Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Grief swallows me and I lose all sense of time as tears spill freely down my cheeks.
Moonveil Academy is not what I expected it to be. No firm hands or cruelty, but kindness and generosity. Today was everything I could have ever wished for, a life I could only dream of. I wanted this for so long, my shot at happiness.
But what right do I have to be happy, when she isn’t here to witness and enjoy it with me. Why do I get the chance at a better life, when she deserved it just as much? Why am I even here?
She should be here. With me.
Have they sent her body back to her parents? She rarely spoke of them and they never visited, but still. They are her family. But…I was too, and I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye. Not really.
A scream breaks through the silence of my room. I scream until my voice gives out, hoping to relieve the tension that has built up inside my chest. But now that the dam is broken, all I know is pain and agony, crashing over me like waves of the ocean.
I don’t deserve happiness, not after what I’ve done to my mother. Would they know about my past? Anima must have given them my file. But why treat me with care and give me freedom to do whatever I please when I have murdered someone?
My fingers dig in my arms again and again, hoping to escape this agony. As the pain in my heart shifts to pain in my arm, my breathing steadies. Blood trickles down my arm. I don’t even care.
I stare in the distance, my gaze unfocused, my eyes sting and burn, but the sadness in my chest hasn’t lifted in the slightest. Yet, I have no tears left within me. I don’t know at what point I decide to lay down, curled up on the wooden floor, body heavy with exhaustion.
Silence has returned, the ear deafening kind. I’m numb and feel empty. That’s probably why I only notice someone’s at my door until it bangs against my head. I’m not even bothered by it.
Sounds reach my ears, but it’s nullified. Someone is talking, a low, rushed rumble. A higher melodic tone responds, calmer, but I can’t make out words. I’m too far away.
I blink.
The scene changes, two people stand inside my room.
Do I know them? Someone leans in front of me until our eyes are at the same level, a shade of green I have never seen before, as if they don’t know what colour to pick.
Lips move, a hushed tone, but I only hear the silence and the wild beating of my heart.
I can’t bring myself to react. I don’t even blink when fingers snap in front of me.
The figure, a man I presume, moves away. The lower voice even more rushed than before, the other remaining calm.
I blink.
The male with the swirling green eyes now lays next to me, our heads at the same level.
Our body’s don't touch, yet I feel he’s near in a somewhat comforting way.
It takes a while for me to shift my focus from the room to the familiar, handsome face in front of me.
Once I do, I can’t really make out the emotion written there.
It makes his eyes darker. It looks like worry. Why is he worried?
I blink.
So does he.
His full lips move again, only to say one word. Or no, not a word. A name. My name. “Maily.”
Maybe it is because I know what he’s saying, but the endnote of it reaches my ears. Hope lights up his eyes, bringing back some of the brighter green. “…hear me?”
I blink.
“Are…hurt?”
Physically?
“No.” My lips form the word, but no sound comes out.
Mentally?
Completely shattered.
He closes his eyes a little longer. “Good. That is good.”
Is it though?
“Do you mind if I pick you up?”
If I would say yes, he would leave me here, probably stay with me, and part of me wants that. To lay on the floor until a hole appears and I can sink through it.
I take in the face in front of me. Aramis. I don’t know what I did to deserve his kindness, but he is here. Worried. About me.
I shake my head once.
He explains where his hands will touch me, reading my face to see if I agree. I think I can handle physical contact for a couple of seconds. And again, he is kind. He is good. He won’t hurt me.
Aramis counts down from three to one and places a hand underneath my neck and knees. I’m lifted with ease, the warmth of his skin seeping into my cold bones.
He keeps as much distance as possible without dropping me and walks towards the bed, gently laying me down and tucking me in. As soon as I’m comfortable to his liking, he steps away from the bed. It’s only then I remember there is someone else in the room. Someone I now recognise as Mrs Delalune.
“I am so sorry, darling. I know today was hard for you.”
But that is the thing, isn’t it? It really wasn’t. I was enjoying myself so much that at times, I forgot all that had happened and yes, my emotions rose every now and then, but overall, I was having so much fun, and it feels so wrong.
“Please keep in mind we only have good intentions at heart and will do everything in our power to make you happy. You are safe here and protected. I promise.” Even if I only saw her briefly once before, I know her words ring true.
I feel it deep down. “Is it okay if Aramis does a quick examination?”
I hesitate, it’s really not necessary. I’m fine, only emotionally and mentally drained. But again, physically I’m fine.
“I can also send a word to Althea, if that would be more comfortable for you.” Mrs Delalune says, taking my silence for something else.
