7. Benji
The drive to Jessica’s office is quick and the greeting that Becky gives us is so over the top even I’m cringing. Her voice has always been a bit high pitched when she’s excited but right now it’s on a whole other level.
“I am so happy for you guys. I can’t believe it finally happened. Jess was so sure it would but I always had my doubts because no offense Jack, but you’re kind of a massive jerk when Benji is around. It’s like you turn into a whole different person. It’s like that one book with the guy with two personalities?”
“Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” I supply because it’s honestly a comparison I’ve made myself. Jack is always so smooth and charismatic until he spots me and then he shifts into a whole different person.
Or, he did. I’m hoping things will be different now even though I’m not quite sure where we stand. I know he was pretty adamant that I’m his now but we haven’t had a chance to really flush out what that means going forward.
I can’t help but feel a little antsy because I’ve dreamt of being his since puberty but I also feel like the timing for all of this couldn’t be worse. My heart feels heavy when I think about the fact that it took Jessica going missing for us to finally set aside our differences and come together.
I’m relieved that when we did come together and have sex for the first time I was tipsy enough that it offset my embarrassing tendency to finish a little bit too quickly. I’m always nervous when I have a new partner because my hair trigger combined with my obviously smaller dick is a bit embarrassing. Thankfully, I mostly bottom but it’s still embarrassing to have the stamina of a teenager when I’m pushing thirty.
I shake my head and try to stay focused on the task at hand. After we find Jessica and figure out who hurt her we can deal with whatever is going on between us. For now, I need to be focused because I owe Jessica that much. She wouldn’t be focusing on romance if I was missing and I feel guilty for getting distracted. I can only hope that Becky is right about Jessica wanting this for us because it’s the only thought that eases the guilt.
Becky pulls the iPad from her desk drawer, along with a charger. Thankfully, she’s been charging it so I can get to work digging through all of the messages to figure out what happened to Jess that night.
“Let’s take it across the street to that little bakery so we can have some coffee and breakfast while you search through it. I’m betting it’ll take a while and we want to be sure you’ve seen everything before we turn it over to the police.”
Jack makes the task sound so simple but part of me is terrified of what I’m going to find when I sort through all of Jessica’s messages.
Jack puts his hand on my lower back and leads me towards the door. I call out a quick thanks to Becky and try to ignore the ‘aw’ sound she makes as Jack guides me out. We jog across the street and sigh in relief when we open the door to the small cafe and a warm rush of air that smells like fresh pastries washes over us.
“I’ll get our orders in and you can grab a spot. You still like the croissant egg sandwich? Caramel latte with an extra shot?” I can’t help but stare at Jack like he’s grown a second head because we’ve never been to this cafe together and I have no idea how he knows my order. Jack seems to notice my confusion because he offers a shy smile in response and walks off to the register.
I snag a cozy corner table that has a nice view of the river and some local shopping. I stare at the iPad in front of me and wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Would it be better to just hand this over to the police? So far, they haven’t found any leads and my hope for a quick resolution is fading. It also feels like I’m invading Jess’ privacy because while I have swiped right and left for her, I’ve never read her messages.
I sigh when Jack returns, a small frown pulling on his lips. He slides into the chair next to me, his knee pressing against my own as he sits in a wide v.
“So how did you know my order, Jack?”
“Jessica used to have me grab you guys breakfast on busy days. I’d swing it by whatever house you were photographing and then run away with my tail between my legs before you noticed. You always seemed to get the same thing.”
“Jess always tried new things. I swear she never ordered the same thing twice until she had sampled the entire menu.” We both smile sadly because at this point we both know Jess is gone and those little breakfast dates that I never knew Jack was involved in are over.
The silence feels so weighted that I force myself to turn on the iPad, easily clicking through the passcode. Her notifications are sky high and I take a moment to skim the contacts that have texted her. A lot of them are from myself, Jack, her roommate, and her boss. There’s a few from a guy named Alex that I remember Jessica mentioning but they’re mostly casually saying hey.
I click into Tinder and Jack lets out a deep chuckle when he sees the sheer number of messages Jessica had. Bend is a tiny town but she seemed to get a right swipe from every dude who came across her profile. Her profile picture is one of her smiling in front of the river, her auburn hair and blue eyes practically glowing in the sunlight.
She looks a lot like Jack, in some ways. They both share that bright auburn hair but her light eyes have always stood in contrast to Jack’s dark brown ones. They both have beautiful bone structures and high cheekbones. I used to joke that they were the kind of siblings that you could easily pick out of a line up because they looked so similar.
