Chapter 14
Fourteen
Enoch
I held onto Shiloh like I could carry the weight of her past. Like I might be able to transfer her burdens onto my own shoulders if held her close enough to my body.
I wanted to cry for her, scream for her, turn back time and open my eyes to what she was suffering through, but none of that would change the present.
None of that would make this any easier right now.
I kissed the top of her head where I held her to my chest. “I love you. All of you. Always.”
Shiloh’s hands fisted in my shirt loosened their grip and she looked up at me.
“I think…I think you’re just in shock right now.
I think you’re going to realize soon enough that you loved the person you thought I was.
Not a murderer.” She shuddered as she uttered the word, like the title made her sick.
I shook my head, my hands holding her cheeks as I studied her sad eyes.
“I’m shocked that I had no idea what you were hiding.
I’m shocked that I didn’t see how much you were suffering.
I’m shocked that you survived what you did and you’re standing here today to tell me about it.
But I’ve never been surer of anything in my life when I tell you that I love you.
I love the girl I knew in high school, and I love the woman standing in front of me right now.
And I’ll wait a lifetime for you to believe me. ”
Her teeth dug into her bottom lip, her eyes squeezing shut as she sucked in a shaky breath. Her hands came up to cover my own and I pressed a kiss on her forehead.
“I love you,” I whispered against her skin again. “Always.”
Of all the things I thought she was hiding from me, I never could have imagined the reality of what she went through.
And that was just the beginning. She was living in that hell for another year and a half before the FBI put her into witness protection.
My stomach lurched at the prospect of everything else she might have endured.
Of all the other secrets she was burying in her mind, of all the other reasons she had for believing she was unworthy of my love.
My biggest regret in life would always be that I never pushed her to tell me the truth. That I willfully believed the lies she told, even when I was suspicious. I will always regret giving her space, dismissing the warning signs that were clearly there but I was too na?ve to challenge.
Everything about our short time together in high school was suddenly being seen with 20/20 vision.
The panic attacks, the nightmares, the physical toll on her body from the stress.
How many times was she sick in front of me?
How many times did I ignore the bruises and scars on her body?
How many times did I notice the bags under eyes, or how hollow her cheeks had become?
How many times did I let her push me away when she didn’t want to be questioned about the truth?
My stomach swirled with nausea, and I bent down, grabbing the backs of her thighs and swiftly placed her on the cool countertop. I hooked her legs behind my back and tipped her chin up until she opened her eyes.
I tried to pour every ounce of my sorrow, regret and grief into my gaze as I memorized the flecks of green and yellow in her eyes.
“What can I do?”
Her brows furrowed and I smiled softly, using my thumb to smooth out the gap between them. “What do you need right now?”
She cleared her throat, her eyes flicking to Jae who was digging through the utensil drawer. “I dunno.”
“Are you hungry?”
She shook her head. I bit into my lip while I thought about what might help.
“What do you do when you want to relax?”
“Um, watch something, I guess.”
I nodded with a small smile. “Easy. What do you like to watch?”
She hesitated, but I waited her out until she sighed and relented. “I like to rewatch my favorite show.” I raised a brow for her to elaborate, and she rolled her eyes. “It’s called Arcane.”
Jae gasped and we both turned towards him.
“No shit? Like the anime based on the League of Legends video game?”
Shiloh nodded against my hold on her cheeks and Jae beamed. “Hell yeah! I’ll get it loaded up. Here,” he pushed the container of ice cream towards where we were at the island and licked his finger. “Hurry, the ice cream is starting to get all melty.”
I laughed softly and turned back to Shiloh. “You don’t want any ice cream?”
“I don’t…” her eyes flicked to floor behind us before coming back to mine. “I don’t understand what’s happening right now? How can you be acting so…normal after hearing everything I just confessed. Did you not hear me? Did you not understand what I just said?”
Enoch frowned with a sigh through his nose, “We heard you. And we’re not diminishing the trauma that you just revealed, we’re just trying to take a moment to decompress…so none of us ends up with our heads in the toilet again—”
“Hey,” Jae interrupted. “Emotions upset my stomach sometimes. But he’s right. We’re not trying to just sweep it under the rug…it’s just, I know I wouldn’t want to keep dwelling on it. I’d want a distraction for a minute.”
