Chapter 6
Six
Hannah
I can’t believe how many boxes are piled up in this room. Has Aaric gone completely mad? What is all this stuff?
When I spin around, I find him right behind me. “I can’t keep this baby, Aaric.” I’ve never considered such an idea.
He frowns as if confused. “Why not? I don’t mean to imply that you have to. I can understand if you don’t want the constant reminder of what happened with Jeremy. It was insensitive of me not to think about that. But?—”
I cut him off, shaking my head while I hold my giant belly protectively. “I don’t care about Jeremy. He’s nothing to me. This baby is mine. Not his. I nourished it for nine months in my body.”
“Then why do you want to put the baby up for adoption, honey?” he asks gently.
“Because it will be shunned in my care,” I bark. “I’m not married. It’s a bastard.”
Aaric’s eyes go wide.
I keep shocking him, and I don’t even know why.
He shakes his head. “I need to make a list of banned words you’re never permitted to use again.
Harlot and bastard are at the top of the list. Don’t say either of those things again.
That’s a precious human being inside you.
He or she is not an it . That baby is a sweet new life.
No one will judge you or the baby for not being married.
People have filled your head with the most cockamamy nonsense I’ve ever heard, Hannah. ”
“ I will judge me.” I’m shaking. He keeps saying things that flip everything I’ve ever known upside down.
“Well, stop judging yourself. You don’t deserve it. I’m going to tell you that you’re kind and good and filled with sunshine until you believe me. You don’t deserve the kind of judgment others have placed on you. Wipe it all from your head.”
I chew on my bottom lip, trying not to cry any more tears.
Aaric closes the short distance between us and pulls me into his embrace. He hugs me close, holding me tight, rubbing my back.
I could stay like this forever. It feels so nice to be in his arms. I don’t deserve the kindness he’s offering.
Except, he keeps telling me I do. Have I been wrong?
Aaric eases back, turns me around so I’m facing the mound of boxes, and holds me close so my back is against his front.
“That baby will be here any day. How about you don’t make any rash decisions until then?
I bet when you hold the sweet little bundle in your arms, you’ll fall in love with him or her and wonder why you ever thought you could give that sweet baby up for adoption.
If you feel nothing, and you don’t think you can raise the baby, we’ll discuss your options. How about that?”
I’m staring at the boxes. Most of them are open. I can see into the tops of a few. Wiggling free of Aaric’s embrace, I step toward something yellow and lift it up.
I gasp. It’s the most adorable tiny onesie. So small it’s hard to imagine it fitting a human being. There’s a sun on the front. A zipper runs from one leg up to the neck. The little booties on the end are precious. “Aaric…”
He hugs me from behind again, his arms firm and supporting. He even leans around and kisses my temple. “Sunshine, like Mommy.”
My lips tremble. I’ve never considered keeping my baby. I’ve forced myself to remain detached. It’s just a life inside me that deserves a chance. I’ve vowed to give it to someone who can love and raise it.
Could that be me?
“We will all help you, Hannah. You’ll live here on Gallant Mountain.
There’ll be so many uncles and eventually aunts to help raise this little one.
I admit that I feel incredibly protective of you, and I hope you’ll agree to stay in my cabin, but if you don’t want to, you can move into the main house. Everyone will help you.”
Silent tears run down my cheeks as I clutch the yellow onesie. I’ve cried a river today. I don’t remember when I last cried. It’s been a long time. I never let myself get this emotional because it won’t do any good.
Sucking back sobs, I argue, “This baby deserves a better life than I had. It should go to school in town. Have friends. Learn things.”
“If you want the baby to go to school in town, we’ll take the child to school, honey. Done.”
I shake my head. “People will make fun of it for not having a dad.”
Aaric sighs, but his voice is still calm when he speaks. “No one is going to make fun of a kid for not having a dad, sunshine. That’s not a thing. It’s a backward mountain concept meant to keep women submissive and meek.”
I think about his words.
“Men have been telling you what to do and how to think all your life, honey. Most of it was nonsense. They were wrong. They lied to you. That’s over.
You’re going to take control of your own life now.
You make the decisions for yourself. No one else.
