Chapter 23
Hannah
I woke up a few hours later only to find Derek’s side of the bed empty.
My lips tilted up slightly, the memory of the way he’d kissed every inch of my body all night making me tingle in all the right places. I could still feel his touch everywhere, I could hear his sweet words as he made love to me every way he could. Dragging myself out of bed, I picked up one of his shirts and put it on, running my hands through my hair and hoping I didn’t look as tired as I felt.
I made my way through the cabin, to the living room, hearing the quiet giggles of our daughters coming from the kitchen. How I had missed them waking up, I wasn’t sure, but Derek fed them with a quiet chuckle.
“Good morning,” I said, softly. “I’m surprised you heard them wake up after the night we had.”
Derek’s gaze met mine with a hint of apprehension and I heard a clearing of someone’s throat...
Except it wasn’t his.
Oh God.
I could feel the heat rush to my cheeks when Dylan waved in my direction, appearing from behind the refrigerator. Derek walked toward me, picking up a blanket and placing it over my shoulders.
“Oh my god,” I mumbled as he pulled me into his arms, and he laughed, unable to contain it anymore.
“Well happy new years to you,” Dylan said with a snort. “Glad to know it went out with a bang.”
Earth, please open up and take me.
Derek smiled, pulling away from me and cupping my face in his hands before leaning in and kissing me, not giving a single damn that his brother was there, watching, and for a moment, I forgot too.
“Good morning,” he said. “I didn’t want to wake you.”
I shrugged, watching from the corner of my eye how Dylan sat in front of the girls and made an attempt to feed them. The spoon soon clattered on the floor and they laughed again, thinking it was hilarious. “You should have. I would have helped you...and avoided this...”
I waved my arms around, wrinkling my nose.
Dylan picked up a grape, popping it in his mouth as he made himself comfortable. “I guess you had a lot of heart to hearts yesterday, huh? Of course, I think you liked your heart to heart with Hannah the most.”
Derek chuckled, picking up a hand towel that rested on the counter and threw it at him. “Quit being a dick,” he said and Dylan laughed.
The sight made me smile. It was the first time I saw them interact like that...like brothers.
After a lifetime alone, without a family, it seemed like Derek was finally getting it.
“Listen, I’m only here because Evie is having breakfast in her cabin. She wanted everyone there so I thought I’d drop by and tell you guys though I’m sure you guys have had breakfast, lunch and dinner in the last few hours,” I groaned again, covering my face in my hands. Dylan laughed, continuing, “but I digress. Please join us for a family appropriate breakfast at Evie’s cabin, preferably with clothes on, I am begging...we don’t need a rated R spectacle.”
“Shut up.” That was all I could muster, sure that my face was beet red as he stood up, squeezing Derek’s shoulder.
I didn’t see him as he spoke, but I could hear the smile on his face as he said, “Congratulations, brother. I’m glad I get to see you happy.”
The door shut behind him and finally, I looked up at Derek, his eyes shining and bright...like he’d come back to life. Our girls babbled across from us, already messy from their early breakfast, but neither of us seemed to care. The messiness, the disasters, it could all be cleaned up.
We could do it together, like everything else.
Because we were together, now...and I could feel it in my heart that this time, it was forever.
“Isn’t my big brother hilarious,” he said, brushing my hair away from my face.
“Very,” I murmured, kissing him once more. He smiled against my lips, his hands resting on my lower back as he deepened it just enough to send tingles to the most intimate parts of my body.
“Runs in the family,” he whispered as he took the blanket off of me. His eyes traveled down my body and his green eyes darkened slightly, enough for me to know what he was thinking. “I’ve missed seeing you in my clothes.”
I ran my hands through his disheveled hair, looking up at him. I could see it in his eyes, the peace, the genuine happiness. I wondered if he could see it in mine, too. For the first time in a very long time, it felt like I wasn”t just going through the motions. My heart felt complete...and every step I took felt a little lighter.
“Do you think he’s going to tell everyone?” I asked.
I didn’t care if they knew, but I didn’t want to answer all the questions...not yet.
There was still too much Derek and I had to discuss.
Many things he still wasn’t aware of.
“I’ll handle it,” he smiled.
I reached up, my fingers caressing the stubble around his jaw and cheeks, letting his happiness seep into my bones. It was so...real. I hadn’t seen it in a long time, and I never wanted to lose it again.
Our girls babbled, slamming their hands on their high chairs and catching our attention. He pulled me into his arms, resting his cheek over my head as we both looked at our beautiful daughters, their green eyes alight with love and happiness, as if they could sense the shift between us.
“Thank you,” Derek murmured, his lips against my hair. “You’ve given me everything I’ve ever wanted.”
***
It had been a long time since we had eaten breakfast all together and it felt right, but as I sat there, listening to their conversations and laughs that filled every inch of the cabin, I realized how full my life was.
