Chapter Twenty-Two
Adrienne
“I need you,” I whisper into the phone the moment she answers.
“What’s wrong?” The panic is evident in Stevie’s voice.
“I just…I’m okay, but I need you for something. Can you come over?” I ask, trying to keep the tears at bay. I’m not a crier normally, but I can’t seem to fight the emotions threatening to take over.
“Yeah, of course. I’m on my way out the door now,” she declares. I can hear the slam of the front door, followed by a car door opening and the starting of her engine.
I exhale the breath I didn’t realize I was holding and close my eyes. “I’ll let you go so you can drive,” I mutter.
“You’re scaring me a little bit,” she says softly.
“I’m not trying to, I promise. There’s just…something. I need a friend.”
“And a friend is on the way,” she insists. “I’ll be there in five.”
“All right. Be safe,” I reply before hanging up.
I set my phone down on the counter and reach for the bottle of water. After taking a hearty drink, I return it to the fridge so it can stay cold. My legs carry me from one end of my kitchen to the other. I move back and forth constantly, feeling like a caged animal. A mixture of fear, anxiety, dread, and even anticipation and exhilaration races through me. It’s so overwhelming it’s hard to think straight.
I’m not sure how long it actually takes her to get here, but Stevie’s knocking on my door and pushing it open quickly. She looks at me with worry in her eyes and scans me from head to toe, as if looking for a sign of what’s going on. She closes the door behind her and slowly approaches. “Hey.”
I stop pacing. “Hi.”
“What’s going on?” she asks gently, taking another small step closer.
“I’m in love with Caden.”
It takes a few seconds before she registers my words, but the moment she does, a wide smile spreads across her beautiful face. “I knew it!” she bellows.
“No,” I reply, shaking my head and angrily swiping at the single tear that falls from my eye. “It wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“I know it wasn’t, but it’s not like that’s something you can control. Your heart wants who your heart wants.”
“But it wasn’t supposed to want him,” I groan as a few more tears fall.
She takes my hand and pulls me into the living room where we take a seat, facing each other on the couch. “Tell me what happened.”
“I need to start at the beginning,” I say, swiping at the tears and taking a deep, cleansing breath. “It was supposed to be fun, you know? Two people who enjoy sex. No commitments, no strings.”
“But then you started to fall,” she says gently, giving me a knowing, sad smile.
“I realized it this weekend. It was…” I close my eyes and picture us together at the baseball game. It’s so easy being with him. “It was great. Perfect, really.”
She reaches for my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “So, you need help figuring out what to do about it?”
I scrunch up my face a bit, and reply, “Not really.”
She seems confused. “What do you need help with then?”
“So, while we were in Cincinnati, I realized something else. I, uh, hadn’t started my period.”
Realization sets in and her eyes go wide. “Oh.”
“I got to thinking, I was in the placebo week of my birth control, and, well, I hadn’t started. At first, I just convinced myself it was because of the stress of starting the second job and everything. I even told myself I was probably off a week and didn’t realize it.”
“But you weren’t off a week,” she derives, sitting perfectly still.
“No. When I got back to the hotel, I checked, and…I was supposed to take the last pill in the packet on Saturday. I hadn’t brought the fresh packet with me, figuring I’d just start the new pack as soon as I got home Sunday, but when I got back here and went to open them, I couldn’t take it.”
“Okay,” she says softly.
“And I haven’t taken one since,” I add, knowing I should have triggered a period by now. That happened to me once before, I missed three days of pills due to a shortage of birth control at my pharmacy, and by the third day, I was bleeding again. “I remembered hearing something that said if you became pregnant, stop taking your birth control immediately.”
She exhales. “So…you need a test.”
I sniffle and whisper my first confirmation, “I think so.”
“Okay,” she replies with a nod, standing up. “I’ll be right back.”
“Wait, where are you going?”
She spins around and gives me a small grin. “To the pharmacy. If you need a pregnancy test, I’m going to get you one.”
“But what if that stirs up rumors? You can’t walk out of there with a pregnancy test! Everyone will assume it’s for you,” I bellow.
Stevie shrugs her shoulders and grabs her keys. “So. Let them talk. No one matters but the people important to us, right?”
I nod slowly, still not convinced. What if it gets back to Jack that she was buying a test at the pharmacy?
She steps forward, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m not worried about people talking, Adrienne. I’m doing this for a friend, and if Jack somehow hears, I’ll tell him exactly that.”
I sniffle, overwhelmed by her love and support. I don’t know how I got so lucky as to find a friend like her, but I’ll be forever grateful. “I don’t want you to have to keep a secret from him.”
“I won’t. I’ll tell him it’s for a friend and leave it at that.”
I snort. “A friend. He’ll know.”
She shakes her head. “I do have more than one friend, you know.”
