Chapter 36
Hannah
Mark: We’ve got the right person. I’ll get you the info ASAP.
I stared at the screen of my phone, angrily wiping away the tears that ran down my cheeks. I hated this. I was angry at the world, at life for forcing me to go through this pain again. I’d done some fucked up things before, but I didn’t deserve this.
I knew for a fact I didn’t.
Evie’s voice carried from my kitchen, where she’d made herself at home trying to cook breakfast for all of us but all I craved was silence. Nathan chuckled after she said something, and then when Lily did the same, I couldn’t handle it anymore. All of it was making me physically sick.
Running to the restroom, I lifted the toilet seat and threw up, emptying the little food I had in my stomach. I heard the door open behind me, and then a gentle hand on my back as I sat there, heaving and with my heart racing. Everything hurt, physically and emotionally. I was in so much pain all I could do was sit there with my eyes closed.
My mother would have been ashamed.
There I was, sitting next to a toilet because I couldn”t keep my emotions in check. Because I”d grown close to others and opened my heart.
These are the consequences of your actions.
I heard her voice, clear as day...even though she was long gone.
“I wish you’d talk to me.”
Derek sat next to me, running his hand up and down my back. His brows pulled together as he looked at me, but I didn’t speak, unable to get any words out. He’d had the same look on his face since I’d visited my father. So concerned, so heartbroken, like he could mirror my expression. He didn’t pry, though I was sure it was tearing him apart not knowing what I knew. He loved me so much it didn’t matter to him that my sanity was quickly unraveling in front of him. Derek was determined to put the pieces back together.
“You haven’t kept any food down since yesterday, love. You need to eat.” He brushed my hair back and I shifted, resting my head on his shoulder. ”I”m worried about you.”
I didn”t have to ask for his comfort, he simply gave it to me without question. It was all I needed. The problems remained but if he was with me, they became bearable.
The sound of a quiet knock and the door opening invaded the small room. I opened my eyes only to catch Nathan looking at us with a solemn expression. He knew how badly this had pulled me under.
”We chopped up some fruit for you and the girls.” My stomach churned and I closed my eyes again, taking a deep breath to control it. I refused to throw up again. ”It would do you well to eat something and then come down to the gallery with me, I think.”
”I think he”s right.” Derek pressed a kiss on my temple, his soothing touch caressing my arm.
”Can we take it to go? And can it be a family trip?” I managed to ask, finally meeting Nathan”s eyes.
He smiled, giving me a single nod before he walked away.
After a few more minutes, Derek helped me to my feet. I brushed my teeth and washed my face, all with him standing there and waiting. I didn”t bother with makeup; nothing would hide how shitty I felt, but I braided my hair and headed to our bedroom to change into jeans and a t-shirt.
When I was done, he still stood there, eyes set on me but with an expression I couldn”t quite read. His shoulders were tense and I couldn”t help but notice the way his jaw ticked.
”Is everything okay?”
It was a stupid question. I knew it wasn’t. There was a battle he was fighting but he wasn’t telling me either. How had it all gotten so fucked up?
He ran his thumbs over my cheeks, his beautiful emerald eyes studying me before he leaned in and kissed me, breathing me in as if I may disappear. It sent my heart racing, the way he held me, his grip tight around my body and his mouth moving against mine in perfect synchrony.
God, it was like he was trying to make the moment last forever.
I could feel myself heating, getting lost in the moment and forgetting we had our family waiting for us, but I couldn”t bring myself to care, not with the way he kissed me.
It wasn”t often he lost control...not often that he couldn”t keep himself reigned in, but this? This Derek was desperate. I could feel it seeping into my bones. He walked me back against the wall, trapping me between it and his hard body. He broke the kiss when we remembered to breathe, but I didn”t miss the rapid beats of his heart or the darkness in his eyes.
”What is going on?” I asked him.
”I need to be inside you.” The words were a shaky exhale on his part and there was so much hidden beneath them. It wasn”t just lust, it wasn”t just love.
”They”re waiting for us,” I whispered, even though I knew it was a pointless fight. I wouldn”t deny it, not when I could see that familiar feeling in his eyes.
Fear.
He kissed me again, this time while my fingers fumbled with his zipper. I closed my eyes as his mouth and teeth nibbled at my neck, causing a small whimper to leave my lips. It wasn’t long before he pulled my jeans down my legs and lifted me up, burying himself deep inside me. He groaned into my neck and sent a shiver down my spine when he stilled, holding me captive there, in his arms.
