Twenty-four
After texting the guys in the group when he returned from his appointment with Dr. Mortensen yesterday, they were meeting here, in Kaj’s penthouse.
Although he knew he had to, Kaj still wasn’t convinced about telling them who the stalker was, much less explaining how he’d known. That would lead to other questions he neither wanted nor was ready to answer.
Hopefully they would be smart boys and get it without needing Kaj to spell it out for them.
“You’ve got this,” Noah said, squeezing Kaj’s hand.
“I just want this to be over. All of it.”
“With his record, he’s not getting away with this,” Mads clipped without averting his eyes from the TV, where an overly tragic, cheap B-movie was playing. “He’s done.”
Yes, he was here, too. He’d invited himself for the past couple of weeks because he and his new fuck toy had broken his bed. Kaj had told him a mattress on the floor wasn’t the end of the world, but Mads reminded him how he had an empty room with a bed and a bunch of his stuff in the closet, which intrinsically made it his. Then, he put on those ridiculous puppy eyes of his. So, Kaj had no other choice but to agree.
Thankfully, he was respecting Kaj’s space and wasn’t bringing that asshole here.
Kaj didn’t care who, how, or where Mads fucked, but he didn’t like that dude. The way he treated him… Kaj couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but there was something off with that man.
Mads was a kinky little shit, but he’d never liked being marked or handled too roughly. However, a couple of days before starting the tour, he’d shown up with a bruise on his jaw. Said they’d gotten carried away. Of course, Kaj didn’t buy it, but there was nothing he could do if Mads didn’t want to talk about it. Besides, at the time, Kaj was concerned about other things—like spending too much time with Noah when they could barely tolerate each other.
Funny how things change in such little time.
The doorbell rang, bringing Kaj back to the real world.
“I’ll get that.” Noah got up before the drummer could even react.
“So…” Mads’s lips curled in that mischievous grin that ratted him out before he opened his mouth. “That was quite fast.”
“What?” Kaj rolled his eyes and huffed out an exhausted sigh.
“Two months ago, you were at each other’s throats and now he’s moving in. Are you pregnant or something?”
“Idiot.”
Mads cackled softly. “Is that a yes?”
“Shut up.”
Kaj knew Mads was trying to alleviate his anxiety, but knowing the guys were a few steps away from his door, that in a few minutes he was going to be dropping a nuclear bomb on their laps, there was nothing he could do.
“This is just temporary, until that asshole is behind bars again.”
Yesterday, after coming back from his appointment, Kaj had convinced Noah to move in with him until things calmed down. If Jesper had found Kaj in the past, it was more than likely he already knew where Noah lived, too.
Kaj had the impression the vocalist had agreed because he was more worried about him than his own safety, but whatever. He got away with it.
“We’re officially together, but we’re still trying to figure things out. We both have a lot of baggage, so it’s not gonna be all rainbows and butterflies from the start.”
“Well, isn’t that lovely?” Mads gazed toward the door as Xander’s voice filled the room. “You two may have emotional shit to deal with, but you have someone to share the burden with.”
“I guess.”
“Also, butterflies are disgusting winged worms. Don’t include them in your erotic fairytale.”
Kaj chuckled and shook his head, standing up as the bassist, Aksel, and Niels approached them.
“This better not be about you dying, you asshole,” Xander said as he pulled Kaj into a bear type of hug that nearly crushed his ribs.
“You’re not gonna get that lucky,” Kaj retorted.
“Stop being dramatic,” Aksel chimed in, pulling Kaj into a hug, the tension in his body fading as they patted each other’s backs. The guitarist’s cologne—that expensive sandalwood one he’d been wearing since their first tour—filled Kaj’s nostrils, familiar and comforting. “Though you do look like shit.”
“Thanks, man.” Kaj managed a weak chuckle.
Niels was up next. His embrace was reserved but no less sincere. “How are you feeling?”
“Been better.”
“You had us all worried the other day,” Xander said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Yeah, and your cryptic as fuck text didn’t help— ‘we gotta talk. My place at 6 p.m. ’” Aksel mocked. “Are you breaking up with us or what?” He chuckled as he walked toward Mads and gave him a quick hug, too.
As they settled into the living room, the city skyline across the river stretched beyond the panoramic glass wall, and Kaj’s heart hammered against his ribs.
Flanked by Mads on one side and Noah on the other, Kaj plopped onto the couch. His thigh touched his boyfriend’s, feeling like a lifeline in the storm that was about to break. Xander sprawled in the armchair to the left while Aksel sat on the floor and Niels on the chaise lounge.
After a brief exchange of silly jokes and whatnot, the room fell silent. The uneasiness in the air was only cut by the muffled sounds of the city on the other side of the window and the fizz of their drinks. They were all waiting for Kaj to speak up, but he didn’t know where to start. Would it be better if he’d warmed them up a little, or should he just pull the bandage off fast and tell them what was going on?
