Chapter 29 #2
“Then, when you hit puberty, things got scary with men. I’m glad that I was there to protect you, and I am glad that you did love me, but you weren’t in love with me. I knew it, and I was okay with it because I thought I could love you enough for both of us and we were just dating.
“I mean, Jenna, you were, you are, a force of nature. People underestimate you because you’re so gorgeous, but you are smart and funny, and anything you set your mind to, you do.
You never ran in high school, went to college on a full scholarship, and decided you wanted to qualify for the Olympics, and two years later you were an alternate.
You’re fucking amazing. Then you got pregnant and decided, okay, I’m gonna be the best mom I can, we got married, and then I fucked up everything.
You told me not to go undercover, but I thought I could handle it. I was wrong.
“But us, that wasn’t your fault. It was me.
My shit. I think because I knew, deep down, that I wasn’t the man you were madly in love with, when shit got bad with me, in my head, I couldn’t open up to you.
You kept asking, begging me to tell you what was going on, and bargaining with me and I shut you out.
I abandoned you. I was your best friend, your person, your safe place, your only family, and I just checked out. I’m so sorry.”
Jenna sat there silently crying. Tears streamed down her face. Having anyone take the time to reflect on her life meant something to her, but having Asher do it really meant something to her.
“So we need to get a few things straight, you did not cheat on me, I was not a husband to you. The reason you’re scared now is because I think Deacon is the first person you are in love with, and it scares you because that means he can hurt you.
Not like I hurt you, which I am sorry about.
He can really hurt you. But here’s the thing, it’s worth the risk.
And you know I wouldn’t tell you this unless I meant it, I don’t think he will.
I wouldn’t be sitting here if I thought, for a second, he was going to hurt you. I know he won’t.”
“You don’t know.” Jenna sniffed and shook her head. “How could you know? You don’t have any idea what’s going on in his head.”
Asher got a weird look on his face. A face she knew because she’d seen it when he TP’d the principal’s office and got suspended which meant they couldn’t go to prom.
“What?” Jenna demanded. He might know her well, but that was a two-way street.
Asher took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m only telling you this because it’s you. I would never tell anyone else on this earth this, except Ava obviously knows.”
His tone and the seriousness in his gaze were chilling, and now she was nervous.
“What?!” she demanded again. What could he possibly have to say?
He took a deep breath. “The other week, I was going to surprise Ava for lunch. I didn’t know she had a client.
I went in the back way, and she was in session.
I started to leave, and the door automatically locked.
I thought about interrupting, but I didn’t know if that would be worse or not, so I just tried not to listen. ”
“Oh shit...”
Deacon mentioned he was going to therapy.
“Yeah, he talked about you.”
“He said my name? Ava knows—”
“No! No, he didn’t, but as soon as he said the issues he was having, I knew it was you,” Asher relayed as if it had been glaringly obvious.
“Issues? What issues?” How could he have issues with her? They weren’t together.
“I don’t know if I should—”
“Are you fucking serious? You listened to a private therapy session where someone was discussing your ex-wife, just told her, and now you think you’re not going to tell her what was said?” She stood and offered Asher her hand. “Hi, I’m Jenna. I don’t know if we’ve met before.”
Asher smiled. He knew that she had to know this information. It had been such a point of contention in their entire relationship that she had to know every detail about everything he wasn’t forthcoming with any information about anything.
There was a reason her salons were always so successful and talent was only part of it. She cultivated a very safe information-sharing-rich environment. Gossip Central in a nonjudgmental, no-hate, no-shame just innocent, fun rumor trading.
But that was not what this was, this was factual, first-hand knowledge.
“For the record, this is very unethical.”
Jenna could see her ex-husband was struggling with this, and normally she’d let him off the hook, but she was drowning here, and she needed to know what he’d said in therapy about her.
“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock, and…?”
“How I knew it was you was because he said that at first, he thought you resented him for his money, but you hated that he had it. Then when Ava suggested that was a strong word, he said she was right and changed the word to disgust.”
Her face scrunched. “Disgust?”
“Yes, exactly.” Asher pointed at her as if that were proof.
Jenna swatted his hand away. “That’s not why… I’m not disgusted by his money.”
“Tell your face that.” He teased her. “But then Ava said that was a strong word, so he said you had an aversion to it like if money was a bad smell you didn’t like.”
Jenna waited. “And.”
“Jenna,” Asher’s voice was warning her that she was crossing a line.
“Asher,” she said his name back to him in the same tone.
He sighed and then his demeanor changed. His expression was suddenly serious. “Do you really think this is a good idea? This is his private session.”
Damn. Did she? Yeah, she did. She nodded.
Asher sighed. “She basically asked him if that was a good thing or not.”
Jenna’s brows wrinkled in confusion.
Asher grinned. “Yeah, that was pretty much his reaction. She said that at least he knew you don’t want him for his money.”
She could tell that Asher was holding back, and that wasn’t all Ava had said. “Andddd?” Jenna prompted again.
“This is ridiculous.” Asher closed his eyes. “It’s his private session. It’s so wrong.”
“What did she say about me?” Jenna demanded.
Asher spoke quickly, the way he did when he just wanted to get conversations over with.
