12. Brotherly Love
twelve
JAMES
I’ve made my decision; I should feel better about this. But somehow, it’s not as easy to reconcile as I’d hoped. It’s the right thing to do. It has to be.
Some unseen force brought me to Garnet and made me fall in love with her. If it then rips me away from her because I’m human, that’s not fair. But should I have to change myself completely to be with the woman I love?
I’m struggling with my choice, and definitely hiding it poorly. I can tell from the faces that stare at me as we finish our conversation. “Then I guess we should talk to your brother,” Garnet says.
I nod, then shake my head. “James, you don’t have to do this. No one will judge you either way. It’s completely your decision,” she quickly amends.
“It’s not that. I should talk to Dec alone. I don’t want him to think you guys are forcing me into this. You’re not. This is my decision. Just—wait for me here, okay?” I hold out a hand and she takes it easily. I’m surprised that there’s no hesitation. Instead, what I see in her eyes is the pain I’ve caused her by listening to Amber’s voice echoing my own thoughts.
“Are you sure you don’t need moral support?” Orym asks. It’s the first time one of them has spoken to me in a way that made me feel like they’re on my side. I nod and turn toward the elevator. I don’t know where Dec went off to, but I’ll find him. I lean down and kiss Garnet’s cheek before leaving.
I argue with myself the whole way down to the club. I have to do this—I can’t do this. Back and forth, I go. I don’t know if it’s my own hesitation or Amber’s spell trying to force me to stay away from Garnet. It doesn’t matter. I’ve made my decision.
I find my brother in the stockroom, grabbing liquor bottles to stock the bar. “Dec, can we talk?” I ask, taking a couple of bottles from him and following as he goes to the bar.
“In private?” he responds, understanding that this is bigger than a casual conversation. He nods toward the stockroom, and I follow him back. I’m surprised to find that there is a small private room in the back where we can talk uninterrupted. “What’s up?”
“I need you to turn me,” I blurt out, not bothering to preface it.
“What? Why? No,” he questions, shaking his head.
“It’s the only way I’ll be able to be with Garnet. Please. This is my choice,” I insist, gripping his shoulders and forcing him to look in my eyes so he can tell I’m serious.
“Are you sure? Your reaction to me being turned wasn’t exactly accepting. Have you discussed this with her?”
“I’m sure. I’m sorry I was so hateful when you were turned. Having you is better than not.”
LUCA
I can’t help following James down to the bar to eavesdrop on his conversation with Dec. I’m careful not to let him see me as I sneak into the stockroom where I just watched them enter. How is it empty?
I hear a loud ‘What?’ and realize that there’s a secret room in here. I quietly pad to the wall and place my ear on it. Dec is not happy about James’ decision. That doesn’t surprise me. What does shock me is the admission that James was less than supportive of his brother’s choices. He’s always seemed like the type to understand and love his family anyway, even if he doesn’t agree with them.
I shake my head, focusing on what I’m hearing through the door.
“I don’t know, James. What you’re asking me to do is…well, it’s a lot.” Dec sounds pretty upset about being asked to turn his brother. I bet he won’t do it. So much for James coming home with us.
“Dec, you have to do this for me. Or I’ll just go ask one of the others. I bet Vik would understand the situation and help me out. Or Eli. Even Delilah,” James begs.
“You wouldn’t,” Dec insists. Oh, but I would put money on that being exactly what he does if his brother doesn’t cooperate. I get distracted imagining Dec’s reaction to James asking someone else to change him.
I barely jump out of the way as the hidden door swings open. “What the fuck are you doing? Did you follow me down here?” James accuses the second he sees me.
“Yeah. I’m sorry, I just wanted to make sure that this was what you wanted.” I turn to Dec. “You know that if you don’t help him, he’ll find someone else who will. Then he’ll be vulnerable because he won’t have someone to turn to for help with the transition.”
“Why do you even care? You and Ryland are against this anyway,” James huffs. I nod, agreeing with him.
“That’s why we’re against it. We care about you. Look, I don’t want you to do this, but if your mind is made up, there’s nothing I can say or do to change it.” I glance at Dec again. “But if I can help to convince your brother to help you, I will.”
Dec looks back and forth between us as if considering my words. “You think this is a bad idea, but you want to convince me to do it anyway?”
“Basically,” I answer. He sighs in exasperation and throws up his hands. I know at that moment that he’ll agree, and James will get what he wants.
“Well?” James asks, staring at his brother.
