Chapter 34
Tomorrow is the last day of school, and although it’s not even eight o’clock in the morning, the entire Academy seems to be buzzing with students getting ready for the last of their finals. I keep walking across the Entrance Hall, barely registering my surroundings. I’ve barely slept this week, and these days, my mind is almost always on the matter of the ritual, which I haven’t managed to crack yet.
The only thing I do seem to notice is the way people seem to be steering clear of me, even those I’m sure I’ve never seen in my entire life.
That all stops as soon as I enter the Junkyard. I breathe a sigh of relief when I see there’s only one group of people hanging out here. I need some alone time, but I’m so sick of my room, and these days, even the Library is packed with students cramming for the exams.
What makes the Junkyard an even better option, I think as I take my seat in our little alcove, is the fact that it’s still so early in the morning, so I should even be able to avoid Raven and Alaric.
Right now, I feel like I can only bring toxicity into other people’s lives and the two of them sure as hell don’t deserve any of it.
I settle in, get my books out of my tote and take a deep breath.
It’s at the very next moment that something nudges me to look up and I see the two of them enter the Junkyard.
Dammit.
“Morning,” I say as I watch them approach, contemplating excusing myself and going somewhere else.
But I see there’s something off even before Alaric throws himself on the bench next to me, saying, “Morning. Did you see the Main Hall, Anna? Doesn’t the castle feel festive?”
There’s this tension in his voice that makes me frown. I throw a glance at Raven, but she just settles in right across from me.
I turn to Alaric. “It does, yeah.” I don’t try to hide the confusion in my voice.
“It should,” he replies, glancing at Raven with an uncharacteristic frown. “After all, it’s not just any night, the Grand Ball tomorrow. Right?”
Frowning, I tip my chin at him to ask what’s going on. He dismisses the question and proceeds to glance around the Junkyard. Not knowing what to do, I just go back to staring at the materials in front of me.
We keep sitting there in tense silence, until I hear Raven ask, “Are you okay, Anna?”
I throw her a glance. I’m feeling guilty for having been so detached and pissy lately, but there seems to be nothing I can do about it. So I just say, “I’m fine, Raven.” And I go back to staring at the materials.
“Maybe there’s something I could help you with.”
I press my lips tight. I look up at her again. “Do you have a way to figure out what Lorcan’s up to?” Ever since I found out about him blackmailing Bane, he hasn’t been setting up any meetings.
“No,” Raven says.
“There you have it.”
“What about your training sessions with Professor Naehorn?”
I let out a scoff, thinking about the way Serra’s been using them to drone on about stuff I really don’t find helpful. “It’s a waste of time.”
“Maybe you could ask Seamus,” she suggests, referring to the guy she’s going to the Ball with. “His father is one of the top shifters in the area and he taught him everything he knows.”
“Yeah, right,” Alaric cuts in. “I saw his pitiful little snake. It couldn’t strangle a mouse. He’s only saying that because he’s trying to… You know.”
Raven just blinks at him. “Help?”
Alaric throws his arms up. “You know, Raven, it’s one thing to be innocent. It’s a whole other to be naive.”
It finally hits me. Yesterday, Raven got asked to the Ball by some third-year shifter, and she said yes. I thought Alaric would just talk to her about it, but his plan seems to be throwing passive-aggressive hints to someone who’s obviously not getting them. I have to fight not to let out a sigh.
Love makes people so stupid.
“Alaric,” I enunciate as I pin him in place with my stare.
“Anna,” he copies me mockingly.
My face softens and I motion for him to get the hell out of here.
He seems to understand what I’m going for here, because there’s a spark in his eyes before he gets up, saying, “I guess I’ll leave you girls alone.”
Then he stops, hesitates a little and then comes to place a stick on the table in front of Raven. She looks and blinks at him as if she has no idea what”s going on. He awkwardly clears his throat, runs his hand through his hair and darts out.
As soon as he leaves the Junkyard, I turn to my obtuse little friend. “Raven?”
“Yes, Anna?”
“You do understand why Alaric is acting the way he is?”
She tilts her head at me. “I do understand that there is something going on. I just don’t understand what it is.”
“He’s upset because you’re letting Seamus take you to the Ball, not him.”
She blinks at me. “But he didn’t ask me.”
“He didn’t, and that’s not your problem, but he is in love with you, you know that?”
“Oh.”
It almost makes me let out a laugh. “Do you like him, Raven? Romantically, I mean.”
“That doesn’t matter.”
The answer makes me frown. “Why?”
