Chapter 14
Hannah
The shower did little to ease the thoughts swarming in my head. I’d changed into the extra clothes I kept at Evie’s and walked downstairs, and almost immediately, met Derek’s eyes as he sat at the table. He smiled in my direction, his smoldering gaze tracing my figure without remorse…and I couldn’t say I didn’t like it.
“I’m so glad you’re both here now,” Evie said, her eyes lighting up. Lily sat in her lap while Nathan carried Noah and my girls each sat in their highchairs, playing with whatever food Nathan had given them. Evie didn’t give much time to think. “So, as you both may know, Dylan is ready to meet, and I thought that it would be best to do so somewhere else. He says he loves snow and I love snow and the kids would love snow, so I figured meeting in Colorado would be the best. What do you think?”
Woah.
Evie’s hopeful eyes looked from me to Derek from across the table. On her lap, Lily rested her face in her hands, also with big puppy dog eyes, awaiting an answer. Nathan shook his head, a low chuckle leaving his lips as he took a sip of his beer, his quiet way of saying, “you’re on your own.”
“Have you asked if he can make it?” Derek asked, his eyes now focused on Evie. She wouldn’t be able to see it, but I could see the hesitation in his gaze. He didn’t want to see Dylan.
Seeing him would open up a wound he hadn’t fully healed from yet.
“He said yes,” Evie said. She extended her hand, placing it in his. “I really need you to be there, Derek. I really want all three of us to be together. And Hannah…we grew up together. You’re the only sister I knew for years. I need you there, too.”
I sighed.
I owed Evie a lot.
I wouldn’t be able to deny her.
“Fine,” I conceded. Evie jumped into my arms, hugging me. Lily followed suit, both embracing me with excitement. I wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but there I was, agreeing with them when I knew New Years would be hectic for everyone.
“Yay! I’m so happy you’re going with us!” Lily beamed and I squeezed her cheek, before she ran up to Derek and hugged him. He lifted her up and she smiled, her eyes alight as she looked at her uncle who still hadn’t responded.
“Of course I’ll go. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. A family vacation is always nice.”
I smiled. I knew him well enough to know that he didn’t mean it.
He never had a family vacation.
“It’s going to be so much fun. Receiving the new year far away from New York will be a nice change, won’t it? Plus, we all get to be together and meet Dylan and—”
“It’ll be fun, yes,” I said, agreeing with Evie. Derek shot me a look from across the room, but I avoided it at all costs, just like I had avoided eye contact for the last few minutes.
The idea of all of us being together left an anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach, but for her sake, I would force it away.
Evie squealed, picking up her phone from the table and quickly making a call. “I need to make the reservations now.” She pecked Nathan’s lips before walking away to the living room.
“This is so exciting! The last time I went on a plane was when daddy took us to the place with the croissants.” Lily jumped up and down with her curly hair bouncing until Nathan threw his head back in laughter. “What?”
“France, sweetheart. The place we visited was France.”
She paused, a small pout on her face. “Croissant is funner to say.” She shrugged, skipping her way up the stairs, leaving Nathan and me in a fit of laughter.
“She is all Evie,” he said with pride in his eyes.
“Yeah, good luck with that.” I watched as he tossed the beer bottle in the trash can and sat back, stretching out his long legs.
We’d come a long way, that was for sure. Nathan was comfortable around me now...like nothing had ever happened between us. I envied it—his ability to forgive and forget.
“So, Colorado, huh? Whose idea was that?” Derek broke his silence, tapping his fingers on the table. He was anxious about this, and I couldn’t say I blamed him.
Nathan raised his brows. “Mine. Figured we could go somewhere neutral to meet him. Somewhere Evie will be distracted if things don’t go over well.” Nathan pressed his lips in a thin line, his gray eyes taking on a hint of apprehension. Nathan came from a good family. A stable family. It was only fair that he was thinking ahead, trying to protect his wife. He glanced in my direction. “Things can’t possibly be more fucked up than they were with you and Evie, right?”
I scoffed. “I have to say...I think we set the bar pretty high.”
I bit the inside of my cheek, suppressing my laughter even though I knew he could see right through it. Things between Evie and me were fucked up for years, and then with Derek it was a little more of the same. He was right. Chances were, Dylan and Evie would get along just fine and all the worry was for nothing.
Derek cleared his throat. “I…uh…we have a date for the opening of the new restaurant.”
Nathan tilted his head. “Oh, really? When is that?”
“Three days before the new year.”
“That’s in less than a month,” I said softly, for the first time meeting Derek’s eyes. And I couldn’t help the bitterness that set in my heart. The restaurant was his pride and joy…but all I had left of that place was pain.
He nodded and Nathan smiled. “That’s great, man. Lisa must be fucking ecstatic.”
I shifted on my feet uncomfortably, thankful when Evie appeared back in the kitchen. Nathan went on to tell her the news of Derek’s restaurant and Evie beamed with pride.
“That’s so exciting,” she exclaimed, hugging him.
“I’d love to have you there,” Derek said, his gaze lingering on Evie for a few seconds before turning to me. “You are welcome to be there, too.”
I couldn’t help it when I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help when anger and resentment took over.
“And what? Hear everyone’s hushed whispers as they talk about me behind me back. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
A heavy silence took over the room.
Nathan winced, as if the words were directed to him…but it was all for Derek.
And Evie, Evie just glared at me from where she stood.
I felt the sting of my words deep in my bones, and it hurt me almost as much as it hurt him…
Almost.
Derek stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Did you ever find out who did it? Who took the money? Who framed me?”
