6. Jack
“I…but I’ve literally been a dick to you for over a decade.” My mouth opens and closes like a fish for a moment as I flounder. Benji is usually so shy and soft spoken that his forwardness takes me completely off guard.
“Jack, honestly, who do you think Jessica was referring to when she said I’ve been pining over someone I can’t have for all these years.” He lets out a little exasperated huff like I’m the biggest idiot he’s ever met.
Shit, maybe I am. I think back on the conversation with Jessica and wonder if she was hinting that the person Benji had it bad for was actually me. I remember the twinkle in her eye when she specified that he had been in love with someone he couldn’t have for fifteen years. It’s hard to believe that Jess knew and didn’t tell me, especially since she knows I’ve dated men in the past.
“Did she know?”
“Well, yeah. How could she not? I used to pop a boner every time you entered the room when I was fourteen. I didn’t like to openly talk about it because you always made it so clear that you hated me. I didn’t want to admit that even when you were an asshole to me I was still dreaming about us getting married- er being together.”
“You fantasized about us getting married?”
I think my eyebrows are fully into my hair at this point. The boner comment alone has my mind reeling but knowing that Benji was not only attracted to me but actually imagining a life together has my heart pounding.
“When I was fourteen. After a while I kind of accepted that nothing would ever happen. I thought maybe when we got older you’d warm up to me but you only got colder over the years.” Benji shrugs to hide the hurt in his eyes and I kick myself for the millionth time for being so fucking blind.
“I’m sorry. I should have just been honest but vulnerability has never been my strong suit. I wish Jessica would have just told me bluntly because I would have showed up at your place and begged on my hands and knees if I had known.”
“The worst part is even after all of these years of you being an asshole, you wouldn’t have had to beg. I’m pathetic enough that I would have-”
“Benji, you are the furthest thing from pathetic. If anyone here is pathetic, it’s me. I’ve been the most unmitigated and comprehensive ass.”
“Did you just quote 2005 Pride and Prejudice?” Benji side eyes me as he takes a long sip from his drink.
“Yeah, you and Jess used to have it playing on repeat. I think I have it memorized at this point.”
“In fairness, it is the best adaptation.” Benji shrugs and a light blush creeps up his cheeks.
“I’ve heard you and Jessica wax poetic about Darcy’s hand twitch enough for an entire lifetime.”
“I’m still wondering how you heard all of that and still didn’t come to the conclusion that I’m gay as fuck. What straight dude waxes poetic about another man?” Benji laughs and I can’t help but join in because looking back there were some big rainbow flags that I seemed to miss.
“I guess at the time I wrote it off as you humoring Jessica to be in her good graces. I kind of wrote a lot of things off and no one ever explicitly mentioned your sexuality.”
“I think they assumed it was obvious because honestly it kind of is.”
“It really isn’t though. I’ve seen women hit on you so I’m clearly not the only one confused.” Benji throws his head back and lets out a loud laugh that he immediately tries to cover with his fist.
“Jack, when have you ever seen a woman hit on me?”
“The receptionist at Jessica’s work was hitting on you just a few days ago.”
“Becky? You think Becky was hitting on me?”
I can’t help but shoot Benji a glare because yeah, I do. It was pretty fucking obvious as she giggled at him. She was way too friendly for my taste and it left me simmering with jealousy for hours.
“Yeah, she one hundred percent was.”
“Oh goodness, you are so clueless. Becky has been trying to set me up with her brother for months. She insists we’re the perfect match; every time I go in with Jessica she tries to slip me his number.”
“Oh.” A frog crawls into my throat and I try to swallow the lump of embarrassment as I wonder how many other situations I’ve misread because I see the world through envy green tinted glasses.
“Yeah, oh.” Benji laughs again, his eyes crinkling on the corners. His smile has always had a contagious quality and I find myself smiling through the embarrassment.
“Well, I think we’ve established I’m an idiot.”
“And I’m a coward who never got up the nerve to shoot his shot.”
Benji shrugs and takes another sip of his drink. He licks the salt from his lips and my eyes track the movement in a way that makes a flush creep up his neck.
“I didn’t exactly give you a lot of reason to think I would be receptive.”
