Twenty-five
It’d been a day since they returned from playing at Resurrection Fest and Tuska Festival on almost consecutive dates.
Two concerts in two countries that couldn’t be more different if they tried in terms of weather, gastronomy, language, and overall culture. Yet, Noah living here with Kaj in his apartment, coexisting twenty-four-seven for the past ten days and not arguing or being remotely hostile toward each other was even more baffling. Where were the days they communicated with sarcasm and backhanded compliments?
Not that Kaj was going to complain. This felt so normal, so good… Maybe it was because he hadn’t experienced this type of emotional stability and coziness in forever, but he almost wanted to make this permanent—cat hair included and all. Seriously, he was so high with this rush of endorphins that the cravings for other drugs were barely a distant murmur in the back of his head.
This could be the reason they said to refrain from having a relationship—changing one vice for another—but he didn’t care. Not when it was reciprocated and they were finally where they should have been years ago.
The only thing that had the drummer a bit on edge was waiting for the police to find something on Jesper and put him behind bars.
It had been four days since they’d reported him for stalking Noah. Kaj knew it was too early for that. Though, honestly, not so deep down, he hoped that asshole fell in a ditch somewhere far away from civilization and slowly rotted under the sun. Considering the shit he’d been forcing on them for months, and the whole ordeal of having to report him to the authorities, it was the least he deserved.
You’d think that since you’re the victim, it would be easy, but no.
After their talk, Niels and the private investigator had spent several days gathering all the screenshots, emails, and text messages Jesper had sent Noah. And although Kaj hadn’t been allowed to be present during the questioning—no one was other than the manager, really—he knew something was off the moment they walked out.
Noah had been evasive at first when they asked, but Aksel was enough of a pain in the ass to make him talk while they hung out that same evening.
“What type of relationship did you two have?”
“Have you considered changing your number and email?”
“Have you answered any of his messages?”
“When was the last time you were in contact with him?”
“Is it possible that you did something to make him mad?”
“Why do you think he contacted you again after twelve years of no contact?”
Kaj got it—with his jaw and fists clenched, unsure about who he wanted to punch harder, that cop or Jesper. But he got it. He really did.
The police most likely just followed a script with all their downright intrusive questions in cases like this, hating it when there was nothing they could do or when they realized it was a fake report that was taking attention away from the real victims. But none of that diminished the bitter taste it left in their mouths.
“I was sitting there, getting picked apart, having my integrity and my every word questioned, as if I’m partly guilty for what’s happening to me. It fucking sucked.”
That was what Noah had said, giving Kaj yet another reason to not even try to report his abuse.
But it was done. With the amount of information they’d handed the police, it was only a matter of time until they found something. Jesper could be a fucking snake, but there was no way he wouldn’t have left some sort of digital trail behind him. Knowing his identity had to make a difference, right?
“What are you doing?” Noah said, bringing Kaj back to his room, to the sight of him sitting up against the headboard of his bed, lazily stroking his cock.
Kaj had frozen on the threshold of the en-suite while drying his chest, going on some sort of astral trip.
“Sorry.”
With a smile, he tossed the towel on the floor and walked toward Noah.
Kaj knew his body intimately by now, but it never ceased to amaze him how beautiful he was. All of him. Every freckle and scar, like the one on his knee that he’d gotten on a day they’d gone a little wild and he fell off his bike. The softness of his happy trail. The dips on his lower back. The birthmark on the outside of his left asscheek. Every line of ink. How ticklish he got when he was tired and Kaj caressed his sides. The way his grin got wider on the left side when he was really having fun.
Kaj climbed on the bed and straddled Noah’s lap, trapping his fist under him. Tilting his head as water fell from the ends of his hair and slid down his collarbones, Kaj held onto the headboard, caging Noah between his arms. He loved the way he reacted to him. The sharp intake of air. The endless darkness in his eyes. His lips swollen from their heavy kissing in the shower.
Waking up beside this man, having breakfast, and then brushing their teeth together before visiting Trine and Sigrid that morning, healed something Kaj didn’t know needed to be restored. But this moment, them alone in a room with all the time in the world for each other, was unparalleled.
“So… where were we?” Kaj rasped.
Noah elongated his neck in a desperate attempt to reach Kaj’s mouth, but the drummer moved away, flashing him a devilish grin.
“Are you gonna make me beg?”
“Maybe.”
“Come on…” Noah playfully tapped his dick against Kaj’s ass.
Unable to move or think straight, Kaj sucked in a deep breath. A shockwave spread across his skin, making his body hum.
That’s… new.
It was a small, silly gesture, something most people wouldn’t even stop to think about, but it unraveled something within him.
