Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
ADMIT THAT YOU’RE BEING A TOTAL JACKASS
H olden
As I walk through the doors of the bank, I feel a headache coming on. I just met with a bank representative who told me I’d need a minimum of five percent down, which is a lot, and a number that I’m still not sure I can come up with. On the bright side, she said that based on my credit score, if I could come up with the down payment things looked pretty good. Now I just need to figure out how to come up with the money and then wait for the pre-approval, which will likely take 2 to 3 days.
I’m in my truck about to turn the ignition when I get a text from Jake wanting to meet up for a drink. It’s been a long day, and I’d rather just head home and see Briar, but I know Jake is impatient to talk. This is the second message he’s sent me today, and for him I think that might be a record. He’s probably annoyed that I’ve been out of touch lately, but I’ve been busy trying to figure out how I’m going to buy the house, on top of dealing with the fact that Briar is moving out in a matter of days.
I heave a sigh, worry snaking its way through my body. I’ve known this day was coming, but I think I just haven’t wanted to accept it. I rub my forehead, trying to alleviate the pain throbbing behind my eyes. I message Jake back to say I can meet him for a quick beer and then drive the 10 minutes to the pub. An hour, tops, and then I’ll go home to Briar.
When I walk into the bar, I quickly find Jake sitting at a table near the back of the room. I sink into the booth next to him, nodding a hello.
“I thought you were dead,” he mutters after a pull of his beer.
“I feel like it.” I dig out the two pain killers I stuffed in my pocket before getting out of my car.
“Headache?”
“A killer one.”
“Well, I guess I shouldn’t give you too much shit for ignoring my messages then.” Jake slides a glass of water across the table to me.
“Thanks,” I reply, popping the pills in my mouth.
“So, what the hell is going on with you?”
I sigh. “My landlord is selling the house. I’ve got four months before I need to move out.”
Jake looks shocked. “Shit. You can’t move. You love that house. It’s always been you, me, and Gray on Haven Harbor. What are you going to do?”
I shrug. “I’m trying to get a mortgage so I can buy the house. I just left the bank. I’ll know in a couple of days if I qualify or not.”
“Wow. You’ve got that kinda money for a deposit?”
“No, but I’m figuring it out,” I answer as a waitress reaches our table. She hands me a beer before taking our order.
Jake takes a swig of his beer then wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Where’s Briar in all this? ”
He knows. I can tell by the look on Jake’s face that he already knows she’s moving out.
“Her apartment is ready at the end of the week. She’s moving out.”
“I know. I talked to her.”
“You talked to her about this? When?”
“I ran into her. She was coming home from a walk after dinner. It was the third time this week I saw her coming home from a walk alone.”
I open my mouth to try and explain what’s been going on, but he beats me to it. “Are you breaking up with her?”
“Fuck, no.” I shove my fingers through my hair. “That’s not what I’m doing. I would never break up with her. I could never—”
“Then why is she moving out?”
“Because she wants to. Her place is ready, and she loves it. You should have seen her face when she did the walk through. Staying with me was a temporary solution, she never planned to stay forever.”
He huffs out what sounds like a laugh. “I don’t care how nice the place is. There’s no way on this earth that she’d rather live there alone than with you. Did you have a conversation with her? Did you bother to ask her if she’d like to stay?”
I don’t answer right away, instead distracting myself by peeling the corner of the label on my beer bottle.
His head blows back like I’ve physically hit him. “You didn’t ask her.”
“No.” That is the only answer I’ve got for him. I feel like a fucking idiot. “I didn’t think she—”
“Don’t say it isn’t what she wanted,” Jake cuts me off. “You have no idea what she wanted because you didn’t fucking ask her. She shouldn’t have to ask you to let her stay. It’s your house and if you want her to live with you then you need to ask her. That’s on you, Holdey.”
“Stay where? I don’t even know where I’m going to live if I can’t get this loan.”
“If I was betting man, I’d say she’d rather weather the storm with you and figure it out together than live on her own with a new baby. Your baby.”
