Twenty-six
Morning light sneaked through the curtains, slanting shadows over the walls and making Kaj squint.
Like every day when he woke up, his brain was slow and dense, but the uneasiness that hatched in the back of his mind yesterday had festered overnight, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth he couldn’t get rid of.
Something was wrong.
After Noah returned from buying all the things they didn’t really need, instead of turning on the oven to prepare dinner, he’d left everything on the kitchen counter and quite literally assaulted Kaj with his mouth and hands. He’d gone from content and calm, to agitated and sad, to horny in the span of an hour. To say it was suspicious was an understatement, but Kaj was too dick-whipped to stop him to talk.
Sex was always fun and hot between them, but if Noah needed it as an outlet for whatever was bothering him, Kaj was okay with letting him use his body that way. Anything to keep him close.
And he didn’t regret one bit of what they’d done.
Since they’d started exploring Kaj’s newly found needs a month ago, things had been slowly escalating. Last night, not only did Noah rimmed him like crazy, but he’d sucked him while fucking his ass with three fingers. It was the first time he’d relaxed enough to take so many, which made him feel a huge array of things that bounced between pride and happiness.
But now, in the empty quiet of his bedroom, that little voice in his head was louder again.
The way Noah had kissed and touched him—with feverish desire and aching intensity—set off all his alarms.
Their relationship, and life in general, was as stable as it could be considering the circumstances. Even Trine was better. During her last visit to her doctor, he’d said there were no traces of cancer. Of course, they couldn’t say they’d won the war, but it certainly felt like a victory. Yet Noah had seemed desperate, too desperate.
It was as if he’d suddenly worried there wouldn’t be a tomorrow.
As if he was saying goodbye.
As if it was the last time.
The cold mattress beside Kaj didn’t help tune the noise out.
Kaj’s heart writhed behind his ribs as he got up and dragged himself to the en-suite. When he was done with his usual routine, he went to the kitchen. Every muscle in him was tense with a sense of dread he didn’t like one bit. Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe Noah had simply woken up early and was in the living room reading or watching something. It could really be nothing.
Kaj was trying to convince himself that he was just being paranoid until he saw Mads, and no trace of Noah.
Since Mads had gotten a new bed frame, he hadn’t been around much—that shady boyfriend of his was too fucking possessive, and not in a good way. Yet here he was now, cooking. At… Kaj glanced at the clock on his phone in his hand. Eight fucking forty in the morning.
“What are you doing here so early?”
“Morning, sunshine.”
“Mads…” Kaj warned.
“Making breakfast?” Mads replied with that ‘ duh’ annoying tone he liked to use when Kaj asked stupid questions, but he didn’t turn around to show him the bored expression that usually accompanied it.
“ Why are you here?” Kaj narrowed his eyes on him, a cold prickle running down his spine.
“Felt lonely.” He lifted a shoulder as he flipped the eggs.
“Try again.”
Mads huffed, glancing over his shoulder with an eye roll. “What do you want me to say? That I missed you? That I ran out of food?”
“I want the fucking truth. Where’s Noah?”
“How should I know? Seriously, dude, you’re getting crankier and crankier. How does that man put up with your mood swings?”
“Funny. He asked the same about you a few months ago.” Kaj unlocked his phone. “Yet you both seem to be coming back for more.” It was supposed to be a witty remark, but there was no humor in his tone as he dialed Noah’s number.
“Because—”
Both Kaj and Mads jerked their heads back to the living room, to the coffee table, where Noah’s phone was ringing and vibrating.
Kaj frowned and strode toward that side of the open space. “What the fuck…” he gritted under his breath as he saw a note with Noah’s handwriting beside the device.
I’ll come back as soon as I can. I love you. N.
Kaj’s stomach bottomed out.
“Mads…” He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath through his nose, crumpling the piece of paper in his hand before turning around to face him. “Where’s Noah?”
“Again, how should I know?” Mads bit back, but the snarkiness in his voice faltered as he averted his gaze.
Kaj glared at him. “I’m not going to ask you again. Where is he?”
“I don’t fucking know!”
In a heartbeat, Kaj had crossed the room and was fisting the collar of Mads’s T-shirt as he shoved him back against the fridge. The spatula Mads was holding clattered on the counter. Magnets scattered all over the floor. The pan on the stove sizzled louder, filling the thick silence between them.