Niels cleared his throat. His expression was gentler than the musicians were used to, but then his brows slightly knitted together and his gaze pierced through Kaj’s skull like it’d done a million times in the past to call him on his bullshit, silently demanding answers.
“So…” Kaj began, running a hand through his hair, white strands falling over his forehead. “I know who’s been stalking Noah.”
The room seemed to hold its breath. Even Mads and Noah, who already knew, sat up straighter.
“It’s the same guy that also fucked with me in the past. My stepbrother.”
“What? How do you know it’s the same person?” The confusion on Niels’s face was a fucking poem, almost as loud as the one painted across Aksel and Xander’s. “Also, your stepbrother?”
“There are several things, but the one that made my alarms ring was the messages. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before. I guess I was too in my head to notice or even think he’d still be obsessed with me after so many years,” Kaj babbled, relaxing a little when the ring on Noah’s thumb clanked against his as he threaded their fingers. “There is the timing. The person who stalked me started doing it a little after my stepmother’s death and stopped when he went to jail for driving under the influence and killing someone in the process. We assumed it must have been a crazy fan, but it’s too much of a coincidence. And while he was supposed to be in jail for another two years, I’m guessing he got parole or something. There’s no other explanation as to how he’s been getting so many burner numbers, fake email accounts, and access to the internet. Oh, and fun fact? He has a degree in computer science.”
“No shit.” Aksel scoffed.
“But… as scary as all these coincidences are, it could be anyone else, no?” Xander said, brows furrowed in concern.
Kaj nodded, staring at Noah’s hand wrapped protectively around his. “Yeah, but then… there’s the things he said, especially the other day during the interview. He…” Kaj inhaled, letting it all out slowly. “He used to say those things to me.”
The words lingered above their heads, slowly falling like snowflakes in the middle of summer. Unexpected. Unwanted. Cold.
“Wait.” Aksel frowned. “Are you saying—No.” He shook his head.
There was no need for further explanation.
They’d all read the messages Jesper had sent to Noah. They all knew the creepy things he’d written and sent to Kaj.
As realization settled in everyone’s minds, their expressions contorted, an array of emotions that swayed from bewilderment to sadness to utter rage crossing their faces in a matter of seconds.
Xander jumped to his feet and started pacing back and forth like a caged animal. Niels rubbed both hands over his face, then clasped them near his mouth as he blankly stared at the coffee table. Aksel ran his fingers through his hair, fisting it at the top of his head as he glared into space.
“Your stepbrother?” Xander asked the universe like he couldn’t believe it. “When?”
“I… don’t think that’s what matters now,” Mads cut in gently.
“It’s okay…” Kaj gave him a knowing look. “When I was sixteen.”
“What the hell?” Aksel’s nose scrunched up. “So, he’s not only a disgusting creep, but he’s also a fucking monster?”
“What do you want us to do?” Xander tossed out there.
“What do you mean?” Kaj asked.
“Threaten him? Beat the shit out of him? Whatever it is, consider it done.”
For a long time, Kaj had wished Jesper the worst. Just like he’d had nightmares, he’d also had the most disturbing dreams about the different ways he would have liked to hurt him. Then he joined Artificial Suicide, and his focus drifted away from the misery of his life to center on the huge opportunity to do what he loved most.
Only after Katja’s funeral, when he saw Jesper again, did the intrusive thoughts return. But as he finished with all the legal paperwork, they slowly vanished until his existence became a distant buzz in the back of his mind.
Being stoned or drunk most of the time probably had something to do with it.
When their ex-vocalist did what he did and Noah came into their lives, though, a new wave of horrid memories bashed his mind. It physically hurt some days.
But did he want revenge? A part of him did. God, yes. He’d fantasized about seeing him hung or bleeding to death more times than he cared to admit. Yet what he really wanted was to close this fucking door and move on once and for all.
Kaj offered Xander a weak smile. “All I’m worried about right now is Noah’s safety.” He swallowed hard. This was easier to talk about than what he’d told Noah two nights ago, but talking about that man, giving him this kind of importance, created an uncomfortable sensation that wrapped around Kaj like a slithering, vicious snake. “Jesper… He must be really fucked in the head if, after so many years, he’s still so obsessed that he’s risking going back to jail. I don’t know what he’s capable of anymore.”
“Makes sense.” Niels nodded. “How do you wanna go about this? What do you want to do?”
Kaj glanced at Noah, who encouraged him with a loving smile as he squeezed his hand. “I think we should report him for stalking.”
“And that’s it?” Aksel snapped. “What about what he did to you?”
