15. Visions
H e’d finally passed out in the captain’s quarters, an empty bottle of rum still clutched in his only hand. Soiled bandages that seeped the strange aubergine blood were all that was left of his other. My hands trembled with exhaustion as I tidied up the room, leaving no evidence of the trauma that had occurred. James’ soft snore disturbed the silence, and the monotonous tone grated on my frayed nerves. I’d tried everything to heal him, but I could never make him whole again, and that had broken him. I was a failure. I knew it. He knew it.
I’d watched him spiral into a darkness I wasn’t sure he could come back from. He was so damn stubborn that he refused to let me give him the pain elixir, choosing rum instead, and it only made things worse. I resorted to slipping the potion into his bottle, along with a few herbs to make him sleep, unable to bear seeing him in any more pain.
I always knew James was plagued by demons. But I hadn’t realized that he’d become one. The glaring red of his eyes still haunted me. He was no longer a mortal human. His strange blood confirmed that much to be true. He’d traded his soul away in the name of revenge. Where did that leave us?
The sun was sinking into the sea by the time I gathered enough courage to leave the ship. “Let’s go, Meadow. I can’t stand it here another minute.” She remained silent as I secured her tiny cage to my waist. The little pixie gave me quiet friendship when I needed it the most. No ‘I told you so’ or flippant comment. Only companionable silence, and I was ever grateful for it.
On the way out of our cabin, I stopped and hesitated at the table, warring with the idea of leaving him a note. I picked up the quill, ready to write a scathing goodbye. Words that had teeth enough to cut him. He deserved no less. But he’d been such a miserable prick to me that I couldn’t bring myself to write anything. My silence would scream volumes.
I glanced at James one last time, finding him exactly where I’d left him, eyes still closed in a drugged oblivion. I tried to swallow down the heartache as I thought of our earlier conversation. The way he had dismissed me so vehemently. He’d been more concerned about keeping that damned ruby than he was of me. I took a few tentative steps and knelt before him. Slipping my hand into his pocket, I pulled out the Heart of the Divine. I contemplated throwing it into the sea out of spite. The thought of his pain when he realized his precious ruby was gone forever brought a smile to my lips. But I couldn’t let go of the possibility that the ruby could change our fate for the better, so without another thought, I quickly pocketed the gemstone. If James was too much of a coward to use it, maybe it was time to take fate into my own hands.
“Milady,” Starkey called the moment I appeared on deck.
“Not now, Mr. Starkey. I’m in no mood for your questions. It’s been a long day, and I need a moment to collect myself. I’ll be back presently.”
“Don’t you think your place is here with him? He’ll need you when he wakes,” he pleaded with me, but James had proven that he didn’t want me.
“He needs vengeance, Mr. Starkey. And I have no potions that can cure him of that.” I shouldered past him without another word, focusing on my escape as the rocky shoreline of Neverland beckoned me. Melancholy had all but consumed me, and I needed to be alone with it. I checked one more time to ensure the ruby was safely tucked into the folds of my dress before leaving the Jolly Roger behind.
I walked for what felt like hours. Not talking. Simply existing. One foot in front of the other. One breath after the next. I don’t remember seeing the landscape as it passed me by. I was becoming desperate to fix this rift between James and me. My mind began to drift to the ruby. Could I use it on James? Could I take away his memories of Peter and leave only memories of me? If that were even possible with whatever dark magic Tiger Lily had sewn into his soul. But if I could, would he still be the man I loved if I took that part of him away? My mind reeled with questions, and my heart ached all the more. There seemed to be no suitable answer.
The moon was nestled high in the sky when I finally collapsed. I found myself on the edge of a cliff. The Never Cliffs, as James had called them. I sat with my feet hanging over the edge peering down at the dizzying drop to the churning seas below.
It was the first time I allowed my surroundings to sink past the chaos in my mind. I could just make out the distant sound of drumming coming from the forest behind me. The faint flicker of lantern light filtered through the trees. It was a truly beautiful place teetering on the edge of Neverland. The ocean stretched out in an endless expanse before me as the stars peppered the sky.
“Do you know this place, Meadow?” They were the first words I’d spoken all night.
“Yes. The faerie camp is just beyond the trees,” she chimed. Her own heavy-hearted voice made me wince. I pulled the tiny cage from my belt and held the little pixie to my face. Her tiny body glowed in a pale blue, belying her mood.
“I’m so sorry, my friend. If you can even call me that after I’ve kept you prisoner all this time.”
“It’s okay.” She shrugged.
“It’s not! I’ve kept you from your kin for far too long.” I reached into the folds of my dress, fingering the ruby, and set my intentions. Who needed a key when I held the power of the cosmos in my hand? The tiny lock on the cage popped, and I opened the door, giving her the freedom she deserved. She perked up, her luminescence changing from a cool blue to a warm glow as she flitted out of the cage.
“Are you sure?”
“Right now, I’m more sure of this than anything else in my life.”
“But won’t you get into trouble if you let me go?”
“Now it’s my turn to tell you it’s okay. I need to start making decisions I can live with. You deserve to be free. James loves me, and that means he’ll find a way to forgive me.”
“You have a lot of faith in that bastard pirate of yours.”
I chuckled at her, and it felt foreign. There had been little to laugh at lately and the realization of that brought a well of tears to my eyes. I’d been trying to live a fairytale life that had gotten so convoluted it more closely resembled a nightmare.
“Go on now. Go back to your home. I only hope that you’ll be able to forgive me, too,” I choked out, trying to hold back the flood of tears.
“Good thing about pixies, we can only feel one emotion at a time. Makes it difficult to hold a grudge. But promise me something?” she asked, and I nodded, worried that if I spoke, I wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears. “Don’t hold on to the sadness for too long. Find a way to let it go and bring in a new emotion.” She flitted up to my face, kissing my cheek briefly and, in a flurry of glitter, her little spark disappeared into the night sky.