Clicking into her messages, I scan through and find the last one she responded to. It’s from some dude named Eric and he’s smiling in his profile picture. Much like Jessica’s profile picture, he’s outside and in the sunlight, his dirty blonde hair aglow. Behind him is a grove of aspen trees and chills run down my spine as I stare at those trees. When I saw Jessica she had leaves in her hair that look like they came from an aspen tree and the coincidence is enough to cause a sharp intake of breath.
“What is it, baby?” Jack whispers, leaning over to look at the picture.
“When I saw…” I hesitate because I know Jack didn’t believe me about the ghost when we were kids and I’m not convinced he believes me now. It feels weird to talk about, especially since both incidents almost seem to be flukes. It’s not like seeing ghosts is a common occurrence for me.
“When you saw her ghost?” Jack asks as he stares at me earnestly. “I believe you, Benji. I know I didn’t at first but you knew before anyone else did that something happened and the only explanations for that are that you killed Jess or that you saw her ghost. If there’s one thing I know for sure it’s that you would never hurt my sister. Also, no offense but I think Jessica would have kicked your ass in a fight.”
I bark out a laugh and then hush myself so I don’t disturb the other patrons. Jessica would definitely have kicked my ass. While I’m not crazy tall at 5 '7, I still towered over Jess’ 5 '2 frame but what she lacked in height she made up for with CrossFit muscles and fierceness.
“Yeah, she definitely would have. Have you ever done CrossFit with her? She took me one time and I vowed never again. I couldn’t move for a week.”
“We would go to the regular gym together occasionally but CrossFit always seemed a little too extreme for my tastes. I’m like a foot taller but honestly she might have been able to kick my ass too. What made you get that disturbed facial expression, Benji? What did you notice in this guy’s pic that I’m not seeing?”
An employee stops by with our sandwiches and our coffees in cute little mugs with perfect little hearts made out of foam. Jack takes a small sip from his latte and sighs happily, which pulls a small smile from me too. Despite the crazy circumstances and the years of watching his mannerism, I still find myself completely enamored with this man.
“When I saw Jess she was kind of floating and she had leaves in her hair. They were tiny, like little aspen leaves. This guy is the last one she replied to and it was setting up a time to meet. Look behind him at the trees.”
Jack stares at the picture for a minute and then nods solemnly. Tinder doesn’t show this guy’s last name but it does show he’s located in a town over in Sisters. I scan through the messages and see that he sent his phone number so that Jess could call him when she was approaching the gate to his property. I spend a few minutes web sleuthing until I come up with a full name and an address.
“Eric Lloyd, 30, owns a property in Sisters.” I say, pulling up the Zillow app on my phone and typing in the address. “He owns quite a bit of land, his house sits on 10 acres and that’s hard to find here. In these photos it looks like it's pretty densely wooded along the outskirts of his lawn, including a large patch of aspen trees that are likely what we saw in his profile picture.”
I continue looking up Eric’s name until I find a page for his business. Eric owns a contracting company where he does custom woodwork for houses, building things like built-ins, pergolas, and custom countertops. Honestly, his work is beautiful and some of the custom mantles and countertops he’s made from driftwood are really eye-catching. I bet Jessica gushed the entire time he showed her his portfolio.
“Damn, you’re like a little Google Sherlock Holmes over here. I can’t believe you dug all of this up just from a phone number.”
“Nothing is private now that the internet exists, especially if you own a house and business.” I say, shrugging. “Jessica and I used to look up her Tinder dates and clients to get a feel for who they were. She was really good at it. You could give her a first name and a poorly drawn stick figure sketch and she’d come back twenty minutes later with their whole life story. I used to joke that she was wasted on real estate and should have been a detective.”
“I guess I should be glad that she was at least vetting some of these guys. Should we like drive over to his place?”
“Yeah, I guess we should. I think we should drop this off with the police though in case something happens. A lot of people own guns and if he did do something to Jess, who knows what extent he’ll go to to keep it a secret.”
Jack and I swing by the police station and drop off the iPad and a sticky note with the passcode. A detective talks to us for a few minutes while we show him the messages from Eric Lloyd. He seems to take it seriously and says he’ll be sorting through all of the messages and interviewing anyone who has talked to Jessica recently, including Eric.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jack asks me as we sit in his Jeep outside the station. I rub my hands together in front of the heater and Jack leans over to click on a heated seat for me.
“Yeah, I think we have to. The police will ask him questions too but maybe if we go on his property we’ll see her car or something. Or, maybe I’ll see her ghost. The ghost in your old house seemed to be closely tethered to that tree where she was buried so maybe that’s why I haven’t seen Jessica again. I honestly don’t really know much about how the whole ghost thing works. I thought the first time was a weird fluke and I was honestly relieved when years went by without it happening again.”