“Fine, I’ll do it. But we have to prepare first. I won’t do it until I’m sure you’re ready,” Dec says before walking away in a huff.
“He seems thrilled,” I offer, grinning at James.
James rolls his eyes. “Definitely. Thanks for your help. It means a lot.”
GARNET
I feel helpless when James walks away. Then Luca follows him, and I’m concerned that he’ll try to talk James out of his decision. I don’t know if that would hurt me or make me feel better about everything. Yeah, this was originally my idea, but I hate the thought that I somehow backed James into a corner and made him think this was the only way he could be with me.
All of this happened because I’m worried about him getting hurt. Apparently, I’m not the only one who’s been bothered by it. I should be happy that he came to the same conclusion that I did, but I’m not. I’m terrified. What if he does this and resents me for it later?
What if Dec refuses to help him? There are so many things that could go wrong, and I don’t want to focus on them. I need to do something besides sit here and wait. I hop off the couch and start to pace. Orym and Ry watch me, exchanging sly glances that they think I don’t notice.
“He’ll be fine. Dec will take care of it. He has to, right?” Orym’s complete faith in James’ brother amazes me. We have no reason to believe that Dec will help James with this. Of course, we have no reason to think he won’t. None of us really know Dec that well.
“I hope so. I don’t want James to do this and regret it, though,” I admit. Ry walks over to me and pulls me into his arms.
“That’s why I’m against it. I don’t think it’s what he wants. I think that he believes it’s the only way, and it’s not,” he says. The elevator doors open and we turn to see Dec stomping into the room.
“Did you tell him that he has to be turned to be with you?” The vampire growls the words at me, and my wolf mates growl back at him. I hold up my hands for them to stand down as I step away from Ry. I don’t need him to protect me here.
“I did not. Honestly, I was considering talking to him about it because of how he nearly died from a magic attack. But I didn’t say anything. He came to us with this idea. Ry and Luca tried to talk him out of it. Orym and I told him we’ll support his choice. None of us told him to do it.” My words come out strong, but my heart flutters.
This man could kill me in a moment, and there’s nothing my mates could do to stop him. Sure, there would be repercussions, but I would already be dead, so what does it matter? I can feel the rage rolling off him in waves.
“What the fuck is wrong with him, then? If you aren’t forcing this, why does he think it’s the only way?” Dec’s rage is building, and I wish that Delilah hadn’t left us alone up here. She does have a nightclub to run, though, so I can see why she wouldn’t want to babysit when there are more productive things she could be doing.
“Back off my mate, Dec. This isn’t her fault,” Ry growls again. I press a hand to his chest and shove him back. He barely moves but understands what I’m telling him. I give him a look, causing both of my mates to sit down on the couch.
“Don’t worry about them. I can handle myself here. I didn’t put this idea in his head, even if I had considered suggesting it. You can believe me or not. I don’t think you’ll change his mind. You should know as well as I do; your brother is pretty stubborn. We came here to bring him home with us. All of this is Amber’s fault. I just want my mate back where he belongs.” It feels weak admitting that James hurt me, but there’s no other way to make Dec see what I’m trying to tell him.
He sighs and takes a couple of steps closer before reaching out and dragging me into a hug. Orym and Ry growl, but he glares at them. This isn’t a romantic gesture. He’s simply offering me comfort because our mutual loved one has hurt me.
“It’s not like that, and you both know it. My sister needs comfort, and I’m going to give it to her,” he insists, hugging me tighter. “Look, Red, if this is what James wants, and you’re okay with it; then I’ll do it. But not today. I need to know for sure that he’s considered what this means.”
I nod against his chest. “I completely agree. Thank you.”
“You could make him wait until after the confrontation with Amber. The Wolf Moon isn’t too far away. That would give him time to think about it and be sure. And you could add the caveat that you’ll only do it if he comes back home with us instead of abandoning Red when she needs him.” Ry’s suggestion makes sense, and I wonder if it’s a viable compromise.
Dec releases me and takes a step back. “That’s perfect.” Just as he’s about to say more, the elevator doors open again. This time, Luca and James walk in.
“Did you seriously come up here to get them to talk me out of this?” James accuses his brother. I can’t stop the laugh that bubbles up, and everyone stares at me.
“James, your brother has a compromise for you. Just hear him out,” I say between giggles. I don’t know why I’m laughing, but I can’t stop.
