17. Warranted
I rubbed at my dry, gritty eyes, squinting to block out the day’s light shining into my cabin like a torturous beam of agony. The blasted sun had shown its face yet again. Pain throbbed in my head like a hammer, pounding at my brow. What time was it? Fuck, what day was it? I’d consumed enough rum to kill a small horse, and yet here I was. Alive and paying the price for my overindulgence.
Images of Pan’s sinister smile as he dropped my hand to the crocodile hissing below flashed in my mind. I looked down at my right arm, still wrapped in blood-stained bandages. Blood that was no longer crimson but a strange, aubergine color. The memories weren’t simply a nightmare. It had happened, and it was time to face my truth. Hesitating, I fingered the edges of the fabric. I would never again be the man I once was. I had changed both physically and mentally.
Peter himself had sealed my fate, tossing my severed hand into the jaws of the crocodile. How was it that he, a mere boy, was the single cause of all my pain and suffering? It was as though he was put here to punish me for all my previous lives’ sins. All I ever did was grow up. I had no choice in the matter. And look at me now. Pathetic. I wiped away the traitorous tear sliding down my cheek and decided, then and there, I was done feeling sorry for myself. I was Captain James of the Jolly Roger . I was going to offer refuge to the innocent Lost Boys Peter cast out. I was going to make a difference. It was my destiny to end Peter fucking Pan at any cost. Taking a deep breath, I pulled off the bandages, forcing myself to look at what was left of my arm.
It was gruesome. My already sour stomach turned, causing me to retch at the mere sight of it. It was still quite tender to the touch, although considerably better than yesterday. The bleeding had more or less stopped. Nothing but a few oozing spots and some black-crusted scabs forming over a mottled stump. New skin had just started to form over the raw tissue. Still semi-translucent in its infancy. I could see the bone and arteries mending just under the surface. Magic was definitely at play here. Without the interference of Katherine and her pixie, I’d surely be dead. And though they had tried, there was no hope of my hand growing back. A detail I struggled to accept. I was permanently disfigured.
Learning to use my left hand was going to prove challenging. I did everything with my right, eating, writing, fighting, taking a piss, pleasuring Katherine. Speaking of Kat, I wondered where she was? She hadn’t been in to see me yet today. At least not since I had woken. I’d been cruel to her in my drunken delirium. My enchanted tattoo assured that I remembered every single regrettable word. I needed to find her and make amends.
“Starkey!” I’d made my way to the quarterdeck, holding up my breeches with my one hand. I couldn’t even dress myself without help. Where was everyone? “Starkey!”
“Captain!” Starkey came running from the main deck. “You’re up… and about? I wasn’t expecting?—”
“Tie my damn breeches.”
“Uhh,” Starkey looked at my waist, befuddled. “Oh, you can’t—” He stopped short. “Aye, Captain.”
“What day is it?”
“Tis the day after yesterday, sir.”
I looked at him blankly and sighed at his stupidity. “How long have I been asleep?”
“Oh, forgive me, Captain. It’s midday. You slept through morning.”
I sighed again, still not getting the answer I was looking for. “Where is Miss Hawkins? I haven’t yet seen her today.”
Starkey stared at me, his eyes widening, his face going pale.
“Where. Is. Miss. Hawkins?” I said the words comically slow this time. Clearly, I misjudged Starkey’s ability to carry the position of first mate.
“I…sir, I…”
“Out with it!”
“She left with the pixie last night. She has not yet returned.”
“What do you mean she left?” Katherine wasn’t a prisoner. She could come and go at her will. But she never returned? That was cause for concern.
“I tried to stop her. She?—”
“Where is Smee?”
“You sent him off with the rest of the crew. To find his son.”
“Ah, yes. I remember. So, no one has gone looking for her?”
“No, Captain.”
“You imbecile! Do you have any idea of the danger she could be in? If one hair on her perfect head is harmed, you will find yourself moldering in the Viridianwood.”
“I… I?—”
“Get my cutlass. Now!”
“Yes, Captain.” Starkey scurried off, returning promptly with my sword.
“Move my scabbard to the right side of my belt. I’m going in search of Miss Hawkins.”
“Sir, respectfully, you can’t.”
“Last time I checked, I was the captain of this ship. You’d be wise to remember that. Send Smee out to find me upon his return. I won’t be back until I’ve found her.”
What was she thinking? She knew better than to go off on her own in the middle of the night. Surely, she wouldn’t have gone into the Viridianwood? I’d warned her of the dangers there. That pixie of hers would have guided her elsewhere, right? Fuck! Katherine, where did you go? Neverland was a small island. She couldn’t be far. Maybe she’d gone to Tiger Lilly looking for a way to mend my hand. Yes! That’s it. I’ll start there.
