Chapter Twenty-One
Caden
“When are you going to tell her?”
I take my eyes off the court long enough to look at my sister. “What are you talking about?” I ask, my gaze returning to the action. Joshua’s team is playing a very tough opponent and are currently down by six late in the third quarter. It’s the final day of the tournament, and they’re playing for third place.
“Adrienne. When are you going to tell her you love her?” my sister asks quietly.
I can feel her eyes burning into my face, but I refuse to acknowledge. Instead, I scan the entrance to the gym, checking to see if Adrienne’s returning yet or not. She excused herself only a few minutes ago to use the restroom, leaving just my sister and me together in the stands.
“It’s okay if you don’t answer. I’m sure you have a lot of shit to work out in your own head. You need to acknowledge it to yourself first, then you can say it to her.”
“I don’t love her, Scar,” I grumble, crossing my arms over my chest. “Set a screen!” I holler to the court.
When she doesn’t reply, I finally look her way. She’s sitting there, smiling at me.
“What?” I ask, my tone gruff.
“Nothing,” she sings. “Except you do.”
I scoff, returning my attention to the action on the floor. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe, but I have eyes. I’ve watched you all weekend. You’re in love with her, and either you haven’t come to the realization yet yourself—but you will—or you’re ignoring it because of what the bitch did to your heart.”
I don’t have to ask who she’s referring to. I’m well aware it’s Dawn.
“I don’t have a heart,” I grumble, feeling a little hot under the collar.
“Yes, you do, and it’s as big as a truck. You just don’t realize it because you hide it away, locked up like the princess in those Disney movies.”
“What about you?” I argue, needing to deflect.
“What about me?”
“What the hell is going on with you and Warner?”
She’s quiet for a few seconds, and I start to think she’s not going to answer. “I met with a divorce attorney this past Tuesday.”
I sit up a little straighter in my seat. “You did?”
She nods. “He’s going to challenge me on everything, but I’m ready. I can’t let him keep hurting me over and over again. I hate what he’s done to me, to our family. He’s made me a joke around town, someone everyone talks about. The marriage has been over for a while, but I was too scared.” She meets my gaze with an intensity I’ve never seen before. “I’m done, Caden. I’m pissed and ready to fight. I want my life back. I want to learn who I am without him and the hurt he’s caused for too long.”
I slip my arm around her shoulder and pull her against my side. “I’m proud of you. I know this isn’t easy, but you’ve got this. I’ll be right beside you every step of the way.”
She sighs, her eyes trailing her son as he moves down the court. A faint smile stretches across her lips. She realizes he’s about to shoot and tenses a bit. The moment Joshua sinks his shot, she hollers, “Great shot!”
“Anyway, I told my attorney what I wanted. My list is small. It consists of my SUV, any personal belongings, and the basement furniture. Oh, and everything from Joshua’s bedroom.”
Their basement setup is their older stuff, consisting of a couch and recliner, a small kitchen table with four chairs, and a queen-sized bedroom set in the extra guest room.
“He can keep all the new stuff in the living room, dining room, and bedroom. I didn’t like most of that stuff anyway, but he insisted. He loved to spend his money, even when we didn’t need to update. The furniture in the basement was less than three years old and is in perfect condition. It’ll suit just fine at my new place.”
My heart gallops in my chest. “You already found one?”
She nods. “My boss is renting me her house, since she’s moving in with her boyfriend. It’s two bedrooms and two baths, perfect for us. It’s over on Cherry Street, by the dry cleaners.”
I give her another squeeze before releasing my hold on her. “What does Joshua say?”
“He’s so supportive and understanding. He’s been through a lot in his short sixteen years of life too. It’s time for us both to heal.”
I spot Adrienne at the doorway, waiting for a break in the action to return to her seat. “He’s a great kid. He’ll be okay, as long as he knows you are.”
“And I will be. I just have to get through the divorce first.”
The tips of my ears burn. “He’ll make it difficult. He’ll continue to be a fucker every step of the way.”
She exhales, clapping as we score two more points. “I know.”
“We’re with you, Scar. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask.” The ref blows the whistle, and I catch Adrienne, along with a few other fans, making their way back to their seats.
“I’ll need help moving,” she says.
“When you get the date, just let me know. I’ll get Jack and a few other guys to help.”
“Joshua said he’d ask friends from school and the basketball team to help too.”
Adrienne starts up the steps, a fresh bag of popcorn in her hand.
“Now that we’ve gotten my drama out of the way, I want you to promise me one thing,” Scarlet says, turning my way and meeting my gaze with fiery eyes. “Promise me you won’t push her away. Promise me you’ll at least consider opening your heart up again. You two are good for each other.”
Adrienne drops down onto the seat beside me, cutting off the conversation. “Jeez, I think every woman in the gym needed to use the restroom at the same time,” she mutters, holding her popcorn out for me to take a handful, even though I’ve already devoured a bag today.
