’t faze me it would explode and hurt people around me too.
“I have to go. We have a board meeting. Keep your phone with you.”
And she’s gone.
I lean back on my bed. Do I dare look?
I have to know. I open my phone again and search for my name. There are pages and pages on the search engine with results I can’t believe are tied to me.
‘Another Infinio exec affair with intern’
‘Mark Becker caught breast handed’
‘Infinio Games scandal: Damian 2.0’
I click on one at random and am met with what Xander was talking about. Pictures of me from my atmosphere modelling gigs. My tits covered in glitter. I understand how I appear to them.
But it’s all wrong. It’s out of context.
Panic is overtaken by anger. I’m so fucking sick of people looking down on me. I love my body. And I love getting dressed up and playing around, making people laugh. Sparking life into an event. What the fuck is wrong with that? Why does everyone have to twist a woman’s actions into something lewd?
“Rey!” Xander shouts again, and I jump up. “Mum is here,” he adds.
Jesus Christ.
Mum.
I stomp down the stairs, ready for her attack.
She’s on the doorstep, her silhouette visible through the frosted window of the door.
Xander unlocks the door, and I shuffle down the hallway so he can let her in. The reporters see me just as I see them, and they lift their cameras towards the crack of the door, scrambling over each other, until Xander closes it.
“Rosemary, don’t open the door like that, my goodness.” She waves a hand at my hair towel. Says the lady in a massive hat and sunglasses, as if the press were here to capture photos of the hussy’s mum.
“I couldn’t care less,” I hiss, but rip it off regardless and ruffle up my damp waves.
“That’s obvious,” she says, stopping in the living room and turning to me, removing the glasses and dramatic headwear. “What the hell were you thinking, parading around like a common prostitute?”
I gape at her. I knew it. I knew she’d react like this, but it still stings like hell.
“I’m not! I’m an atmosphere model, and it’s completely innocent. It’s a job, and it’s fun.”
“Well, it’s made us all look like fools, did you think of that?”
“No, I didn’t. It’s not like I thought I’d ever be the subject of a scandal…” My throat closes up again and I tighten the grip on my phone in my hand. I glance at it. Nothing from Mark yet.
Mum clutches her (fake) pearls. “Is that what happened with Mark? Is that how you got that job?”
“What the hell, Mum?” I howl.
“Jesus Christ, Mum, you can’t say that to your own daughter,” Xander says from behind me.
“I can’t believe you think I would do something like that.”
She shakes her head, sinking down onto the couch. “I don’t know what to think, Rosemary.” She throws up a hand. “It’s not like you have a history of great decision-making behind you.”
I’m shaking with anger. She doesn’t know how I make my decisions, she never bothered to try to understand me.
“Mark and I met outside of work. I love him.”
“What?” She grimaces and shakes her head.
“I’ll tell you everything if you want to listen.”
She scoffs. “Tell me what? Of course you’re in love with him. Who wouldn’t be? But surely you’re not implying he feels the same way about you?”
“Why? Because I’m not a fancy, important, rich person?”
Her eyes widen, but she nods.
“Oh my God, are you serious, Mum?”
“Well, more than that. You are a bit … silly. Frivolous? God knows I tried with you.”
There’s that head shake again, and it’s like she’s stabbed me. It’s what I feared she thought of me, but there are the words. Straight from the horse’s mouth.
“It’s ludicrous that you entertain the idea of the two of you at all. It proves my point about you. You just don’t understand the real world, Rosemary.” She pins me with the mum-glare. “You’d be a burden to a businessman like Mark.”
I bury my face in my hands and sink down to my knees.
What’s the point of fighting the world if even my own mum can’t see past my flaws.
“Mum, you’re going too far,” Xander says, stepping forward. “Rey is fantastic. She’s funny, intelligent, and creative, and I can see every reason Mark would fall for her.”
I drop my hands and turn to him. “Do you mean that?” I croak.
He sinks to his knees next to me. “I don’t see what the fuck you see in that wanker, but hey, I know you. And you are great.”
“You don’t think less of me because of my choices?”
He shakes his head. “I mean, I could go do with seeing less of my sister,” he says, a smile crinkling the sides of his eyes and I snort-laugh through my tears. “You’ve always loved dressing up, Rey. I’m not surprised you’d choose a job like that.”
I search his face and the soft eyes are back. It loosens the lump in my throat. “Why did you look so angry earlier?”
“I’m angry with Mark. With the press. Not with you,” he says and wraps his arms around me. I sigh, a shaky, long breath, and feel brave enough to say what I need to say to my mother.
Her eyes have watered over, and I’m sure it’s just because her son is being so kind and nothing to do with me.
“Mum,” I say, standing up so I can look down at her for once.
“I’m proud of my style. You pushed me so hard when I graduated, so hard to fit into this mould that you had decided for me.
I lost the joy in creating things for years.
I couldn’t draw a single line because you broke that in me. You broke me.”