The alternative option was unthinkable. Could she have really betrayed me and run off to be the surrogate mother to Peter and his Lost Boys? The idea sent a vicious chill down my spine. There was no way she’d turncoat. Not Katherine. We’d been through too much together. We loved each other. She was soft, sure. Her maternal side wouldn’t allow her to see past the ‘young boy’ Peter appeared to be. I'd explained to her he was hundreds if not thousands of years old, but it didn’t help. I couldn’t fault her for that. It was a boggling thing to comprehend. It went against nature. I pushed the intrusive thoughts from my mind and continued north to Tiger Lily’s village. That’s where I would find her. My beloved was searching for a solution to my situation.
“Tiger Lily!” I roared, walking straight into the village center. “Show yourself, or I’ll end this satyr’s life right now.” I’d grabbed a young male on the outskirts of the village and had my cutlass digging into his throat. It was a ballsy move. If any of Tiger Lily’s guards came at me, I’d be a dead man. With my dominant hand gone, I was essentially defenseless. But I wanted answers, and I wanted them now. The village had been quiet, but my outburst had drawn attention, and a crowd was forming quickly.
“Jas, old friend.” Tiger Lily emerged from her home, confusion quickly contorting her beautiful face. “This is not how you get my attention.”
“It’s not? Huh? It appears to be working exactly how I had planned.”
“Release the boy.”
“I want answers first. Katherine, is she with you?”
“Katherine? Why would she be with me?”
“I had a run-in with Pan, and I believe she may have come to you for help.”
“I’ve not seen your mistress nor heard of this ‘run-in.’”
I waved my stump for Tiger Lily to see as the gathering crowd gasped around me. “The bastard has disfigured me.”
“Clearly, you must have done something to deserve this punishment. The Divine does not just take away without warrant.”
“I have no desire to discuss the logistics. Pan will get what’s coming for him. I’d advise you to stay out of the way or find yourself with the same fate.” I took a step closer, keeping the young satyr under my blade. “Why is my blood now a vile shade of purple?”
“You came to me seeking blood magic. What did you expect would happen? Were you so na?ve to believe you wouldn’t be changed?”
“What kind of demon have you turned me into?”
“I never changed you into a demon. That piece of you was already there. The magic simply altered your blood. This cannot be undone.”
“You didn’t tell me there would be consequences for my request.”
“Oh, I did. You chose not to hear it. Tell me, James, are you now ungrateful for your memories?”
“Where is Katherine?” I asked again. Ignoring her remarks. “Someone must have seen her. If you’re hiding her from me, this boy will be the least of your worries.”
“We have not seen your missing woman. Release the boy and leave my village before I have my guard remove you.”
Frustrated, I spun around the young satyr, slicing my cutlass through the air and lobbing off his small hand in one fell swoop. An eye for an eye, right? The surrounding crowd screamed in sync with the boy, rushing to his side. A pool of bright red blood blooming at his cloven feet. I turned and simply walked away from the growing chaos. “Ask your Divine what he did to deserve that . I’m sure it was warranted.”
The day quickly grew late, and there was still no sign of Kat anywhere. I’d searched the Mermaid Lagoon and even bloodied the waters with one of their own after she made a vile comment about Katherine and how I’d be better off without her. For such beautiful creatures, they were ugly on the inside. I ensured that they would think before they spoke in the future.
Kat wasn’t hiding in the grotto either. I was running out of places to look. Desperation began to gnaw at my breaking heart. I refused to believe that she had run off with Peter. She would never hurt me like that. We had plans for a future together. Had I said something I didn’t remember last night? The enchantment wouldn’t allow that. Or was I so far gone that I?—
“Captain?” A disembodied male voice called out through the trees, startling me. I scanned the surroundings, my bloodied cutlass poised and ready.
“Captain James? Is that you?” Smee popped out from behind a large tree, sending me whirling.
“Smee, for fuck’s sake! Where did you come from?”
“Starkey sent me looking for ya. He said you were out searching for Miss Hawkins.”
“Yes! Was she back on the ship?”
“No, Captain.”
I sighed, completely defeated. This was not the news I’d been hoping for. “I was beginning to think I hadn’t yet found her simply because she had gone back home. Did she say anything to you last night before she left?”
“No, but in all fairness, I was on a mission to find my son. I didn’t exactly linger after our conversation.”
“Were you able to find Eli?”
Smee adjusted his spectacles. “Aye, I believe it was him we found in the Viridianwood.” His chin quivered, and he wiped at his cheek, sweeping away a fallen tear. “We brought him and three others to the edge of the tree lines, looking out at Three Pence Bay, and gave them a proper burial. Pan must be stopped before he kills another innocent.”
“You have my word. I will not stop until Pan is dead and molding with the fallen leaves. The beasts will feast upon his rotting flesh, and through their shit , he will become the very island that worships him.”
