14. Lila
CHAPTER 14
Lila
“So, Wren. Montana everything you dreamed it would be?” Finn asked his sister as he passed me the bowl of garlic mashed potatoes that I’d been dying to get my hands on ever since the smell hit me when I walked into the kitchen.
I served River a dollop of mashed potatoes before passing it over to Amelia. I wiped his cheek as he demolished his plate like it was the only meal he’d ever had.
I swear I feed this kid.
“Probably better, though the winters are pretty harsh. You’d know if you ever bothered to come visit,” Wren retorted beside me.
“Why would I when you can come visit me here?” he teased.
Wren and Finn continued their conversation while the food was passed around the table.
I urged River to slow down before he choked on the grilled meat I’d cut up for him. The only times he’d perk up and forget all about his food was when Demond mentioned the horses or work around the ranch. There was no doubt about it, the kid had the bug .
Travis sat across from me, keeping his focus on his plate, but every now and then our eyes would meet.
“Lila, you haven’t had much to eat. If you don’t like something I can fix something else up,” Amelia said, noticing I’d barely touched my plate.
“Oh no! It’s really good. I normally eat after River does. It’s a habit, I guess.”
Amelia nodded. “Being a mother is a tough job, especially when it comes down to sitting at a table to eat. With these two”—she motioned toward the twins—“I barely had time to sit down longer than a few minutes at a time, and that was with Desmond around.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault,” Wren pouted. “Finn was the one who always wanted to run around and do stuff.”
“Oh sure, blame me. Who had to get seven stitches because she thought climbing the tree outside would be fun?” Finn quipped.
I smiled, imagining little versions of Wren and Finn with their golden hair and mischievous grins.
Finn made a silly face at River and he copied him with a goofy smile until he got shy when he noticed Wren was smiling at him. He tucked his face against my side to hide and I ran my fingers through his hair in silent comfort.
Amelia said as she watched my brother with a gentle expression. “I imagine raising a little boy alone is hard. I can’t say I’m surprised that you’ve managed, though.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t do it all alone. My grandfather was with us, he helped a great deal.”
Amelia pursed her lips at the mention of my grandfather. I knew exactly what she was thinking, but she refrained from commenting on my grandfather’s behavior toward me growing up.
Travis looked up from his plate, his gaze finding mine. His face was unreadable as Desmond reached over River and placed a hand on my shoulder. “He was a good man, Lila.”
My voice wavered. “Thank you.”
I quickly took a sip of the ice water in front of me when I suddenly felt a lump form in my throat. Travis watched me but he seemed to be the only one who noticed I was shaken by the mention of my grandfather. I never knew my father. He’d passed away when I was a baby and Irene never liked to talk about him. Having a relationship with my grandfather was the only other one I had in my family, but his own connection with Irene was never a good one. Maybe that was why we weren’t as close as we could have been. Because he saw traces of her in how I behaved as a child.
I liked to believe I wasn’t a bitter person. I tried to be positive, especially when I had a kid who could pick up on my emotions at the drop of a hat and he could adopt my behavior as his own. There were times like right now, however, that the bitterness toward Irene came to the surface. An unwelcome friend I tried to push away, but who would always come back when I least expected it.
River patted my arm, getting my attention. I looked down and found him looking up at me with his curious eyes, clear as the afternoon sky.
He asked, “Lila? You okay?”
Of course, he’d notice. My little brother was the most perceptive kid I’d ever met. I wondered if it had to do with seeing our grandfather sick for so long that he just naturally picked that habit up.
I leaned down and smiled reassuringly, aware that there were eyes on us despite the conversations going on around the table. “Yeah, I’m okay, baby.”
“Can I play with Travis after dinner?”
I looked to Travis and shrugged as if to say it was up to him, and he nodded. “Of course you can. So long as that’s okay with Delilah.”
As soon as I agreed, River did a fist pump. “Yes! We can show Finn and Wren our toys too!” His excitement made everyone at the table laugh.
I mouthed a “ thank you” in Travis’s direction for putting a smile on my kid’s face all evening. He simply nodded, not tearing his eyes away from me as he took a swig of his beer. Reminding me of how he’d taken that shot of tequila for me back at the bar. The way his eyes darkened when he looked at me. Making it impossible to look away just like right now as he consumed me with a single look.
A look that left me wanting .
After helping Amelia wash the dishes in the kitchen and packing the leftovers into containers, I finally gave up and accepted two portions large enough to feed me and River for an entire week.
“Thank you so much for having us, Amelia. Dinner was wonderful,” I said, giving her a hug as I got River’s bag ready to go.