There was so much noise in Kaj’s head.
“What the fuck?” Mads wrapped his hands around Kaj’s wrist. “I have no idea where he went.”
“But you know something.”
“I don’t.”
Kaj clenched his jaw, pressing Mads harder against the fridge. “Don’t test my fucking patience,” he growled. “You know I don’t have much of it.”
“What are you going to do? Hit me? I’m used to that shit, so you’re gonna have to try harder.”
Kaj had never hit Mads. Those words should have registered, should have made him pause. But his blood was boiling, roaring in his ears as every muscle in his body tensed with panic and fear.
“Just tell me what you fucking know.”
“I don’t know shit!” Mads barked, glaring at Kaj in a way he had never seen before as he tried in vain to free himself from his grip. “He just called me at fucking six in the morning and told me to come over and keep you busy. I told him I’d come over when my boyfriend left for work, and here I am. Noah left like half an hour ago.”
Kaj’s heart slammed against his ribs. “And you didn’t ask him why or where he was going?”
“Of course I did! But he was being fucking evasive and all he said was that he had something to do. ‘I’m going to put an end to this.’ What did you want me to do?”
Kaj’s breath hitched as everything clicked into place.
The way Noah’s mood suddenly shifted yesterday. The way he didn’t seem to be present after receiving whatever Jesper had sent. Maybe he’d overdone it and threatened Trine? What if he’d shown up there and sent him some sort of creepy photos? It was one of the things that had worried him the most since the beginning, that this creep would target her to hurt him.
No. That can’t be. Kaj frowned. Noah would have told him and they’d have immediately gone to her house.
It had to be something directed at his persona.
Or maybe… something related to Kaj.
Shit.
“What is it?” Mads asked as Kaj let go of him.
“I-I…”
Kaj fumbled with his phone, hands trembling as he scrolled through his contacts until he found Mikkel’s name. If he knew Noah’s PIN to unlock his phone, he could check what had rattled him so badly. But he didn’t, and he also didn’t have his fucking thumb, so this was all he could think to do.
Mikkel answered in two rings. “Hello?”
“Where’s Noah?” Kaj demanded, skipping pleasantries entirely.
“Who’s this?”
“Kaj Larsen.”
“Oh, hey…” the private investigator said.
“He called you. What did he say?”
“Look, Kaj—”
“Don’t. Just tell me what you know.”
There was a beat of silence, then a sharp intake of air. “Since we found out who the stalker is, Niels told me to deep dive and keep tabs on him. And although I can’t deny this guy is good, I’m no newbie at this either.”
“Cut to the chase.”
“I’ve been keeping track of his every move.”
“So?”
Mikkel sighed. “Yesterday afternoon, Noah called and forwarded me two emails and… a video. He was really pissed.”
“That’s…” That was when he conveniently got hungry and went to buy the pizzas they never ended up eating. “And now? You know where he is now?”
“I have an idea, but I could track his phone to confirm it.”
“Don’t bother. He left it here.”
“Well, that also kinda confirms it.”
“What do you mean?”
There was another pause. “I know where Jesper lives.”
“What?” Kaj’s voice came out strangled, making Mads’s brows furrow with concern. “You gave him his address?”
“He asked, and I had no reason to say no. You guys are paying me to have all this information.”
“What the fuck?” Kaj’s nostrils flared. He had no idea what Jesper sent Noah yesterday, but it must have been bad. Really bad if he was willing to confront him. “Give me the address.”
Kaj wrote down the address Mikkel dictated and hung up the phone.
Clenching his fists on the counter, Kaj dropped his head between his shoulders and sucked in a deep breath. He was not ready to see Jesper again. Just thinking about it had bile crawling up his throat. But he also couldn’t let Noah do this alone. Not when he was doing it on his behalf.
“What happened?” Mads asked.
“I… I don’t know what Jesper sent Noah yesterday, but it got him in a really strange mood, and the private detective we’d hired just told me he gave him his address.”
“Oh, shit.”
Kaj raised his head. “What?”
“Look, I… I don’t know what he received or didn’t receive. Noah didn’t get into that much detail, b-but… he said something…”
“What did he say, Mads?”
“Aside from keeping you busy and all that, he asked—pleaded—that I take care of you, whatever happens.”
