Chapter 35
I’m standing in front of the cracked mirror in my room in Grimm Tower, finishing buttoning up my shirt before heading off to the Ball.
She likes it when you undo the top ones, my fox’s lethargic voice sounds from the shadows.
I stop and I grit my teeth. “I don’t give a fuck what she likes,” I snap.
Then why are we even going? It’s been almost an entire month and he’s still not going back to his usual self.
“Not to see her, that’s for sure,” I say as I turn on my heel and move for the door. “I’ll be avoiding her like the plague. But hell if I’m giving her the satisfaction of not showing up at the Ball because of her.”
I don’t want it to be like this, the first time she sees us after—
“I believe I’ve made myself clear,” I cut him off. “If I so much as catch a glimpse of her, I’m going the other way.”
We have less than a day to make her change her mind about us.
I fling the door open and throw a look over my shoulder at the mess that my room’s been lately. Broken stuff everywhere, despite all the benders in the Lycan Forest. Aggression, there’s so much restlessness and aggression in me still.
“I couldn’t care less,” I finally say, and I walk out the door.
You’ve been saying that ever since you first laid eyes on her, and it’s not once been true.
“Watch it be true now,” I snarl as I start rushing down the stairs.
I’m so determined to see this through, but the moment I start approaching the Main Hall, this nauseating nervousness floods me.
When I step through the archway and my fox immediately catches a whiff of her…
I can’t stop myself from moving in the direction of the scent, the one that’s like a drug to me.
When I spot her in the crowd, just standing there as if she didn’t blow my entire life up and leave a gaping hole that’s impossible to fill, it’s like a shock of sensations, memories and desires that makes me freeze in place and my mind go blank.
Everything I’ve ever decided after she ripped my heart out of my chest gets forgotten and my body moves of its own accord. I don’t care what I need to do. I’ll get on my knees in front of everyone here if needs be. Maybe, just maybe she’d actually change her mind about me.
It makes me stop midstep, when I see this guy approach and put his hand around her waist.
Rage explodes inside me and I move to lunge.
My fox stops me with a snarl, You need to calm down. I’m not letting you show your face in front of her while you’re like this.
I remain standing there, wondering if catching a single sight of her really is enough for him to go back to normal.
“Well it doesn’t fucking matter what I do anyway,” I spit out. “Because whatever I do, she’ll just keep hiding from me and hating me. Always has and always will. So why would I be humiliating myself any further?”
You know why,he says in a gentler voice.
I watch the guy lean to whisper something in her ear.
What the fuck do you think you’re doing? my fox demands before I even realize I’m moving again.
I don’t stop. “Punishing her for what she did to me,” I say through gritted teeth.
What did she do to you, pray tell.
“I was fine before she came along.”
You fell in love with her and she rejected you, as is her right to.
“Doesn’t mean I can’t kill the guy.”
And then what?
“Then I’ll kill the next one, then the next, then the next. Don’t worry, it shouldn’t take her long to get the message.”
He lets out a groan. This is not the way, you insufferable idiot. Even if she were a different woman, which she’s not.
That doesn’t stop me, but the look in her eyes when I get closer does. I quickly move out of the way so she doesn’t spot me, but I’ve seen the face she makes when she’s soldiering on.
My mind floods with some of my favorite images of her. Her eyes narrowing at me, that pensive look that makes me imagine worlds hidden beneath the surface, her face flushing like it does when I”m about to make her come…
Then there’s the Sleeping Beauty one. The way she looked when I caught her sleeping at the Service Desk in the Library, her face all scrunched up and a drop of drool trickling down her chin. I never thought cuteness could reach such downright maddening levels.
It was one in a long series of moments that should’ve signaled to me exactly how far gone I was.
That’s just a reason to calm down, go to her and try to talk things through.
“No, because each and every one of those was a stab to the heart too. Because every one of those images comes with an image of her running away from me, or worse, looking at me with contempt.”
My fox stays silent.
I feel myself start to unravel. “I can’t do it without her.”
I know. She did reject us, but it’s not over yet.
“Yes, it is. Do you know why? Because she’s right in this just as she’s right in everything else. She’s right to hate me. I’m a selfish, hateful man. I deserve to find my mate only to realize she’d never want to be with me.”
None of that is her fault.
“No, it’s not. She deserves so much more than that. She deserves to be happy. Even if it’s with someone else.”
I turn to walk away just as her boyfriend goes to grab a drink.
I can’t stop the urge. I follow him, seemingly nonchalantly. I wait for a good moment, zero in on the hand he places on the stool in front of the bar as he waits for the drinks, I suck the lights out and I break his fingers as I stroll past him, switching the lights back on as I hear a muffled scream.
What about your newfound maturity? my fox asks.
“Well, I’m not a fucking saint.”
Feeling just as fucked up as I did a moment ago, I turn on my heel and decide to leave the party altogether.
Just as I start going back, I spot her again, talking with Serra.
This feeling overwhelms me. This bad, bad feeling.
She’s getting herself in danger again.
I start marching over to her.
Now what are you doing?
“Explaining some things to her. Whatever it is she’s about to do, she’s not doing it. Not on my watch.”
She doesn’t like it when you try to boss her around like that. You need to restrain yourself.
“For months on end,” I spit out, “I’ve been doing nothing but restraining myself, respecting every decision she ever made, even those that were nothing but running to her own death. How long am I expected to live in fear like this? So yeah, I’ll be throwing her over my fucking shoulder if I have to. She can kick and thrash to her heart”s desire, she won’t surprise me this time.”
Don’t make a scene. You know she’ll hate you for it.
My lips curl into a smile. “You’re right. Thank you, you’ve given me a much better idea. I’m past the point of trying to ‘discuss’ things with her anyway.”
I take my phone out and dial Colin’s number.
What are you doing, boy?
“Yes, Mister—” Colin answers.
“Have a team dispatched to the island ASAP,” I cut him off. “I’ll be arriving shortly.”
“Shortly? How shortly, Mister Bane? There’s a lot to do, you haven’t been in ages—”
“Just be as quick as you can, Colin, for crying out loud. With focus on security,” I grit out. I pause before I remember to add. “And books. Make sure there’s a shit ton of books there.”
There’s a moment of silence before my fox says, in the most whimpering tone I’ve heard him use, Don’t do it. Please. Just don’t make her more mad at us than she already is.
But I’m already marching straight to Lycan Tower.