I shake my head. “It’s okay,” I whisper-speak.
His eyes trace my face, maybe a moment too long, before he picks up a little light and asks me to follow his finger with my eyes. “No concussion.”
His hand hovers above my head and it takes a second before I realise he’s waiting for me to give permission.
I nod once. His palm lands on top of my head, slowly moving down until he touches a sore spot more towards the back and I can’t help but wince.
“There is a bump on the back of her head.” A small pause. “Do you have a headache?”
“A little,” I whisper, but that is understatement. My head pounds as loudly as my heartbeat. The crying, the emotional drainage and the door against my head isn’t a good combination for someone sensitive to headaches.
He moves his hand from the back of my head down my arms, noticing the bloody crescent moons my nails left there, towards my wrist, two fingers searching for the pulse point.
As I take Aramis in, I can’t help but notice his effortless charm.
The long lashes that curl upward, the tanned skin and dust of freckles across his nose bridge, the blond loose waves that caress his forehead.
I could easily fall for him, if not for his looks alone, but the way he treats me, the respect? How could you not like him?
My heart picks up its pace and his eyes lock into mine, holding my gaze as he counts the seconds away. “Pulse is strong,” he says, his voice a little hoarser than before. “Breathing steady.”
He breaks eye contact first, looking back at Mrs Delalune. “I’ll give her something to dull the headache and reduce the swelling and disinfect the small cuts on her arms.” He turns around again. “Other than that, she is physically fine.”
He tilts his head, observing me, and I know he sees I’m hanging on by a thread.
“I think it’s time we let Maily rest, for tomorrow there is a new dawn and a time to start anew.”
I look past Aramis, Mrs Delalune is an epitome of peace and serenity. I give her words a second thought. I could try it, make my life better starting from this moment on. Try to amend for the crime I committed. Try to do better. For Ami.
“See you tomorrow?” Aramis asks, breaking my train of thought. I nod once, making his shoulders sag a little.
When it’s just the two of us, Mrs Delalune offers me a soft, compassionate smile. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I open my mouth, ready to burst it all out, but I don’t think I am ready yet. “It is hard to see how the world keeps turning without the one thing that keeps you grounded.”
“I see,” she says, coming a little closer. “I do sincerely hope you can eventually give Moonveil and its people a chance. It is your home now.”
Home. What does that even mean? Deciding to let the matter go, I have one small request to make. “Is it possible to follow self-defence classes here?”
If my question surprises her, she doesn’t let it show. “It is, we have an excellent professor teaching the art of defence. Would you like to enrol?”
“Yes, I…” I know I don’t owe her any explanation, but I want to explain either way.
“I don’t ever want to feel weak again. For five years, I was too scared to handle when I wasn’t treated rightly.
I have muscles, but they are weak. If someone would chase me in my current state, I wouldn’t stand a chance.
” My breaths are a little shaky, but I continue.
“I want to feel strong, be strong and learn how to defend myself when needed.”
Mrs Delalune takes me in for a moment, nodding in admiration. “Of course, I will send someone to pick you up in the morning.”
It still surprises me that I can make requests here and someone actually listens to them and takes action. “Thank you, Mrs Delalune.”
She folds her hands in front of her, smiling as she bows her head a little. “No need to thank me. Aramis will come back with some medication. Try to get some rest.”
“I will,” I say, even though I’m not entirely sure if sleep will find me. As Mrs Delalune takes her leave and I lay there underneath the covers, the cold seems embedded in my bones.
Deciding it might be wise to take a shower now that I have the luxury of owning a private one, I throw the covers away and search for something to sleep in. I grab the first comfiest thing I see, an oversized T-shirt, walk over to the shower and let the water run.
The scalding stream pours over me, steam swirling at my feet. I should feel the burn, I know the water is too hot and it’s a miracle I can stand under the strong pulse without shrieking. But I need this, to burn away the glooming thoughts building in my head. Or at least try to.
When I’m finally warmed up and sleep calls my name, I pat myself dry with a towel, change into an oversized shirt and brush my teeth.
I re-enter the room and notice the fire burning in the hearth and a small vial with an amber coloured sustenance in it. A little note lays next to it, one sentence written on it in elegant handwriting.
For the headache and to chase away other pains.
Aramis
Would it mend my broken soul as well? Probably not, either way, I sniff the vial — picking up hints of lavender, peppermint and camomile — before I put it at my lips and down it in one go.
I climb in bed, pulling the covers close around me. Fatigue wraps around me like an old friend. And as sleep drags me under, I can’t help but feel a little excited for what tomorrow might bring.