11. Control
eleven
RYLAND
Red’s emotions are all over the place. She’s clearly upset about something but is also relieved that our enemies are stopped for now. I start to race out the door and comfort her. A hand grips my shoulder, stopping me before I can make it.
“Give them a minute. They need it,” Dec says quietly. I nod, knowing that he’s right. Leaving her alone with James while she’s already feeling vulnerable pains me. Yes, they need to talk. Does that mean she should do it alone? I don’t know.
Instead of running out the door to her side, I watch from the window, feeling like a creeper. “This hurts him as much as it does her. He refuses to talk about whatever happened. It’s not my business, but I’m here if there’s anything I can do to help.” Dec’s offer makes little difference in the grand scheme of things.
“Can you make him stop being an idiot? Maybe teach him not to act on thoughts that aren’t his own. If he had just talked to us about it first, we would have figured out that Amber was manipulating him sooner.” My response is not kind, but I’m not concerned. If I hurt Dec’s feelings, he can punch me.
He nods. “I figured it was something like that. He doesn’t seem to be himself. I feel like he’s hiding the truth from me.”
“James almost died from a magical attack when we were trying to rescue Amber’s captives after she got caught,” Luca whispers as if saying the words aloud will make them worse somehow.
“What?” Dec roars. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“You guys made it pretty clear that you were handling vampire business, and we were supposed to take care of our own shit,” Orym answers. “We were doing what you told us to. You can’t get pissed at that.”
“I thought someone called you. Even with the demand that we leave you out of it, I was certain that one of my guys said they’d told you. I’m sorry, Dec,” I apologize, knowing that it means very little at this point.
“Let’s just move on. There’s no point in us fighting over this. What’s done is done, and no number of arguments will change the past.” The way he says it makes me think that maybe he did brush off the message when it came through. He’s right, it doesn’t matter now.
I continue to stare out the window as Red stares at her hands and James tries to talk to her. I can’t tell if she’s responding to him or just standing there. I would rather be out there with her than in here watching this as it unfolds. She looks so lost, as if someone has just kicked her puppy and stolen her ice cream cone.
“She’s going to struggle with what she did here today. We’re going to have to help her through it,” Orym insists. I completely agree with him.
ORYM
After a few minutes, I expect Garnet to come back inside, but she doesn’t. She just stands there, staring at her hands. James seems to be talking to her. She’s not answering him. I hate that he destroyed our bond, so I can’t ask him if she’s okay. Clearly, she’s not. “I get that they need to talk. I’m not opposed to that, but she’s in shock and isn’t talking. We should bring her in to take care of her.”
I don’t wait for Dec to agree, walking out the door before he can stop me. I jog toward the two of them, avoiding the puddles that used to be witches. I know that Garnet is upset about killing them, and that’s thrown her into shock.
“James, clearly, she’s in shock. Stop talking at her and help me get her inside. We need to make sure she’s okay before you two try to fix this.” I snap the order at him before scooping her up and turning back to the building. I don’t stop to see if he’s following me or not. I press a kiss to the top of her head as I wait for someone to open the door and let us back inside.
The door finally swings open, and Dec ushers us inside. “Take her to the elevator. We’ll get her checked out upstairs.”
He turns to his brother and slaps him in the back of the head. “Get your head straight. Your mate needs you to check her out. Make sure it’s just shock and she didn’t hurt herself.” I don’t stay to hear James’ response, carrying Garnet to the elevator with Ryland and Luca close behind.
“Red? Can you hear me?” Ryland asks when we step onto the elevator. She nods her head but doesn’t say anything.
“Are you okay?” Luca gently turns her to face him. She shakes her head this time, but still doesn’t say a word.
“That’s pretty obvious, Luca. She’s not okay at all.” Ryland’s growl echoes in the small space and Red flinches.
“That’s enough, you two. Let’s get her upstairs where we can see if she’s injured. Then maybe she can tell us how to help her. Even if it’s through the bond where no one else can hear,” I offer, giving her a little squeeze.
A single tear slides down her cheek when I say the word bond, and I wonder if this reaction is being so close to James with the damaged bond. If there’s a way to fix it, we need to find it fast. Grammy and Trevan were both certain it wasn’t too late, but I just don’t know. If the bond can be repaired, will we ever be able to trust him again? Or will the pain he’s inflicted on Garnet be too much to forgive?