“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?” Kaj snapped. “Fuck it. I don’t have time for this.” He strode toward his bedroom, put on a pair of cargo pants and a T-shirt, and walked out again.
“Where are you going?” Mads followed him to the foyer.
“I’m going to get Noah back,” he said while putting on his boots.
“But—”
He knew what Mads was going to say. This man had witnessed the lowest of lows in his life. He knew how completely and utterly broken he’d been; he had helped him pick up the pieces. So, of course, he was aware and worried of how everything related to Jesper affected him. But Kaj didn’t have time to stop and think about himself. He needed to get Noah back. Confronting Jesper wouldn’t do them any good if they expected the police to charge him with stalking and whatever else they could pin on him.
“I’ll be fine.”
Kaj grabbed his motorcycle jacket and helmet and left.
Kaj had never ridden as fast in his life.
Copenhagen to Hiller?d was at least forty minutes, yet he’d cut the time considerably, pushing his bike past the limits of safety. The entire trip, his pulse roared louder than the engine. Every turn, every second wasted, felt like sand slipping through his fingers. Smoke in the air.
Slowing down as he entered the city, Kaj zigzagged through the streets, following the GPS directions. His hands were shaking, knuckles aching from how hard he gripped the bars. He wasn’t even sure he was breathing properly as a torrent of images cramped his mind.
Jesper . Jesper and those messages. Jesper and his taunting threats. Jesper, whose entire existence was poison on Kaj’s tongue.
When the house finally came into view, Kaj’s stomach twisted.
Years after Nik had died, Katja sold the house where Kaj had grown up. Of course, she’d needed his signature to do so because, legally, he was partly the owner, too. But the process occurred mainly through lawyers, so Kaj hadn’t faced this side of reality until now, when he was standing outside of this tiny countryside house that his stepmother had passed down to her son.
As Kaj parked beside what he supposed was Jesper’s car, he ripped off his helmet, leaving it over his bike seat, and ran toward the main door.
Xander and Aksel were probably on their way—he’d called them a little after hitting the highway—but he couldn’t wait for them to arrive. Jesper was a monster, and after the constant nasty messages he’d been sending to Noah, Kaj didn’t know what he was capable of anymore.
Without removing his gloves, Kaj tried to open the door, but it was locked.
He rounded the house, and after making sure no neighbors were watching, he vaulted the fence. Backyard door— locked .
Shit.
Rubbing the back of his neck, Kaj scanned the windows. He’d expected mayhem, but no noises were coming from inside the house. Literally all he could hear was the birds chirping.
Kaj pulled off his right glove with his teeth and took the phone out of his pocket. He opened the notes app where he’d typed down the address and checked the one he’d put into the GPS. It was the same. Unless he’d written it all wrong from the start, he was at the right place.
Trying to calm down, he took a deep breath and walked back toward his motorcycle. He wasn’t sure what he intended to do coming here. He hadn’t seen Jesper in forever, what if he froze?
But then, he saw an open window on the side of the house.
Kaj stopped dead in his tracks and bit the inside of his cheek as he hesitated. This wouldn’t be driving over the speed limit, this would be breaking and entering.
Fuck it .
Climbing through the window, Kaj found himself in a bedroom. Either Jesper had become a really tidy person, or this wasn’t where he slept. The bed was made, and there weren’t plants, frames on the walls, or any other decorative items. Though there was a visible layer of dust on the chest of drawers. Maybe he didn’t live here and Mikkel had gotten it all wrong?
Quietly, without touching anything, Kaj walked out of the room and toward the front door. After unlatching it, he took off his other glove and shoved it into his jacket pocket with its partner. He was sending the guys a text, letting them know they could easily walk into the house, when a deep, muffled screech resonated in the space.
Kaj froze.
The hairs of his nape stood, and every organ in his body turned to stone.
The basement.
All the fear, hesitation, and calculated moves from before snapped like a wire stretched too thin. And he ran. Down the hall, down the stairs, barely feeling his feet hit the ground. But the moment he reached the underground floor, reality fractured, creating an internecine discord between his eyes and brain.
Noah leaned forward, a gloved hand pressed down on Jesper’s knee as he carved something into his leg with the tip of a knife.
“The more you move, the more it’ll hurt,” he murmured, his tone soft and malicious.
