Chapter 26
Rowan
When I awoke the next morning, I didn’t immediately open my eyes.
Memories of the day before flooded in, and with them a new determination to speak with Caelan.
To get everything off my chest. Just the thought of him had my soul bond burning brightly in my chest, and I wasn’t sure what to think about that.
I did, however, have another thought, so threw off my bedcovers and yelled out a “Good morning” to Jesmina when I heard her usual knock at the door.
Hurrying in, she pulled open the curtains, letting the sunlight in. “Good morning, milady. You’re up bright and early.”
“Jesmina. I… I have a bit of a personal question I need to ask you,” I said, hesitantly. I wondered how to phrase the next sentence.
“Yes, milady. What is it?”
“Well… I was wondering… Um. Well, I wanted to know about birth control?” I felt my face flush.
She pressed her lips together, trying to smother her smile. “Oh. Well, that’s easy. You’re only fertile four times a year, so providing you take the herbal tea I will brew for you during those times, you will not fall pregnant. If that is your desire.”
“Four times a year?” I had always had irregular periods, ever since I first got them. I had been a late bloomer in that department, not having my first one until I was nearly seventeen. But since then, it had only been…
Understanding slowly dawned on me. It had only been about four times a year.
“Yes, the days leading up to your flow are when you are fertile,” she said. “And after your twenty-fifth year, the Quickening begins, so it’s easy to tell when you’re due.”
The Quickening? I was certain I had heard something like that before. Something to do with pregnancy, but I couldn’t recall exactly what it was.
“What is the Quickening?”
Jesmina smiled, as if remembering something funny. “Well, milady, it’s so named because of the fluttering sensation you get in your uterus as it starts to prepare for the possibility of a baby. It is not an unpleasant feeling, just the first sign that you are about to experience the Quickening.”
I recalled then what the term was used for in relation to pregnancy. The feeling Jesmina was describing was similar to what I had been told about the first movement of a baby. But I was still confused. “And what do you mean about experiencing the Quickening?”
Jesmina smirked. I had never seen her smile like that before. “Oh, milady, I couldn’t tell you. You will need to ask your brother. He would know. Yes, ask him.” She turned away quickly, busying herself in my armoire.
How very strange.
Mentally counting back the weeks since my last period, I estimated it was still six to eight weeks before the next was due, if it continued to follow the same schedule it always had, so I put it aside for future me to worry about.
I did, however, add the Quickening to the list of things I needed to talk to my brother about.
With that in mind, I set about getting ready for the day so I could go find him.
Entering the dining room a short while later, I found Aenan seated there, still finishing his breakfast. He sat at the head of the table, as he almost always did.
I took the seat to his right, the one I had claimed as my own, noticing the untouched plate across from me.
I’d assumed Caelan had eaten earlier, but the pristine plate told a different story.
“I sent him on an errand before dawn,” Aenan said, catching my inquisitive gaze. “He should be back soon.”
“Oh. Um. Actually, I wanted to ask you about something.”
He arched an eyebrow, peering at me from over the top of his glass.
“What’s the Quickening?” I asked.
Aenan spat out a mouthful of juice, choking on the remainder. Liquid flew across the table, coating the section in front of me. I stared at him, somewhat shocked as he started coughing.
“Are you okay?”
He glared at me. “You can’t just come out and ask me a thing like that. Give me a little warning next time.”
“Like what? Jesmina told me to ask you. Told me you would know.”
Giggles sounded from the direction of the kitchen.
“Oh. I see,” I said with a frown. “I take it this is not something one would normally speak of with their brother?”
“Not ordinarily,” he said. “No.”
“But will you tell me?”
“Ah…”
“The Quickening, little bird,” Caelan said, entering the room, “usually involves lots of sex in the days leading up to your courses. It is nature’s way of ensuring procreation.”
He placed a chaste kiss to the top of my head, and something in my chest thrummed.
“Good morning,” he whispered, searching my eyes, clearly trying to determine my thoughts. He took the seat beside me, and I eyed him closely. He was still dressed in his riding gear and smelt like the outdoors, his wild, woody scent teasing my nose.
I gave him a small smile. One of the kitchen staff approached and changed his place setting around, as well as cleaning up the spilt juice.