The waitress brings out our food and Benji and I let the conversation fall into a comfortable silence, both of us still processing the sudden shift in our dynamic.
Despite all of the carbs we’ve just devoured, Benji and I are both three sheets to the wind when we leave. I suddenly understand why Jessica always ended up calling me for a lift after their lunch dates.
“Fuck, that margarita was not playing around. I think we should walk back to my place and get the Jeep tomorrow.” Benji shoots me a nervous glance and I suddenly wonder if I’ve overstepped. “Unless you want me to order an Uber for you?”
“No, I… I would love to come home with you Jack. I’m just nervous.”
“Benji, we don’t have to do anything. I don’t want you to feel pressured-”
“It’s not that. This is the most time we’ve spent together in years and I’m worried my alarm is going to wake me up any second and it’ll all have been a dream.”
I can’t help but smile and reach for Benji’s hand. His fingers lace with mine and even though his hand is quite a bit smaller it seems to fit perfectly in my own. We begin the trek back to my apartment, stumbling a little along the way. Maybe I should get their margarita recipe and add it to my bar’s menu because damn.
By the time we get to my apartment it's dark out and I’m practically vibrating with excitement. I’m not sure how far things will go but the idea of getting my lips on Benji’s has my pulse racing and blood flowing south. My cock starts to fill out as I unlock the front door and usher Ben inside. He kind of stumbles over the threshold so I pull him back against me in an attempt to stabilize him.
His back is flush against my front and I can feel my half hard cock pressing against his lower back. Benji lets out a loud gasp and mumbles something that sounds like fuck. With a hand on his hip, I lead us inside and immediately pivot us so that Benji is pressed up against the door. My apartment is lit by the street light outside and I can just make out Benji’s blown pupils and the hungry look on his face.
“Fuck, did you mean it when you said I could have you?”
“Anyway you want, Jack.”
The room spins just a little bit and I can’t tell if it’s from the booze or if it’s from all of my blood rapidly rushing south. I can’t help but think about that night Benji slept on my couch and the high pitch sound he made when he came. I’m desperate to hear it again, to make him sigh out my name while I make his legs shake.
“Fuck, the things I’m going to do to you, Benji.” I lean in and run my lips gently along the column of his neck, up to the shell of his ear before whispering, “Once I have you, you’re mine. I can’t settle for just a night so if you’re going to do this do it knowing I’m never letting you leave.”
“Fuck, Jack. I’ve always been yours for all of these years-”
I cut Benji off with a searing kiss because those words are all I’ve dreamt of hearing. I’ve never been a possessive man but then again, I’ve never had Benji. Benji, who has haunted my dreams and been the focal point of all of my attention and irrational anger. He’s always been it for me and now that he’s mine I know I’ll never let him go.
Benji lets me pillage his mouth, our tongues dancing together as I begin shucking off his clothes. We’re both a little drunk and stumbling as we frantically pull at the remaining layers. As soon as his pants and boxer briefs are around his thighs I greedily take in the sight of his hard cock bobbing up towards his stomach.
Benji is quite a bit shorter than me and his dick is proportional, short and not terribly thick but fucking beautiful. The size difference between us makes my head spin and I let his hands clumsily unbutton my jeans and slip the zipper down. I can hear him panting as he reaches inside and pulls out my cock. The little gasp he makes from the weight of it in his hand has me preening just a bit.
I push my pants down enough that we can bring our cocks together, though the angle is a little challenging with our height differences while standing. I take a moment to enjoy stroking us together, my knees bent to accommodate while Benji is practically standing on his tip toes. I give us both a few long strokes and groan as we both begin leaking heavily.
“Fuck, if you keep doing that I’ll come.”
“Not yet, baby. I’ve got plans for you.”
I release our cocks and help Benji finish stepping out of his pants. Once we’re both bare, I pull away from the wall and swiftly throw Benji over my shoulder. He lets out a panicked squeak and I take a moment to appreciate how good his ass looks up in the air, his legs dangling down my torso. Leaning in, I give one cheek a small bite and he lets out a gasp and squirms against me. The wet tip of his cock glides against my shoulder and his hips move on their own accord trying to find friction.
