CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Kelsey paced around her room, pausing in front of the mirror to cast a critical eye at the outfit she’d chosen. A good portion of her wardrobe now lay tossed across her bed from her frenzied try-on earlier.
In the end, she’d chosen a white denim skirt that ended just above her knees, and she’d paired it with a baby blue blouse with puffed sleeves and a fitted bodice. The necklace and matching earrings she wore had been given to her by Zane for her birthday a couple of weeks before they’d gotten married.
She’d even put on makeup and curled her hair. Because though she’d never seen a picture of Sarah, Kelsey was sure that she wasn’t going to measure up to her. She just knew it, deep in her gut.
There was a light rap on her door. Kelsey turned from the mirror, pressing a hand to her stomach. “Come in.”
“It’s just me,” Rori said as she poked her head around the doorway. Stepping into the room, she smiled. “You look very nice.”
“Thanks.”
“I just came to let you know that Lee got a text from Sarah that they’ll be here in about ten minutes.”
“Do I have to be there?”
“Yes. You need to be a part of this.” Rori came to stand in front of her. “This will affect your life, too.”
That’s what Kelsey was afraid of.
Rori reached out and took her hands. “Let me pray for you.” She waited until Kelsey nodded before she closed her eyes and bowed her head. “Heavenly Father, we come before you today asking that Your hand be upon Kelsey, Zane, and Sarah as they meet together. You know better than anyone else how Kelsey is feeling about this meeting. I pray that You will place Your hand upon her and calm the nerves she might be feeling in this moment.”
Rori’s hands tightened around Kelsey’s. “I’ve come to love Kelsey like a sister, Lord, and I so want this to go well and provide a path forward for her and Zane. Above all, we want what brings You the most glory. Fill Kelsey with the assurance that she is not alone and with peace about whatever unfolds. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
Emotion clogged Kelsey’s throat, and she clung to Rori’s hands. Ever since they’d received the news that Sarah would be coming, Rori had been a steady rock for Kelsey. Zane had been broody and on edge, though Kelsey didn’t know if that was because of Sarah’s impending visit or his head injury.
From her own research and from what the doctor had said, the head injury he’d sustained in the accident could lead to mood swings and bouts of anger and frustration. She’d seen more of both from him over the past few days, though none of it had ever been directed at her.
In the midst of all the turmoil of the pending visit, however, Kelsey had managed to land herself a job stocking shelves at the big box store. It wasn’t a job she’d ever aspired to have, but it hadn’t turned out to be so bad. Working at night meant she wasn’t interacting with many people at the store, and the physical activity of stocking shelves helped tire her out, so she slept better.
Getting home after seven in the morning meant she spent a good chunk of the day sleeping, so there were only a few hours when she and Zane were both awake and interacting.
She missed Zane— her Zane—so much. But having him look at her without any of the love and affection she was used to seeing from him had become torture. So, while she would have loved to spend all her time with him, pain kept her from doing that, and now her job gave her an excuse to put a more distance between them.
“Let’s go do this,” Rori said, giving her hands a squeeze before releasing them. “I think it will be okay.”
Kelsey tried to take strength from Rori’s words, but it felt nearly impossible. Still, her nerves had settled a bit.
This was a crossroads for her. Even if Zane got closure with Sarah, there was no guarantee that he would want to try to work things out with her. If that was the case, she would leave.
As long as she kept her focus on the fact that soon she’d have a definite direction to move in, it helped her not feel like she was preparing to walk off the edge of a cliff.
Downstairs, they found Lee and Zane in the living room. Lee was seated on the couch, while Zane sat in an armchair. He wore a light blue polo shirt and a pair of black pleated shorts with a belt. It was the most dressed up she’d seen him in ages.
Tears stung her eyes for a moment, but she blinked them back. Tears could be shed later. First, she just needed to get through this meeting with Sarah.
Both men glanced toward them as they walked in, and Lee immediately got up and approached them. He smiled at Rori, then turned to Kelsey.
“I think this is going to go better than you think,” he said. “Just hang in there.”
Kelsey appreciated his words, but she had no idea how he could speak with such confidence. It was certainly nothing she’d felt since the night of Zane’s accident. And when it came to her relationship, she felt like she’d never have confidence again.