Dec clears his throat and suddenly whatever was funny isn’t anymore. “I will turn you, but not until after the Wolf Moon. And only if you go home with your mate and stand by her side for what’s coming.”
“That defeats the whole purpose, Dec. I need to be stronger now, so that I can help her.”
RYLAND
For a minute, no one makes a sound. I think James is about to punch Dec, but he doesn’t. Instead, Dec pulls his brother in for a hug. “I understand your concern, little brother, but I won’t do it. And none of the others will either. If this is truly what you want, then you’ll have to wait until after Amber is dealt with. Red told me about the deadline, and she agrees that this is the best compromise.”
The pain written on James’ face is palpable. So much so that I wonder if our bond is back. I can nearly feel what he’s feeling. That’s when I realize how much I missed that connection. We’re more than just Red’s mates, we’re family.
“If there’s no way to talk you into doing it now, then I guess I have no choice but to wait,” James concedes.
“And to go home with us,” Red reminds him of that part of the deal. He has to come home, and wait until after the Wolf Moon, or Dec won’t turn him.
I understand why he wants to be changed. I just wish he could see his value as more than having super powers or not. Not that wolf shifting is a super power, but that seems to be his opinion. Personally, I don’t think we’re that different. I was born with the ability to become a wolf to defend and protect my pack. He studied to become an EMT to save people when they get injured. We’re basically the same guy.
The look on his face when Red tells him that he has to come home with us is priceless. He’d purposefully blocked that part out, apparently. “Wait, what?” he asks.
We all laugh this time, taking our cue from Red’s reaction to James nearly catching her hugging his brother. “It was part of the deal. Take it or leave it. Your family needs you.” Dec stares at him. “Yes, we’re family, but they need you right now. Red can’t fight Amber without you, so go.”
James stiffens, but doesn’t argue. “Fine. I’ll go, even though I think this is a huge mistake.” He turns to the rest of us. “I’m guessing that’s why you came here? To take me back.” When I nod, he starts toward the elevator.
“I guess we’re going now. We’ll keep you updated,” I say to Dec before following James onto the elevator. Orym, Luca, and Red rush to catch up to us. The ride downstairs is silent and I could cut the tension with a knife. It’s obvious that James is pissed, but he’s not trying to fight about it.
I exchange a glance with Orym and Luca, silently letting them know that I wanted James in the back seat sandwiched between them on the ride back. I don’t want to give him a chance to run off again. I know that I can’t stop him once we’re home, but maybe by then he’ll be calmer.
ORYM
The ride home is quick and uncomfortably quiet. James sits between myself and Luca, glaring at each of us for not trusting him. I understand, but I’m with Ryland. He agreed to come home, he should stick with that. There’s no sense in taking chances.
As soon as we get to the forest, I sense Garnet’s fear. She’s scared that James will take off again, and this time we won’t find him. They need to talk this out on their own, without the rest of us involved. His issue is with her anyway. If he can’t trust her enough to love him for who he is, that’s a James problem.
We walk back to the cabin, stopping to talk to most of the wolves we meet along the way. I’m relieved to hear that there haven’t been any more attacks or sightings of Amber since we left. I split off to check on the shifters who are going through training. Learning to fight is important, especially when we’re about to go up against a coven of witches who want us all dead.
The outdoor training course is filled with wolves in various spots. They’re working together to make it across obstacles, and I’m impressed with their teamwork. “We’ve paired off for most of the course, sir.” The wolf who speaks is one of the few Ryland trusts to handle training.
“That’s perfect, Aaron. How are the younger ones taking to it?” I’m not expecting them to fight, but I want the small ones to be able to defend themselves if necessary.
“Everyone is working hard to master all the expected skills. The little ones are struggling, but this is all new to them. They do great with the climbing and running away parts, not so much with the fighting methods parts. But we’re all working on it.”
I’m pleased with the update, and relieved that the entire territory is taking this threat seriously. “Stick with the pairs for everything. Make sure that little ones are paired with older ones for travel and trail runs. And be sure that they know to stick together. Bigger groups are preferred, but no one walks through the woods alone. Understood?”
He nods his agreement before running off to share what I’ve said with the others. In all fairness, the order should have come from Ryland as our alpha, but they all know he’s selected me as his second. I walk the entire length of the training course before leisurely walking back toward home. I’m breaking my own directive and I know it, but I’m not worried about myself. I’m worried about everyone else.