I carry Benji to my bedroom, flip the light on with my elbow, and then drop him on the bed. He bounces a little bit and squeals my name. I can’t help but pause to take in Benji in all of his glory. I’ve pictured this in my head a million times and now I actually have him spread out and naked on my bed.
I stroke my cock a few times while I practically leer at him, drinking in every inch of exposed skin. Benji starts to squirm away towards the pillows so I grab his ankle and pull him back to the end of the bed.
“Where do you think you’re going baby?”
I let my hand wander up his calf, massaging gently as I go. Benji’s thighs fall apart and his cock is leaking on his belly. I give into temptation and pause to lick a drop of precum from his tip. He lets out an excited gasp so I decide to take a moment to enjoy having a real taste. I let the tip slide into my mouth and Benji’s hips buck up on their own accord.
He’s quite a bit smaller than I am and it’s an easy task for me to let him fuck my mouth. He’s not really long enough for an actual throat fucking and something about that really turns me on.
“Fuck, you’re small. So fucking perfect the way you fit in my mouth.” Benji squirms and tries to rollover to hide from me. “Nuh uh, you aren’t hiding from me.”
I easily manhandle him back into position, circling his cock with my hand and enjoying the way only the tip pokes out from my closed fist. I give him a few strokes and then push his thighs up to his chest, exposing him fully. My eyes flick up and I raise a questioning eyebrow.
“Go ahead, you can have me anyway you want.” Benji’s hands grip his knees to hold his legs in place, his pretty little cock and balls on display, his cheeks are spread and his hole clenches as I stare. “Jack, hurry.”
Benji’s plea snaps me into action and I fumble around in my nightstand, pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. I throw the condom on the bed and I’m a bit taken aback by the glare Benji gives it.
“I’m clean and I’m on prep. I haven’t been with anyone since I was tested last.” Just when I think Benji can’t surprise me more, he does.
“You want me to fuck you raw? I’m clean but honestly I’ve always used condoms.”
“I’ve never- but I want to feel you.”
“You want me to pull out when I-”
“No, Jack. I want to feel you come inside and feel you dripping out after.”
“How the fuck can I say no to that?”
Benji doesn’t answer, he just shifts his hips impatiently as I drizzle lube over my fingers and rub them together to warm it. I kiss down his thighs as my fingers tease from his taint down to his hole. My index finger slowly circles the tight furrow until I feel Benji relax. My finger slips in to the first knuckle and he lets out a breath as he bears down and sucks me in further.
“You’re so tight.” I use my other hand to stroke my cock a few times and sigh in relief. “God, I’ve imagined this a million times.”
“Me too, please just-” Benji wiggles his hips and fucks himself on my finger. I groan in response and add a second finger, scissoring and stretching him. When he’s panting and starting to beg for it, I relent and give him a third finger. The way his tight channel swallows my fingers has me near feral with the need to be inside of him. “Please, I’m ready. I need-”
“I know what you need, baby.”
I pull my fingers free and coat my cock in more lube. I tap myself against his hole a few times to tease him and I can’t help but relish in the annoyed huff he lets out as he wiggles his hips, trying to get me to slide inside.
“Beg for it, Benji.”
“Jack, fuck come on.”
“No, I need to hear it.” I rub the tip of my bare cock against his tight hole, letting it stretch his muscle just a bit but not enough to slide in.
“Please, Jack.”
“Say it. Beg me for my cock.” I’m so desperate to hear him plead for me that I can feel my cock pulse, leaking precum against his hole.
“Please fuck me, I need it Jack. God I’ve needed you for years. I want to feel you stretching me, owning every inch of me.” Benji arches up from the bed to stare down at where I’m pressed against him. His hole looks so tight compared to my thick cock and he stares with blown out pupils as I press forward, the tip of my cock slipping inside past the first ring of muscle. “Fuck, I want you to wreck me. I want to feel you tomorrow and know who owns me.”
That’s all it takes for my control to snap. My hips roll and I inch inside of him. I take it slow, giving Benji time to adjust as I slowly slide my full length in until my hips are flush with his ass. Benji already looks fucked out; his hair is a mess and his eyes are dark with lust .
He surprises me by giving a tentative roll of hips, making both of us groan in unison. His cock is pressed up against his belly, leaving a wet trail. I place one hand on his hip and use the other to grip his cock, giving it a few light strokes as I begin moving in earnest.