If it had been any other person, Kaj would have rushed to help, done anything to stop this as his instincts always kicked in faster than his rational side, but this sight… He couldn’t process what he was seeing. Was it even real?
Jesper’s stifled screams filled the air, his body convulsing violently against the ropes biting into his bare skin. His face was contorted, a dirty wad of cloth stuck into his mouth, making his cries sound like those of a devious creature that knew it was already dead. His eyes squeezed shut, and tears rolled down his cheeks as Noah carved deeper. Kaj could perfectly see the veins popping on his forearm and the little tremors in his hand as he applied more pressure.
“There,” Noah straightened, tilting his head to admire his work. He was so engrossed in his crooked little world, he hadn’t even noticed Kaj. “Looks so pretty.”
Jesper whined some more, but then he opened his eyes and saw Kaj standing there. A flash of something that resembled relief crossed his features as his groans intensified, but before he could make any gesture that gave him away, Noah pushed him to the ground.
The sound of bone hitting the hard floor echoed between the walls and into Kaj’s body, making him shudder. Then he witnessed how Noah kicked him one, two, three times.
Kaj should have felt nothing but disgusted.
He should have been horrified.
He should have wanted to pull Noah away from him.
But… Jesper was suffering. The man who had broken Kaj beyond repair, who had turned Noah’s life into a living hell for the past few months, was getting a taste of his own medicine.
A sick thrill shot through Kaj’s nerves. Seeing Jesper like this, so helpless and scared… It was almost poetic.
However, Noah wasn’t like this.
Kaj had known him for years. He’d seen the lighter parts of his soul and the darker ones. But there was no trace of that man in the vicious animal standing before him like a shadow draped in black, tall and oppressive under the dim light in the room.
Looming.
Waiting.
“How does it feel to be the victim?” Noah’s voice was deep and low, but sharp enough to slice through the thick air. “Are you afraid?”
Jesper’s cries grew frantic as he writhed against the restraints.
“You thought that after showing me what you did to him, I’d walk away?” Noah let out a cold, humorless chuckle. “That I’d lower my head and hide, pretending it never happened?” He stepped on Jesper’s chest with a boot and leaned down.
Jesper choked on his own panic as he aimed the knife at his throat.
Kaj’s breath became short and his skin crawled. His pulse was warring between exhilaration and dread, making nausea coil in his stomach. He’d dreamed of this moment a thousand times. He’d imagined Jesper going through all kinds of suffering, begging, crying, paying for what he did to him. But watching Noah make it happen made Kaj realize this wasn’t what he wanted.
Not if it meant he’d lose the man he loved.
“Noah, stop!”
His head snapped up. There was a flicker of shock and bare vulnerability in those beautiful eyes, then his expression twisted with something raw and unspeakable.
“What are you doing here?”
Kaj took a step forward. “Please… Noah. Don’t do this.”
“I’m fucking sick of him.” Noah’s grip on the knife tightened, and his entire body trembled with rage. “This is the only way. The cops won’t do shit. Even if they find something to charge him with, what will he get? A couple of years in prison? That’s not justice. That’s a fucking joke compared to what he did to you.”
“I don’t care about that anymore,” Kaj lied. There were more important things to think about right now.
“I do.” Noah’s gorgeous face contorted in pain, enhancing the bruises already coloring his jaw and temple. “He doesn’t deserve to live.”
“Noah, please,” Kaj begged. “If you do this, there’s no turning back. Please... I can’t lose you again.”
Noah’s willingness to sell his soul to protect Kaj may have been a noble cause at its core, but it wasn’t something he wanted for him. Although Kaj was aware there was also darkness inside Noah, he was naturally kind, generous, and loving. Even if Jesper had brought this on himself, Kaj didn’t want Noah to stain his hands with his blood. He didn’t want him to look at himself in the mirror and not recognize his own reflection because he’d chosen to take a life with his hands.
Maybe he didn’t see it now, but when clarity settled, remorse would eat him alive if he struck a final blow. How would he reconcile with himself if he killed someone?
“If you can’t stand seeing this, just go away.”
As if his system shut down every human emotion, Noah turned around and lunged for Jesper.
Without a second thought, Kaj threw himself at him, hooking his arms under Noah’s and pulling him backward. “Noah, stop! If you do this, they’ll take you away from me! If you do this, he’ll win anyway!”
