Chapter 25
Twenty-Five
“You do not have to do this,” Rose said to Violet. It was not the first time that such words had left her sister’s mouth, and Violet was certain it would not be the last. “You are upset, Violet. Angry. Please, just wait until the morning. Sleep on it.”
The two sisters stood by the open doorway to the nursery.
While the room itself was cloaked in darkness, Violet saw clearly the cot against the back wall that held Lucy.
She could imagine the little girl fast asleep, totally at peace, assured that everything in her life was finally perfect and as it should be.
It broke Violet’s heart.
“I am not angry,” Violet said as she watched the cot. “Nor am I…” She grimaced. “Nor am I upset.”
“Then what are you?” Rose demanded. “Because whatever this is, it is not the action of a person in control of their emotions.”
“I am tired, Rose,” Violet sighed as her shoulders dropped; there was a weight that sat upon them, and Violet was desperate to free herself of that weight, no matter the cost. “That is what I am. Tired and sick of feeling as such.”
“And this is the answer?” Rose demanded. “Do you really think that doing this will make a difference? It is likely only to make you feel worse.”
“Worse?” Violet laughed bitterly. “I doubt that is possible.”
“Please, Violet.” Rose took her by the arm and pulled her so that Violet was forced to turn and look at her sister. “I know you believe that you are doing the right thing, and I understand why. But there must be another way. Think of Lucy. What will she think when she wakes up to find you gone?”
“Lucy is exactly who I am thinking about.” Violet gently pulled her arm free and turned to look at the cot once more; inside, she pictured Lucy fast asleep. “While you think that I am doing this for myself, it is for Lucy. Everything I do is for her.”
“You cannot possibly believe that.”
“This is how it always is,” Violet said, her voice so soft that it came out in a whisper.
“For as long as I can remember. Everything I do, every choice I made… the hardest ones, especially. What I want does not matter, and if it helps those who I love, Rose…” She turned and looked pleadingly at her sister.
She needed Rose on her side. “Is that not the most important thing?”
“What of you?” Rose pressed. “Why do you not deserve to be happy?”
Violet’s laughter was forced. “Perhaps one day I will be? Perhaps doing this…” She turned again to look at the cot. “Perhaps this is what is needed so that I might find happiness.” More forced laughter. “If such a thing even exists.”
“Violet…” Rose’s voice cracked with pain.
“I have decided, Rose, and nothing you say will change my mind.”
“You are so stubborn,” Rose said, but it was said with a sense of love and understanding because she knew her sister better than anyone.
“I am,” Violet agreed with a smile that she did not feel. “But stubborn or no, this is the right thing. I truly believe that…”
At least I need to believe it.
No matter how much it hurts, how much I want to change my mind, this must be done. Always for someone else… protecting those I love because they need me to.
Violet had lied to her sister when she said that she was not angry. And she had lied again when she said that she was not upset. But she had not lied when she said that this was the right thing to do.
It was Rhys’ words that she overheard earlier that evening which forced her into this decision.
To think that she had been so excited to see him.
To imagine that she had dared to believe that in so doing, he would admit his faults, apologize for his actions, and this past week would be little more than a memory that both might soon forget.
That was a fantasy, as unreal as it was unimaginable, and it had everything to do with the man who she called her husband.
The simple fact was that Rhys would never change.
Worse still, he did not want to. He had this twisted belief about himself that those he loved were better off without him, and this sardonic view of who he was as a person was so inborn and a part of him that to try and change him…
to waste time waiting for it, was as futile as it was hopeless.
So it was that Violet came to a decision.
Rhys had said that he would either push Violet away or, assuming she refused to be pushed, send her away himself. He would remove her from his life entirely, discarding her as if she was an old pair of boots worn through to the sole.
It hurt beyond words that he might do such a thing, but as said, that’s just who he was. Now that Violet accepted it, she knew what she had to do.
She would leave, was what. Taking the initiative, making the decision for him, she would pack her things and go. Why wait to be discarded? Why give him the chance to hurt her again?
No. He does not want me here, so I will do him the favor.
As for Lucy? While Violet took no pleasure in leaving her behind, she reasoned that it was the right thing to do. So long as Violet was there, she would always come between Rhys and Lucy, and the relationship that they might one day see grow between them could never be.
Lucy needed a father. She needed love and protection. She needed… no, Rhys needed a chance to give her that. Hopefully, once Violet was gone, their relationship would turn into something beautiful. That, at the very least, was something to pray for.
Maybe he can change? Another reason I need to do this…
“What of…” Rose hesitated. “What of what you learned? About Lucy?”
Violet’s stomach clenched. Was that guilt? Was it shame? Or was it a warning of what she knew she should do but could not bring herself to…
“I will tell him in time,” she said eventually. “But first… I do not want Rhys to think that he must watch over Lucy because of who she is. I want him to want to do it, for her.”
It was weak reasoning, and Violet knew that.
But the thought of going to Rhys and telling him the truth was a scene that she could not bear to imagine.
And what if he did not believe her? What if he thought that she was trying to manipulate him?
Or what if… what if he uses that to convince me to stay?
She was a coward, in that way.
One day, she would tell Rhys everything. But that time was not now.
“You do not have to come with me, Rose,” Violet said. “You can stay here. I am sure that Rhys will not mind.”
Rose scoffed. “Of course I am coming with you. And do not dare try and change my mind.”
Violet turned and smiled her thanks. While Violet liked to believe that she was the type who was better off acting alone, she knew too how much she needed her sister in that moment. If for nothing else than to remind her why she did as she had done.
“Although, I would like to know where we are going,” Rose asked. “If you have any notion?”
