4
He and I were finally in a space together, one that didn’t cause for rescue. Although there were other people in the room, it felt like it was just me and him. The lion and lioness.
The intense stare sucked me in. The way his eyes rested on mine said he had a story. Not the one that revolves around happiness, but one that was wrapped in trauma. I didn’t need someone I had to peel layers from, but Chevy was different and the pull he had kept calling out to me making me want to peel each fucking layer.
I don’t want to like you.
Shit, I don’t want to like you either, so what you saying?
The way his hands ran down his waves as he stared at me told me he was just as nervous as I was. Giving us a dare to kiss seemed like the perfect moment. One that he nor I could deny. It was something about Chevy that consumed me. He and I shared something scary, but special. I could hear his thoughts, and he could hear mine. The more we stared at each other, the louder the thoughts became.
This is a game, that’s it.
Yeah, what you said.
It was that; the mind reading. Nobody else could hear us and the shit was pure fucking fire. It was like the universe was somehow trying to bring us together. His hand gripped the back of my head, and he gently pulled me closer to him.
“This is just a game, right? Let me taste those lips,”
he mumbled.
“Yes, just a game. They’re yours to taste,”
I mumbled back.
When his lips touched mine, my body melted. The way he kissed me was so intentional, so fucking sexy, and worth the wait. The more his tongue wrapped around mine, the more we were bonding. Suddenly he slowly disappeared, and I was left sitting there with everyone staring at me like I was crazy.
I shot up from the bed. I had been dreaming about Chevy since leaving the cabin and the shit was becoming too much. The man merely kissed me during a game, and here I was, lusting after his ass. I made my way to the kitchen to get a drink of water when the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. Something was wrong, and I didn’t know what it was. The feeling I had was telling me it was Chevy. Ever since the kiss, I felt connected to him and a part of me hated it.
I guzzled down the water and went back to get into bed. As I lay there, I felt weak, drained, and suddenly sad. “Hell no,”
I whispered.
I got back up, and grabbed my sage to clear my house, but something was off. Whatever the feeling was I wanted it gone. I swayed my way through my place with the burning sage until a knock on my door stopped me. I stood there not sure if I wanted to answer or not, because who the hell could it be? I knew both my sisters were somewhere laid up with their men. Then I thought about Chevy. I quickly rushed to the bathroom to check myself in the mirror. Quick hair fluff, gargle, lip gloss, and twerk in the mirror.
I bounced my way to the door. If he was showing up this late, that means he was definitely coming to serve dick. I’d wondered had he been dreaming about me like I was of him. A smile eased on my face as I swung the door open. But it wasn’t Chevy.
“Hey, Ma?”
She stood there with puffy red eyes like she hadn’t slept in weeks. Since finding out about my father, she hadn’t been right. I didn’t even get to invite her in before she brushed past me coming inside.
“I’ve been thinking for weeks about your father. He wasn’t perfect but I can’t think of anyone who would want him dead other than that boy Navi is with!”
she shouted. “Priest!”
“It’s Preach, Ma,”
I said, closing the door behind her. “Wait what? Why would Preach want to kill Daddy? I mean yes, he got a little smart at the dinner table, but Daddy was pushing him,”
I told her.
She paced back and forth across my living room like a maniac. Back and forth. “Yes, but your father said his little crew weren’t good men. They kill!”
she shouted.
Back and forth.
“First, please stop yelling. They are not killers,”
I mumbled.
Hell, I was a killer. I’d felt guilty since pulling the trigger on that guy. I knew what the Zoo Boyz were capable of. Shit, they came in wreaking havoc when saving me, but my daddy? No.
Back and forth.
“Please just stop!”
I shouted. “I will talk to Navi and Rayana if that makes you feel any better.”
She stopped and looked at me like I was the one who had lost their mind. “You think them wide nose heffas going to say something? No! I will find out on my own.”
My mother was losing it with every day that had passed since my father died. However, I now had questions. I moved a little closer to her. “Did you know Daddy was out there extorting people? Small businesses, young black men? Huh?”
Her eyes widened. I watched her become nervous as her hands began twitching.
“You knew!”
“He-he was moving up in rank so fast. By the time I found out what he was doing, I brought it to his attention, and he promised he would stop.”
“You are just as bad as him. The man was taking from people. Probably people who barely had anything to give. He was locking up young black men that didn’t deserve to be. If you ask me—”
Slap!
“That’s still your father!”
She shouted. “You and your sisters’ noses are so far up these men’s asses y’all can’t even think straight. Don’t you ever fix your lips to say anything bad about Lonnie, the man who took care of you!”
It was like she took a blow at my gut. “Wait, what you mean? The man that took care of me? He’s not my father?”
She clutched her coat together as her eyes drifted off. I stepped closer to her. “Look at me damnit!”
I screamed.
Her eyes eased up at me as tears filled them. I felt sick, played, and angry all in one.
“He’s not my daddy?”
I cried. “Navi? Yana?”
She slowly wiped her tears. “You were so young, not even one yet. I tried dating but when they found out I had a baby it was like a red flag for them. Then I met Lonnie, he was the only man that saw me for me. Although I had you, he accepted us and treated you as his own.”
I wanted to say something, but my throat felt closed. I wanted to scream at her, but I didn’t have it in me. I made my way to the door, opening it. She didn’t move, then realized there was nothing left to say. She slowly made her way out of my place. I didn’t give her time to say anything before closing the door on her. As soon as it shut, I inhaled, then exhaled deeply.
Tears slid down my face as I made my way back to my bed. I climbed in and wrapped the covers tightly around me. I couldn’t fathom what had just happened. All I know is I was ready to leave and this time I wasn’t turning back.