Because even if Zane got his memory back, there would still be obstacles to overcome.
The doorbell rang, which made Kelsey’s pulse jump, and her heart began to pound. As Lee went to answer it, Rori put her hand on Kelsey’s arm and guided her further into the living room.
Kelsey moved to sit down, but then straightened. She’d only have to get back up again when she was introduced to Sarah.
She glanced over at Zane and saw that he was staring at the floor. It surprised her that he wasn’t watching the entrance to the living room. She’d assumed he’d be eager to catch a glimpse of his former love… current love.
He lifted his head and looked in her direction. Their gazes met and held for a long moment, and Kelsey only looked away when she caught movement out of the corner of her eye.
Kelsey turned and saw Lee walking into the living room with a tall, slender, beautiful blonde woman and a slightly taller man, who, in her estimation, wasn’t nearly as handsome as Zane.
Lee led them to where Kelsey and Rori stood. “Sarah, this is my wife, Rori, and this is Kelsey. Ladies, this is Sarah and her husband, Ross Talbot.”
Their attention first went to Rori, and Ross shook her hand, then he offered it to Kelsey.
“Nice to meet you, Kelsey,” Ross said with a smile that lit up his blue eyes, transforming his face from average to attractive.
“Nice to meet you, too.” And she meant it. If Sarah had to come and talk to Zane, Kelsey was glad her husband had come along too.
“Kelsey.” Sarah’s voice was warm and her expression friendly as she focused on Kelsey. Instead of just holding out one hand, she held out both. When Kelsey took them, unsure what else to do, Sarah said, “I’m so, so glad to meet you. Zane told me so much about you that I feel like I know you.”
Zane had spoken to Sarah about her? Why hadn’t he also done the reverse?
Sarah let go of her hands and turned toward Zane. Moving with graceful steps across the room, Sarah approached Zane, who now stood with his crutches supporting him, while Ross followed more slowly.
“Zane.” Sarah reached out and briefly touched Zane’s arm. “I was so sorry to hear what happened. How are you doing?”
“I’m about as well as can be expected.”
“Well, you’re alive, so that’s a blessing.”
“Hey, Zane,” Ross said. “Good to see you again.”
“Again? We’ve met?”
“Yes,” Sarah replied. “Why don’t we all sit down so I can answer any questions you might have?”
“Would you like something to drink?” Rori asked. “Coffee? Water?”
“Water would be great,” Sarah said. “For both of us.”
Rori left the living room as the rest of them took their seats. Kelsey chose to sit on the couch with Lee, leaving the middle cushion open for Rori. Zane settled back into the armchair, while Ross and Sarah sat together on the love seat.
When Rori returned, she had a tray holding more than just glasses and a large pitcher of water. She also had a plate with cookies and brownies.
“You and Ross met a couple of months ago,” Sarah said once they’d all gotten the drinks and food they wanted.
“I met with you guys?” Zane said, his brow furrowed. “I… well, obviously, I don’t remember.”
Sympathy filled Sarah’s expression. “Yes. You came to see us because we were getting ready to make the move to Seattle. This was after we had reconnected a couple of weeks earlier.”
“Why did we break up?” Zane asked, apparently deciding to jump right in. “I just can’t come up with a reason.”
“Our paths began to move in different directions,” Sarah said. “I was feeling drawn to ministry, and you definitely… weren’t.”
“But you’re a teacher,” Zane said. “You were going to teach school, and I was going to start up my own restaurant.”
Sarah nodded. “That’s how our plans started off, but then I really felt the Lord was leading me to teach at a missionary school. We fought more about it until finally, I just said we needed to end our relationship. You were very, very unhappy about that.”
Zane didn’t respond right away. His gaze was lowered as Sarah spoke.
“About six months after we broke up, I met Ross, and we started dating. You found out about it, and you contacted me, furious that I’d moved on. I explained that it wasn’t a reflection on you that I had fallen in love again, but that God had brought me someone whose direction in life aligned with mine. You didn’t like that explanation at all.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “It really hurt that we hadn’t been able to continue on our separate paths while still remaining friends. Or at least amicable.”
Zane looked up. “So, how did we end up talking again?”