After years of emptiness, of wanting something and not knowing what it was, I had it all in front of me.
A family.
Evie laughed at something Dylan said and soon Derek followed; the sound of their laughter made my heart feel complete. I took another bite of the french toast Deborah had prepared for the whole family and ate quietly as they all talked and made sure to savor the moment because those moments were fleeting. They could disappear in the blink of an eye and I didn’t ever want to forget what it felt like.
To be loved.
To be a part of something greater than the problems that we faced.
A smile tugged at my lips at the thought of how far we’d come and how different everything was. I wondered if Nana could see it from wherever she was, I wondered if she would be proud of us, of me. After all, she never saw this part of me. She never saw me change.
A hand on my thigh, underneath the table, brought me out of my thoughts. I glanced up, catching Derek smiling at me.
“Is everything okay?” he whispered, his voice getting lost in the chatter.
“Everything’s fine,” I replied. My hand found his and he gave me a gentle squeeze. “Food is delicious.”
He grinned, his eyes twinkling. “Oh, we know it was definitely not Evie who cooked it.”
I snorted, a laugh escaping my lips and of course that was when everyone grew silent. Their attention turned to me, Nathan raising an eyebrow and Deborah glancing between Derek and I, wanting to know what was happening.
“We were just talking about how delicious the food was,” Derek explained. “And how it’s impossible that Evie made it.”
Evie gasped, feigning shock and everyone burst out into laughter.
“So? Next time I’ll just keep Deborah’s delicious cooking to myself,” she joked.
Though maybe she was serious.
When it came to Evie and food, she didn’t play.
Dylan joked as if he had been part of the family for years, as if they hadn’t just met each other and Derek did, too, though he was quieter.
I could tell he was finally happy
The type of happiness that meets the eye, that is so genuine nothing can hide it.
And it wasn’t just our relationship...or whatever we were.
It was everything else, too. Having a united, healthy family around...being able to let go of the past. It didn”t weigh him down anymore, and it showed.
After breakfast, I sat at the balcony alone, staring at the snow-covered mountains that surrounded us, wondering how the hell after everything I had done I’d gotten so lucky. How the hell I deserved everything I had, but didn’t dwell on it too much.
Dwelling on it wouldn’t help.
Instead, I decided I would appreciate it. I would embrace it.
“Hey,” Nathan walked up to me, closing the glass door behind him. “We’re heading to the hot springs right before sun down. Do you want to come?”
I glanced back at Derek, looking at him through the glass window. He laughed and talked with Carina and Evie.
“I’m not sure if he’s going. He said he was going to stay behind but said you’d want to go.” Nathan read my mind. “Is everything okay?”
I shrugged, tucking my hands into the pockets of my thick coat.
“You and Derek are...uh...acting strange.”
My brows furrowed. “How so?”
“You’re acting...happy.” The statement was more of a question, and I rolled my eyes, knowing he was prying. “I don’t know...I’ve seen you calm, but not happy. Not in a long time.”
My cheeks flushed. He was right. I hadn’t felt happy, either, and it was hard to hide it.
“Don’t get me wrong, you’re quieter than usual, but this time we can all sense how happy you are...and Evie wants to ask but I don’t think she will.”
“So you’re doing it instead.” I muttered, glancing at him. Nathan chuckled, sitting next to me and following my gaze.
“No. I don’t think she wants to know. I do, though.”
I don’t even know.
“I can say we’re in a better place now, I think.”
Nathan gave me a small smile. “Good. I’m glad to hear that because you can be a pain in the ass when you’re angry and bitter.”
“Shut up.” I shoved him gently with my hand, laughing at his statement though I knew it was true. Since Derek had returned I had been so lost in my own world, full of sadness and anger, I didn’t realize how much I hurt everyone surrounding me. “Thank you, Nathan.”
“For what?”
There was a lot to thank him for. We were married for years, nothing more than a business arrangement to placate my mother and him to have enough funds to care for his, and yet we had never had such a great relationship...not since our divorce. I cared for him now like I hadn’t before and he was my friend. And his friendship was something I would forever cherish, especially after the dark history between us.
“For being there for me...for giving me a chance to prove myself...for allowing me back into Evie’s life after everything I did to both of you. I owe you guys a lot.”
Nathan hummed. “Well...even if I wouldn’t have let you, Evie would’ve given you the opportunity, right? So I didn’t have much of a choice.” It was my turn to laugh. “I think you would have been welcomed back into the family no matter what, Hannah. You’ve changed. As hard as it was, neither of us were going to turn our back on you. Your grandmother wouldn’t have wanted that.”
I didn’t say anything else.
There was nothing else I could say without breaking down and crying, because my grandmother was the one person I would never be able to apologize to. She died without knowing how much I loved her, even when I never showed it. Nathan stood up, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze and I stayed there, staring at the mountains, hoping, praying that wherever she was, she knew how much I loved her.