I wish I had the answers. Delilah is waiting for us when the elevator opens into their penthouse home. “Bring her in here and put her on my bed.”
GARNET
I killed people. I took their lives. And I would do it again if I had to. The fact that I’m not more upset about the outcome is upsetting. The whole situation freezes me, stealing my voice. I hear everything James says to me. His apologies for the pain he’s causing me are meaningless right now.
Orym carries me up to the penthouse while Ry and Luca try to get me to talk to them. I couldn’t speak if I wanted to. I’m not even sure that I would if I could. Maybe it’s better if I stay quiet. I can’t hurt them if I don’t talk. If they have no idea what’s going through my mind, there’s no way for me to lose them.
Part of me feels like I’m going to lose them all in the end anyway. There’s no real point in any of this. Amber will continue to kill wolves, vamps, and humans until someone stops her. The only way to defeat her will involve killing her. Everything forces more death. There is no way to win this without death.
I want to go back to the way things were before all of this. If I could travel back in time, I would choose the moment I realized who my mates were. That was the scariest realization of my life, at least up to that point. I miss that simplicity. There was no fear of death or killing. Just a consideration of how things will work with four mates. I choke back a laugh at that thought. There was a time in my life that my biggest concern was how to deal with having four mates. How did I get from there to fighting to save three different races of people from a wicked witch?
“Are you okay?” Luca asks again when I strangle the laugh that tries to escape my lips.
I lock eyes with him and try to talk through the bond, since my voice doesn’t want to cooperate. Not really, but I’m trying. I can’t tell at first if he hears me or not. Has this issue with James damaged my bond with all my mates? Maybe I’m just closing myself off to protect them from my pain. Either way, it’s not fair and I need to fix it.
My heartache is eased and intensified by being this close to James. I don’t know if I can take much more of being this close without being able to touch him. I can’t stop the pull toward him, but I am fighting against it. I won’t be the one to give in. Even if all of this is Amber’s fault, he went along with it. He didn’t fight for me. And that’s hard to forgive. I’m not sure I’d be able to trust him if he apologized and tried to make things right.
He doesn’t seem too interested in that anyway, so it doesn’t matter. When we were alone outside, he kept telling me that he was sorry for hurting me, but it was the only way. Those words echo in my head as he takes on his EMT persona and examines me for injuries. He won’t find any. I know I’m not hurt physically. It’ll make the others feel better, though, so I don’t argue.
They all hover around me as the examination proceeds. I let my mind wander so I’m not focused on James’ hands on my skin. “Garnet,” he says loudly. The exasperation in his voice tells me that he’s been trying to get my attention.
“What?” I manage to force the word out, breathless and gravelly.
“I asked if anything hurts,” he responds with a flinch. I should be concerned that he acts scared of me, but I’m not. After all, he did just watch me kill a bunch of witches outside. How difficult would it be for me to do the same to him?
“No, nothing hurts. I’m fine,” I insist. My voice carries no emotion, flat and lifeless, just like the rest of me. It’s not fair to feel this way, especially with three other mates who aren’t rejecting me. But the pain of this damaged bond is miserable. The only thing making it bearable right now is being here with James touching me. I wonder if he feels the same. I would ask, but I refuse to admit that he’s hurting me.
He turns to Ry, his back toward me. “No physical injuries. I can’t tell about mental. I know that did something to her. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more.”
“If you hadn’t destroyed the mate bond, maybe you’d know what’s wrong with her,” Luca accuses. As amusing as it is to have him call James out, it still hurts me to be reminded of the damaged bond. I wonder if it means anything that it’s not fully gone.
“I never meant to hurt her. If you guys would just let me explain, then maybe you won’t hate me so much for what I had to do.” I’m shocked that James is begging them to hear him out.
“We already know that Amber made you do it. But why? That’s what we’d like to know. Why would you go along with Amber and do what she wants?” Ry asks him, taking a step forward. James backs away from me, refusing to face off with Ry. I don’t blame him. My sexy alpha mate looks intimidating right now.
“Because it wasn’t just Amber. It was everything. I don’t have magic like the rest of you. I barely survived being attacked. I can’t put Garnet at risk like that again. I won’t. Just because Amber tapped a nerve that was already raw, it doesn’t mean I wasn’t already having those thoughts myself. She just nudged me toward sharing them.” James wipes the back of his hand across his eyes.
“I don’t understand,” Orym says. “You’re family. It doesn’t matter to us that you’re human.”