For a long time, even as much as a finger brushing his hole made him tense instantly. Sometimes, the stiffness came accompanied by a flashback. Sometimes it was just that, a knee-jerk reflex. The only person who had touched and eaten him out several times without wreaking havoc in his head was Mads, but that was as far as Kaj’s experiments had gone. The idea of letting someone he didn’t fully trust do it had always been far too daunting to even try. Besides, it wasn’t like his memories of anal sex were exactly nice, so he’d never been that interested in exploring it any further.
But here he was now, feeling all kinds of sparks lighting up his nerves like fucking fireworks, burning down the few defenses he had left.
Either he was secretly a slutty bottom or was too fucking weak for this man. Maybe both. Who knew.
Kaj’s hands tightened on the edge of the headboard. “Do that again.”
“What?” Noah’s brows flinched for a fraction of a second. “This?” Keeping his gaze plunged into Kaj’s, he tapped his ass again, tentatively nudging the engorged head of his cock up against his hole.
Kaj exhaled a shaky breath as pleasure crept in, simmering inside him like an electric current. “Fuck…”
Noah chuckled, touching his forehead to Kaj’s chest as the fingers of his free hand clawed into his hip. “You’re going to kill me…”
“Play with my ass while I play with our dicks.” The words were out before Kaj’s brain could filter them.
Noah jerked his head up, eyes wide in surprise. “Wait. Are you for real?”
“Yes.”
“But—” Noah frowned. “If it makes you uncomfortable, if you don’t like it… We don’t have to do it. I don’t mind.”
Kaj cupped Noah’s cheeks and kissed him. That was the biggest fucking lie ever, but he loved him for it.
Talking about their pasts one day, Kaj had learned Noah had been with three other dudes aside from him. During the brief relationship he had with Zach, they’d alternated every now and then, but Noah mostly topped. With his second boyfriend, who he’d dated for a year and a half, there was practically no sex because the guy was ace and a side, but rimming and blow jobs did happen from time to time, which worried Kaj because their relationship must have been fucking solid on an emotional level. With the last one, with whom he had a four-year relationship, Noah had been a strict top.
So, yeah, he might be okay with whatever, even without sex, despite the crazy libido he had, but it was also obvious he had a tendency to top and loved ass just as much as Kaj.
“I wanna try. I… actually had a dream a few days ago where our roles were reversed and it was so hot,” Kaj husked, telling him half the truth because he was not ready to delve into the CNC fantasies. “Maybe just some external stimulation and a finger if I’m bold enough for that.”
“Whatever you want, babe.” Noah squirmed beneath him. “Use me however you want.”
That was all Kaj needed before he closed the distance between them, capturing Noah’s lips in a bruising kiss. Raising enough to free his hand and have their hardening dicks rubbing together, Kaj licked every corner of his mouth with fervor.
He couldn’t remember the last time he just kissed and touched someone like this without rushing anything. After the tortuous teasing in the shower, they needed a release, yet it was like neither of them was in a hurry to get there. Like they were just content with making out, touching and silently cherishing each other.
This was perfect.
Until something fuzzy brushed against his calf.
Kaj tensed as he realized it wasn’t Noah’s hand—it wasn’t Noah’s anything. Without breaking the kiss, he glanced to the side, catching the unmistakable flick of a tail before a soft chunky thing rubbed against him again. Because, of course, this was the best fucking time to headbutt him.
Rolling his eyes, Kaj tightened his hands that were cupping the sides of Noah’s neck and tried to refocus. He could ignore this. He. Could. Ignore. This.
Suddenly, a warm, sandpapery tongue licked the sole of his foot.
Kaj shattered the carefully cultivated mood as he busted into wheezing laughter.
“What the fuck?” Noah chuckled.
“I don’t care about voyeurs, but this is getting a little intrusive.”
Noah tilted his head to the side and cackled as he saw Cheeto, the little orange menace in question sitting there, blinking up at them like he hadn’t just cockblocked them.
Kaj flopped forward onto Noah’s chest, his laughter shaking them both as he tried to process the sheer audacity of this damn cat. Cheeto, completely unbothered by his crime, stretched out a paw and tapped Kaj’s thigh, as if asking for permission to join in because, clearly, personal space wasn’t an option.
“Cheeto, my dude, I swear to the fucking gods.” Kaj scrubbed a palm down his face, trying to rein in the chuckle. “Are you serious right now?”
“This is sabotage. Treason, even.” Noah pointed an accusatory finger at him.
The cat rubbed his muzzle against it, then blinked slowly—the feline equivalent of a middle finger—before hopping onto the foot of the bed and curling into a loaf like nothing had happened.
Kaj wiped a tear from the corner of his eye, grinning. “Why didn’t you get a fucking fish? A nice, quiet fish that doesn’t interrupt us every time we try to fuck?”
“Nah,” Noah said, sliding his hands up Kaj’s back while kissing one of his pierced nipples, then the other. “I like the little shit. He’s so fucking fluffy and cute.”
