Chapter 19
NINETEEN
The night passed without another peep from Luke. I wasn’t falling into his trap again. If he wanted to act like our little cat-and-mouse relationship meant nothing to him, or that “It hardly mattered,” then I would do the same.
I didn’t leave my house once last night, and then today, I crawled into the kitchen on my hands and knees so I wouldn’t be tempted to look through the window right across from his.
No. I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t fall for his shit again. He was leaving, anyway. There was no point. Right?
Wrong. I wasn’t fooling anyone. I was hooked on Luke, and even when he did leave tomorrow, I knew I would still be worried regardless of whether we reconciled or not. I cared about him, even if I was angry.
And I was definitely still angry. The anger was still there on the surface, lying right on top of anxiety over the fact that he was going back to Afghanistan.
Three loud bangs on my door had me squealing and falling off my couch with a loud thump.
My heart was straining in my chest as I lay on the ground like a fucking ninja.
I knew it wasn’t JoJo at my door; we had just talked a few hours ago, and she was still in Raleigh with Ryan.
That meant it was Luke. I pressed my face flat on the floor, thanking God that I’d shut my blinds so he couldn’t peek through the window.
I looked over at the clock. It was four p.m.; he would be gone tomorrow at this time.
Three more loud bangs ricocheted off my door, then his rough voice came muffled through it. “Cammie, open up!”
“No!” I yelled, still lying on the floor in my robe. Okay, so sue me. I was wallowing in my robe with a half-eaten pizza on my coffee table with Twilight possibly playing on the TV.
“I swear to God, I will break the door down; don’t tempt me.”
I thought for a second… He was a Marine, which meant that he could definitely break down the door if he wanted to. Hmm, I think I’d like to see him try.
“Go right ahead.”
A pregnant pause passed, and I thought that maybe he’d given up. I started to inch up on my hands and knees but then slammed my body back down to the floor when I heard a jingling noise. My eyebrows folded inward as my gaze landed on the doorknob, which was twisting ever so slowly.
Before I knew it, the door swung open, and Luke stepped inside my house. My mouth was open wide, and when he found me on the floor, he tilted his head and let out an exasperated sigh.
“What’re you doing?” he mumbled, raising one eyebrow. I tried really hard not to focus on how perfect he looked with that tiny scar in between his raised eyebrows, but I fell a little short .
“Just checkin’ out the floor,” I answered, resting my forehead on the coolness of the wood.
“Cammie,” he whispered, and I suddenly found myself maturing in the next three seconds, so I slid up on my hands and knees and stood slowly, adjusting my robe so that I could hide all my body parts.
I mean, I hadn’t expected company, so the fact that I was completely commando underneath my cotton robe was totally acceptable.
His eyes filtered over my body, and I felt myself involuntarily squeeze my legs shut. Great, now that I had actually had his dick inside me, it was all I wanted. I’d never tried drugs before, but I was guessing that Luke’s dick had very similar addictive qualities.
Luke stalked toward me, so I stepped backwards, all the way until my back hit the wall. Damn you, tiny house!
He stood before me, towering with a glint of helplessness in his eyes. We stood there, inches apart, both of our chests rising rapidly. Should I slap him? Or should I kiss him? Fuck, make up your mind, Cammie.
Slap it is.
I raised my right hand, preparing to smack him in the face, but he caught it just centimeters before I would have felt his skin on my palm.
He held my wrist softly and lowered his eyes toward me.
I tried to whip my wrist out of his grasp, but he tightened his grip.
His eyes fell to my lips, and my eyes did the same.
The air crackled with an angry tightness, and the only way I knew how to release it was to either push him away or pull him in closer. He must have had the same thought, because when his lips touched mine, I instantly melted into his body.
He quickly let go of my wrist, and I jumped up, wrapping my legs around his waist. His hands were in my hair, pulling and tugging just as I was doing to his.
He groaned and I moaned. We sucked on each other’s mouths until they were swollen and puffy.
He quickly yet softly lowered my body to the hardwood floor and ripped the shirt off his back.
I ran my fingers down his defined muscles and stifled a moan.
He peeled the robe off my shoulders, quickly untying the thin string that was tied so loosely in the front.
When he saw that I was completely naked underneath, his eyes widened, and he dipped down to suck on my breast at the same time his bare palm grabbed my thigh.
My hand found his loose shorts, and I reached my hand inside, taking his length in my palm and stroking it up and down.
Luke sat up quickly and pulled a condom out of his wallet, ripping the foil packet open with his teeth, and then he was in me within seconds. It was quick and painful at first, but the pain was quickly masked by pleasure.