JAMES
“Being human doesn’t make you less important to our cause,” Orym completes his thought. As much as I want to argue with him, I can see that he believes his words. I just wish I could. I miss Garnet, and the connection with the others. I would love to have it back, but I’ve already screwed it up.
“I don’t know how to make this better. I really think you’re all safer without me around. You can’t convince me otherwise,” I insist, moving toward the door. I have to get out of here. I can’t keep fighting about this with everyone. I can tell that my brother is on their side, too.
I expect someone to stop me, but they don’t. As soon as I step into the elevator to go down to the club, Dec’s hand holds the door open. Here comes another lecture from my big brother. The doors close and the metal box starts to descend, but he doesn’t speak.
“Look, I know what you’re going to say,” I start, not able to stand the silence any longer.
He cocks an eyebrow at me. “Oh, you do? Then tell me little brother, what am I going to say?” His arms cross his chest and he pins me with his glare.
“I’ve fucked up and I need to fix it. I’m running away instead of facing things head on. Stop being a coward and grovel to the woman you love.”
I meet his gaze and he starts to laugh. “What the fuck is so funny?” I ask.
“You. You’re hilarious. Yeah, I should say all of that to you, but you already know it. So, I’ll say this instead: it’s not a good idea to fight with the woman you love. You should be fighting for her, not against her.” He holds up a hand when I try to object. “I understand your insecurities, but none of that matters to her. You were chosen as her mate for a reason. There’s a purpose for you to fulfill. You can’t do that if you’re not by her side. Consider that.”
I pause, letting his words sink in. Maybe he’s right. “But I’m just a human. I can’t compete with the supernatural.”
“Yeah, you’re human. But you don’t have to be. Little brother, you have choices. There are options. I’m not recommending anything, just explaining. If I were you, I would talk it over with your girl before you make any rash decisions, though. That is, if she still wants to be your girl.”
The elevator doors open and Dec walks off, hitting the penthouse button as he exits. It’s apparent he wants to send me back up to talk to Garnet. I want to, but I’m scared. And what options is he talking about? I’m human, what else could I be?
I consider his words as the elevator moves back up to the penthouse. As the doors open, realization dawns. My brother just offered to turn me.
LUCA
I want to chase after James and punch him for making Red cry again. Tears fall as soon as he’s out of the room. I know that her pain is worse than what we’re able to feel along the bond. I wish she’d share more with me. I can take it and she won’t have to hurt so badly.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way unless she wants to share it. I’m so annoyed with James that I nearly miss Orym comforting Red. Ryland and I exchange a glance and he nods toward the hall. I follow him out, wondering what he has on his mind.
“What’s up?” I ask, trying to calm my nerves at this situation and how it’s unfolding.
“We have to get her out of here. Being this close to James is hurting her, especially since he won’t really talk to her.” Ryland rubs the back of his neck as he talks. We both know that putting physical space between James and Red will cause her more pain but will also help her to move on.
“I agree. But I think we should kick his ass before we go. He’s being stupid,” I offer. Ryland nods, agreeing with me. For a moment, I think he’s going to approve of my idea.
“As much as I’d like to, that’s not the answer. We have to let James figure this out on his own. It’s not up to us to force him into something that he may not want. Maybe in time, the goddess will ease their pain and remove the mate bond. Or he’ll come to his senses and fix things with Red. It’s not up to us,” he explains. I know he’s right, but it doesn’t make my desire for blood any less.
“We should get back to planning our attack against Amber. I don’t like letting him get away with this, but I’ll do what you ask, Alpha.” As much as I hate bowing to anyone, this doesn’t feel like I’m being forced to do what Ryland says. He explains himself and I can see his point. Arguing would only lead to him commanding me to follow orders. I don’t want that, so I’ll concede before it comes to that.
“You know I hate it when you call me that,” he says, punching my shoulder. I laugh and hit him back.
“But it’s your title,” I insist. He’s nothing like Gunnar, not expecting the same utter reverence we were forced to show to our last leader. Honestly, he’s not what I expected when Red announced that they were mated. I guess it just goes to show how first impressions can be completely wrong.
He rolls his eyes and turns back to the room Red is in. “Shut up, you asshole. Let’s get our girl and go home.” I follow him back inside where Orym is still holding Red and rubbing her back.
“Is she feeling any better?” I ask, knowing the answer before Orym shakes his head.