I reach in, noting the M&M’s integrated throughout, and pop the mixture into my mouth. The problem is, I’m not thinking about the heavenly snack I’m consuming. No. Thanks to my sister, I’m reeling from her accusations of love. Because they’re just that. Bullshit accusations.
I don’t love Adrienne.
I can’t.
I’m not built that way.
Adrienne elbows me. “Go, Josh! Go!” she hollers after Joshua steals the ball, runs the court, and makes a layup to tie the score. “Yes! Great D and shot!”
My heart slams against my ribs so hard, I swear everyone in the gym can hear it. How can they not? The pounding is so loud, so intense, those in the bleachers surrounding me surely can feel the reverb. Lord knows it’s causing physical pain to me right now as I try to breathe through the discomfort.
“You okay?” Adrienne asks, leaning over and holding out her bag of popcorn a second time.
“Yeah. Fine. Great.” I try to give her a smile, but it feels tight and forced.
She continues to watch me, waiting for me to explain why I’m suddenly tense and practically vibrating with anxiety, but I can’t seem to get the words out. When I don’t take any more popcorn, she sets the bag on her lap and munches away.
My head swims. How could this have happened? I fell in love with her? Of course I have. She somehow slipped past my armor, penetrating the hard-shell exterior I’ve carefully erected around my heart. Many women have tried. For years, they’ve wanted to be “the one” to fix me. To break through the walls until I fall madly in love with them.
And now…
Now, there’s Adrienne.
Beautiful, sassy, amazing Adrienne.
Somehow, she did what many have attempted before her, and the crazy part is, she hasn’t even realized it. She’s just as protected, as guarded, as I am. Hell, maybe even more so, since her betrayal is so much fresher than what I endured. She’s just a year out of her last relationship, and while that might seem like a long time, when you’ve been hurt and embarrassed, a year is nothing.
Maybe this was her plan all along? She played the strong warrior, determined to keep every man at arm’s length, all while slowly building trust and chiseling away at some poor sucker’s soul. Before he knows what happens, bam! She has you convinced she wants one thing, while completely searching for another.
But my heart tells me that’s not true. Adrienne has never led me to believe she’s anything more than the genuine person she’s been portraying ever since we met. And even if I were in love with her—which I’m not, mind you—it’s not like she’s in the same place. So, there’s no reason for me to explore this or ever consider telling her how I feel.
Basically, ignoring it until it goes away is the only way to go.
And it will go away.
It has to.
I’m present for the rest of the game, but I don’t get into it the way I normally do. Not by a long shot. I cheer when necessary, but my mind is a thousand miles away. All I can think about now is putting some distance between us. We’ve already checked out of our hotel, and as soon as this game is over, we’re heading back to Stewart Grove. Once there, I’ll be able to take some space to put all these pesky, confusing thoughts behind me.
Because that’s what they are.
I’m not in love with her.
Except I am.
When the final whistle blows, we stand up and cheer for Joshua and his team. They played a great tournament, securing a third place standing in the finals bracket. I want to grab Adrienne’s hand and drag her out of the building, to my SUV, and back to town, but I won’t do that to my nephew. I always congratulate him on a great game, win or lose.
Making sure we have all our things and trash collected, we slowly exit the stands and make our way to the large vestibule outside the gym. The championship game is next, and while I might usually stay and watch the game, I just don’t have it in me today.
“Are you headed straight home after this?” Scarlet asks, watching me closely while I shift back and forth where I stand. I suddenly have all this extra energy I don’t know what to do with.
“Yep,” I reply, almost too quickly.
“I’ll leave it up to Joshua if he wants to stay for the last game. He usually does, but he has an interview with Isaac tomorrow at Burgers and Brew.”
“He does?” Adrienne asks, genuinely interested.
“Yep. They’re looking to hire a dishwasher and Meredith suggested he apply. She said they’ll work with him during school and with his practice and game schedule,” she tells Adrienne.
“They will. They have other high schoolers in the kitchen who play sports or have other after-school commitments.”
“Good. I told him he doesn’t have to rush to get a job, especially with his busy sports schedule, but he wants to. Even if it’s a day or two a week. He wants to start earning his own money, especially in light of the changes coming.”
I know she’s referring to the divorce and moving, but I can tell by the look on Adrienne’s face, she’s not sure what she means. I prepare to add context to the conversation when I see Joshua approaching, his hair sweaty and his cheeks still flushed from exertion.
“Hey, buddy. Great game,” I say, grabbing his hand and pulling him into a bro hug.
“Thanks, Uncle Caden. We didn’t do too bad.”
“Hell no, you didn’t. This tourney is huge, with lots of great teams and players. You guys hung right in there until the very end and came out on top.”
He nods. “Yeah. Too bad we lost that second game yesterday. Otherwise, we would have been battling for the championship trophy today.”
“I hear ya, but you can’t win them all.”
He nods in agreement, but I can still see the dejection in his eyes. He looks over at Adrienne and gives her a smile. “Thanks for coming this weekend.”