“You said that night that she had handprints around her neck?” Jack is gripping the steering wheel tightly and looking straight ahead.
“Yeah, she did Jack. I think someone strangled her.”
We both sit in silence for a moment and let those words hang in the air. Jack and I have had our differences over the years but we both loved Jessica. She was undoubtedly Jack’s favorite person and she was my twin flame in many ways.
“Fuck it, let’s go talk to him. If he did something to my sister I want to know. He’s probably not going to tell us jack shit but at least we can feel like we tried.”
“You don’t think it’ll interfere with the police investigation right? Like he won’t try to hide evidence when we leave?” I pick at a string on my shirt and wiggle around nervously.
“He’s had a lot of days to clean up any evidence at this point. I don’t think we can make it worse.”
The drive to Sisters only takes about thirty minutes; the stunning panoramic views of the mountains and meadows is enough to keep us distracted from the looming sense of doom and gloom as we drive.
All too soon we’re pulling up to a massive wooden gate blocking the driveway. Intricate wood horses sit on the pillars on either side and I know based on Eric’s portfolio that he carved those himself. There’s a small intercom on one pillar and Jack rolls down his window to press the call button.
“Hey, if it’s a delivery you can just leave it by the gate.” A deep voice crackles through the speaker and Jack coughs before pressing the button to talk.
“Nah man, I’m here about Jessica.”
There’s a pause and then the gate clicks and slowly opens. The driveway is long and winds through pine trees and the occasional grove of aspens. When we finally see the house, Eric is standing on the covered porch scratching at a short beard covering his cheeks.
Jack pulls the Jeep to a stop and cuts the engine. He gives me a small smile before opening his door and hoping out. I follow suit and we walk up the path to the house but don’t climb the steps onto the porch. I want to keep my distance and my exits open because there’s no telling what this guy is capable of.
“Are you, like, Jessica’s husband or something?” Eric asks, confusion painting his features.
“No, I’m her brother.”
“Uh, what are you doing here? I thought maybe you were married and found out she was having an affair or something but I’m kind of at a loss now.” Eric looks just as uncomfortable as we feel, shifting foot to foot.
“We want to know what you did to my sister.”
“I don’t uh think that’s an appropriate discussion to have with her brother dude. Why don’t you ask her about it? Also, how the heck did you even find me? Are you snooping through your sister’s phone looking for her hookups or something? She’s a little old for you to be pulling the overprotective brother card.”
“I’d love to ask my sister but she hasn’t been seen since she hooked up with you.” Eric’s face scrunches up in confusion and Jack immediately cuts him off when he goes to talk. “Don’t try to tell me you didn’t know she’s missing because it’s been all over the news and social media. There are missing signs all over town.”
“I don’t really use social media and I’m in the middle of a big project right now so I haven’t really left my property. I had no idea she went missing. Last time I saw her she was talking to someone on the phone and driving away.”
“You didn’t think it was weird that she didn’t message you at all after she left?” I chime in, trying to be helpful but also feeling super out of my depth.
“No, she made it really clear she wasn’t looking for anything serious. I assumed that when she didn’t text after it was a sign that she wasn’t interested in meeting up again.”
“You used to women not calling you back after a night together?” Jack’s snide remark catches me off guard. Usually the only person he’s openly rude to is me so it’s weird to witness.
“Uh, from Tinder? Yeah. I don’t meet up with people very often from there but the few that I have were all really open about not wanting anything more than a night -or a couple nights- together. Jessica made that really clear before we ever met up.” Eric looks lost in thought for a moment and then shrugs his shoulders. “She’s really missing?”
“Yeah, it’s been days and there’s no way she would blow off work.” I know that if this guy has spent more than ten minutes with Jessica he’ll know her work ethic was unmatched. Shit, she was probably trying to get him to work with her on selling renovations to new homeowners during their hookup.
“She was really into her work.” Eric nods and it’s clear Jessica definitely talked about her career aspirations during their time together. “Are the police looking for her?”
“Yeah, man. It’s been all over the news, we told you that.” Jack huffs out, sounding annoyed and a bit exasperated.
“The last time I saw her she was getting into her car and she was kind of yelling at some guy on the phone.”
“What guy?” Jack and I say in unison.
“She didn’t say. She told me earlier in the night that some dude wanted to work with her and wasn’t really taking no for an answer. She seemed to be putting him in his place just fine when she got in her car so I didn’t really think about it. She’s really intimidating, that one. I figured she could handle herself.”
