16. Savanna
SAVANNA
My cellphone rings as I’m giving Panda his breakfast. If it’s Cassie, then I’m definitely not taking it. I’m still trying to process the bombshell Logan dumped on me two nights ago. The last thing I need is my sister chiming in and telling me what to do.
But it’s not Cassie’s name on the screen. It’s Logan’s. I huff out a breath and leave the phone to ring out on the counter. He gave me space yesterday and didn’t contact me, but I’m not ready to speak to him yet.
When the phone goes silent, I turn it off so I’m not tempted to take his calls. I’ll call him when I’m ready. I pour coffee into my travel mug and lean against the counter. The worn envelope sits where I left it on the table. There are a dozen items in there, a snapshot of my life.
Cassie would tell me it was weird, but it’s nice knowing Logan thought about me all these years, that I gave him comfort while he was deployed.
There’s nothing I didn’t share online about myself. It doesn’t make me feel icky, just sad. Sad that he didn’t contact me, instead of checking in on me online.
He could have withheld the envelope, and I would never have known. He’s shown me respect by coming clean with the truth. That makes me feel like we could have a future together. But if I’m going to forgive him, I’m not going to do it just yet.
I leave my phone off as I head into the clinic.
Joel sits behind his desk as Cliff and I go over the patient records for this week.
I scan down the list of names again, but there must be a mistake.
“Logan Winslow isn’t on here.”
If Joel knows what Logan and I have been up to, he hasn’t said anything. Everyone knows Joel’s a big softy when it comes to love, especially since he got together with Brooke, his daughter’s high school teacher.
“He’s been recalled.” Joel flips through his notes.
“Recalled?” Joel looks up at my tone, and I can’t hide the surprise on my features.
“I don’t have the details, but they need him for an op. He’ll continue his recovery back on base.”
“But there were residual tears. If he overdoes it, he could set his recovery back by months.”
They’re both looking at me now. Logan was Cliff’s patient. I shouldn’t know so much.
Joel sits back in his chair and regards me with a paternal look that makes me wonder if we’ve been as discreet as we thought.
“It’s not his shoulder they need,” he says gently. “They need what’s in his head. He’ll be in the control center helping with intel. He won’t be doing anything physical.”
“He’s going on a mission?” My stomach drops. All the talk of the past few weeks, the tentative plans we started making. The toothbrush left at my place, his protein powder in my cupboard. It was all for nothing.
“He leaves this afternoon.”
“This afternoon?” I swallow hard and look down at my patient list as emotion threatens to flood me.
Under my clipboard, I push my nails into my thighs until the pain in my heart is masked by the pain in my leg. I will not break down here in front of Joel. I’m a professional, and I will stay professional.
The rest of the meeting goes by in a blur, and it seems like forever until I’m in the quiet of my treatment room. I lock the door and only then give in to the sobs that bubble up inside of me.
Logan is leaving. Of course, he is. Eleven years of loving me from a distance, and that’s the thing he’s good at. He would rather want me from a thousand miles away than stay beside me.
I can’t believe I would be so stupid as to let him into my heart again. I knew the danger; I fought hard to resist my feelings. But I fell for him all over again.
I should be happy for him. He’s recovered enough to go back to being useful to the military again, the thing he loves. It just isn’t me. Logan will always choose the military over me. He will always leave, and I was the fool who fell for him twice.