Chapter 41
LIV
Finn dragged his hand along the saffron-coloured leaves of the Virginia creeper that was growing along the wall beside us while I held onto his other one as we walked home together from school.
I knew we’d soon come to a stage when he would no longer want to hold my hand in public so for now, I was going to savour it while I still could.
We were heading to the barbers to get his hair cut.
Finn was excited to get rid of his long hair but my heart ached.
He had only started school a few weeks ago and I had already noticed a big change in his personality.
He was becoming more independent as he took small steps away from us and his classmates became more influential in his life.
‘How was school, love?’ I asked as we waited to cross at the pedestrian lights.
‘It was okay,’ he said, looking a little defeated.
I felt my chest tighten. ‘Did something happen?’
The little green man started to flash and we began to cross.
‘Well, Elliot was mean to me again.’
‘What happened now, sweetie?’
‘We were all playing tag in the yard but I catched him so then he pushed me so then I pushed him back because that’s what Daddy tolded me to do but then he fell on the ground and started crying and he tolded teacher and I got in big trouble.
Then teacher tolded me to say sorry and I saided no because he did it first and Daddy said I had to push him back if he pushed me first then she got really mad and then I hadded to sit on the bench for time out. ’
‘Oh, honey, that’s awful.’ Had we made a mistake by telling Finn to fight back?
I wondered. Jay’s advice, although well-intentioned, had inadvertently caused him to get into trouble.
Maybe we needed to have a word with his teacher.
Although I didn’t want to interfere in school discipline and I really didn’t want to be an overbearing parent, especially as he had only just started school, I also didn’t want him getting the blame for standing up for himself, especially as this wasn’t the first time that Elliot had lashed out at our son.
‘Well, if he does that again, you just walk away and tell him you don’t want to play with him any more until he starts playing nicely.’
‘But he’ll tell teacher on me,’ Finn protested.
‘If he does, you can explain to Ms Higgins that your mammy said that you don’t have to play with anyone who is being mean to you,’ I said defiantly.
‘Okay, Mammy. I’ll tell my teacher that if he does it again. Guess what else happened today?’
‘What?’
‘Brody’s mammy hadded a baby girl.’
‘Really?’ I replied.
‘Brody was late because his daddy had to bring his mammy to the ’opital so his granny branged him to school.’
‘Well, that sounds like a very exciting morning for Brody.’
‘Brody said the baby is going to give him a present when he goes to see it in the ’opital. How does the baby bring a present? Is it in the big tummy with the baby?’
‘I’m not sure, love,’ I said.
‘If we get a new baby, do you think it will bring me a present?’ he asked hopefully.
‘I-I-I’m not really sure how it all works…’ I replied, grappling to explain it to him.
‘What if the baby brings me a dinosaur; how will it fit in there in the tummy? Dinosaurs are really big.’
‘It would be really squashy,’ I agreed.
‘I hope we get one too, Mammy. I want to show the baby all my dinosaurs.’
I felt a sinking feeling pool in my tummy as he skipped along the path beside me. My heart felt as though it had been chiselled and was left splintered and raw. He wanted a sibling so badly; was I being selfish by denying him the chance to have a brother or sister?
‘Should we take a visit to the sweet shop after we get your hair cut?’ I suggested, hoping it would distract him from the conversation about babies.
‘Yes!’ he cried, tearing off ahead of me down the street towards the shop.