“I know, I’m just—”
“Stop it, I’m teasing. It’s going to be okay, Adrienne. Stay here, and I’ll be right back. If it comes back positive, we’ll figure out the next step. Together.”
I nod because that’s all I can do. I’m so overwhelmed I can’t seem to respond.
“Hang tight. Be back in a jiffy.” And then she’s gone, closing the door with a little extra force and heading to the pharmacy.
To buy me a pregnancy test.
I close my eyes and try to breathe slowly. In through my nose, out through my mouth. I do that a few more times until I feel my heart rate start to slow to a normal rhythm. Ever since I got home on Sunday, I’ve been anxious. First, there was that awkward ride home, in which Caden seemed to put as much space between us, figuratively, as possible. It got to the point it was easier to just turn up the music and enjoy the tunes than it was to try to force conversation out of him when he clearly didn’t want to talk.
At some point during that last game, things just…changed. I felt the distance, as he talked to his sister and nephew and even took my hand. Then, of course, the world’s most uncomfortable car ride possible. At first, I thought he picked up my own uneasiness, thanks to discovering something was up with my birth control pills, but I’m not sure that was it. He seemed fine right up until I went to the restroom that last time before the end of the game.
Then something changed.
It was confirmed on Monday when I went to the shop to work. Caden and Jack were both there, but as soon as I arrived, Caden grabbed his coffee and took off, barely muttering a quick good morning before exiting the building. Jack just shook his head and made an excuse for his friend and partner, claiming he didn’t get much sleep the night before. I didn’t see him the rest of the day either. He didn’t arrive back at the shop before I left, nor did he come to the bar and have dinner. I half expected him to, since he’s gotten into a habit of doing just that on nights I work. But Monday night was crickets.
So far, it’s the same on Tuesday. Granted, I know it’s not even noon, but I wouldn’t put it past him to fire off a flirty or naughty text at some point during the day. Yet, it’s been nothing but crickets from him, and while it’s only been a little more than twenty-four hours since I last saw him at work—not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things—this time feels different. The separation greater.
Grand Canyon sized.
It takes about twenty minutes before Stevie is back, plastic pharmacy bag in hand. “I got a few different ones.”
I blink at her before taking in the contents of the bag she drops on the table. “Umm, do I need four tests?”
“Well, they come two to a box, and I figured you’d want to take two for sure. You know, in case you get a false positive. Or a false negative,” she reasons. “And then a third one is for confirmation either way. You know, two out of three?”
I nod, because honestly, that makes sense. I’ve never taken a pregnancy test. I have no clue how accurate they’re supposed to be. Plus, what if I do it wrong? I mean, I don’t think I can pee on a stick wrong, but I’m sure it’s happened before.
“Which one should I do first?”
She glances down at the different tests, two different brands. “Does it matter?”
“Probably not,” I mutter, grabbing the closest one to me.
“Here,” she blurts out, running to the fridge and grabbing my already opened bottle of water. “You’re probably going to need the fluids.”
Normally, I’d crack a smile at her comment, but I can’t seem to muster one up right now. With wobbly legs, I walk across the kitchen to my half bath and slip inside. Once the door is closed behind me, I sit on the closed toilet seat and shut my eyes. There’s no going back if this test is positive. The course of my life will change instantly.
So will Caden’s…
I take the first set of tests out of the box and lift the toilet seat. I read through the directions, which are pretty self-explanatory, but I still read every single word. I can’t mess this up. When I’ve completed my little assignment, I pull down my shorts and underwear and do what I’m supposed to do.
When it’s done, I carefully place the pee stick flat on the vanity and finish the other part of using the bathroom. Once my shorts are pulled up and I’ve flushed, I realize I didn’t set a timer. It says in three minutes I’d have the results.
Needing something to do with my hands, I wash them. Just as I reach for the hand towel to dry them off, I glance down at the test. There’s a single word printed across the little screen.
Pregnant.
“Are you almost done? I’m dying out here.”
With my eyes glued to that one word, I carefully pick up the stick and head for the door. I remember to at least grab the little plastic cover and place it over the end so I’m not walking around with fresh pee in my hand. The moment I open the door, she’s there, her eyes wide as she waits.
“It says…” Breathe. “It says, I’m pregnant.”
Her hand covers her mouth, and I’m not sure if it’s to cover her shock or her smile. “Really?”
I nod, holding out the life-changing device in my hand.
“Holy shit, Adrienne.”
Closing my eyes again, I take another deep breath. “What am I going to do?” I whisper, not just to her but myself as well.
“You’re going to drink some water and take another. These things aren’t always accurate, right?”
I shrug, having no clue, but I do as instructed. She takes the used test from me and places it on a paper plate and then hands both the bottle of water and a fresh, unopened pregnancy test over.
When the second test comes back with the same result, I walk into the kitchen and fall into one of the chairs. “What am I going to do, Stevie?”