“I’m not normal, Anna,” she says matter-of-factly.
I just look at her for a second, my heart tightening in my chest. “Neither is he,” I finally say. “Neither am I. No one is. Do you understand that, Raven?” I demand as I look deeper into her eyes. I don’t let her answer though. “All the things you feel aren’t ‘normal’ about you, they’re just the things we love you for.”
For a moment, this makes her speechless. “Yes, but I… I just fear it will be like it is with everyone else.”
I nudge her to explain.
“They find me ‘cute’ at first, at least that is how most people put it. But it soon becomes too much.”
“That scares you.”
“Yes. Also, I have read lots of romance books and I am not quite sure I believe in that type of love at all.”
Now that makes me hesitate. Right now, I don’t believe in love either. I can’t seem to make myself believe in anything. I’m walking around, forcing myself not to slip into hating everything and everyone, most of the time failing miserably.
Bitterness flooding my mouth, I force myself to shift my focus onto my friend. “It exists,” I tell her softly, “but it’s not an easy victory, Raven. There is always a vulnerability involved.”
“Have you ever had that type of love in your life?”
“No, Raven. I do think it exists,” I say, feeling my throat tightening. “I just don’t think it’s for me, at least not in this lifetime.”
“Is that why you are so sad, Anna?”
For a second, I stay silent. Then I let out a laugh. “No, I’m sad because I’m going crazy,” I tell her, trying to sound playful, as I get up to grab my stuff and go back to my room. “All of this is turning my brain into mush and I’m afraid I’ll become one of those people others whisper about.”
She blinks at me. “That was sarcasm.”
My eyebrows shoot up, but it’s at that moment that my eyes get drawn to the entrance into the Junkyard. Lorcan. He’s headed for the only other students in here, but the very sight of him gets me fuming.
I turn my focus back onto Raven. “Good job catching that,” I tell her, trying to contain my feelings. I need to get out of here as quickly as possible.
“Just be careful,” Raven tells me. “When you walk around tracing lines on your palms like you do, you do come across a little cuckoo. Just like me.”
Her words make me freeze in place. “What?” I barely even register Lorcan sending those other students out.
“I said—”
Raven doesn’t get to finish her sentence. “Miss Novak,” Lorcan calls out as he walks up to us.
We both turn to look at him as he folds his arms with a grave look on his face. “I’ll need you to empty your bag for me, please.”
My eyes dart to these fading bruises around his neck. Then we lock eyes and I can no longer see Lorcan standing in front of me. I can only see the man he brought here to manipulate me. It makes me grit my teeth in silence, trying to fight off a violent rush of anger.
“Then I’ll do it myself,” I hear Lorcan say.
With that, he reaches for my bag, but the next thing I know, there’s a burst of light blinding me.
Then there’s the knock.
***
I’m not registering anything around me, just the warm, bright glow in the shape of a person standing before me. It’s keeping me transfixed, still and in silence, like we’re trapped in time. There’s this painful longing swelling inside me, a longing to get closer, because as soon as I do, I know everything will be better.
When I take a step closer, the figure retreats into the distance, making my heart break into a million pieces. I find myself in front of a door.
I lift my hand up and I knock.
It’s my fault, I remember. I trusted the wrong person and now nothing will ever be alright.
***
When I come to, I’m grabbing onto the stone table with Raven and Lorcan crowding me.
“Are you alright?” I hear Raven say, but I’m so angry, I don’t even answer her question.
I make the echoes of the images disappear and I grab my tote, angrily turning it out so the stuff starts falling out.
I pin Lorcan in place with a scowl. “Find what you were looking for?” I demand through gritted teeth.
“How often does this happen to you, Miss Novak?” he asks.
I ignore the question. “What were you looking for?”
“Stolen magic supplies,” he replies matter-of-factly. “Dangerous magic. How often?”
I just look at him for a second, barely suppressing the urge to confront him about everything he’s done to me.
I don’t. I just say, “It’s none of your goddamn business.”
I grab only the book with the ritual instructions, I push past him and start marching out of the Junkyard.
“Miss Novak,” I hear him call out.
I don’t turn around. Desperate to shove all the sadness and the anger away, I focus all my attention on what Raven told me just before he showed up, and I keep walking straight to Serra’s office.
I’ve been tracing lines on my palms, Raven said. It’s making me realize that it’s the tattoos that are the key.
They’re magic gestures.
“I think I figured it out,” I say as I barge into Serra’s office, making her eyebrows shoot up. “I think I know how to do the ritual.”