“Get off me!” Noah thrashed against him.
“No! You think this is justice? That this will fix anything? It won’t.” Kaj dug his heels in, flexing his knees slightly to keep his balance, desperate for Noah to realize what was at stake.
“Noah!” Aksel’s voice boomed in the space.
Kaj hadn’t heard their bandmates when they’d entered the house nor when they walked down the stairs, but he was so grateful they were finally here. Kaj was afraid he wouldn’t have been able to contain him any longer.
“You called them?” Noah’s tone was accusatory as Kaj let him go, but he didn’t care. With the guys here, it’d be easier to keep him away from Jesper.
There was a blur of movement, and Noah was wrenched back as Xander shoved him hard against a wall. None of them were exactly short, but the bassist was also built like a bull, so it didn’t matter how strong Noah was, this man would easily overpower him.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Xander snarled.
“What does it look like to you?”
“You think you’re funny?” Xander pressed his forearm against Noah’s throat. “This could ruin all of us. Forever.”
“I don’t fucking care as long as that piece of shit is buried six feet under.”
Feral. Unforgiving. Unhinged. Noah was a force of unfiltered rage driven by the sole purpose of making Jesper pay for every wound he’d inflicted on Kaj. His clenched fists, the tension making his body tremble, and the teeth he was baring at the bassist weren’t just a manifestation of his anger. They were retribution and love in its most violent form.
Unsure if it was the world outside or the one inside him that had stopped, Kaj staggered back. His chest rose and fell with rapid breaths as his brain tried to catch up with the scene unfolding before him.
“Hey, Larsen!” Aksel called. “Dude, help me pick him up.” He gestured toward Jesper.
With his ears buzzing and his stomach churning as they stood on each side of him, Aksel and Kaj gripped the back of the chair and the front legs and lifted him.
That was when Kaj really saw Jesper.
He didn’t just look older than he should. He looked completely obliterated. His body was covered in dirt, deep bruises, and fresh cuts that mingled with older scars. His right elbow was swollen and dislocated, and his nose was most likely broken. But what took Kaj aback was the way the words “child” and “abuser” were carved into each separate thigh, raw and precise. Deep enough to scar. Deep enough to bleed.
Jesper’s eyes locked on Kaj’s, unleashing a wave of anguish like he’d never experienced before.
The shattered fragments of his mind slammed against each other as the phantom sensation of his hands skimmed over him, clashing with last night’s memories of Noah’s lips. He wasn’t afraid to die, but he couldn’t lose Noah because of this man.
“Take him out of here,” Xander growled, pushing Noah in Kaj’s direction. “Now.”
Noah’s chest heaved, breaths coming out in ragged gasps as he turned back to the scene. He was quaking with an adrenaline-induced rush, but Kaj could see the moment reality pierced through his rage. He was completely unremorseful, but he looked fractured.
“Noah,” Kaj called as he stepped closer, reaching for him. “We have to go, babe...”
“If you say one fucking word about what happened here,” Noah glared at Jesper as he pointed a finger at him. “You’re a dead man.”
“Come on,” Kaj said firmly, leaving no room for argument as he tugged at Noah’s wrist. Gentleness didn’t seem to work with him.
As they walked up the stairs, Aksel and Xander began to untie Jesper, their voices low and clipped as they debated what to do with him.
Kaj didn’t care.
All that mattered was getting Noah out of there.
Without letting go of him, Kaj led Noah out of the house. They didn’t share a word nor look at each other, just kept moving forward, step by step, until they reached Kaj’s motorcycle. The summer breeze felt sticky against the flushed skin of his face, and he was so worried, so nervous and angry, he wanted to jump out of himself.
“Put it on,” he said, pressing his helmet into Noah’s hands. He’d left in such haste, he’d forgotten to grab a spare, and as much as he wanted to punch Noah right now, he wanted him safe.
Noah glared at the helmet without saying anything, then slid it over his head. The drummer took a deep breath and swung his leg over the bike. As Noah’s arms wrapped around his waist, Kaj felt himself on the verge of a breakdown. If he hadn’t gotten here in time… Would Noah really have gotten to the end?
Shaking his head, Kaj revved the engine, stealing one last glance at the house before tearing down the road.