Chapter Twelve
“O kay, let’s talk this out logically,” Faith said, clapping her hands together. She paced in front of Amy, fingers drumming against fingers as she buzzed her lips together, clearly at a loss.
“Not sure there’s much logic to it,” Amy muttered, staring down into her mug of now lukewarm tea.
They’d relocated to the kitchen table around midday as Faith had tried to get Amy to eat something. The only thing she could stomach at the time was toast, especially with the news swirling through her thoughts, and that made her think of Josh and the tea and toast he’d made for her the last time she was sick. At that memory, she’d immediately broken down in a bout of uncontrollable tears which had sent Faith into a panicked scramble, and she’d whipped up a loaf of chocolate walnut banana bread.
Amy had a little chuckle about it now—her tears, Faith’s anxious baking. What a pair they were. She wasn’t sure there was anything particularly funny about realizing you were having a baby months into the pregnancy, but she was two slices of banana bread deep now, and the chocolate seemed to have improved her mood slightly. Either that or she was finally going into shock.
“Why are you laughing?” Faith asked. She stopped pacing.
“I don’t know. Sugar rush, maybe.”
Faith frowned, sitting down next to Amy. “Do you want anything else? I can make… I don’t know, whatever you’re craving. Or I can go pick something up.”
“How about you just go back to December and tell me not to sleep with Tru. Actually, go back to the Golden Buckle Rodeo and don’t even let me talk to the guy.”
“I wish I could. Honestly, I’d like to give the guy a good talking to after the way he treated you. Never mind the fact that you’re now pregnant with his child.”
The front door opened and closed and Faith fell silent.
Caleb walked into the kitchen, home from the store for lunch. He slowed, and took a good long look at them: Faith clutching Amy’s hand, looking half-murderous, Amy wearing a mix of disgust and regret. Caleb picked up the sandwich Faith had left on the counter for him and took a bite, all without taking his eyes off them. “So… do I want to know?”
Faith released her hand, stood and kissed Caleb on the cheek. “I love you,” she replied, “but now is not the time to ask questions.”
“Okay, well, now I’m concerned.”
“Just trust me. Eat your sandwich and leave in ignorant bliss.”
Concern pinched his features. “Is everyone okay?” he asked. “Your sisters? Your parents?”
Faith opened her mouth to respond as Amy slumped against the table. “I’m pregnant,” she cut in before Faith could answer.
“That,” Faith said, looking from Caleb to Amy.
“Huh,” Caleb said. He took another bite of his sandwich. The concern shifted to confusion. “ Huh? ”
“Yeah,” Amy said. “That’s about how I feel.”
“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say next.” He clearly meant that Amy didn’t look very enthusiastic, so perhaps the default congratulations was the wrong choice, and he would be right.
Amy couldn’t even imagine hearing that word right now. And what about when other people found out? It would be all Oh my God, congrats, this is so exciting! said in high-pitched voices. She’d be hugged and squealed over and she didn’t even know if she wanted any of that. What she really wanted was to find the nearest horizontal surface and bury herself in blankets. She didn’t want to emerge until someone figured out what to do about this mess.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Faith told Caleb. She ran her hand up and down his arm. “Actually, no questions or comments is probably preferable at this time.” She pecked him on the cheek again.
“Understood.”
He put his plate on the counter and stuffed the rest of his sandwich in his mouth. “I guess if you need anything, call me.” He shot Amy a sympathetic smile before heading back to work.
“Okay, what was I saying?” Faith asked as the front door closed again. She returned to her place at the table.
Amy propped her head on her hands. “That we should be logical about this.”
“Yes. Logical options.”
“Which are?”
“Well, one, do you want this baby?” Faith asked simply. “I guess that’s where we need to start.”
Amy pressed one hand to her stomach. To the space she imagined this little life had been secretly growing inside her. If you’d asked her last week if she had any plans to become a mother in the next year, she would have said no. Not when she was still trying to sort through heartache. But now that the opportunity had presented itself… No, now that reality had busted down her door screaming, I’m here , things were different.
The question was no longer if it happened in the future.
It had already happened.
“Okay, I’m having this baby,” Amy said. “Where does that leave me?”
“Well, as far as I can see it, option one, you call Tru and tell him the truth. You tell him he’s going to be a father and see how he takes it. And then the two of you make decisions from there about who does what and how much involvement he has in raising your child.”
Amy wanted to throw up again. “I’m sure that’ll go over so well with his new bride.”
“Hey, that’s not on you,” Faith said. “That’s a problem for him to sort out.”
“Right. Let’s hear option two.”
“Option two.” Faith bit her lip, perhaps considering her words. “You say nothing. You raise this baby without Tru’s influence or interference.”
“And what if the baby grows up and wants to know who their father is? Then I’ll have to do all this in ten years anyway. And by then my child could resent me.”
Faith shrugged. “Maybe you’ll feel more prepared to handle Tru in ten years.”
“But then I’ll still have to explain to this kid why I lied. Why I kept their father a secret.” Lying to her child right out of the womb didn’t feel like something she wanted to do. She sighed heavily. No, she was going to have to call Tru. She was going to have to be brave and do the adult thing and tell her ex-fling that she was carrying his child. Amy’s stomach flip-flopped uncomfortably.
There was a knock on the door and Faith stood to answer it.