“Why are you saying this?”
“Because you need to know. I always just wanted you to love me for me, and I kept trying to be this version that you wanted me to be, hoping you’d see me.
Hoping you’d look at me with the pride you have for Xander.
But you never do, and it doesn’t matter what I do.
So if I’m going to fail at being your daughter, I might as well fail while doing something I love. ”
She furrows her brow at me. “You don’t get it, do you?”
“I guess I don’t?”
She stands up, her eyes stormy, and I take a step back.
“I was like you once. Directionless, flighty.” Her voice is low and serious.
“Alright, good start…” I mutter, feeling the knife twisting in my chest.
“My mother did what she did to help me. She pushed me to become a better version of myself. Like I’ve been trying with you.”
“You pushed me to be someone that doesn’t even resemble me, Mum. Not a different version.”
She shrugs. “My mother saved me, and I found love in your father and this life. Do you know how hard it was to grow up with no money? No respect? No, you don’t, because I put that behind me.
I did what my mother taught me to do: I adapted.
” She glares at me. “And you waste your chance at this by being so—so foolish.”
“Waste what? To be a middle-class bitter woman without a personality like you? You want me to be miserable?”
“For God’s sake, Rosemary!” she shouts, and I recoil.
Tears form in her eyes and she presses her lips together in a thin line.
“Your absolute ignorance and selfishness, your complete lack of decency, will make my life harder.” She waves her arms. “You may have just torn apart what I’ve worked for, dragging our name through the mud like that.
Your personal life and private parts all over the internet. ”
All I can do is gape at her.
She’s right. I’ve not considered anyone else. All I worried about was what my family would think of me, not what anyone else would think of them. But if she’d only hear me out, maybe she could fight with me instead of against me.
“How am I going to explain this to people?” she continues, her voice growing smaller, being pressed out from a tight throat. “You know what it looks like, right?”
The dirty grin of the man at Millefleuré makes an unwelcome appearance in my mind. This is what I was worried about.
Oh, Mark, what are you dealing with right now if this is what they’re saying online?
“It doesn’t matter what it looks like, we’re in a relationship,” I say, sounding more confident than I feel.
“Oh, please.”
“Mum, it’s true, just—”
She waves a hand, cutting me off. “I’ve worked my entire adult life to be looked at with some measure of respect and not a working class, uneducated dud.
I’m a good banker’s wife, on the Mile End community board, I do my paralegal job well, and I can at least say I’ve raised one child who adds value to the world. ”
I gasp. “Mum…”
Her eyes flash with something that could resemble regret, but she doesn’t take it back. She lets the worst words I’ve ever heard about myself hang in the air like the poison they feel like.
Xander steps forward again. “Mum, you don’t mean that.
” He looks at me, as if he’s checking how I’ll react, and I hold his gaze.
His eyes are the only place I can find the support I need to stay standing.
I’m not sure how to feel. My own mother doesn’t think I have value? What am I supposed to do with that?
“She’s ruined everything.” Mum’s voice cracks, and she drops her face into her hands. Xander and I look at each other. Who is this sad woman? I know nothing about her. Have I really ruined it for her?
“Mum…” I say, not sure whether I want to scream at her or beg her for forgiveness. But I’m so tired of her judgement. And whatever judgement her shitty friends have of her for being my mother.
I stand in front of her and square my shoulders. Ready to say what I’ve wanted to say for years. Words I’ve played over and over in my head. A part of me knew she’d find out about the atmosphere modelling somehow.
“I’m not going to stand for this bullshit.”
She looks up at me, knitting her brow.
“If your friends and colleagues are so fucking narrow-minded that they will judge you for my life-choices, then that says more about them than you or me. I’m not wasting anything.
Being me is what makes me happy.” I take a deep breath and continue before she can start talking again.
Finally, I get to say this out loud. “I’m a wildflower, Mum.
I thrive where I choose, not where I’m planted. ”
Her eyes roam over my tattooed arms before she meets my gaze.
“I’m not ignorant, Mum, I’m defiant. And I’m not selfish.
You are, though, for telling me I have to live a certain way to make you feel good about yourself.
Why can’t you be proud that you’ve raised a daughter who can stand up for herself and what she believes in?
You said you were like me once, and if that’s true, I hope you find that again one day, because I love myself and I wish you would too. ”
Mum stands up, clutching those plastic pearls again.
“I’m not going to sit here and let you berate me, Rosemary. I’m not the one exposed online.”
“Call me Rey,” I say and step out of her way as she makes her exit. “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
Xander shakes his head and sits down on the couch. “I can’t believe how vile she was.”
“I’m so sorry Xander,” I say, finally letting the tears out once I hear the door slamming and know she’s gone.
“I know, Rey. You’re not responsible for our mother. I’m here for you.”
His words are like a hug, and I step forward to get a real one. God knows I need it after that. Before I reach him, my phone vibrates in my hand, and I gasp, seeing who’s calling.
It’s Mark.