“Absolutely. You played great. You have real talent,” Adrienne says.
“Thanks. I learned everything I could from my uncle,” Joshua says, elbowing me in the arm.
I give him a smile, recalling all the time we spent in the driveway, shooting hoops and practicing. From the time he could hold and dribble a ball, we’ve been playing together. “We’re gonna head home,” I tell him.
He pulls me into a hug and gives me a tight squeeze. “Thanks for always being in the stands.”
My throat is suddenly tight. I nod and say, “No place I’d rather be. I’ll always be there, cheering you on.” I can’t help but think about who’s noticeably absent this weekend. His father, the big fucking douche canoe.
“Hey, Mom, do you think we can watch the final game? I want to see which team pulls it off, the Bulldogs or Rush.”
“Absolutely,” Scarlet replies. “We can hit the concession stand before we head inside the gym.”
“We’ll get out of here so you can feed the boy. He’s growing, you know,” I add.
Joshua rubs his stomach. “I’m always hungry.”
Scarlet chuckles. “No kidding. You remind me of Caden when he was your age. That boy ate for three every meal.”
I roll my eyes. “It wasn’t that bad.” Then, without giving it a single thought, I reach for Adrienne’s hand. “Ready?”
She nods, her long fingers entwining with my own. “Yes.”
“See you guys later. Be safe driving home,” I tell my sister and nephew. “Oh, and good luck tomorrow at your interview, Joshua.”
He flashes me a quick, easy grin that resembles my own. “Thanks.”
I watch as they take off toward the concession area before leading Adrienne into the crowd shuffling outside into the parking lot. It’s hot, the summer sun is still bright, despite the fact it’s approaching six. We’ve got about an hour and a half drive home, which seems long and daunting now that my mind is spinning.
We’re on the road to Stewart Grove, the silence in the vehicle almost deafening. I’m lost in my own thoughts, but I can still feel her eyes on me every now and again. Yet, I keep my focus ahead of me, even though traffic isn’t terrible on the two-lane highway.
“So, what are your plans when we get back to town?” she asks.
“I was just gonna head home and maybe crash early. We’ve been doing a lot this weekend. I’m pretty beat,” I tell her, even though it’s not entirely true. Sure, I’m a little tired, but the reasoning has everything to do with spending time with her the entire weekend. In fact, I had a great time. More fun than I’ve ever had with a woman. First time I’ve ever taken one away with me too, especially for something involving family.
Another reason I need to put some distance between us.
Stat.
“I have some laundry to do when I get home,” she says casually.
“Yeah,” I reply absently.
“I’ll be in the office for a few hours tomorrow,” she continues. I can feel her eyes on me again.
“Okay.”
“Then, I have to work four to close at the bar,” she adds.
I nod, not really sure what more to say.
A small sigh echoes throughout the vehicle, but I ignore that too. She goes quiet now, clearly getting the picture that I don’t want to talk. It’s not that I don’t want to talk—I do. I just don’t know what to say. Everything feels so heavy right now, and I need time to process it.
Eventually, Adrienne reaches out and turns up the radio. Classic rock plays, accompanying us the rest of the way home. By the time I pull into town and head for her townhouse, I feel even worse. I hate the silence that seems to have settled around us, but I don’t know what to say or how to change it. I just need time.
Alone.
When I pull into the parking lot and stop in front of her home, the tension’s so thick, you could cut it with a knife. Adrienne practically jumps out of my SUV, heading for the back to retrieve her suitcase. I climb out and meet her back there, but she’s already pulling her luggage out before I can.
“Let me,” I insist, reaching for the handle.
“No, it’s okay. I got it.”
We stare at each other for several seconds before she breaks eye contact. She looks up to her place before sliding her gaze back to me. “Thanks for the invite. I had a great time this weekend,” she says.
“Me too.” And that’s one-hundred-percent the truth. I loved every minute we spent together.
And that’s the problem.
“I’ll see you at work tomorrow,” I state, needing the reminder we work together.
She nods. “Sounds good. Have a good night, Caden.”
“You too.”
She turns, dragging her wheeled suitcase across the sidewalk and to her front door. She has no issues with the steps, easily maneuvering the big case up and inside the moment her door is open. She doesn’t turn back, doesn’t wave. She slips inside her townhouse and closes the door. The heaviness of the goodbye leaves me aching. Aching with the desire to run over there, beat on her door, and take her in my arms once more, and aching with the knowledge our time together has come to an end.
It has to.
Because I love her.
And I’ll never be able to say it.
I climb back inside my SUV and head home. Her perfume still hangs in the air, probably permeating the seats so I’ll continue to smell her for months to come. That’ll be my punishment for falling in love. Continuing to see her, continuing to catch her scent when I least expect it.
But such is life.
I’ll get over it, just like I’ll get over her.
The quicker that happens, the quicker I’ll be able to go back to the way things were. Before I realized I wasn’t as closed off and emotionally unavailable as I expected.
Before Adrienne.