“No thanks needed. It was my pleasure. Long overdue, if you ask me. And you’ll be sure to come to next Sunday’s dinner too?” I opened my mouth to protest but she beat me to it. “It’ll be Desmond’s birthday next week, so I expect you to be there to help me decide on the type of cake we should bake for him. It’s a family event so attendance is mandatory.”
Family.
I wondered if she was including me and River too or if it was just a generalization. Either way, being considered family by Amelia made me happier than it probably should have .
“In that case, how can I say no?” I raised my hands up in defeat with a grin. Amelia always knew how to make it hard to say no. I wish I had her tenacity.
The fact that she considered us family warmed my heart to no end. I didn’t know if I deserved their kindness, but they took care of River and for that I would be forever grateful.
Wandering off in search of River, I found him curled up on the couch with a pillow tucked under his head and a fleece blanket draped over him. He was the picture of relaxed as his little legs were stretched across Travis’s lap. Trapping the man next to him. He was watching the TV, a kids show River loved to watch. The volume was too low, and I suspected Travis turned it down to avoid waking River up.
The moment he spotted me walking over he straightened and shut the TV off.
“He’s been zonked out for about ten minutes now.”
“Sorry if he trapped you,” I said as I crouched and pushed the curls off River’s forehead. “He’s a morning kid through and through. There’s no waking him once he’s out.”
“I didn’t mind. I enjoyed spending time with him today,” he said.
“Thank—” I looked up, meeting his eyes and finding a gentle look in his gaze. A small smile tugging on his lips. When he noticed where my eyes had gone, his smile slowly dropped, and my heart stopped. Stop looking at him, Lila! “T-thank you.”
I quickly glanced away and, after a beat of silence, he said, “I wasn’t planning on going anywhere anyway. As soon as we sat down to watch the TV he was out like a light.”
“That’s usually how it goes. He runs around all day only to pass out as soon as his head touches the pillow. It’s been this way ever since he could walk. I should get him home, though.” I stood and gently scooped him up into my arms, cradling him to my chest. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, snuggling up to me until his forehead was pressed into the crook of my neck. As if he knew I was the one holding him and felt safe. It was the greatest feeling in the world knowing that I was River’s safe place.
I turned to reach for the bag I’d set on the floor but blinked when I found Travis already standing with it in his hand.
“I can get that—” He turned away from me before I could reach for the strap.
“I was going to head home anyway. I’ll walk you out,” he said before I could say another word.
Together, we bid everyone good night, and Wren gave us a gentle hug to avoid waking River up before she whispered, “We should hang out soon, Lila. Catch up without any men interrupting our conversations.”
Travis rolled his eyes at his sister.
I smiled. “That sounds nice.”
“Don’t let her guilt you into hanging out, Lila. Wren is a handful,” Finn said as he walked past us in the hall. She flipped him off over her shoulder while still smiling at me.
I laughed softly as Travis and I walked out of the house side by side to our trucks. He held the door open for me while I buckled River into his seat.
When I turned to walk around to the driver’s side, Travis asked, “Did you enjoy dinner?”
“I did. It’s been a long time since someone’s given us a homecooked meal. It was also nice to see your siblings again.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t get used to the tame version Finn and Wren showed you today. Mom told them to be on their best behavior, but I think that’ll change come next Sunday.”
I scoffed. “That was tame? I’m not sure I want to see what they’re like when they’re used to having us around. The three of you put on quite the show at the bar the other night. I don’t think you’re as innocent as you pretended to be tonight.”
He nudged my shoulder. “I’m a very serious business owner, Delilah. I don’t have time for games.”
“Says the guy who used to torment his siblings every chance he got.” I remembered all the pranks he used to pull on them growing up. He loved scaring the crap out of them when they least expected it.
He tucked his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I see they’ve already pulled you onto their side. I’ll have to find some way to get you back.”
Get me back.
I knew he wasn’t talking in the literal sense.
So why did my heart leap in my chest? Every quick beat seeming to say yes, yes, yes to the thought of being “his” again.
Stupid heart.
Just like that, I became all too aware of the short distance between us as we stood in front of the Bronco. The sound of horses snorting from the stalls behind the main house and the windchimes softly clinking together on the main house’s front porch filled the lingering silence between us.
“About the bar…”
“What about it?” he asked, his voice low.
I ran a hand through my hair and finally asked what I’d been dying to know for so long. “Why did you buy it? If you wanted a business, you could have opened up your own. It didn’t have to be a bar, did it?” What I wanted to say was, “It didn’t have to be that bar.” The one Irene always dragged me into whether she called me or not. Somehow, I always ended up following her wherever she went. Wanting to take care of her despite her not doing the same for me. Like a puppy desperate for affection, no matter how small and fleeting.
