Chapter Six
Gil
Of course he’d known what might happen when he’d offered Benji a ride home. He’d had no intention of making the first overture, but now that Benji had opened the door….
Without answering, he cut the lights and turned off the engine. Benji exited the Jeep, and he followed right behind. They walked up the stairs but before entering the apartment, he hesitated.
He had no idea what had made him think of Benji as a passive person. He took control, running his nose along Gil’s, skimming Gil’s cheek with his fingertips.
“Whatever you want.”
He hadn’t a fucking clue what he wanted aside from holding Benji. Gil leaned in and Benji met him halfway. The first touch of their lips was soft and gentle. A light sigh escaped Benji, and Gil’s breath caught. His heart hammered. Benji placed a hand on his.
“Let’s go inside,” he whispered, though they were alone.
In the living room, they shed coats and sneakers and, keeping the room dark, Benji slid an arm around his waist. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
He brushed the waves out of Benji’s eyes. “I am too.” It was the truth.
He cupped Benji’s cheeks and their lips met. This time it was anything but sweet. The spark between them burst to a conflagration and he opened to Benji’s demanding tongue pushing into his mouth. He sucked it as he massaged Benji’s broad shoulders and slid down his back to cup his ass.
“Gil. From the first time I saw you this was all I could think of.”
“Yeah? That makes something else we have in common.” He licked a path along Benji’s throat, nipping and sucking. Benji’s moans of pleasure rose in the air, and Gil returned to capture his mouth, their kisses growing more frenzied.
Hands touched his waist and he closed his eyes for a moment.
“I’m not sure—”
“It’s okay. I understand,” Benji murmured. “But I’d really like to hold you tonight. Will you stay?”
He hadn’t shared a bed with anyone in six years. A lonely, black night was all that had filled his empty heart.
“Gil?” Benji murmured. His lashes fluttered and he saw determination, lust, and sorrow in Benji’s face.
“It’s okay if you don’t. If it’s too fast and you’re not sure.”
Gil knew why he’d asked. When he closed his eyes, Benji thought he was thinking of Rob. But he wasn’t. The second he’d made the decision to accept Benji’s invitation, he’d begun the farewell to the life he’d had and he’d put his foot on the road to something new and slightly terrifying.
His lip tugged up. “I’m sure I want to kiss you.”
Gil held out a hand and Benji took it, lacing their fingers together. “You are so perfect.”
They stretched out on the couch, and he ran an appreciative eye over Benji.
“You’ve been in my head since the first time I saw you,” he murmured, and Benji nuzzled into his chest. Gil cuddled him close.
“So you’ll stay the night? Please? I just…I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. Want you here.”
He buried his lips in Benji’s hair. “Okay.” Gil rid himself of his jeans, and together they walked to the bedroom. Benji pointed to the bathroom.
“You can take a shower if you want.”
He stood under the streaming water, relieved that Benji hadn’t pressed for more but confused by how much he wanted it…wanted him. Dueling thoughts played havoc in his mind and when he dried off and returned to the bedroom, his heart squeezed to see Benji half-asleep, snuggled into the pillows. He slid under the comforter and Benji spooned him. Gil closed his eyes.
**
Rain and wind still lashed against the windows and roof. He cracked open an eye and winced. 4:45. An ugly hour. An hour he used to wake up with nightmares about the accident.
But instead of a cold bed and an empty space next to him, warm breath hit his shoulder. A hairy thigh rubbed his, and a thick shaft poked his ass. An arm slung around his neck.
He blinked, as tears burned his eyes and he stared out into the shadowy bedroom. It was hard, this letting go a second time. A final time. Because now he knew that there was room in his heart. To begin again. Maybe to love again.
“You’re awake,” Benji’s lips pressed to his skin and he kissed Gil’s neck. “Everything all right?”
Benji sounded wary. Hesitant. As if he understood the windmills circling in Gil’s mind. Gil didn’t like that. Benji was filled with light and life. In lieu of answering, he turned to face Benji, and the smile on his face was true and bright.
“It’s good. All good.”
Relief filled Benji’s eyes and a mischievous grin ticked up his generous mouth. “I’m thinking better than good.” He covered his mouth with a kiss that left him swooning. “It’s nice to wake up and have you here. I wasn’t sure….” He ran his nose along Gil’s cheek and Gil captured his face between his hands.
“Sure of what? That I was going to be here when you woke up?”
Solemn now, Benji nodded. “Yeah. I thought maybe you’d change your mind about wanting to stay, and I’d wake up to a note. Thanks. But,” he shrugged. “You know. Because—”
“Of Rob?
“Yes.” Benji met his gaze directly. “I can’t imagine how devastating it must’ve been for you.”