“It wasn’t a one-time thing, Cammie,” he said hoarsely, thrusting into me hard and fast.
His arm was wrapped behind my lower back, protecting me from the floor, and I moved underneath him, needing to feel the release one last time.
My voice was barely audible. “You’ve had me hooked from the beginning, Luke.” In between his thrusts, I could feel my heart attaching itself to his.
I already missed him, and he wasn’t even gone yet.
“You’ve got it wrong, Cammie.” His mouth found mine again, kissing me deeply, just as he started to work the orgasm out of me. “I haven’t hooked you…” My legs began to tremble. “You’re the one who’s hooked me.” Then, I completely lost control, welcoming everything about him into my body.
He kissed me one last time before he fell on top of me with a loud groan. His head was in the crook of my neck, and I actually enjoyed the sweat falling off his forehead onto on my naked body.
We didn’t say anything for several minutes, and I felt a wide range of emotions. I’d gotten myself into a mess. Things were messy and unorthodox, but I couldn’t seem to care.
Just as Luke was pulling out of me, I looked up at him with a small smile and mustered, “I’m still mad at you.”
He smiled that lazy smile. “I would expect nothing less.”
Luke left my house around seven that night.
We hadn’t talked about the next day or what would happen when he left.
I thought we both just wanted to remain in that little bit of normality we had before he was gone, even if I was still pissed he hadn’t told me he was leaving.
He needed things to be normal right now, though, and I wasn’t mad enough to leave things dicey between us.
I needed to be straight with myself. Luke was…
everything. He was compassionate, funny (even if most of his remarks were sexually related or used to tease me), and he was obviously selfless, considering he was fighting a war for the people of the United States.
Plus, he was a fucking gem in bed. What more could I have wanted?
But…he would always end up leaving me. Even if we got into something serious—which wasn’t even really possible until he returned home—he was still going to be this amazing, selfless man who put his country first. It was admirable, it really was. I just wasn’t sure I could go down th at path.
Sure, if Alex were still alive, he would tell me I was being ridiculous and that anyone could die at any given time.
He once told me, after I’d confided in him that I was afraid when our dad left for one of his deployments, “You could walk out the front door and fall over the porch steps and break your neck and die.” And now that I thought about it, would that make Luke stray away from me ?
The fact that I could die? Of course not.
But it was hard for me to embrace that perspective, especially after Alex’s death overseas.
But then again, there was an end to every relationship, and there was an end to every life. I knew that better than anyone.
My phone’s ringtone jolted me out of my conflicting thoughts. JoJo’s name flashed on the screen.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey,” she said in a voice lacking much emotion.
“JoJo, why are you calling me at the crack of dawn?”
I had texted her a brief encounter of what had happened with Luke and me last night, so I was assuming that was why she was calling.
I sipped on my coffee, savoring the chestnut flavor, and stared over at Luke’s vacant house. He was already on base. I’d watched him climb into his friend’s car before he left. He’d glanced at my house, but thankfully, I was hidden in the shadows of my living room so he couldn’t spot me.
Was it strange that he didn’t say goodbye? Or was our goodbye our little love-making session yesterday? He only told me that he was leaving at promptly nine in the morning. Maybe that was his unspoken invitation for me to come say goodbye to him.
JoJo’s voice wavered. “I’m calling because I know that you’re probably contemplating the whole you-and-Luke thing, and there’s only an hour or so before he leaves…
” She tr ailed at the end, and I continued to stay silent.
“As your best friend, it’s my duty to tell you to pull up your thong and go say goodbye to him. ”
I quipped, “I’m not wearing any underwear.”
She laughed. “Cammie. Answer this...”
I cleared my throat, letting her know she could continue.
“Is Luke worth it?”
That was what she had to ask? Is Luke worth it?
I didn’t even hesitate answering in my head— yes, he’s worth it.
“I know the answer is yes. Stop fooling yourself. Even if Ryan had died on his last deployment, I would never, ever take a moment away that we’d shared. If Luke is worth it, go tell him. Don’t be stupid, because you’ll regret it.”
I swallowed loudly, taking another sip of my coffee to distract my mouth from blabbering.
Once I swallowed, I mustered up, “He’s worth it.”
And then I hung up my phone, threw on my best jeans and my favorite band T-shirt, fluffed up my unwashed hair, put on some fiery-red lipstick, and made a beeline for my car. The clock read 7:46. I had exactly an hour and fourteen minutes to tell Luke how I really felt.
What the hell was I going to say?