I never heard Travis talk about The Pint. In fact, he hadn’t voiced any interest in it over the years we’d known each other. The only times I think he went to the bar was when I’d asked him to help me carry Irene to the truck.
“I didn’t put much thought into it.” Travis shrugged. “I just saw it was going be sold one day and I didn’t want some rich city folk coming in to change things like Mindy Kerrigan’s husband.”
I’d heard rumors that Mindy Kerrigan—Willow High’s popular girl—had never left town after high school. Her father was a successful lawyer, and her mother was a doctor, so the Kerrigans were known for having plenty of money around town.
“Mindy is still here?” I groaned.
“Oh yeah, you’ll see her at the bar over the coming weeks with the carnival approaching, I’m sure. She and her pack of hyenas always stop in to get drunk over margaritas like it’s no one’s business,” Travis drawled. “Got herself hitched last year with some city boy who worked at her dad’s firm in Laramie and convinced him to move here for some reason. At least she got what she said she always wanted, though.”
“To marry rich,” we both said at the same time before laughing softly.
“So…that’s it? You didn’t want to let someone from the city take over the bar?” I asked, unable to tear my eyes away from his.
“The memories I had of that bar have always been connected to the fear I saw on your face when you had to go pick Irene up. You tried to hide it from me, but I saw it. I saw what it cost you to ask for help. I couldn’t own a place that brought that sort of reaction out of anyone. I couldn’t walk in there without remembering you in that way. Besides, you know the old timers like Saul don’t like their town being changed. It’s perfect as-is. As for the changes I made inside? I guess it was time to give the place a refresh.”
A refresh.
I watched him shrug as if what he’d just said was no big deal. It was a big deal. To me it was. A thought came to me then. That maybe Travis couldn’t separate me from the bar any more than I could separate it from Irene. Only he’d bought The Pint and changed it completely. Because of me.
I didn’t know what to do with that. What to say. What to feel when he always brought out so many emotions in me at once.
Instead, I cleared my throat and said, “You know, you can scowl all you want, but there’s no denying that you care about the people in this town. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone in Willow Vale trusted you with their lives.”
He made a noncommittal sound. His voice was gruff yet soft, barely above a whisper that might as well have been a punch to the gut. “All except for one maybe.”
This time there was nothing but the heavy pulsing of my heart in my chest threatening to crack in half. Travis’s eyes traced the lines of my face, like a slow caress. Making me feel bare in every way imaginable.
“Stop that.” I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself.
“Stop what?” He arched a brow.
“You know what. Stop looking at me with those eyes.”
He crossed his arms, clearly amused, “How exactly am I looking at you, Delilah?”
“Like you—” my words stumbled as he reached a hand up, and I tensed, not sure what to expect. Anticipating the way his touch would leave sparks dancing across my skin. When his fingers curled around that stray curl I’d been battling with all throughout dinner, I wasn’t sure whether to breathe a sigh of relief or mourn the fact that he hadn’t touched me. He pushed the strands behind my ear, his fingers slowly tracing the curve of my ear. I shivered at his touch, and he gave me a small grin.
“Ah, those eyes.” He says almost to himself, appearing to have realized something. “I’ll try to keep it to a minimum.”
I breathed, “Good. You do that.”
“I said I’d try. It wasn’t a promise. I can’t do the impossible, Delilah.”
Delilah.
His use of my real name, the way he said it, never failed to stun me. Such a subtle, silly thing to care about. Yet Travis’s habit of calling me by my first name—not Lila like everyone had called me since I was a kid because I hated my full name—was a gesture that told me just how much he still remembered about me.
What I liked or didn’t like. The same way he remembered I had a strong dislike of brussel sprouts no matter how they’re cooked and swept the plate away from Finn before he could offer it to me at dinner. Or how he took the shot of tequila because he knew I didn’t drink. How he took me to star gaze all those years ago…
He paid attention.
He cared.
“Well, I should get going,” I finally said, hiking a thumb over my shoulder awkwardly as I took a step back and away from his reach. Too scared that I’d end up telling him I didn’t want him to stop looking at me the way he had moments ago.
“Have a good night. Drive safe,” he said before he walked around the Bronco and headed for his truck. He raised one hand as I backed out of the gravel driveway and drove away from the ranch. From the rearview mirror, I could see him still standing there until there was only the stars and endless winding roads in sight.
That night, I dreamed of hot summer days and laughter that overlapped with the buzzing of cicadas. I dreamed of staring up at starry night skies while laying atop a mishmash of quilts and pillows. And in my dream, I saw Travis. Every version of him I’d come to know over the years. Every version I’d loved.