Sarah smiled as she glanced at Kelsey. “You got my number from a mutual friend, and sent me a voice note, apologizing and saying you understood why I’d moved on because you’d fallen in love with someone unexpectedly. At first, I wasn’t sure if you were just saying that in hopes of hurting me, or if it was true.”
“I encouraged her to respond to you,” Ross said. “Because I knew she was hurt by how things had ended between you.”
“So I phoned you, and we arranged to meet for coffee.” Sarah turned to look at Kelsey, giving her a smile. “And all he could talk about was you.”
Her words filled Kelsey with warmth and helped to lessen the uneasiness that had filled her since Zane had woken up in the hospital asking for Sarah and not remembering her.
“You brought him so much joy,” Sarah said. “And he was excited about the future you were going to have together. He let me know that you were getting married and moving to Tampa.”
“Why didn’t he ever talk to me about you?” Kelsey asked. It was the one thing that didn’t make sense to her.
“I don’t know,” Sarah replied. “I did tell him that I hoped I could meet you at some point, not realizing that he’d never told you about me.”
“What did he say in response to that?”
“He agreed, but then it didn’t work out before you moved to Tampa, and we moved to Seattle.”
“Why did he say I didn’t come with him when he met with you and Ross?”
“Just that your schedule didn’t work for the time that worked for me and Ross.”
That made sense because, at that time, she’d been working at the restaurant and doing her nursing practicum. Though Kelsey had hoped that Sarah would have some answers for her and some closure for Zane, she had no idea if this visit was going to accomplish either.
She wanted to believe that Zane had truly been as in love with her as he’d once been with Sarah. But Sarah’s existence, which had been unknown to her until recently, made her wonder.
“Kelsey, I truly believe that Zane loves you,” Sarah said, her expression earnest. “He spoke so glowingly about you, and I know him well enough to know when he’s not being honest. I felt he was very honest in the conversations we had about you.”
Kelsey wanted to accept that. But it was a struggle. Especially since the Zane Sarah had had those conversations with wasn’t currently present. And might never be again.
Sarah turned her attention back to Zane. “You need to figure out how to make your marriage work. I know you don’t remember it, but you love Kelsey. She’s very important to you. Important enough that you married her because you couldn’t imagine life without her.”
But not important enough to mention his previous relationship with Sarah.
Kelsey didn’t like that she had moments when she resented Zane. She hadn’t held his memory loss against him, and though it was hard, she’d accepted that he might never get it back. But discovering there were things he’d never shared with her —important things—made her feel like she couldn’t truly trust what they’d had. And if he never regained his memory, she would never get the answers she wanted.
How were they supposed to move forward?
For the first time, a sense of hopelessness filled Kelsey. She gripped her hands together as she stared at the floor.
Sarah continued to talk to Zane, answering more questions he had about everything that had transpired. His family had been able to answer some of his questions, but Sarah clearly had more answers that Zane needed.
“Why don’t I show you guys to your room,” Lee suggested when Zane finally fell silent. “We have some family coming to join us for dinner. Hopefully, you don’t mind that.”
Sarah smiled. “Not at all. I’ve always enjoyed your family.”
Kelsey got up when the others did, then helped Rori carry the dishes back to the kitchen while Sarah and Ross went upstairs with Lee, after Ross retrieved their bags from the foyer.
Zane remained in the living room, leaving Kelsey to wonder what he thought about what Sarah had shared with them. Though they hadn’t talked about Sarah’s impending visit once the plans were set, Kelsey was sure that he’d had high expectations for what he hoped Sarah would tell him. The reality was probably not what he’d hoped for.
Suddenly, Kelsey found herself wrapped in a hug. She let out a sigh and, for a moment, just let Rori hold her. The woman had become a great friend. Her best friend, if Kelsey was honest. Rori’s support had made Kelsey’s time in Serenity bearable, even when everything else made her want to run away.
“Are you okay?” Rori asked as she stepped back.
Kelsey gave her a small smile. “I’m okay. My expectations for this weren’t too high.”
Rori’s expression saddened. “I don’t know what more we can do. We’re praying so hard that Zane’s memory comes back.”
“But if it doesn’t, we need to be prepared.”
“Have you thought about what you’ll do if that ends up being the case?”
Kelsey had thought of nothing else, but she just shrugged. “I don’t know for sure.”