“He said that he didn’t think you wanted him at all, and she basically said that if money wasn’t a priority to you then superficial things like appearance, status or attraction wouldn’t tempt you the way it might other people.
So, if you were conflicted about seeing him then your connection with him was most likely more than just physical, it was deeper than that, and he should take the pressure off of you and be your friend so you could see that. ”
So that’s what that whole, just come as my friend thing was about. Damn, she was good. It worked.
“So, Ava knew Deacon was talking about me?”
“No, she had no idea.” Asher shook his head.
“When he left and I told her what I’d overheard and that he was talking about you, she was convinced I was wrong, until she heard something from her sisters about the trivia night and also something happened at the gala, and she freaked out.
She wants to tell him their next session. ”
“She wants to tell him you overhear—”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe, but definitely that you are my ex.”
Jenna nodded. “So Ava pieced all that together about me without knowing it was me?”
Asher nodded, clearly twitterpated by his wife. “She’s good.”
“She really is.”
Asher stood, indicating the conversation was over.
“Wait, is that it?’
“That is all I’m telling you.” She could see he was serious. “Because that’s all that was about your issues. But I will say he’s a good guy, and I really don’t think he would hurt you.”
She just stared up at him blinking. There was more he wasn’t telling her. She could try and guilt it out of him. He’d just basically said that he’d been a terrible husband to her. Was it worth doing that. Perhaps sensing her diabolical inner thoughts Asher stepped away from the table.
“Thanks for hearing me out.”
Jenna stood. “Thanks for…whatever that was.”
Asher started walking towards the front of the house. “You know Ava was a couple’s counselor for years before moving here.”
Jenna nodded.
“She thinks you guys would be great together.”
Jenna had no comment as she headed to the bottom of the stairs to call Blake.
“Hey,” Asher stopped her. “I’m sorry about bringing up the stuff with your mom. I know it’s hard for you to talk about it.”
“It’s not as hard now that she’s dead.” Jenna shrugged and turned.
“She’s dead?” Asher turned her back around.
Right. Jenna never told him because he was in California with Blake. The James thing happened and then when she came out to Hope Falls, he was getting together with Ava.
“Yeah, actually she died the day I found out about James and Bree.”
“What?! Why didn’t you tell me?”
A tear Jenna didn’t even know was there slid down her face, but she quickly wiped it away. She was not going to cry for that woman. “I didn’t tell anyone. Well, actually I told Deacon.”
“You told Deacon?” Asher looked shocked and maybe hurt.
She put her hand on his forearm. “I didn’t know it was him. I had just come from the hospice—”
“Hospice?”
“She was in hospice for a year. I went to see her twice a week.”
“What the fuck? Twice a week? For a year? Did James know?”
Jenna shook her head.
“Blake never said any—”
“Blake didn’t know. I would never let Mallory around Blake.”
Asher stared down at Jenna, his eyes filled with care, love, tenderness.
He knew her mom. He lived with her for two years basically from the time Jenna was fourteen till she moved out at sixteen.
Her mom tried to sleep with Asher, on more than one occasion.
If anyone would understand why Jenna never allowed Blake to meet her grandmother it was Asher.
“So for a year you dealt with your dying mom by yourself?”
Jenna felt her lower lip tremble, but she stiffened it. Her ex pulled her into his arms and hugged her, tight.
When she felt herself about to breakdown, she stepped out of his arms and sniffed back her emotion.
She lowered her voice as she explained, “It was fine.
But anyway, um, she died, I went to the parking lot, sat in my car, got a notice to renew the spy software I had put on James computer a year earlier, looked up what had been cloned from his phone and computer, went home, caught him, then I went to a bar and Deacon was there, bartending, or I thought he was the bartender.
He asked if I was having a bad day, I told him my mom died and my husband was cheating on me, thinking he was the bartender.
Because he was behind the bar serving drinks to customers in a white button down and black slacks.
“Then after about an hour later I see a funeral announcement, a man comes out from the back, kisses the bartender on the cheek, thanks him for covering because the man’s wife was having Braxton hicks.
It turned out Deacon’s friend owned the bar and after Deacon’s parent’s funeral service she went into premature labor so Deacon came and covered for him.
“Right after that James showed up because he found me on my Find My Friends. Deacon, who I had no idea was Deacon St. Claire, I thought his name was D, offered me a ride and I took it. I spent the night with him, still didn’t know who he was, and didn’t see him again until Niko brought him over to be the fourth for trivia night when we won. ”
Asher was quiet for a minute as he stared down at her. “He’s lived here for like six months. How did you not know it was him? Were you that drunk that night?”
“No, I wasn’t even drunk when I spent the night with him. I’ve never seen him around town before trivia night. I knew Deacon St. Claire moved to town but why did I care about meeting a billionaire.”
“Right, but you’re not disgusted by his money,” Asher said flatly.
Jenna shook her head and pushed her ex towards her front door. “Go away. Go take our daughter to get socks. She needs them for the float. Blake!” Jenna called out, actually feeling lighter for telling her ex the entire story.
Asher let her push him but turned back towards her. “He’s a good guy, Jenna. Billionaire or not. A good guy. And you deserve good.” He bent down and kissed her on the top of the head. “You deserve all the love in the world.”