Chapter 5
MAYA
I sat in the waiting room and checked my phone to see if there was any update from Hugo.
He had texted me earlier to say that he was running late, that he had got held up in a meeting.
Story of his life. Just after eight, the door opened and I saw the same couple from last week emerge.
Her eyes were red-rimmed and her skin was blotchy.
She had definitely been crying. She looked up at me then and I could see her force herself to smile.
I tried to smile back but I don’t think my face remembers how to smile any more.
I guess she didn’t want to be here any more than I did.
They walked over to the door that lead out to the stairwell.
I watched as they passed me, how the husband put his arm around her, and my heart broke a little.
Although I didn’t know them, what had brought them here or what they might be going through, it was obvious that he loved her.
Whatever their problems were, I could see that they were united.
They were both on the same page and anything was surmountable when you had the same common goal.
I was trying to stay positive but I just didn’t have the same hope for Hugo and me.
The couple walked towards the door that led to the stairwell but just as they reached it, it flew back towards them as Hugo came rushing up the stairs and into the waiting room, causing them to jump backwards.
I cringed as he pushed past them, talking loudly into his phone, disturbing the softly spoken calmness of the environment.
‘You made it,’ I said when he ended the call and instantly regretted my tone, which sounded caustic. I remembered what Julia had said last week about respecting one another. Sardonic comments wouldn’t help either of us.
‘I told you I would, didn’t I?’ he snarled, putting his phone into his jacket pocket.
It was only then that I noticed, Julia was standing at the door, waiting for us.
We went inside and took the same seats as last week.
‘So how have you both been?’ she asked, smiling broadly at each of us.
‘Good,’ I lied because I don’t know what else to say.
‘How did you get on with the homework I gave you?’
Julia was referring to the exercise where she wanted us to recall what had drawn us to one another in the first place.
Neither of us replied.
‘Okay, Maya, let’s start with you. I’d like you recall the first time you met Hugo. What did you think of him?’
I squirmed, hating feeling so vulnerable. So exposed. ‘Well… I guess… I… em… I thought he was attractive, definitely. I also liked his confidence, like he owned the room.’
‘Thank you, Maya. And now your turn, Hugo. What did you first think when you met Maya?’
His eyes took on a faraway look. ‘Well I thought she was really beautiful. She stood out. She was with a group of her friends and she was the first one I noticed. Then when I started talking to her, I discovered she was good fun to be around.’
‘So do you still think of her like that?’
I held my breath, waiting for his response.
‘Sure… I guess… I mean look at her, she’s stunning.’
I sagged with relief. It had been a long time since I had heard him say anything nice about me. At least he still found me attractive.
‘And would you say she is still good fun too?’
He didn’t reply and instead looked across the room to where the fronds of the sorry-looking aloe vera plant were hanging over its pot.
‘Hugo?’ she prompted. ‘I need you to open up here or we’re not going to get anywhere.’
‘I don’t get to see the fun side of her any more,’ he admitted.
I felt fury warm my veins. ‘How can I be fun when you’re never around?’ I retorted. ‘I’m practically raising Elliot by myself. It kind of zaps the fun from everything.’
‘This is what I mean,’ Hugo said in exasperation. ‘She is constantly getting digs at me. She criticises every little thing that I say or do. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells whenever she’s near.’
‘Oh, so I’m a nagging wife, is that what you’re saying?’
‘Okay, Maya,’ Julia said, stepping in. ‘I need you to be calm and let Hugo speak.’
I fell quiet, chastened.
‘Why do you think Maya criticises you, Hugo?’
He shrugged. ‘I don’t know but sometimes, it’s like she really seems to hate me.’
I stared at him, furious. He was painting me as the bad guy here. The whole reason we needed counselling was because of him.
‘What normally happens when Maya starts at you?’ Julia pushed further. She had this annoying habit of holding your gaze until you felt so uncomfortable that you had to blurt out something to fill the silence.
‘I try to ignore her but then she’ll go too far; it’s like she knows exactly how to push my buttons. And then I can’t help myself, I’ll snap back at her and it gets nasty.’
‘What do you mean by nasty?’
He shifted awkwardly and did the swivel thing he always does with his neck whenever he feels uncomfortable. ‘Well, we say horrible things to one another…’
‘And how does that make you feel?’
‘I hate it. It’s not healthy for either of us.’
‘Maya, you mention Hugo is never at home so would it be fair to say that you’re feeling abandoned and then when you do see him, you’re taking your anger about the situation out on him when really what you crave is togetherness? Do you think you might be doing this as a way to get his attention?’
‘Well, it’s the wrong way to go about it…’ Hugo muttered.
‘Maybe…’ I said, ignoring the jibe. ‘But I feel so angry with him all the time so on the rare occasions when he is actually at home, I can’t seem to help myself.’
‘So what you’re saying is that you don’t see much of Hugo but then you usually spend the small amount of time that you have together arguing.’
‘Pretty much,’ Hugo chimed in. ‘And God help me when she starts on the argument juice. The gloves are really off then.’
‘What do you mean by “argument juice”, Hugo?’ Julia asked.
‘When she starts drinking wine, she’s a total nightmare.’
I was seething. How dare he say that about me!
‘Would you say that’s true, Maya?’ Julia asked. ‘Does alcohol loosen your tongue?’
‘Maybe,’ I retorted, ‘but it’s all stuff that is bothering me and then when I’ve had a glass of wine, I don’t know… I guess the truth comes out.’
‘I feel we’re getting to the root of the problem.
Maya doesn’t feel her needs are being met, which results in frustration, and then she takes that anger out on you, Hugo.
But the good news for both of you is that if you’re getting angry, you care.
I see couples who have moved past anger; they’re ambivalent to one another and then it’s very difficult to recapture what you’ve lost.’
We went back and forth some more until Julia checked her watch.
‘Goodness, is that the time?’ she exclaimed.
‘Okay, this has been a good session, you’ve both opened up and I know it hasn’t been easy.
This week, I’d like you both to really listen to one another; try not to be cynical or judge.
Respect what the other person is saying without snide comments. Does that sound okay?’
We both nodded and stood up to leave.