“Clearly, she couldn’t. Someone did something to her and you are the last one to see her aliv- before she went missing.” I stutter over the word alive because I don’t want this guy to think I’m presuming she’s dead but it’s been days and at this point it’s likely the same assumption the police are working under.
“Fuck, I need to go talk to the police. They haven’t come by so I doubt they know I met up with her. Maybe it’ll help in some way if they knew she was here.” Eric pulls a set of keys from his pocket and walks towards his car. “I’ll follow you guys out.”
“I guess we’re dismissed.” Jack says, barely concealing an eye roll.
We load into the Jeep and Eric follows us down the long driveway but when we reach the street he turns the opposite way, heading into Sisters instead of towards Bend. Jack raises an eyebrow at me and then promptly flips a u-ie and follows Eric into town. The Jeep isn’t discreet so I’m sure Eric is very aware we’re following him.
As we pass the driveway again I notice another gravel road just a few yards past Eric’s property line. It looks like an old forest service road, bumpy with weeds growing in from a lack of consistent use.
We follow Eric in silence and watch as he finally pulls into the Sisters police station. Sisters is a tiny town and this station is really more of a substation that works under the Deschutes County police. They should be aware of Jessica’s disappearance and can work with the detectives in Bend.
Jack surprises me by parking right next to Eric, who glances at us and gives an awkward wave before he heads inside.
“Trying to intimidate him?”
“Just making sure he actually goes inside. I want him to know I’m watching.” Jack shrugs and we sit in the parking lot for half an hour before he finally relents and heads back into town.
I have Jack drop me off at home so that I can get to some of the work I’ve been avoiding done. I haven’t put much time into my photography business since Jess disappeared and I need to get on it if I want to keep my business alive. The competition is steep here and people have a lot of photographers to pick from.
I spend a few hours editing some real estate photos I took for Jess’ listings and then email them to the brokerage. I’m not sure who is taking over Jessica’s listings but I do want to keep that business relationship alive. I also edit a few drone videos that capture the spectacular mountain views that a few of the million dollar, or in one case multi-million dollar, houses offer.
Getting back into the swing of things feels good but it also feels bittersweet because I have this overwhelming sense that life is moving on; that we’re moving past my best friend who is still out there somewhere waiting for me to find her.
I know Jessica wouldn’t want me to lose the business that I’ve worked so hard to curate. It’s taken years to build up my clientele list and I can’t risk losing repeat business because my edits took too long.
Once my real estate work is done, I focus on editing a maternity shoot that I did recently. The mom-to-be is almost thirty-five weeks now and I know how important it is that she gets these before the baby comes. I’m so lost in my work that by the time I finish the album and send it off it’s past three am.
I check my phone and find that Jack has sent a few texts checking in. We finally exchanged numbers before parting yesterday. I sent back a quick text to let him know I was caught up with work before crawling into bed.
I’m not really sure how to navigate things with Jack. It feels like so much has changed in the last few weeks that my head is practically spinning. Jack’s sudden shift has me feeling completely off-kilter and I can’t help but wonder if maybe this is all some mid-life crisis brought on by his sister’s disappearance. Maybe in a few days or weeks he’ll come to regret what happened and then I’ll be left holding the pieces of my broken heart.
I wake to the late morning sun filtering in through my curtains. I check my phone and see that Jack has texted me again. A few times, actually.
Jack
Did you get any sleep? You sent that message at 3 in the morning
Are you caught up on your work?
Still sleeping?
I can’t help but sigh as I contemplate how to respond. I’m hesitant to text Jack too much because I don’t want to be clingy and I’m also not sure how long this whole thing is going to last. Getting invested and starting to talk a lot is honestly a little bit terrifying. The more distance I keep from Jack, the less this will all hurt when he inevitably decides he hates me again.
Benji
Just woke up. Got a lot done but I’ll be busy for a while catching up.
Jack
Anything I can help with?
Benji
Nope
Jack
Well, if you need a break and want someone to distract you I’m happy to do it.
I leave the last message on read and decide to focus on the things I can control. I’ll just dive into my work and try to avoid the swirling anxiety in my stomach and the elephant crushing my heart. It hurts more knowing I’ll have Jack for only a short time because there’s honestly no way this is anything but temporary.
My mind can’t seem to stop replaying the way Jack kept saying I was his, that he wasn’t going to let me go. I know he wasn’t intentionally lying but I also know that people don’t go from hating someone to suddenly wanting to be together. Eventually, Jack will come to his senses and when he does I want to have my heart guarded enough that it doesn’t completely destroy me. Especially since I won’t even have my best friend to help pick up the pieces of my broken heart.