She breezed out of the kitchen and back in so quickly Amy blinked in surprise. Faith’s teeth were clenched.
“What?”
“It’s Josh,” Faith said. “I peeked out the curtains.”
“Oh, crap! He’s probably coming to check up on me.” Her pulse raced more than it had at the thought of calling Tru. She wasn’t ready to face Josh yet. “What do I even say to him?”
“Nothing,” Faith said. “You don’t have to tell him anything yet.”
Amy ran her hands through her hair. He’d stopped by on his lunch break to check on her. And though the sweetness of the gesture made warmth flood through her momentarily, it was quickly replaced by cold dread. Would he hate her? Would he stop talking to her once he found out she was carrying another man’s child? Tears welled in the corners of her eyes. “I don’t want to lose him.”
“I can tell him you’re not up to seeing anyone,” Faith offered. “I’ll tell him you’re in bed and that should buy you some more time to figure out how you want to do this.”
Faith’s suggestion was enticing. She wanted nothing more than to put off this conversation, but telling him she was in bed wouldn’t keep Josh away.
“No,” Amy said after a beat. “He’ll just worry more and stop by again later.” It would be better to get this over with now. Let him see that she was fine. Then he would leave and she could figure out what the hell she was going to do.
“You’re sure?”
Amy nodded, though truthfully, she wasn’t sure of anything. Hiding under a pile of blankets was sounding better and better by the second.
Faith left her side and a moment later returned with Josh trailing behind her. His face relaxed the moment he saw her, and the only thing Amy wanted to do was sink into his arms and forget about everything else. At least for a little while. Faith gave her a little nod and slipped out of the kitchen, giving them some privacy.
“Hey,” he said as he crossed the kitchen. She stood to meet him. “You look better than you did this morning.” He reached for her, his hands gentle as he stroked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Faith said you still aren’t feeling great?”
Amy tried to mask her anguish as he enveloped her. His words were too soft and his body too warm, and she couldn’t hold it together. A sob broke free and her shoulders shook. God, she was losing it.
“What’s happened?” he asked, holding her tighter. “Is it something bad? Amy, tell me what’s going on.” He pushed her away enough to see her face. Amy couldn’t stop the traitorous tears from leaking down her cheeks. “Whatever it is, it’ll be okay, I promise.”
And then she couldn’t stop herself. She hadn’t intended to tell him, not before she knew what she wanted to do, but she couldn’t help herself at his tenderness. The words just tumbled out. “I’m pregnant,” she said, almost choking as she did. “I’m…going to have a baby.”
Josh blinked down at her and she could tell he was processing. Probably thinking the words a baby over and over again in his mind the same way she was.
“I had no idea,” she continued, feeling like she needed to explain, like she needed him to understand that she hadn’t meant to string him along or trap him in any way. “The last time I… God. I used protection. I’m not walking around sleeping with every guy I meet if that’s what you’re thinking.”
She went to turn away but he caught her by the arms. “That’s not what I was thinking.”
“I swear I didn’t know. I would have been up-front with you if I did. I never meant to keep this sort of thing from you.”
She could see the questions in the pinch of his brow. He probably had so many. So did she. But he only asked her one: “Do you love him?”
Amy hadn’t been expecting that. Of all the things she expected Josh to want to know, she never expected that to be the first question he asked her. Did she love Tru McCoy? She laughed, startling them both. “No! Gosh, no. I don’t. I’ve come to realize that our grand relationship was nothing but an illusion,” she muttered. “A part he played like in one of his movies.” At this, Amy clamped her hand across her mouth. She hadn’t intended to out her baby’s father like that. She was screwing up everything.
Josh frowned. “I don’t… His movies? I’m not sure I quite get that reference.”
“Maybe for the best,” she said.
“Amy.” Josh’s tone was pleading. “Talk to me. Please.”
She sighed. She’d been truthful with him so far. What was the point in lying now? She looked up at him through watery eyes. “Have you ever heard of Tru McCoy?”
Josh’s jaw went slack. “Are you being serious right now? You mean Hollywood heartthrob Tru McCoy?”
“One and the same,” Amy mumbled. “Though heartthrob sort of wears off when you get to know him.”
“Tru McCoy is the father?” Josh said, clearly still stunned. “Wait, didn’t I just read somewhere that he got married?”
Amy nodded, unable to meet his eyes. “Yes, to one of his costars. Within weeks of breaking it off with me. So that tells you how faithful he was. And how much of an idiot I am.”
“Oh, Amy.” Josh cursed. “That son of a—”
“I understand if this might change things between us,” she said, cutting him off. “I get that this is a lot. It’s so much to process. Maybe too much.”
“I’m honestly not sure what to think right now.” Josh shook his head slowly, his eyes unfocused. “But I think I should probably get back to the ranch,” he said. “Chores and stuff.”
“Of course.” Amy bit her tongue to keep the tears from falling again. She knew it was too much for him to handle. “Yeah, you should get back.”
“I’ll, uh… I guess I’ll talk to you later.”
“Sure.” She nodded as he left the kitchen. Would they talk later? Or was this goodbye? Watching him walk away now, knowing she might never see him again, was too hard, and she turned away to save herself some of the heartache.
This was just like when everything fell apart with Tru all over again.
No , Amy thought suddenly. No. Somehow, this was so much worse.