42. Release
Release
Cerise
Istood in front of the vacant building with Emberly and Rosamund flanking me. Everything had moved much faster than I was prepared for.
As promised, Emberly walked with me to turn in my resignation. It had gone smoother than anticipated, my boss, kind and understanding, wishing me well in my new venture and promising to bring his pets to see me.
When I walked out, Emberly had yanked me into a hug. “I’m so proud of you, CeCe. This has been a long time coming.”
The semester would be ending next week. And then…I’d be done.
Oh my gods, I’d be done. I quit my job. I actually did it.
“CeCe,” Emberly broke me out of my stupor. “Don’t freak out. This is the right thing.”
“I’m not ‘freaking out.’ I was just thinking.”
“About?”
“About the fact that I still can’t believe this is happening. And I actually quit my job. And…oh goodness, what if I made a terrible mistake?”
Rosamund moved to stand before me. “I think that’s the definition of freaking out. But there’s no turning back now, so let’s move forward.”
Steeling myself, I nodded. I didn’t think I had ever felt this excited and scared at the same time.
After I gave my notice, Emberly had immediately contacted the owner of the building and set up a meeting with their assistant.
A week later, we had the paperwork signed and ready to go.
Three days after that, I’d gotten a business loan approved by the bank.
And now we were here.
“Well…open the door,” Rosamund urged. “We can’t just stand here and stare at it all day.”
My eyes scanned the outside. It was old and needed work, but it had character. The windows were framed with dark hand-carved wood, looking out onto the busy street where carriages and people passed by. There was a cracked pane in one of them, but the rest seemed to be intact.
“We’ll hang a sign right here above the door,” Emberly said. “I’ll get it painted for you.”
“That would be perfect,” I said.
“Do you have a name for the clinic yet?” Rosamund asked.
“Sunshine Animal Healing.”
Emberly raised her brows, knowing exactly why the word ‘sunshine’ was in the name, but didn’t say anything. I gave her a small smile, then turned to the door and inserted the key, unlocking it and stepping over the threshold into my new life.
“Wow.” I surveyed the open space, the perfect size for a waiting room and a desk.
There was a door leading to the back where I had already decided I would take patients for their exams and treatment.
“I thought it would be dustier in here,” I said. “I could have sworn it was dirtier. When I used to peek through the windows it was never this clean…”
Emberly strode around the space, inspecting the walls and floors. “I heard the owner cleaned it up, hoping to get a tenant quicker.”
“Makes it easier for us, doesn’t it?” I replied.
“Well…where do you want to start?” Rosamund asked, spinning around with her arms out.
I thought for a moment, visualizing the image I had pictured in my head for so long.
“Front desk over there.” I pointed to the far wall.
“You’ll need to hire someone to work it,” Rosamund said.
“I will. Once we have things almost ready to go, I can start advertising.”
I gestured to the opposite corner of the large room. “Then we can arrange chairs for clients who are waiting over here. A plush rug, some curtains.” I continued to think out loud as I strolled around. “Perhaps a wall of shelves with treats and toys for purchase.”
The excitement continued to build as I explained my plan to my best friends. My nerves buzzed, my soul awakening as if dormant after so many years. And I couldn’t help the smile that grew with each passing moment.
This place was mine now. And it felt absolutely spectacular. I turned to face my friends, finding them both staring at me with wonder.
“What?”
“It’s good to see you so happy again.” Emberly approached and grasped my hands. “I’m so so happy for you, Cerise.”
“Thank you,” I said, ignoring the hole in my heart that hadn’t healed over yet.
I knew it wouldn’t go away until I fixed things with Liam.
But I wanted to focus on this first. He was right in his letter.
I needed time to get my life straight. And honestly, I wanted to surprise him.
I almost started laughing when I imagined how shocked he’d be at the recent turn of events.
“Have you told your mother about any of this?” Rosamund asked.
I grimaced. “No. I’ve sort of been avoiding her…”
Her eyes flicked to the front door. “Well, here’s your chance.”
“What?” I turned so quickly, I was surprised I didn’t stumble. My mother was marching across the street, heading straight for the clinic. “How does she know?”
“It’s a small town and she has so many connections at the school. She was bound to hear something about it soon,” Emberly lamented.
I took a breath and steeled myself, knowing what I had to do. The door opened and my mother walked in.
“Cerise, please tell me the rumors aren’t true and this is just some elaborate prank.” She paused, noticing Emberly and Rosamund standing in the room. “Oh.” She gathered herself, straightening her spine. “Hello. It’s nice to see you both.”
“You as well,” Emberly said.
“Do you mind giving us some privacy? I must speak with my daughter.”
“Of course.”
They walked by, both of them squeezing my hand in comfort as they passed, and exited out the door.