You don’t do what anyone orders you to do unless it’s in line with what you want.
If you don’t like it, you tell them to bug off. ”
I giggle and twist my neck to look at him. “As if I could ever tell a man to bug off.”
“Oh, you certainly can, sunshine. You can start now. Practice on me. What if I told you to unpack all of this and put it away before you can eat?”
I turn all the way around and chuckle. “I’m too tired. Bug off.”
He laughs. “See? Easy.”
“What if I order you to go sit at the table and eat?”
I chew on my bottom lip. This is a trick question. He just said I shouldn’t follow orders unless they are things I want to do. “I’m starving. I’ll obey that one.”
He grins. “I think you’re catching on.” He takes my hand and leads me back to the table. “Sit, sunshine.”
I’m baffled when he picks up my bowl and removes it from in front of me. I watch, still confused, as he moves across the room. He opens a small oven, puts my dish in, and pushes some buttons on the front. The oven makes an odd humming noise as a light comes on inside. “What’s that?”
“It’s a microwave, sunshine. It reheats food in seconds.” Sure enough, less than a minute later, he pops the bowl out and brings it to me. The stew is steaming as if he just dished it up from the pot.
“Holy cow.” I set the yellow baby outfit on the table.
Aaric is smiling as he dishes up his own stew and sits next to me. He points toward my fork. “Eat.”
As soon as I take the first bite, I moan around the flavor. It’s the best meal I’ve ever eaten. I scarf it down as if someone might take it away from me.
Aaric sets his hand over mine, stopping me. “Slow down, honey. I know it’s going to take you a while to realize this, but there is plenty of food, and there always will be. You can open the refrigerator or the pantry and grab whatever you feel like eating, any time you want.”
“You just said I don’t have to listen to you,” I tease, though I’m shocked by my ability to talk back. I’m starting to believe I can, and when I challenge him on it, he simply smiles.
His eyes dance with mirth. “You never have to listen to me, but I will make bossy recommendations where your health is concerned. If you eat too fast, you’ll get sick.”
I sigh, my shoulders dropping. He’s right. It’s hard, but I force myself to eat more slowly. It’s just so good. And the bread is delicious.
While I’m eating, I think about all the things Aaric has said. It’s hard for me to imagine people not calling my child a bastard. That’s what it is. A baby born out of wedlock. It’s not the baby’s fault, but it’s my fault. It doesn’t deserve to grow up with that stigma.
But then I glance at the yellow onesie. It’s precious. I can almost see tiny little arms and legs wiggling inside it. But won’t people say mean things?
I don’t care about myself. I’m thick-skinned. Mama always said so. But I don’t want my child coming home from school in tears because kids made fun of him or her.
“What are you thinking?” Aaric asks as he removes our bowls and stacks them on the table.
I pick up the yellow onesie again and bring it to my nose. It smells so good. New and clean. “I still think his friends will make fun of him for being a bast?—”
Aaric covers my mouth. “What did I say? That word is banned.” He’s smiling, though, as he releases my lips.
“You also said I don’t have to obey you,” I counter, challenging him.
His entire body shakes as he laughs. “I’ve created a monster.”
I shrug. “Well, you said…”
Aaric sobers and takes my hand. “Kids pick up on all the words adults say around them. Would you want your baby to say mean words like that?”
I shake my head.
“Then you’d better stop using them. Also, I noticed you said he . That’s the first time you’ve given the baby a gender. Do you feel like it’s a boy?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
Aaric stares at me. He’s rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. Long seconds go by. And then he finally speaks again. “Would you feel better if you were married?”
I frown. “Of course I would. Except I wouldn’t want to be married to Jeremy. He wasn’t kind to me. I wouldn’t trust him around the baby.”
“What if you were married to me?”
I blink, my jaw dropping. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I’m not being ridiculous. You could marry me. We could go to the courthouse tomorrow morning and get married. Then my last name can go on the birth certificate, and the baby will have a father. Would that erase the ugly B word from your vocabulary?”
My breath hitches. Aaric isn’t laughing. He’s staring at me expectantly. “Why would you want to marry an ignorant, backward woman who’s nine months pregnant with a baby that isn’t yours?”