Kaj snorted, shaking his head as Noah gripped the back of his neck and pulled him into a slow, lingering kiss, dissipating all traces of laughter with every flick of their tongues. Kaj sighed into it, pressing closer, their bodies molding together like they were made for each other.
“You still wanna…?” Noah murmured against Kaj’s lips.
Kaj hummed, threading his fingers into Noah’s hair, tugging just enough to make him groan. “I still wanna.”
Noah grinned against his mouth, shaking slightly as he gently nudged Cheeto off the bed with his foot.
A soft thud followed by an indignant meowing filled the room, but neither of them spared the cat another glance. He probably felt insulted enough to not return for another half an hour, giving them enough time to finish what they’d started.
Without wasting another beat, Noah and Kaj crashed their mouths together. The kiss was an all-consuming thing, deep and unapologetic. But it was also slow and calm as they kissed with unhurried devotion, teasing, savoring, allowing themselves to feel everything. Their cocks trapped between their bodies while Kaj slowly rocked his hips. The way their breaths turned uneven. The silence encapsulating them.
Kaj thumbed the curve of Noah’s jaw, coaxing him to open wider as the temperature in the room soared, slowly sinking them deeper into a world that belonged only to them.
Slowly, Noah skimmed his hands down, mapping the curves of every one of Kaj’s muscles, making him shudder when he reached his ass and parted his cheeks, fingers digging into the flesh.
Kaj set aflame and every cell in him buzzed with anticipation.
There was a huge difference between getting your freedom to choose stolen from you and freely offering everything you were. Between being handled and being truly touched. Between being wanted and being worshipped. And Noah… Noah knew how to sew together the torn pieces of Kaj’s soul.
“Still good?”
“Still good,” Kaj breathed out. “Touch me.”
Noah nuzzled his nose, an overwhelming wave of affection tying them together as he grazed Kaj’s bottom lip with two fingers and rasped, “Make them wet.”
Kaj opened up obediently and sucked them into his mouth, rolling his tongue, purposely coating them with saliva.
A distorted memory tried to crawl into the conscious part of his mind, making him tense. But he wasn’t going to let old ghosts take Noah away from him. Not now. Not ever again.
With their eyes locked when Noah pulled his fingers away, something warm and unyielding settled between them— trust .
A spark.
A sharp intake of air.
Pupils blown.
Kaj had never felt a ripple of heat so strong in his entire life. It was as if the sky cracked open above their heads as Noah traced lazy circles over his hole. Tentative yet deliberate. Brushing, pressing, feeling.
“Fuck…” Kaj let out something between a chuckle and a moan as his lips found Noah’s again. “Don’t stop.”
“I won’t,” Noah husked. “I won’t until you tell me to.”
Clutching a hand to the back of his neck, Kaj wrapped the other around their cocks and started pumping up and down. “Put it in.”
Without questioning or double-checking, Noah did what he was told. He embraced Kaj with an arm and brought their bodies closer together, anchoring his mind here with them as he prodded his hole.
Kaj melted into Noah.
He knew why he’d been afraid of doing this, but at the same time, he didn’t know. Noah’s middle finger moving in and out of him while he tightened his grip on their cocks, picking up the pace, felt so incredibly good it made him forget all the pain he’d ever endured. It rattled him, but it wasn’t fear taking over, it was a wildfire. A crackling, raging wildfire burning him up from the inside.
They kissed. Devoured. Touched. Gave and took. And they kept doing so until they were breathless and slick with sweat.
Until Kaj didn’t know his own name.
Until the world was reduced to the electric pulse of pleasure arcing between them.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Noah chanted into a kiss that was as messy and sloppy as they were now.
Stifled groans and profanities rolled off their tongues, reverberating in the walls as cum spurted all over them, coating Kaj’s fist and sticking them together. The room spun around, pulling them down into sweet surrender. Black dots spattered Kaj’s vision. His pulse skyrocketed, and soon, he didn’t know if he was dead or alive anymore. They were nothing but maddening heartbeats, erratic breaths, and tingling lips.
Kaj had let Noah touch his ass.
And he liked it.
“Fuck, babe… I fucking love that.” Noah looked up at him, cheeks flushed and hazy eyes as he withdrew his finger and rubbed it in circles over his hole. “Thank you for trusting me.”
Communication between them was usually pretty open. However, Kaj hadn’t specifically told Noah why he felt such aversion toward certain sexual practices when he had little to no limits with most things. And still, he was aware—of course he was—of why. But what he didn’t seem to realize was that he was the reason Kaj felt brave enough to take this step.
“Thank you for keeping me safe,” he whispered back without letting go of their dicks.
“Always.” He kissed his lips.