Derek’s jaw clenched. He didn’t want to have this conversation. Not in front of everyone. But I couldn’t help it, and neither of them moved, so I waited.
“We have our suspicions, yes. But we know it wasn’t you.”
He was keeping it civil. He was showing restraint. But I couldn’t do it.
“It’s great that you know that now.”
Derek let out a breath, holding my gaze…his eyes full of pain, and acceptance. As if I’d just put a nail in our coffin.
I didn’t think I’d ever see that in his eyes again…the finality.
I couldn’t let go of my anger, and he could see it.
“This is bullshit,” he said, quiet…firm. “I’m fucking trying, Hannah. His jaw ticked and he ran a hand over his face. “But something’s gotta give. I’m not going to spend the rest of my life fighting you—fighting this. I made a fucking mistake. If you have questions to ask, I’m here. I’m fucking here. But you need to let it go because if not, you’ll never be happy, and I won’t be to blame.”
He left, without giving me the chance to say anything else.
Evie sighed and Nathan stared at me and he shook his head with disappointment. I glanced at my girls who obliviously stared up at me and felt it, too.
I didn’t want to be angry, but Derek was right. I couldn’t let it go.
***
“Do you think there’s a way to be friends with benefits with someone you have history with?”
Two days had passed.
Two days where Derek had limited his conversations with me. He didn’t seek me out. He didn’t try to talk to me. He would only text me when it was something related to our daughters but otherwise, he was completely silent.
And I wasn’t sure what hurt more—his silence, or being near him.
Blake tilted his head to the side. “Do I want to know why you’re asking?”
I narrowed my eyes on him. He just wanted me to say it out loud.
Blake gave a low chuckle, leaning against his stretched-out arms. “I...uh...I don’t think so, no. Not when there’s the type of history between you and Derek.”
“Hmm. So, I’m either all in or not?”
“Yeah. Pretty much.” Blake watched me with the girls, his posture tense and his mouth turned down. Saddened. “Do you want to know what I think?” I nodded, not looking at him. He was going to tell me what everyone else did, try to convince me to open up my heart...blah blah blah. They all meant well, but it wasn’t easy to open my heart to the person who had broken it.
“I think you need to give yourself a chance to be happy.”
Okay. not exactly what I thought he would say.
“We’ve all fucked up. But I think you need to stop worrying about everyone else...stop wondering what will happen and give yourself a chance to feel what you feel for him. It’s clear those feelings aren’t going anywhere and, in the end, you’re only making yourself miserable...and him for that matter. I don’t think you want that either, do you?”
“No. Of course not.”
Blake shrugged. “I guess it’s simple then. Either you’re willing to forgive him and give him a chance, or you let it go, Hannah, and move on. We’re watching you destroy yourself little by little. I think it’s time for you to make your choice.”
Blake reached out, taking Isa from my arms when she squealed at him. There was a knock at the door and Blake furrowed his brows, once again tensing at the sound. “Are you expecting someone?”
I shook my head. Blake stood up, walking to the door and opening it up. There were a few moments of silence until he came back, a very flustered Lisa following behind him with two drinks.
“Hey, old friend.” I blinked; sure I was hallucinating. “Mind if I come in? We have lots of catching up to do.” Blake picked up his coat, handing me Isa before shooting Lisa one last look. And then he left.
I couldn’t have this conversation.
Not today…not when my emotions were all over the place.
Lisa sat on the sofa, taking a sip of her drink before she stretched out her hand with mine. I ignored the action and she shrugged. I wasn’t sure what infuriated me more—the fact that she sat like we were friends, or that I wished she still was.
“They are so cute,” she said when the girls babbled.
Lisa sighed when I didn’t respond, studying me for a few moments before she spoke again. “Did Derek tell you about the new restaurant?” She paused, waiting for my single nod. “Derek’s been working so hard...barely getting any sleep, like you it seems.” I rolled my eyes at her statement, and she smiled. Of course she would point it out. “He’s put a lot of effort. Has worked very hard for it. I know it would mean a lot to him if you went.”
Forcing a smile, I replied, “You seem to have brilliant ideas, no?”
My words made her falter. “Maybe I don’t. But I know that you deserve to be there. It started with you after all.”
I glanced at her. “Blake was just telling me to give it a chance...now you’re telling me the same thing.”
Lisa grinned, reaching out and giving my hand a gentle squeeze. I pulled away but she didn’t lose her smile. “See? Take it as a divine sign by some divine being that you should. Will you at least think about it? I mean...as far as I know it, this is as good an excuse as any to buy a beautiful gown and get all dolled up, right?”
Of course I would think about it. That would be the only thing on my mind for the rest of the night, the rest of the week, until I reached my decision, though as she stood, I realized my decision had been made already.
“I never should have accused you, Hannah.” I turned away, the words having more of an impact than I thought they would. “I was looking out for Derek and completely messed up…but I should have known you wouldn’t do that to him. He still loves you.” She laughed softly, shaking her head. “He’s crazy about you. And I know you don’t want to see it, I know it hurts…but I don’t think that will ever change.”
I swallowed. “It’s not that easy to forget about it all.”
She approached me, taking my hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze and this time, I let her. “I’m not saying to forget it. I’m saying, forgive it. Try, for your sake. Be his friend. Let him be there for you like you did the night after the break in and see where it all goes. Hm?”
She gave my girls a kiss, setting down a card on the coffee table before turning her attention back to me with a gentle upturn of her lips. “I’m going to leave, but please think about it, okay? And drink your coffee. I had Derek tell me exactly how you like it.”
She left then, leaving nothing but the thoughts swarming in my mind…
And the invitation to the grand opening.