“I haven’t told her.”
“That you’ve been given notice to move?”
“Yeah.”
Jake winces. “As someone who knows a lot about keeping secrets, I think you’re making a huge mistake. You need to be honest with her. Explain to her what’s going on with your landlord. Tell her you’ve had a meeting with the bank. Admit that you’re being a total jackass.”
I heave out a breath. “Appreciate that.”
He raises one brow. “From what I’ve seen, you are. Before last week, there wasn’t a second you weren’t together. Now suddenly, you’re not around and you’re encouraging her to move out of your house. If this is how you show her you love her, you’re failing miserably.”
I lean my elbows on the table, pressing my fingers into my temples. Jake is right. I fucked up. I should have asked her to stay.
I was so focused on figuring out a way to stay on Haven Harbor and so busy feeling sorry for myself that I was going to lose Briar when she moved out that I’d pushed her away without realizing it.
Briar is upset, and rightfully so.
If I made her feel like she wasn’t wanted, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Briar is my forever and losing her is not an option.
A little while later, we’ve paid our bill, and Jake takes his last swig of beer. He stares at me for a long time before he asks me, “Do you want her to stay?
I nod. “Of course I do.”
“Then you need to choose her. You need to go home and tell her.” He pushes back from his chair and stands. “I need to get home to Ev, but I’m glad we talked.”
I check the time on my phone, and shit, it’s later than I realized. Jake gave me a lot to think about. I feel like I’m seeing things more clearly now. I know I made a gigantic mistake, but if Briar is willing to stay with me then we can figure out the rest together because without her, I have nothing.
I make it home 15 minutes later, eager to see her and get everything out on the table. I walk through the front door, listening for any sound of her. I go to the living room, hoping to find her curled up on the couch with one of her romance books. The room is empty, but my heart twists when I see the mess of colorful throw pillows, the throw blanket and collection of fruit-scented candles scattered around the room. I hated all of it when Briar first brought this stuff home, but now I couldn’t imagine this place without it. Without Briar, this house isn’t a home. It’s just four walls. I was fooling myself to think I could ever just let her walk out of here.
The kitchen is dark, so I check my bedroom first and then quietly push open the door to her room, only to find both are empty.
Where would she be on a Monday night?
Feeling panic rising, I sit down at the kitchen counter and send her a text.
Holden: Home and wondering where you are. Checking to make sure you’re okay. Message me.
I pace the floor, worried about her and the baby. My mind is spiraling, and the knot in my chest only increases in size as the minutes tick by. By the time I’m ready to start calling every one of her friends, I get a notification on my phone. Thank god, it’s from Briar.
Briar: I’m fine. I’m at Daisy’s, but I’m tired and I’m going to crash here tonight. Tucker has an away game.
Right. I remember Tucker saying something about a road trip with the Outlaws this week, and Briar often stops by to keep Daisy company when she’s on her own. If my head wasn’t so wrapped up in my own problems, I would have thought of that.
I slam my fist onto the kitchen counter, then drag my hands through my hair. I feel desperate. I need to see her. It wasn’t that long ago that I liked my alone time. My space. That was before Briar. Now I understand it’s because I was never with the right person. I’ve never loved someone as much as I love her.
Holden: Do you need me to bring you anything? Pajamas? A toothbrush?
Briar: No, I brought some things in case I decided to stay.
Hearing that she was planning on spending the night is like a punch to the gut. She’s probably over there questioning whether I want her or not, and fuck, that makes me feel like an asshole.
I pushed her away. I made her feel like she’s not the most important thing in my life. I have to take responsibility for that because I know I hurt her.
I slide my phone across the counter, holding myself back from texting her again. She deserves an apology from me in person so she can see the truth in my eyes. It’s too late now to stalk over to Daisy’s and win her back, so instead I start brainstorming ways to show her I want her to stay.
Ten minutes later, I’m firing up my laptop, knowing exactly how I can make it up to her