After all the shit Kaj had forced on Noah, including the things he felt bad for doing to him even as he did them… All the things Noah had let him do, giving him full permission to tear him to shreds, he was still here. Giving him more. Giving him everything .
There were only three gigs left to finish the tour and take a much-deserved vacation. July didn’t count because they’d been busy composing, doing interviews, and other kinds of promotion.
Although Kaj loved stepping up on stage and beating the crap out of his drums day in and day out, he was looking forward to what was about to come.
His life wasn’t rotating around the untenable need to get a fix or have sex with strangers to feel something. He wasn’t trapped in a snare of self-loathing anymore as he’d finally climbed out of the stasis that didn’t let him breathe. He was very much alive, and he liked the sensation. More so since this thing between him and Noah was official for the entire world.
It had been over a month since they’d reported Jesper to the police, but there had been no updates on their end. However, the asshole had continued sending Noah the weekly nasty, unrequested mail, which was slowly wearing him down.
So, to set their plan to force Jesper to snap into motion, during their last interview five days ago, Niels had allowed the interviewer to ask about their relationship—actually prompted her to do it.
Kaj didn’t need anyone’s approval or acceptance, he’d learned to live by his own standards. But not having to hide, being able to kiss Noah whenever the fuck he desired and mark his territory, even if they were in public, was nice.
Though not as nice as this moment.
Weaving his fingers through dark, silky strands, Kaj sank deeper into his couch. They were doing nothing, just chilling while watching the last Kaiju No. 8 season. He was sitting with his ankle crossed over the coffee table and Noah’s head on his lap. It was like they weren’t only made for each other, but were also made to live together.
“We should start thinking about what we wanna watch next,” Kaj said. “Or we’ll be arguing about it for a week.”
“We could always rewatch One Piece .”
“And die in the process.”
“Maybe Fullmetal Alchemist , or go more classic and rewatch Evangelion . It’s been ages since the last time.”
“Sounds good to me. But we still gotta decide which.”
“Shut up for now, and let me finish watching this.” Noah gave Kaj’s thigh a gentle bite, making him hiss.
“I wouldn’t do that again if you really wanna finish watching it.”
Noah chuckled.
Ten minutes later, they were shifting on the couch.
Kaj stretched his back, and Noah sat up, grumbling when he grabbed his phone that had vibrated several times during the last hour.
“I’m so close to throwing it in the trash and—” Noah went rigid.
“What is it?”
“Nothing.” Noah startled and jumped up to his feet.
“Jesper again?”
Noah didn’t answer, but the way his grip tightened on his phone as he pocketed it told Kaj he’d nailed it.
“It was about time.” He rolled his eyes, surprised by how the last weeks’ events had changed the way his mind reacted to the threat that man had always represented. He was worried, of course, but he wasn’t panicking or feeling unsafe like he used to. Maybe his brain had broken completely, disconnecting him from his emotions or something. “Anything good we can use?”
Since the public announcement of their relationship, they’d received a ton of messages, both supportive and hateful. However, Jesper had been a ghost.
They’d worried that he wasn’t as mental as they thought, and instead of making him show his ugly head, they’d push him to retreat and disappear forever, which, yeah, would have been nice, but at this point the only fair outcome for Kaj was revenge.
“N-not sure.” Noah looked everywhere but at Kaj. “I’ll have to give Mikkel my phone so he can check.”
“We can do it tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” Noah said, standing there in the middle of the living room, completely paralyzed, as if his brain had short-circuited.
“What are you doing?”
“I… I’m going to the bathroom.”
Kaj watched Noah disappear down the hall, uneasiness coiling in his gut. He wouldn’t normally trust himself because he was super paranoid all the time, but something about Noah’s behavior was off and no one would convince him otherwise. The way his voice wavered just now. The way he purposely avoided looking Kaj in the eye. The way his entire stance stiffened… It didn’t sit right with him.
Kaj gave it a few minutes as he scrolled on his phone, but his mind was stuck on Noah and the sudden shift in his demeanor. Although they didn’t know initially, it had been months since he’d started receiving messages from Jesper. He was always a little agitated, disheartened, or simply absent afterward, but his reaction today was the strongest Kaj had ever seen. Maybe poking the monster hadn’t been such a good idea in the end.
“Hey…” Kaj said when Noah came back out all dressed. “Are we going somewhere?”
“No. I’m just—” Noah slicked his hair back as he walked toward the entrance. “We’re running out of soda, so I’m just gonna get some more and a couple frozen pizzas. I’m starting to get hungry,” he said while grabbing his keys and wallet from the console by the door.
“Uh… Sure.” Kaj frowned.
“You want anything?”
“No.”
“Okay. Be right back.”
As soon as the door clicked shut, Kaj got up from the couch and strode toward the fridge. He yanked it open, and— Yup . There was plenty of soda.
His stomach knotted. Noah had lied.
Why?