I try to memorize the soft guttural moans that Benji occasionally lets slip out, the way his curls look fanned out behind him, the wild look in his eyes as he stares up at me. After all of these years, I finally have Benji and I’m sure as fuck going to make this good for him. I hike his legs up to my shoulders and change the angle. I can tell when I hit his prostate because his whole body practically convulses.
“Fuck, you’re sensitive. You think you can come from just my cock?” I let my hand fall away from his dick, running my fingers along any skin I can in a desperate bid to touch him absolutely everywhere. I rock my hips roughly and Benji begins panting.
“Yes, yes, fuck. Just like that Jack, I’m so close. Wanna come on your cock.” Benji’s head is thrown back and his eyes are pinched tightly closed.
“Look at me, Benji.”
His eyes snap open and I stare into those emerald eyes while I watch him begin to tumble over the edge. Another brutal snap of my hips is all it takes and his cock is erupting, come shooting up his chest as he pulses. The feeling of him clenching around me with each pulse practically pulls my orgasm out of me. I let out a strangled sound and rut into him desperately, my cock pulsing out spurt after spurt until I’m completely spent. I fall forward onto Benji’s chest, his come sliding against my skin.
The room spins a little and I force myself to lean up so I’m not crushing Benji under my weight. I can’t help but stare down at his blissed out expression and the small smile pulling on the corners of his lips. Reluctantly, I shift to slide out of Benji and he makes a small sound of protest like he can’t imagine not having me inside of him. When I pull out, I watch Benji’s hole gape for a moment before winking shut, come trickling out.
“Fuck, I think that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” More of my come slips out and I push it back in with my thumb, enjoying the way Benji’s hole immediately sucks me in. “You’re desperate for it, aren’t you baby?”
Benji’s cock gives a halfhearted twitch and I can’t help but chuckle and mutter “Yeah, you fucking are.”
I slip into the bathroom to clean up and return to Benji with a warm wet washcloth. He tries to take it from me but I bat his hand away so I can clean him up. I toss the towel away and turn down the blanket before scooping Benji up bridal style. I gently lay him under the covers, scooting him towards the center so I can curl up behind him.
“I meant it when I said you’re mine.” I whisper, almost afraid that now that the haze of lust has lifted he’ll suddenly change his mind.
“And I meant it when I said I’ve always been yours.”
I nod against his neck and let sleep wash over me, holding the man I never thought I could have tight against my chest. For a moment, everything feels right and I try not to let the weight of the circumstances that brought us together weigh me down.
I wake up to the sound of my phone vibrating and a killer headache pounding against my skull. Benji is still in my arms, his head cradled in my inner elbow and his breaths coming out soft and even. I wiggle my fingers to try and get some blood flowing because my arm feels like it’s fallen off.
Unfortunately, my phone is still in my pants pocket and I’ll have to disturb him to check who is calling. I don’t receive calls very often and I’m praying this isn’t spam because I really don’t want to leave this little bubble of perfection. I manage to slip my arm free without Benji waking, he just lets out a soft snore and burrows into the pillow.
I dig out some clean briefs since I’m still naked from last night and then fish my phone from my pocket. There aren’t any missed calls and I realize the sound must have come from Benji’s phone. I locate his pants in the hallway and fish out his phone. The screen lights up and I’m surprised when the phone begins ringing again, Becky’s name lighting up the screen.
I contemplate for a moment before deciding to be an asshole and answer it. I don’t want to have to wake Benji unless I have to but it’s also a bit strange that she keeps calling. It’s only 7:15 AM so I can’t imagine it’s a social call to try and hook him up with her brother.
“Hello?”
“Uh, Benji?”
“No, this is Jack. Benji’s sleeping.”
“Oh my GOD.” She practically screeches into the phone. “Jessica would love this development. She was always joking that eventually you two would pull your heads out of your butts and get together-”
“Wait, she was?”
“Well, yeah. What girl doesn’t want her gay bff to end up with her bi brother? She told me one time that Benji was only saying no to me offering to set him up with my brother because he was waiting around for you to realize that you didn’t hate him. Jess said that you had love and hate mixed up but would eventually come around.”