“We will stay at our home, is where,” Violet said. “It sits empty, there to be lived in, and as we no longer owe the bank anything…” She sighed and shook her head. “I have money, enough for a time. At least this way we will be near so I can check on Lucy.”
Rose rested a hand on her shoulder. “Will you wake her and say goodbye?”
“No…” Violet’s throat tightened, and she pushed back the tears that brimmed in her eyes. “But wait here, won’t you? I will only be a moment.”
She crept into the nursery until she stood over the cot. There, she watched Lucy sleeping. The little girl wore a smile on her face, and no doubt her dreams were those to match the world as she now saw it. Love… protection… a full life ahead of her.
And nobody deserves it more.
“Forgive me.” Violet leaned down and gently stroked Lucy’s face. The little girl’s smile grew as if she knew that Violet was with her. “One day, I know you will understand. And just know that I will always be watching you.”
That was when the tears started to fall. And that time, Violet let them.
As her cheeks grew moist with tears, she gazed upon Lucy a final time before turning and walking from the nursery. By that point, Rose had started to cry too, and she did not ask as she pulled Violet into a tight hug.
They held one another for a few moments, no words said, because what else could they say? Their time at Ashmere Hall had come to an end, and all that was left to do was leave.
They did, holding hands, their tears falling. There was a sense that this was not the beginning of a new path forward, but the end of one. As to where the next path might lead them, what it might hold? Violet had no idea.
Rhys woke to the sound of crying.
It took him a moment to realize what he was listening to. He thought it was echoes of his nightmare… his own tears that had fallen when he found out what had happened to his sister.
Desperate for that crying to end, he snapped his eyes open. The morning sun blinded him, he gasped and threw up a hand to shield from its brightness, and still that crying persisted.
Lucy!
Rhys threw himself from the bed and charged from the room. The little girl’s tears were like a storm and they swept down the hallway so that the walls seemed to shake and the floor vibrated. Rhys had never heard such a noise before, one so filled with pain, one so helpless and hopeless.
It angered him, in fact.
Where was Violet? Why was she not looking after Lucy? He would need to speak to her about that… although, such a conversation as that one was its own sort of turmoil. Rhys wanted to avoid Violet for a little while longer, but he could not do that if Lucy’s happiness was at stake.
Why are things never easy?
Rhys arrived at the nursery a moment later, and when he stepped inside, he started in surprise at what he found.
Lucy was in the corner, curled up in a ball, weeping as if she had just learned that the world was about to end. It broke his heart, and he wanted to go to her, but Rhys found his steps faltering.
It was fear that did it. Despite how close he believed that he had grown to Lucy, he knew that they were not yet at a place where he might comfort her. Also, as was his way, he worried that he would only make things worse.
“Lucy…” His voice cracked. “Where… what is wrong?”
“Mama!” Lucy wept. “I want Mama!”
Anger flared through Rhys as he turned, thinking to storm into Violet’s room and demand that she do her duty! Was she doing this on purpose? Was this some vain effort to force him to spend time with her and Lucy? How could she be so selfish?
Mr. Marrow stood in the doorway, and his face was ashen.
“Mr. Marrow,” Rhys snapped. “Where is Her Grace?”
“She is not here, Your Grace,” Mr. Marrow said as if he did not believe it.
“What?” Rhys barked. “What does that mean? Go and fetch her!”
“But Your Grace…” With a trembling hand, Mr. Marrow held out a single slip of parchment. “This was found in her room, Your Grace.”
Rhys eyed the piece of parchment, and as he did, he felt a pit opening in his stomach. He had no idea what was written, but he could sense it. And if he was right…
The pit grew wider in his stomach as he took the parchment…
Rhys,
As hard as this is to do, I also believe that it is right.
It has come to my attention recently that you no longer wish for me to be a part of your life. Such a realization, while painful to accept, is one I will not fight against. What I will do, rather, is what I know you want of me.
As of last night, I have elected to leave Ashmere Hall.
Please know that this was done, not out of malice or spite, but because I believe it is for the best. So long as I live under your roof, your relationship with Lucy will forever be stunted.
This way, and by removing myself, I am giving you a chance to be the father that I know you want to be. And the father that Lucy deserves.
Be with her, Rhys. Love her. Prove to her and yourself the type of man that you can be, if only you stop fighting it for even a moment. Give her a life that honors your sister’s legacy, which now that I am gone, you will be able to do.
You are not wicked, Rhys. You are not evil. You are merely lost. With Lucy by your side, together, I know that you will find your way.
The letter fell from Rhys’ fingertips.
“She’s gone…” It was not a question. “I cannot believe that she…”
There was no joy felt in this realization. No relief because Rhys had gotten what he wanted. What he felt instead was heartache, loss, and the type of agony that one can only feel when they have hurt someone whom they love.
Lucy’s tears continued to batter the room.
He turned, thinking once more about going to her to show comfort, but unable to find the strength. He wanted to protect her, to give her a life of joy and comfort and happiness that she deserved. In the end, all he had brought to her world was loss and suffering.
The irony was unmissable, and it was the type that made Rhys want to wretch with guilt because he had never felt more self disgust.
When he brought Lucy into his home, it was to protect her—to prove that he could protect those he loved. But as was always the case, as was Rhys’ life, he just ended up hurting her instead.
And that said nothing for how surely Violet hurt too… for her to have done this, she must have felt that she had no other option. Another person he cared for, broken and brought to ruin, and all because Rhys was exactly as he knew himself to be.
This was his fault… he would never change… and it took him hurting two more people in his life to realize it.
I truly am my father.