GARNET
I let Orym comfort me while Ry and Luca leave to talk. I’m sure that Ry wants to get out of here. He’s never been comfortable asking for help, especially from these vampires. I feel like they’re my family, so it doesn’t bother me. I wish that James would talk to me, but I know that it won’t matter. If he is convinced that he’s not good enough to be by my side, there’s nothing I can do to change that.
Ry and Luca come back into the room, and I make a decision. “We should go. James isn’t willing to talk, so there’s no point in us bothering anyone here,” I say, pulling out of Orym’s arms.
“If that’s what you want,” Ry says. I’m shocked that he can keep the smirk off his face.
“As if that’s not what the two of you were in the hall talking about,” Orym chides. I laugh, and they all stare at me. It really wasn’t that funny, but I can’t stop myself. For some reason, the whole thing is hilarious, and laughter keeps bubbling out of me.
It only lasts for a minute before the door opens and everything goes quiet again. James stands in the doorway and all eyes focus on him. “Can we talk?” he asks without stepping into the room.
I start to shake my head, but something in his expression stops me. “Okay. Family, or just us?” I need to know if he’ll say what he wants to in front of the others or not.
“As long as no one is gonna hit me, I’m okay with it being a family talk. Everyone deserves to know what I’m thinking,” he answers.
I stand and walk past him into the living room. I don’t want to have this talk here, but there aren’t many options. I decide that Delilah’s bedroom is not the place to have our heart-to-heart. We risk other people listening or joining our conversation here.
I turn to my wolf mates, raising an eyebrow. “We’re not going to attack him unless he hurts you,” Ry says in his most authoritative alpha voice.
“There you go. Now talk,” I order, taking a seat on the huge couch.
“I’m sorry I hurt you. I meant what I said. You’re safer without me. As a human, anyway,” he starts. My eyes go wide, and I wait for him to continue. “If I were more, then maybe I’d be more helpful.”
“Wait, what exactly are you talking about here?” Luca asks, dropping to the couch beside me and taking my hand.
“Are you saying you want to be a vampire?” Orym interrupts, not letting James answer Luca’s question.
“I don’t know what I want. I just know that I can’t be with you as a human. I’m not strong enough to protect you, or myself. If you want me to come back with you, I have to be more.” His explanation is a little thin, leaving a lot to the imagination.
“I need you to spell this out for me. Exactly what are you talking about doing?” I force the words from my mouth, which is suddenly dry. I had considered discussing this with James before, but I never thought for a second that he would agree to being turned.
“Dec says there are options. I don’t know what those are other than being turned to a vampire. It’s not something I’ve ever wanted, but it would make me stronger. I would heal faster and have other abilities. Knowing that, it’s hard to argue against it.” James paces the floor as he talks. I can tell that he’s trying to decide if this is something he wants to do.
I don’t want to force him into anything. My heart races as he talks through this option. “Obviously, if I did this, I would ask Dec to turn me. It would take a little while to fully control everything. I understand that. But I think it might be the only way.”
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” I insist. I won’t let him make this decision if he’s hesitant at all. I hold up a hand to stop Luca from whatever he was about to say. “No one is going to force you into anything. We will, however, support your decision.” I hope that doesn’t sound too flippant. I hate the idea of sounding like I don’t care. I need this to be his choice. Otherwise, he may hate me for it later.
“I need to know what you all think about it. This isn’t an easy choice to make, and I don’t want to ruin what we have more by making the wrong decision.” The pain in his voice nearly makes me cry. I want to hold him and ease his mind.
Instead, I meet his gaze and try to comfort him with words. “When you got hurt, I wanted to talk to you about letting Dec change you. But you were unconscious, and when we met in the Fae realm, there wasn’t time. I was busy training and preparing to save you.”
He nods at my explanation, then turns to Luca. “I think it’s a bad idea,” Luca says. “But I will respect your decision either way.”
Orym looks up. “It couldn’t hurt.”
“I agree with Luca. It’s a bad idea, especially this close to the battle.” Ry offers. “That said, I’m behind you if that’s what you want.”
I slap my hands on my thighs. “Well, it looks like we’re all on the same page here. So, it’s up to you. What do you want?”
James stares at me for a minute before answering. “To fix our bond; to be worthy of you; to be more than just a human.”
“Then I guess we should talk to your brother,” I say. The look on his face tells me that he’s not as sure of his decision as he seemed.