Smee smiled, delight sparkling in his eyes as he pulled me in for a hug. “I pledge to you my undying loyalty. Together, we will stop him, my friend.”
There was that word again, friend. I needed to shift the dynamic. I appreciated Smee’s fealty and admired his devotion, but I could not, would not, allow him into my heart. I’ve experienced enough pain to last several lifetimes. The last thing I wanted was another person to care about.
“Smee, old man, I need to piss. Help me with my breeches.” If holding up my pants while I pissed didn’t show Smee his place, I don’t know what would.
“Do you need me to hold your cock, too?”
“No!” I gruffed, grabbing my dick before he could put his hands on it. “Just hold up my damn breeches and tie me back up after.”
“Were you right-handed?” he asked, making small talk while I relieved myself.
“Aye.”
“I guess you’re going to have to relearn how to do the most basic things. How are you?—”
“I don’t know, Smee. I fucking jerk off with my right hand, too. Did you want to offer me a hand with that as well?”
Smee chuckled, “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. If there is anything I can do to help, I’m at your service.”
“Can you grow my hand back?” I paused, waiting for an answer that wouldn’t come. “No? I didn’t think so. There is nothing that can be done. I’m half a man.”
“Hands do not make you a man, James. It’s your power, your strength, your prick. As I just witnessed, that piece of you is still very much intact. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Your injury can either define you or make you stronger. A man understands that you can lose a battle but still win the war. The choice is yours.”
I huffed as he tied my breeches. I didn’t need the pep talk from Smee. He had no idea what it was like to lose a literal piece of yourself at the hands of your nemesis. He may have lost a son, but at least his body was still in one piece. I just wanted to find Katherine and put an end to this day. “I’m choosing to go back to the Jolly Roger . Surely, Katherine has returned home by now.”
The sun had begun its nightly descent when we arrived back at the ship. Pink and peach hues painted the sky in a beautiful blush. The crew scurried about the deck as if nothing were amiss. I took a moment and said a silent plea to the Divine. Please let my Katherine be home, and in one piece.
“Starkey!”
He was startled at the sound of my voice. “Captain, you’re back.”
“Aye. Where is Miss Hawkins?”
The smile dropped from his face. “She’s not with you, sir?”
“Fuck!” My stomach dropped. “I thought maybe she had come home.”
“Smee!” Cecco interrupted, breathless from running across the deck with a box in hand. “A package was delivered while you were gone. It’s from Rindle, the gnome. He said it was most important.”
“Oh! Yes, I wasn’t expecting them to get it here so fast. Well, no better time than now.” Smee grabbed the box and turned to me.
“Captain, I hope I’m not overstepping my boundaries but, I wanted to thank you for helping me find my son. And for giving these cast-off Lost Boys a family. This is for you.” He knelt before me and offered up the wooden box.
Carved across the top in the most beautiful script were the words Captain James Hook. Puzzled, I looked at Smee.
“Open it, Captain.”
I slowly lifted the lid. Curiosity filled my stomach with nervous excitement. Nestled upon a bed of crimson velvet lay a polished silver hook attached to an ornately decorated cuff. I had never seen anything like it before. It was beautiful. I stared, speechless, tracing a finger along the cool metal curve. The tip had been sharpened into a wicked point, pricking my skin as I explored. “Smee, it’s… exquisite.”
“The gnomes assured me it would fit. Why don’t you slide it on and see how it feels?”
The weight seemed impeccably balanced as I held it in my hand. I slid my healing stump painfully into the cuff and watched in disbelief as the intricately embossed filigree danced across the metal, forming the base to my severed wrist.
“Well? How does it feel?” Smee asked hesitantly.
“It’s perfect.” A cool breeze at the back of my neck sent a shiver down my spine, and I smiled, knowing everything was about to change. A sinister laugh bellowed from my chest. The crew stood motionless and wide-eyed at my new addition. “From this moment forward, I am to be known as Captain James Hook.”
Smee stood smiling, raising my arm and my new hook to the sky. “All hail Captain Hook!”
“Cap-tain Hook! Cap-tain Hook!” The crew chanted, lifting me high into the air, celebrating my new nom de guerre.
The boisterous excitement had blissfully pulled my attention from Katherine’s whereabouts. It was the first time since the incident that I’d had a moment of real happiness. Thanks to Smee and his brilliant token of appreciation, the future was looking much brighter.
“Rum for everyone! We have much to celebrate.”
The air around us thickened. Something was amiss. I felt the atmospheric shift in my bones. The scent of ozone was heavy in the air. The crew fell silent, and I looked at Smee, silently beckoning him to me, when what looked like a burst of smoke and glittering gunpowder exploded mere feet in front of me.
My heart stopped dead in my chest. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had to be hallucinating. There, standing in front of me as the smoke dissipated, was my beloved Katherine and beside her slight frame was a familiar face from my nightmares—Blackbeard.