I can’t bear to lose anyone else. We’ve all lost too much already. I walk up to the cabin to find Luca and Ryland standing outside talking to Trevan and Grammy. Garnet and James must have gone inside. I exchange a glance with Ryland and understand exactly what’s going on. They’re trying to encourage them repairing the bond.
GARNET
“I know this is awkward, but I really would just like to spend some time with you, if that’s okay,” I offer, holding a hand out to James. He’s been pacing the floor in the bedroom since we got to the cabin and we were basically shoved in here to fix our bond.
I don’t think it’s fair to force things, so I won’t do it. If James is interested, he’ll make the first move. Otherwise, we’ll just talk or cuddle. Or sit on opposite sides of the room until the others think it’s been long enough.
“It is awkward. Do they really think that putting us in a room together will just fix the bond? Or are they expecting us to have sex?” he snarls, clearly not happy with the situation.
“I’m quite certain they expect us to go at each other—whether that means sex or fighting.” I stare at him, still holding my hand out. “But I’m not going to push you for either. I just want to talk. Can we do that?” I ask, maintaining eye contact with him until he shifts uncomfortably.
“Fine.” He stomps over and sits on the bed, as far away from me as possible. “What do you want to talk about?”
“We could start with what I did to make you think you weren’t enough,” I offer, turning to face him as he turns away. He refuses to look at me. For a moment, I think I can feel his guilt, but that can’t be. Our bond is destroyed and there’s no way I can still feel his emotions, right?
“You didn’t do anything. It was me. I think I’m not enough—no, I know I’m not. I don’t understand why you all want to argue about it. If you hadn’t, then Dec would have changed me and we’d be having a completely different conversation right now.” His quiet insistence is frustrating. I need to find a way to get through to him.
I let my thoughts wander for a minute, trying to come up with something that will get him to really listen to what I’m saying. While I’m being quiet, I can hear his breath. What were calm intakes becoming more ragged. I glance at him again, and I see he’s holding back tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. But you hurt me. No, that’s not fair. You destroyed me, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be the same again. I deserve an explanation. Honestly, I deserve groveling and begging my forgiveness.”
I keep my eyes trained on his while I speak, waiting for a reaction. He just stares at me, as if he wasn’t expecting any of this.
“Garnet,” he starts. Then he stops talking and stares at me longer before turning away again. I want to make him look at me at least, but I can’t. I won’t force anything from him. I’ve made that abundantly clear. All of this is his choice. If he doesn’t want me, he needs to tell me.
Before I can voice those thoughts, he stands and goes to the window. “I never meant to hurt you. It was the last thing I wanted. I know it’s hard to believe, but I love you. That sounds so insignificant. Love isn’t even a big enough word to explain how I feel about you. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to. I left to protect you.”
He turns to face me and continues. “It’s stupid and ridiculous, but it’s true. Even if Amber was partially responsible, it’s the truth. She may have taken my insecurities and twisted them around her little finger to get me to do what she wanted; what I thought I needed to do. But they were my thoughts and concerns first. She didn’t plant them in my head. I promise you that. I spent my entire time in the Fae realm wondering what more I could do to be enough for you.”
I stand and walk toward him, stopping when he starts to back away. I hold up my hands in surrender. Tears streak down my face, falling because I’m so disconnected from my mate. “I don’t think you fully understand this mate bond. We’re connected. I knew you were feeling insecure, but I didn’t realize it was this bad. I need you by my side. Not just to defeat Amber, but to be happy. I can’t do either without you, James. And I agree—I love you, even if those words are too small to properly express the way I feel for you.”
His eyes meet mine and we stand there, staring at each other. He starts to cry as well, and I feel a familiar tingle. Perhaps our bond isn’t fully broken after all. I latch onto that feeling, willing it to grow and heal, as if the tethers of the bond are a physical string that can be patched until it’s good as new.
I watch James’ expression change as I work my internal magic, unsure if it’s doing anything until his face tells me that he feels it too. “How did you do that?” he asks, shocked.
“I didn’t. We did. You opened yourself up to me, and I did the same to you. It’s not fully healed, but this is definitely a start.” I wish that it was an instant fix, because I hate this uncertainty that I feel. I want to know that James is mine and I’m his. There’s still a part of me that has doubts because he ran away. No matter his reasons why, that’s what he did.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you. I know now that it was wrong. I should have talked to you about how I was feeling instead of pushing you away,” he offers, taking a tentative step toward me. I’m careful not to move a muscle. I wait for him to approach, to reassure. I’ve done what I can.