She takes the seat beside me and reaches for my hand. “You’re going to do what you have to do, Adrienne. Take a few days and collect your thoughts. Then, decide what you’re gonna do about Caden.”
I sigh and shake my head. “I’m on the pill. I know it’s not one-hundred-percent, but this shouldn’t have happened.” I close my eyes, recalling the night. “One time. One time we didn’t wear a condom.” I don’t tell her he pulled out too, because that’s a little personal, but I definitely think it.
“Maybe he has some sort of super sperm,” she suggests with a smile.
My eyes roll. “He doesn’t need any help inflating his ego.”
After a few beats, she asks, “You are going to tell him, right?”
I consider my options, realizing quickly I don’t really have one. I have to tell him. It’s the right thing to do, regardless of the outcome. Whether or not he chooses to be involved will be up to him. “Yeah, I’ll tell him. It’ll be his decision whether or not he wants to participate in this baby’s life.”
This baby.
I’m going to have a baby.
Holy shit!
I drop my head into my hands. “He’s going to hate me.”
“No, he’s not,” she insists.
“Yes, he is. The last thing he wants is to be tied down, Stevie. You know how he is.”
“I do,” she agrees. “He’s been playing with fire for years, Adrienne. Any one of those instances where he slept with a woman could have resulted in this exact thing. Condoms aren’t one-hundred-percent foolproof either.”
“Yeah, but I doubt he’ll see it that way.”
He’ll blame me.
“You don’t have to tell him today. Like I said, take a few days and think over your options.”
I nod, wishing I had all the answers.
Hell, I’d even settle for one or two of the answers right now.
“I’ll have to call and make an appointment with my gyno. Maybe I’ll wait and tell him after I see her,” I suggest.
“That’s not a bad idea. Talk to your doc and go from there,” she agrees.
Glancing her way, I whisper, “I’m sorry I brought you into this.”
“What are best friends for?” Reaching over, she squeezes the top of my hand. “I haven’t had many close friends in my life, Adrienne. I consider you one of my dearest and most bestest friends. I’ll do whatever you need, whatever I can to help. And if that means holding off on telling Jack about what’s transpired in the last hour, then so be it.
“I wouldn’t expect him to come running home to tell me if something was up with Caden. They’ve been friends a long time. Hell, they’re more like brothers, so if Caden told Jack something in confidence, I would respect that. I know he’d share what he could later, but I wouldn’t be mad if he couldn’t tell me right away.”
I consider what she said, and even though I still hate putting her in this situation, I understand what she’s saying. “I promise I’ll get this figured out and tell him soon so you don’t have to keep a secret from Jack.”
She continues to hold my hand. “I’ll be right beside you every step of the way.”
“Thanks,” I reply, sniffling. “I still can’t believe this.”
“You’ve seen Caden with Gianna and Christian. He’s going to make a great dad.”
Nodding, I look down at the second pregnancy test lying on my kitchen table. The pink plus sign practically leaps up from the test. I consider taking the third test, just to…well, verify, but already know it’s true. I can feel it. No, not the pregnancy per se, but I feel different. My boobs are fuller and sensitive, and my stomach has been queasy off and on the last couple of days. I just assumed that was because of the worry, but deep down I knew it was more. That’s why I didn’t start the new pill packet until I was sure.
I know she insinuated Caden would be fine and understanding, but I’m not sure I agree. Not with the crap his ex pulled on him. He doesn’t trust easily, and even though we’ve gotten closer the last few weeks, I still don’t feel like we’re headed toward a relationship, with or without a baby. And taking into consideration I’ve barely heard from him since he dropped me off Sunday, that’s pretty telling.
Here I sit, pregnant and with my entire life up in the air. What am I going to do?
Crazy, but my first thought is to reach out to Caden and see what he has to say, because even though we’re nothing more than friends with bennies, I feel close to him, and I value his opinion.
Except this time, I might not like what he has to say.
I guess I don’t have to worry about telling him how I really feel about him, because I’m pretty sure this bombshell trumps everything else. Yet, a part of me still wants to tell him.
You know, Hey, Caden, I love you. Oh, and I’m pregnant! Surprise!
Yeah, that’ll go over well. The man who refuses any sort of relationship. And my point is only validated by the way he pulled away Sunday night and has been radio silent ever since.
Something tells me I’m going to be a single mom, raising this baby alone.
And that’s okay.
I don’t need anyone. I mean, it would be nice to have a partner in the whole pregnancy, childbirth, and child raising thing, but I’m not going to beg anyone to be part of my or the baby’s life. That’s where I draw the line. If you want to go, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.
Running my hands into my hair, I massage my scalp where a headache looms. First thing’s first. I need to call my OB/GYN and see if I can get an appointment. After that, well, I’ll take it day by day, minute by minute.
Then, I’ll figure out how to tell the man I’ve been sleeping with—the relationship-phobic one—he’s going to be a father.
Ready or not, our lives are changing forever.