15
I’d been walking the streets since the party. It’s been more than twenty-four hours since I had closed my eyes. I thought about going back to get my car, but I knew them niggas were looking for me. My head was so fucked up. I knew I should have called Zeus, but I couldn’t handle his complaining. I felt so lost and lonely. I pulled out my phone as the idea of calling Chevy to help me played in my mind, but he was no better than Zeus. I saw I had a notification from Orange-O-Gram. Little shorty had hit me back.
I said a few words to her, but right now I wasn’t mentally there.
I put my phone back in my pocket as I went to jog across the street to catch the light. I saw a car coming fast as hell and I figured I could beat it.
As soon as I got to the middle of the street, something in me clicked and I stopped. What was the purpose of a nigga being here when no one cared? I was out here, fucked up, and alone. I felt like nobody understood me. I had a bitch I was in love with that betrayed me. A nigga I was loyal to tried to kill me and a brother who seemed to only care about himself and was looking to pawn me off on someone else. I hadn’t really slept since killing Asia and now I had even more blood on my hands from what I did to Ace.
The feeling of me no longer being here became a louder thought in my mind. It was me versus the demon and the nigga was winning. I honestly just didn’t care anymore. From the liquor to the weed. From the money to the guns none of it was helping me right now. I turned toward the bright lights as the car honked, but I didn’t give a shit. I wanted this demon gone. The nigga kept talking kept pressing he wasn’t done, and he wanted more. The closer the car got, I shielded my eyes, hoping the impact would be instant and maybe then I could be somewhere chilling with my dad if God allowed it. Knowing him from what I had done, I would be in hell shooting the shit with the Devil. Hell, and even then, he would probably send my ass back here because he didn’t want to deal with me. The sounds of the tires screeching made my stomach drop because there were no last goodbyes. No last I love you; it would be leaving Zeus to figure shit out on his own and then maybe he wouldn’t feel like I was some sort of burden on him.
“Boy, are you fucking crazy!”
is all I heard.
I know they don’t curse in heaven. I slowly opened my eyes to see the car was only inches from my knees. The exasperated breath I released was loud because someone had interrupted my fate. The feeling of my body being yanked in the person’s direction, “Are you ok?”
a woman’s voice asked.
When I realized who it was, I stood there. Days of emotions surfaced to the top and I broke down in her arms. I cried not only for Ace but for myself because Dionysus had become the lost soul walking the streets just as I said Ace was. I cried for Zaria, who saved me from myself. She fucking saved me, and all I could do was cry.
She held me tightly in her arms like she had been waiting for me to arrive just for this moment.
“Come on let’s get out of here,”
she whispered as she led me to her car.
I didn’t know how to feel, but an angel had to be looking out for a little nigga like me.
“Dio sweetheart you have to call your brother. He’s been looking for you,”
I tried explaining.
I’d offered to take him home and he refused to go. He sat on my couch zoned out the entire time. I sat up with him all night while he cried like a baby in my lap. I felt sorry for him because he seemed so lost. I didn’t know his or Zu’s story, but just from his energy, I could tell it was a sad one. I walked over, closed my curtains, and lit a few candles. I could see him staring at me curiously, but I didn’t care. When I was done, I stepped in front of him and held out my hand. “Come on I want to try something,”
I whispered.
The goal was to be calm and treat him like he mattered. I guess this was my chance to use my degree.
“Look, you fuck with Chevy, I want to keep my head,”
he mumbled.
“First, I don’t fuck with Chevy, and why are y’all so scared of him. He’s nobody special.”
He shook his head. “That’s what you think. That nigga’s crazy and if for a minute he knew I was taking your hand to do some freaky shit with you, that’s my ass. Have you ever seen one of those national geographic shows when the lions be out there in the deserts of Africa and shit? How the lion is protective. How he watches his territory waiting for another animal to cross the line and as soon as one fucking pinky toe steps into his territory the lion rips his shit apart? Yeah, well that’s Chevy.”
I giggled.
“You laughing and I’m serious. I’ve seen things. Remember Zeus is his best friend. Chevy, he cool and all but not to be played with.”
Chevy definitely gave king territorial energy. However, this wasn’t about him, and I really didn’t want to talk about him. I bounced my hand in front of him again, “Come on. Think of me as the lioness, the mama, he will be fine because it’s the queen that rules the king,” I winked.
When he took my hand, I led him to my meditation space. “Take your shoes off and sit Indian style there.”
I pointed.
“Fuck is this? Namaste type shit?”
Dio confused me because he seemed like a smart kid who made bad choices. He hesitantly sat on the pillow with me sitting right beside him.
“You’re smart I can tell so why the hell are you out there? Huh?”
He shrugged. “I found solace in the streets,”
he said as he placed his thumbs and middle fingers together. “So, what we’re supposed to do, chant or something?”
I laughed. “No, we’re just going to take deep breaths releasing any tension and I’m going to ask you some questions, cool?”
He slowly nodded. He and I took in a few breaths. When I felt like he was in a more relaxed state, I glanced at him. Dio’s eyes closed as he continued, and I stopped.
“Release all that bad tension. What do you see?”
He said nothing at first, then his mouth opened as he stuttered, “My-my-my dad and my mom yelling at each other.”
“How does that make you feel?” I asked.
I could see him swallow hard. “Mad, they think I don’t know that they’ve been arguing all day, but they have. They like to hide stuff all the time. But I know.”
“You think they’re trying to protect you?”
“I-I don’t know but Zeus he’d always found a way to get me out of there. He thinks I don’t know how our parents were, but I do. Zeus,”
he choked up. “Zeus hates me.”
A ball of emotions swam in my stomach. “Why?”
His eyes opened, and he looked at me. “I don’t want to do this shit man. Fuck all this shit!”
he yelled.
He jumped from the pillow, heading toward the back. “Dio wait!”
I yelled out.
“Zeus is trying to be the brother he thinks he should. You need to tell him how you feel. Being the oldest isn’t easy. I have to be there for my sisters in ways I don’t want to be sometimes, and it may come off bad but we’re learning too. You guys need each other,”
I tried explaining.
He waved his hand at me, “Whatever you say Z,”
he finished walking into the bathroom.
I knew I had trust from Dio, but I also knew how worried his brother probably was. I fought to call Yana to get in touch with Zu. I knew what my sisters felt like when they couldn’t find me, and I could only imagine what Zu was going through. I ran over and grabbed my phone. I took one last look down the hall, then at my phone.
“Shit!”