“It was.” He sat up, leaning on the headboard, the sheets pooling around his waist, and Benji joined him. “I loved him. We had a great life and if he was alive, I know we would’ve been together forever.”
“Tell me about him,” Benji said, and Gil’s heart turned upside down.
“You don’t have to—”
“I want to. I want to know everything about you, Gil Navarro.” At the touch of Benji’s hand on his chest, he stilled, then covered it with his own.
So he talked, and Benji listened. He no longer ached with physical pain, talking about their first date or how Rob had proposed—under the cherry blossoms in Prospect Park and a private dinner in the Botanical Gardens, made possible because he’d known the head caterer. Their dreams of opening a farm-to-table restaurant and combining their skills. How he’d made it to the hospital with only moments to spare, in time to tell Rob he loved him.
Tears streaked Benji’s cheeks, and he sniffled and wiped them away. “I’m so sorry. He sounds like the perfect husband.”
Finally Gil could laugh. “He’d say so, but of course we argued—silly things that never got out of hand. He was stubborn and a perfectionist. You’ve heard of Type A? He was A plus-plus. Everything had to be absolutely perfect—every flower tilted the same way, every pattern on the place mats aligned exactly so. Salads all dressed the same…you get the picture.”
“Yeah. I’m more type B minus.” He snickered. “I’m sort of a go with the flow, let’s add this and see how it tastes.”
“Rob would’ve gotten hives. But both ways aren’t wrong. I learned not to get annoyed and he agreed that home wasn’t the same as the restaurant.” He sighed, and Benji took his hand and squeezed.
“You’re lucky to have found someone like that.” It was a comfort to have that warmth. “You made it work.”
“What about you? You mentioned an ex.” He played with Benji’s long, elegant fingers. “I want to know about you, too, Benji Roth.”
He shrugged. “I’m a serial dater. Always the bridesmaid but never the bride sort of thing. My friends have all gotten married and here I am, still sipping margaritas at the club, looking for love.”
For whatever reason, Benji didn’t want to talk about his old boyfriend, which to Gil meant he’d been hurt badly. And, more importantly, it still affected him, which he covered up with a smile and keeping things surface. That wasn’t going to work for Gil.
“And your ex wasn’t looking for love?”
Benji stared at his hands. “Oh, he was. Just not with me. Turns out he’d found it with someone else while we were together but somehow neglected to tell me.”
Waves of pain radiated from Benji, and Gil knew to move ahead with caution. “That’s really rough.”
Benji’s already tight lips thinned. “Especially when he brings the new boyfriend—make that, fiancé—to the office holiday party and they’re loving it up as if I didn’t exist. Everyone looked at me like I was pitiful. Maybe I was.”
Gil put his arm around Benji’s shoulder and rubbed it, then pulled him close. “You know a guy like that isn’t worth someone like you. You’re better off without him. I know it hurts like hell to be cheated on, but if he did that to you, he’ll do it to all the others. But you’ll be the lucky one, because you won’t care anymore.”
Benji rolled on top of him and kissed him. “Maybe I already don’t.”
Gil held him by the nape and their lips met, slowly now, learning each other’s taste and scent. “I think I’m glad about that. Because I really like you, Benji Roth.” He smoothed his hand down the curve of Benji’s spine, feeling each vertebra pass beneath his fingertips until he gripped the sweet cheeks of Benji’s ass.
“I really like you too, Gil Navarro.” Benji kissed the dip by his collarbone and the swirl of dark hair by each red nipple. “Every inch of you.”
Gil rolled Benji underneath him and took his mouth in a bruising kiss. “I—would it be okay if we did only this for a while?” He flexed his hips, dragging his erect cock along Benji’s. Waves of pleasure washed over him and Benji grasped them both in hand.
“Only this with you is better than more with anyone else.”
The bed creaked as they rocked together and Gil lost himself in the reawakening of his desire, as dawn broke for a new day. His orgasm crashed through him and as they lay gasping for air, sweaty bodies sticking together, he thought.
It feels so right with him.
“Are you okay?” Benji questioned, running his fingers through Gil’s damp curls.
“I am.”
They got up from the bed, showered, and he put on the same clothes as the day before while Benji put on a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. As they sat, sipping coffee, Benji asked him, “Are you happy?”
About to toss out a quick, “Sure,” he set his mug on the island and thought for a moment.
“I think I finally am. It’s been six years, and I know Rob would’ve wanted me to live again. I might never stop loving him.” He picked up Benji’s hand and kissed each finger. “But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be happy with someone else.”
The nor’easter continued to pelt rain and the skies remained gray and nasty, but at his words, Benji’s smile lit up the room brighter than any sun.