“Right,” I added, with a nod, turning my attention back to Shiloh. “We can put it in a box, tuck it away for a little while, and focus on the present, focus on something a little less heavy. Is that okay with you? Or is there something else you wanted to share right now?”
She attempted to shove me out of her space, but I was bigger and stronger than her, so if she wanted me to move, I’d have to move for her. Maybe it was a dick move, but I didn’t.
“You told me you would give me my bag back so that I could leave if I told you what you wanted to know,” she said with a weary frown.
I flicked my gaze to her backpack and shrugged. “And where exactly are you going to go?”
Her eyes narrowed and I tilted my head, dropping my hands down to her waist.
“Enoch, you cannot hold me hostage here. I. Want. To. Leave.”
“Really? You don’t want to cuddle with me on the sofa? You don’t want me to hold you and keep telling you how much I love you? That I still forgive you? That I still want you?”
Her teeth bit into her bottom lip and she blinked rapidly like she was trying to fight off tears.
“You’re insane,” she bit back.
“Maybe. Doesn’t change how I feel about you. So? What’s it gonna be? Cuddles? Or am I going to have to go unzip that backpack and find out what you’ve got planned for tonight that’s better than letting me take care of you?”
Her nostrils flared, and I resisted the urge to smile at how sexy she looked when she was upset.
“Fine,” she replied between clenched teeth.
“Excellent,” I said, with a smile, as I placed her back on the floor. “Go get comfy on the couch. I’m going to get some ice cream.”
Shiloh stared at me for a moment before blinking out of her daze. I watched her sink into the middle of the couch, her legs pulling into her chest. She rested her chin on her knees, and I moved my focus to the kitchen task.
I quickly scooped some mint chip ice cream into my bowl, serving myself more than usual in case Shiloh changed her mind, and joined them on the couch. I took the space beside Shiloh, propping my feet up on the coffee table as I got comfortable.
Jae’s phone dinged and he fished it out of his pocket. He gasped and looked up at me.
“The shipment is here.”
Shiloh looked between the two of us for an explanation and Jae hopped up and over until he was sitting right beside us, our bodies jostling together with the force. He held his hand up for a high five and Shiloh blinked, turning her head to look between the two of us.
Jae rolled his eyes and grabbed her hand to slap his own palm.
“Contractor says we’ll be set for opening August first.”
“That’s amazing news, bro,” I said, reaching around Shiloh to squeeze his shoulder. “It’s gonna be a busy next few weeks getting everything squared away, huh?”
“Yeah,” he said with a sighed. “But I’m just glad to finally get the ball rolling. I was beginning to think I wasn’t going to be open before the end of summer.”
“Congrats,” Shiloh muttered with a forced smile.
There was a beat of silence before Jae reached for his bowl of ice cream on the coffee table.
“So, ready for this?”
I glanced at Shiloh and she grumbled something under her breath. Jae pressed play and I settled into my spot.
I waved the spoon in front of Shiloh. “Sure you don’t want a bite?”
Her face scrunched up before she nodded. I smiled, and she took the spoon to dig into the bowl from my hand. I was happy she was eating something.
I admittedly spent more time watching her than I did the opening to the show I’d never seen.
After a few bites she handed me back the spoon with a wincing smile and I turned my attention to the screen.
I needed the distraction from the thoughts running circles in my brain, needed to do exactly what I’d told her I would—put this in a box on shelf and focus on the present for a while.
So, I did. I focused on the feel of where our hips and thighs were touching as I watched her favorite show.
July 3, Friday
Emory
We’d made it halfway through the first episode when Enoch placed his empty bowl on the coffee table. Enoch looped his arm across my back until his hand came to rest on my shoulder. He shot me a quick smile before turning his attention back to the tv screen.
My body finally began to relax a little as I spent more time focusing on the show than on my backpack on the floor across the room.
My jaw unclenched, my stomach muscles released to let me breathe properly.
I was cocooned in the warmth of Enoch’s embrace and almost pleasantly disassociating from reality with my favorite tv show, when his hand twitched.
I took a deep breath, wanting to ignore the weight of his hand on my shoulder. But then his fingers began tracing an unknown yet eerily familiar pattern through the material of my sweatshirt and my whole body tensed.