I wasn”t sure how long we made them wait...frankly, I didn”t care. The way Derek made love to me was unrestrained, desperate...and I loved every second of it. He kissed all the pain and fear away, he brought me back into the world of us, of his love, and it was exactly what I needed.
I was wound up tight, until he came and did what he did best: grounded me with his love.
He kissed and touched and buried into me so deeply the world around us ceased to exist. My fingers dug into his shoulders and I bit my lip, trying to keep myself quiet as the orgasm ripped through me. He did the same, panting against my neck when he finished inside me.
It took a few minutes for us to catch our breath but when he finally did, he gave me a tender kiss and cleaned us up. He brushed my hair back and smiled, as if now it was all as it should be.
”I see you like this, and I realize how fucking terrified I am to lose you, Hannah.”
Realization set in.
He was scared I would hurt myself.
He was scared I”d run away.
He was afraid we wouldn”t have a happy ending.
”I”m sorry.”
He shook his head, cradling my face in his loving hands. ”You have nothing to apologize for, baby.”
I smiled at him, resting my hands on his chest, feeling how his heart rate came back down. ”I”m not going anywhere, Derek and this...it will all be over soon. I promise.”
***
No one asked why we took so long getting ready, but I didn’t think they had to.
By the way Evie wiggled her brows when she saw my flushed face she already knew.
We drove down to the gallery in separate cars. It was a family trip indeed, with Evie and Nathan riding with their two kiddos and us with our girls. Derek held my hand the whole way there as I took in the city of New York. Its beauty didn’t cease to amaze me, especially at night. The hustle and bustle typically irritated others but to me, it was comforting. I loved seeing people walking down the street, chatting and laughing, especially as we got closer to the gallery where the art district was.
The gallery was silent as we stepped in. I missed the place.
I worked from home often now due to everything going on, but if I could, I would go back in a heartbeat. It had become my place of comfort, an escape.
“Believe me, I wish you were here more often, too,” Nathan said, breaking the silence. “This whole rearranging things to your vision, it’s just not for me.”
I smiled when Nathan squeezed my shoulder. Isa cooed in my arms, her beautiful eyes exploring the colorful artwork that surrounded us. Isa did the same in Derek’s arms. They would squeal every now and then, as if they were excited to be there and my heart swelled.
Nathan’s office was oddly quiet when I approached, leaning against the door frame. The last time I had truly been in the office was the morning he found out the money was gone. His expression had been completely shattered, and it hadn’t been because of the money.
He’d worked so hard to have everything he had, and it was suddenly gone.
Because of me.
The idea was constantly there, even if it wasn’t necessarily true.
“You love this place, don’t you?”
Evie’s voice surrounded me as she entered the office with Lily walking beside her and Noah in her arms. Lily took out a blanket and set it on the floor so Evie could set Noah down as well. I did the same with Isa, allowing her to crawl over to her cousins.
“I never thought I would,” I admitted.
Evie let out a quiet laugh, as she stretched out her legs on the floor. She looked around the office, her eyes landing on a family picture we had taken for Mother’s Day.
That has to be updated.
There’s no Derek in it.
She seemed to think the same thing and winked at me.
“You know, when I came back from Florida, it broke my heart that you didn’t show you were happy to see me.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but Evie shook her head.
“It completely destroyed me for the longest time, until eventually, I didn’t give a damn...or tried not to.” She sighed, closing her eyes. “When we lost Nana, I felt lost and lonely. Nathan was there to help me back up. But Hannah...all I wanted was you. It hurt to not have you. It hurt to have no one in the family to turn to. But now...” Evie smiled, looking at the kids, then at me. “Now, despite the problems, I have all I ever wanted. And I would go through it all again if it means having this relationship with you. You are exactly the sister I was wishing for.”
Her words made a lump form in my throat.
You are exactly the sister I was wishing for.
“And I know it turns out we aren’t blood related...I know there’s a lot I don’t know about my life, but I don’t need to. I have you. Of course, I have Derek and Dylan, too...but you watched me grow up, Hannah. Good or bad, all my memories are with you. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I just thought you should know.”
It took me a moment to control my emotions and keep myself from crying but when I did, I told her something I should probably say more often.
“I love you, Evie.”
She grinned, her eyes lighting up much like the little girl I once knew. “I love you, too, Hannah.”
In that moment, everything shifted.
I had clarity.
I knew exactly what I needed to do.