“I hope you stay here,” Rori said. “I know it’s not ideal for you, but I’d hate to see you go.”
The smile that came as a result of Rori’s words felt more genuine. “I’d hate to leave, but I’m not sure that Zane will stay, even if his memory comes back.”
The doorbell rang before Rori replied, and then they heard the front door open.
“Hello!” Wilder called out, then he and Lexi appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. “Hey, you two. Where is everyone else?”
“You’re the first ones to arrive,” Rori said. “Lee is upstairs with Sarah and her husband. Zane is in the living room.”
“Okay. I’m gonna go talk to him.”
Wilder disappeared while Lexi came further into the kitchen to take a seat at the island counter.
“How’s skating going?” Rori asked her sister-in-law.
“It’s going well. Amelia is signed up for a couple of competitions this fall, so we’ve been working hard to prepare her for that.”
“I can’t wait to see her compete,” Rori said. “I never competed in anything, so this is going to be a lot of fun.”
Kelsey had never competed either, and though she knew how to ice skate, it had never been at the level that Lexi had reached. Kelsey’s skill was limited to being able to stay on her feet, and, if she was feeling adventurous, skating backwards.
When she heard voices, she braced herself for seeing Sarah again.
Soon she came into the kitchen with Lee and Ross, though there was still no sign of Zane and Wilder. Another ring of the doorbell brought Kayleigh and Hudson to the party. Soon Charli and Blake, and Janessa and Will arrived, though they didn’t have any of their children with them.
Everyone greeted Sarah and Ross warmly, and Kelsey’s heartbreak deepened as she was faced once again with a reminder that Sarah had been their first choice for Zane.
“Where do you want the food, Rori?” Charli asked as she set a bag on the counter.
At Rori’s direction, they all pitched in to get the dinner on the table. When they finally sat down, Kelsey found herself once again between Zane and Rori. Sarah and Ross were seated across the table from them.
Lee said a prayer for the food, then they began to pass the platters and bowls around the table. With so many people present, Kelsey didn’t feel pressed to make conversation. Zane was also quiet, and he kept rubbing his forehead, making her think he was battling another headache.
Kelsey hadn’t been sure why Lee had invited practically his whole family for dinner. But as the conversation flowed around the table, it dawned on her that this was an opportunity for Sarah and Ross to share their plans for missionary service.
“I’ll talk to my dad,” Will said. “He’s the pastor of the church we all attend. I’m sure he would let you give a short presentation.”
“That would be great,” Ross said. “If he’s willing to have us speak, just let me know how much time we have.”
As she listened to these people rally around Sarah and Ross, Kelsey wondered if there was something about her that rubbed people the wrong way. Her parents. Her best friend. Her in-laws. Rori and Carisa were the only ones who had shown care and concern for her. It was why the loss of Zane’s love had hit her so deeply, and she was beginning to think she had lost that forever.
When it was time for dessert, Kelsey helped clear the table and then she stayed in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher while Rori and Charli carried coffee and cake into the dining room. She wondered how long it would be until she could retreat to the solace of her room.
“Are you going to come have some dessert?” Rori asked as she returned with a couple more dishes.
“I’m not really hungry for dessert.”
Rori regarded her for a moment, then nodded. “You’re not the only one wanting to escape. Zane excused himself and went up to his room.”
“Really?”
“Yep. So if you feel the need to leave as well, we’ll understand. You don’t even need to say anything. I’ll make your excuses.”
“You will?”
“I will. So if you want to go…” Rori made a shooing motion with her hands. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”
Kelsey dried her hands on the towel, then went to give Rori a hug. “Thank you.”
Before anyone else came into the kitchen, Kelsey hurried from the room and up the stairs. It was too bad that she didn’t have to work that night. She could have used the distraction.
Unfortunately, she only worked three shifts per week, and she wasn’t scheduled for that night.
As Kelsey sat on the edge of her bed, she allowed herself to feel all the emotions that the predicament she found herself in had produced. Hurt. Anger. Disappointment. Frustration. Along with the overwhelming desire to run away and just leave it all behind.
But she wouldn’t. Not yet anyway. She would see how Zane approached things now that he’d had this conversation with Sarah.
And then, if necessary, she’d walk away.