Once they were gone, my mother’s facade faded. “Did you really quit your job?”
“Yes.” I willed my heart to slow.
She was silent, as if waiting for me to apologize, stutter over my words or give her more detail. I wasn’t going to do that. This time, I was standing my ground.
“Well?” she asked.
“Well what?”
Don’t give in, Cerise. Don’t give her what she wants.
She released an exasperated sigh. “I just don’t know what’s gotten into you. First, you get lost in the jungle. Then, you miss your presentation. And now you’ve left your position at one of the most prestigious universities in all of Eldoria.”
“Yes. That’s exactly what happened.”
She began to pace. “I don’t know what I did wrong.
Your entire life, I prepared you for this, Cerise.
I don’t understand. This is what you’ve always wanted.
It’s that professor. Ever since you met him, you’ve been in your head, convincing yourself you don’t want this life anymore.
Missing meetings and making a fool out of me. ”
I gave her time to ramble, watching her quietly. She turned to face me, her tirade not over.
“And you’re renting this place now? To live out some fantasy about animals? What happened to you? I know. I’ll call the owner of this establishment and tell them you made a mistake. You can get your money back. Then we’ll go to the dean and ask him to reinstate—”
“Enough!”
My mother froze, her mouth open in shock. I had never raised my voice at her. Not once in my entire life.
“I made this decision on my own. I’ve wanted to be an animal healer since I was a child, but you didn’t listen.
You never listen to me. And you shamed me any time I brought it up or acted it out when I attempted to play—which by the way, you hardly let me do.
” My voice cracked, my eyes glistening. “All you have ever cared about was yourself and your reputation. You’ve never truly cared about what I wanted and what would make me happy.
Do I like academia? Yes, I do. But only because you’ve pushed it on me since I could barely walk.
I haven’t been truly happy in years. And it took everything that’s happened over the last few months for me to realize it wasn’t what I wanted.
Life is so much more than working yourself to death just to climb the professional ladder. ”
“But you’ve always wanted to be a dean, Cerise.” My mother’s voice was quiet.
“No. You’ve always wanted me to be a dean.
And everything I’ve done…was to please you.
” The tears were falling in earnest now.
“I just wanted you to be proud of me. But I realized no matter what I do, you won’t be.
There will always be something I could be doing better.
I will never be good enough to be Anya Thornheart’s daughter. ”
“That is not true,” my mother spat, getting defensive now, her shock turning to anger.
“Don’t wear your hair down, Cerise, it’s unprofessional. Sloppy women don’t win academic awards. You must always be on your toes. You never know who might be calling when you answer the phone. Don’t drink beer, it’s tacky. And so on…” I waved my hand. “Doesn’t that sound familiar?”
Fury flared in my mother’s eyes. “I guess I’m just a terrible mother, then. Everything I’ve ever done was for you. Your father left us all alone. Left me to raise you on my own. But I can see you don’t appreciate all I’ve sacrificed—”
“He died, Mother!” I cut her off. “You act as though he did that on purpose. But I refuse to listen to you play the victim any longer. Every single time I try to express to you how I feel, you turn it around and make it about yourself. If you really think you’re a terrible mother, that’s on you.
It is not my job to carry your emotions for you and make you feel good about yourself. I’m done.”
“Done? What does that even mean, Cerise? You can’t just be ‘done’ with your family.”
I shook my head. I didn’t owe her an explanation. She’d never listen anyway. “Get out.”
Her jaw ticked. “You’re joking.”
“Get. Out.”
She huffed. “You can’t just kick me out.”
“Yes, I can. Please leave. And until you can accept me for who I am and not who you are trying to mold me to be, I don’t want you in my life.”
“Have it your way. I can’t believe I raised such a cruel daughter,” she murmured as she turned around and left.
The moment the door closed I gasped, clutching my chest. Tears poured down my face, all of my insecurities and hurts along with them. I could hardly breathe as I let out a guttural sob. I didn’t regret what I had just done.
But now…now I needed to let it all out.
The door opened again and Rosamund rushed in with Emberly on her heels.
“Oh, CeCe,” Emberly cooed, wrapping her arms around me, Rosamund doing the same.
Someone’s hand rubbed my back. “It’s all right now. Let it go. Let it all go,” Rosamund comforted.
And so I did. I cried for the father I never knew, wondering if he would have been kind and supportive.
I cried for my lost childhood, filled with strict schedules and education instead of games and joy.
I cried for the years I spent thinking my value was determined by whatever my mother had deemed successful.
As my two best friends held me tight…I cried.
The only ones who accepted me for exactly who I was, quirks and all, and never once judged me or looked away or tried to mold me into something else.
And there was one other person who had done that for me.
“I have to make a phone call,” I said through my tears.