Huh, not what I expected to hear. I have to resist the urge to interrogate her further because I honestly wonder what else Jessica had to say about Benji and me.
“So, should I wake Benji or do you want me to relay a message?”
“Oh! I found Jessica’s iPad, I thought you guys might want it. It’s locked but Benji liked to play on it when he was waiting for Jessica to finish up for the day so I think he knows the passcode.” Her high pitch voice has a way of grating on my nerves, especially since I’m feeling slightly hungover.
“We can stop by and grab it later.” I swallow and force myself to be polite because Becky could have just handed the iPad to the police but she’s giving us the chance to search through it first. “Thanks, Becky.”
“No problem. Congratulations, I expect to be invited to the wedding.”
The line goes dead and I’m left wondering just how many people were waiting for me to stop being an idiot.
I pad into the kitchen and quickly grab two water bottles from the fridge before slipping back into bed with Benji. I curl around him and he stirs, leaning into my touch in a way that I’ve dreamed about a thousand times. I push my cold feet under his legs and he lets out a little sigh.
“Morning. Why do you have such cold feet?”
“You got a call and I went to take care of it. I also got you some water in case your head hurts, mine is definitely pounding a little bit.”
“You know, you’re kind of a lightweight given you literally own a bar.” Benji giggles and reaches around me to snag one of the water bottles, draining half of it in one long sip.
“I don’t really drink that often. I spend most of my time doing the books, inventory, managing staff. We always have staffing issues so that takes up most of my time. I bought the bar because I wanted to create a safe space where people could watch sports and play air hockey. A lot of my clientele are women because I’m one of the few bars with a bouncer that has no problem bouncing people.”
“That makes sense, I’ve uh always tried to avoid your bar because I knew you didn’t want me there. Jess said it was nice though.”
I can’t help but sigh and pull Benji back against my chest, tucking the back of his head under my neck so I can smell his curls.
“You know I just-”
“I know that now, Jack. At the time, it kind of just hurt because Jessica wanted us to all hang out and it never felt like a possibility. I wish she could see us now.” The sadness in Benji’s voice breaks my heart a little while also mirroring my own sorrow.
“I wish she could too, baby. I think this is what she really wanted for us but Jess wasn’t really the meddling type. She liked to let people figure their own shit out.”
Benji sighs and rubs a finger slowly across the back of my hand. He has an expression of awe like he can’t believe he’s allowed to casually touch me now. Over a decade’s worth of regret sits heavy in my chest because if I had been less foolish I could have had this years ago.
“So, who called?” Benji asks after a few minutes of quiet cuddling.
“Becky, she has Jessica’s iPad and said you might know the passcode.” Benji practically bolts up from the bed, climbing over me in a hurry. He quickly begins grabbing his clothes and yanking them on. “Woah, what’s the rush?”
“Jack, don’t you see? Jessica had Tinder on her iPad. I used to go through and swipe to find cute guys for her. That means we can look at her messages and figure out who the fuck she was meeting up with that night.”
“Shit. We’re going to have to turn it over to the police.” I force myself out of bed, drain my own water, and start to pull on my pants.
“Well, yeah. But not before I have a look and figure out who she was talking to. The last words I heard from Jessica were to come find her and I’m not letting her down. This is the key to doing that. Whoever she met up with that night is the reason she didn’t come home.”
“Okay, we’ll search through her iPad and get any information we can from it and then hand it over to the police with the passcode so they can do their own search.”
I finish getting dressed, pulling on a clean white t-shirt and a plaid flannel to go over top. Benji is still wearing his clothes from last night but I’m positive nothing I own will fit him because he’s so much smaller.
We pile into my Jeep and I immediately crank up the heat and silently hand Benji my flannel because the crisp October mornings are quickly turning frigid. I silently drive to Benji’s house and he runs inside. Fifteen minutes later he comes out with his hair wet under a beanie and fresh clothes on.
“If I would have known you were showering I would have joined you.”
“We don’t have time for that right now.” Benji laughs and rolls his eyes.
This thing between us suddenly feels easy and natural and I can’t help but wonder how the fuck I’ve spent all these years being a dick to him when his laugh makes my entire chest feel warm.