“You make it sound like there is no choice in the matter.”
“Well, for some females, there isn’t. They have an undeniable urge to mate, and in most cases, the closest male will do. If they try to ignore it, the urge gets stronger and stronger until it becomes painful. For a bonded pair, the male is equally as affected.”
I was certain my eyes were like saucers as I looked at him.
I couldn’t recall having anything like this happen to me since I’d turned twenty-five.
Had I just not noticed? Or had my grief played with my hormones, and it hadn’t affected me?
I knew I had lost weight and that being underweight could affect your periods.
But I’d still had the last one, albeit lighter than normal.
Maybe it affected the Quickening instead?
Or maybe it didn’t happen in the Human Realm.
My eyes swung back to Caelan. “Have you—?”
He cut me off, knowing what I was going to ask. “No, I have never participated in a Quickening. Your brother, however…” He trailed off with a sly grin, gesturing towards Aenan, who blushed as red as his hair.
“It was one time! And I didn’t realise I’d be trapped there for days. She nearly sucked me dry.”
I burst into giggles at the look of horror on his face. No wonder Jesmina had directed me to speak with him. He looked traumatised, and I felt bad, but only for a second.
“The girl still winks at me when I see her in the village. It gives me chills.” He shuddered.
Caelan and I laughed out loud. I grinned at him, and a feeling that it was all going to be okay washed over me.
After breakfast, I headed to the library while Caelan and Aenan proceeded to the study to discuss the urgent task Caelan had been sent on.
Caelan had held back before leaving, telling me he would come find me when he was done.
So we could talk. I had nodded, glad to have a little more time to sort through my feelings.
My intention for the day, outside of that, was to research the soul bond.
Primarily for my own enlightenment. However, I also harboured a genuine curiosity about the prophecy.
I had transcribed it from the scroll onto a piece of parchment so I could analyse the words.
And with each reading, I found myself increasingly convinced it pertained to me.
The realisation left me rather unsettled, wrestling with my emotions.
My destiny felt like it was predetermined.
My life a mere game in the vast expanse of the cosmos.
The notion that I had no say in its narrative or trajectory was weighing heavily on my mind, and the only way I knew how to ease that was to find something that contradicted the concept.
So, that was what I set off to do. I was determined not only to browse the shelves, but to take back control of my life. And my future.
Hours later, a familiar voice spoke to me in a not-so-familiar way.
Hungry? Caelan asked, his voice whispering through my mind.
Unlike my brother’s, hearing Caelan’s voice in my head curled my toes. Something about it caused me to flush, and I waved my hand in the air, trying to cool my heated face.
Is it lunchtime already? I asked, answering in the same way.
Just after. I thought you might like a break. Take a walk with me?
That… would be nice.
I’ll meet you at the library doors.
Placing a discarded piece of parchment inside my book to mark my page, I stood, stretching, and gave the weather outside a quick review.
Thankful that the breeze would remove the colour in my cheeks, I retrieved the throw off the settee, just in case some additional coverage was needed.
When I opened the glass doors, it was just in time to see Caelan round the side of the castle, a small basket in hand.
“Lunch,” he said, raising it.
When he reached me, he took hold of my hand and kissed it softly, his eyes searching mine again as if to determine how I was feeling after yesterday.
I gave his hand a small squeeze and looked away.
We walked in the direction of the drive, my shoes not adequate for a walk through the gardens.
He asked me how my research had been going, putting off the conversation we so desperately needed to have.
“Not great,” I admitted. “I have more questions than answers now.”
“Like what? Maybe I can help.”
“Well, the first line, I think, is about you. But the second line reads ‘at birth’, and we weren’t swapped at birth, so now I’m not so sure. And the third line reads ‘raised amidst glamour’. You haven’t been raised amidst glamour, have you?”
“Not to my knowledge, no. Maybe it’s just a poetic way of saying ‘raised with the fae’?”
“Maybe… Yes. That’s probably it.”
Reaching a bench seat a little way down the drive, we sat, and Caelan dished out the sandwiches he’d collected for lunch, each with thick slices of ham and cheese. “Mrs Gretchen tells me these are a particular favourite of yours.”
“They are,” I said around a mouthful, causing him to laugh.
We ate in silence, my thoughts on what I wanted to say to him.