“That’s not up to you to decide,” Noah snapped.
“But—”
Kaj snorted, then cackled like a madman, drawing all eyes to him.
He loved every person in this room for very different reasons and in different ways. They all added something to his life, and no matter how messed up, broken, erratic, or selfish he was, they’d always been by his side one way or another, as long as he’d allowed them.
Easing out of his laughter, Kaj slowly shook his head as he brushed his thumb over the back of Noah’s hand. “I’m not sure it’d make any sense to report it now.”
“I told you years ago, and I’ll say it again,” Mads started. “No one will judge you or think less of you if you don’t want to do it. It’s your life. But if you decide to take that step, and I think I speak for everyone in this room, we’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“What he said,” Xander agreed.
“I know.” Kaj nodded. Noah had told him those exact words yesterday. “But I don’t know if it’d be of any use at this point. It’s been almost twelve years, I was within legal consenting age, and it’s not like I have any physical proof.”
Aside from the fear of having to endure any form of shame and humiliation while reporting his assault—Kaj had read real horror stories from other people—he had never been keen on doing so because it was a hard case to prove. Sadly, Danish law didn’t define rape based on lack of consent. Instead, it focused on whether physical violence, threat, or coercion had been involved, or if the victim was unable to resist, which Kaj had no way to prove.
That, added to the ideology that his aggressor would be “innocent until proven guilty”, meant that he’d be treated as a liar until proven otherwise.
The stress of going through that felt unnecessary and like a waste of time if Jesper hadn’t faced any charges at the end of such a painful process. So he just never did it.
“If you want to do it, we’ll do it regardless,” Niels said.
“Thanks. I… I’ll think about it.”
This was good, really good, but it was also too much.
Kaj had felt envious of Noah for almost half his life, thinking he never had anything of his own. That despite having these amazing humans around, he was alone. Turns out it was all in his head. And now, he was so overwhelmed with the amount of love and support, he didn’t know what to do with it to not disappoint them.
“Okay, then…” Niels said while checking something on his phone. “We’re flying to Spain in six days. When do you wanna do this?”
“Since we already know who he is,” Noah started, exchanging a quick glance with Kaj, “we agreed that the sooner the better. Even if we provide all the messages and crap he’s been sending me along with whatever you have from Kaj’s case, the police would still need to prove it before arresting him, and that shit takes time.”
“Someone’s done their homework,” Xander muttered as a proud smile curled the sides of his lips.
“I just contacted Mikkel, the private investigator.” Noah shrugged, looking at Niels.
“Good. I’ll talk to him so we can gather and organize all the information we have to bring to the police.”
“He also said that since Jesper has a criminal record, it’ll be easier to imprison him. Then again, he’d have to be proven guilty.” Noah paused for a second and added, “Of course, I’ll only do this if you all agree.”
“Why would we oppose?” Aksel said, raising a mocking brow.
“Because the band’s still dealing with the backlash of what your ex-vocalist did, and if this goes public in any way, it could only add to the stress you’re already dealing with.”
“First, what Emil did and this are two completely different things,” Xander deadpanned. “Second, we’re tougher than you give us credit for.”
“Exactly.” Aksel nodded. “Besides, we need to get rid of that leech so you two can actually start enjoying your relationship.” He gestured at their joined hands and flashed them a cheeky grin. “I had no idea it was that serious. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be so transparent with a relationship before.”
“Got a problem with that?” Kaj retorted.
“Not at all.” Aksel chuckled. “Just pointing it out. It’s cute.”
“What the hell? Shut up.”
“And he’s moved in with us,” Mads said.
“There’s no us here. This is my place.” Kaj narrowed his eyes at Mads.
“So you keep saying…”
“And this is just temporary,” Noah chimed in. “Kaj freaked out a little and said he didn’t want me living alone at my place.”
“That’s probably the smartest thing he’s done since I’ve known him,” Niels said matter-of-factly.
“Fuck you, Niels,” Kaj snapped, but there was no real bite behind his words. Actually, he was close to cackling again.
“Holy shit!” Xander laughed with that resounding, full-chested laugh of his. “Our drummer boy is in love!”
“Fuck you, too, asshole.”
That only made the bassist laugh louder, infecting everyone else in the room.
The sound of their ridiculous insanity filled the room, bouncing off the walls, wrapping around Kaj like a hug. He took a deep breath, allowing himself to savor the moment.
For years, he’d built a fortress around himself, convinced that he couldn’t carry his burden with anyone, that he had to do this alone. But oh, how wrong he’d been.
The tension in his shoulders eased slightly as he glanced at each one of the men gathered in his apartment—his family in every way that mattered. Here they were, making plans to face the worst of his nightmares, ready to navigate some dark and intense days, and yet there was light. There was always light with them.