I let the flood of tears fall. The only friend I had was gone. Leaving me alone with the broken pieces of my relationship with James, and I had no clue how to put them back together. My desperation morphed into anger.
“Why? Why does it have to be so hard?” I cried out to the night sky as I pounded my fists on the ground. I wasn’t sure who I was talking to. But I wanted answers. I dug my fingers into the soil as the sobs raked over me, dirt and stone digging into my fingernails, scratching my skin. I clung to the life I’d envisioned for James and myself with everything I had, trying to find answers. Searching for the happily ever after that I so desperately wanted.
“It is because he is not your destiny,” an ethereal voice echoed in my head. My heart cracked as the words took hold in my mind. It couldn’t be true. James and I had a love that only ever happened once in a lifetime, if that.
A powerful vision slammed into my mind, causing me to disassociate from my physical body. I found myself lying on the floor of a cottage. I scrambled to my feet, knowing the Divine was trying to show me something. I’d never had a vision of the future by simply touching the ground beneath me. Static white noise filled my ears. The scene was surreal. A peek through the veil of time into things that hadn’t yet happened.
A large window looked out at the same view from the cliff tops where I’d collapsed. A dwelling had been built on the very spot at some point in the future. I turned from the window and sucked in a gasp. Behind me stood an enormous bed, and James sat on the edge, stroking the hair of a sleeping woman with beautiful chestnut hair fanning out around her. There was a look of adoration in James’ eyes as he stared at her.
He got up from the bed and approached me.
“James?” I whispered, feeling as though I was intruding on a private moment. But his gaze never met mine. A shiver passed through me as his body ghosted through mine. Nausea welled in my stomach as I turned to him. He stood at the window, looking out over the sea. A polished hook, where his hand should be, glinted in the early morning light. He was older here, his skin bronzed by the sun, and the lines of his face seemed sharper. He had that graceful elegance of maturity, along with a litany of new scars and tattoos across his chest. But for all the time that now etched his face, the deep lines of torment that had cut across his brow, the ones I was so used to seeing, were gone. He stroked his beard, a smile gracing his lips. He was happy. I could feel it radiating off him.
“No, James. This isn't real. I am here!” I turned to the specter of James, pleading with him to see me. To hear me. Instead, he turned to look at the woman in the bed, his smile growing as he gazed at her. I reached for him, trying to turn his face to mine, but my hand moved through him, and the vision disappeared. I was alone on the cliffs again.
I rubbed at my tear-streaked eyes, wondering if I’d gone mad. It wasn’t like any other vision I’d had before. I wanted to deny the truth of it. But it had been so real. And if I were honest with myself, I knew that I’d seen James’ future. One that didn’t include me.
I’d never felt so alone. My entire life’s purpose, all the plans I had for the future poured through my hands like shifting sands. The churning waves of the sea below beckoned me forward. I couldn’t stand to watch as another took my place at James’ side. One more step took me to the edge, my toes hugging the lip of the rock. I spread my arms and let the breeze whip around me. Maybe the sea would welcome me into her watery embrace. Maybe there I’d find the peace I was searching for.
“I wouldn’t be doing that if I were you, sweetness.” A gravelly voice cut through the calm of the breeze. I must have died because that voice truly belonged on the other side.
“Edward?” I asked, whirling to see the dark, imposing figure of Edward Teach. “How am I here? I don’t even remember jumping.”
“Oh, I’m here alright. Alive and in the flesh.”
“Are we not dead? I know you’re dead. I saw your body.”
A dark chuckle escaped his lips, and I knew then that Edward had somehow remained in the land of the living. He took another step toward me, but I had nowhere to go. It was Teach or the watery grave below. My heart thundered in my chest while my mind tried to play catch up to the quickly shifting circumstances.
“James was sorely mistaken if he thought your weak little poison would finish me off,” he boasted. “You stopped him from slitting my throat. That’s when I knew you still had some love for me, after all. He never should have listened to you.”
“That wasn’t love, it was mercy,” I argued.
His hand shot out and grabbed my neck, dragging me from the cliff and slamming me against his chest.
“Don’t you touch me,” I managed as his hand squeezed my throat, and I tried, in vain, to push him away. I stilled when I felt his blade at my bodice. The thin fabric was all that kept me from the unforgiving point.
“Listen to me, pet. I’m not here for revenge. Only James holds fast to such na?ve notions. I’m here to arrange a deal. A new contract between you and me.”
“I’m not your property anymore. I’ll die before I let that happen again.”
“I can’t force you into anything. But once you see the changes I’m prepared to make, your pussy will be dripping with the thought of being mine.”
“I’m with James.” I tried to sound indignant, but the vision I’d just seen had cast a shadow of doubt over me. And the gleam in Edward’s eyes told me he saw it, too.
He chuckled. “You don’t think I know my wayward bo’sun? His heart only has room for vengeance. Aren't you tired of playing second fiddle to his vendetta?”
A lump formed in my throat. The truth of his words gutted me. “You’re one to talk. I was always second to your quest for the ruby.”
“I’m not denying that. But you’ve got the ruby now, don’t you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, lifting my chin in my best effort to convince him of my bluff.
“Don’t lie to me! I can feel the power radiating off you.”
I pulled the ruby from my pocket and thrust my hand out over the cliff. “I’ll drop it,” I challenged.
“You won’t drop it. You know how important it is. I know you’re searching for answers. For once in your life, you’re questioning your visions.”
“You can’t know that.”
“For a woman who can see the future, the only reason you’d choose to end this life is if you saw something you couldn’t live with. But there may be another way. Let me help you, and then you can decide which path to follow.”