67. Fresh Eyes
~ VOSKI ~
Grace stumbled through the day, but grew stronger with every step. As it should be. I found ways to remain close for the entire day—at least close enough for Koa to reach Kham and call us in if she got shaky again.
She had her moments, her wobbles. But she joined Bren on a flight—then took one of her own. She didn’t know that Kham and I shadowed them, remaining a mile back and unrecognizable to her eyes. But close enough to be called in if we were needed.
She was happier when they landed. The flying did her good. It did both of us good.
That evening, at the dining hall, I watched her from across the table and two seats down.
She took the teasing of our brothers who thought she’d rushed home the night before because she’d drunk too much ale.
Bren glanced at me, but I ignored her. I’d speak with her when we had a moment alone.
I was too busy gauging the shadows passing behind Grace’s eyes when the brothers teased, but she blinked and hid it quickly, smiling and shrugging. Allowing them their jokes.
And she took my breath away.
So strong. So bright, and clever. And getting physically stronger, too.
I’d seen it last night, though I’d never remind her of it.
The sinews in her limbs growing firmer. The muscles more defined.
Her shoulders slightly broader and flatter than they’d been three weeks ago.
Her arms still very trim, but muscles carving when she moved.
When she and Bren got up from the table and turned, my eyes dropped to the firm rounds of her seat under the leathers and my body sang.
I cursed at the rising desire and wanted to curse the dragons for theirs. This wasn’t the time!
But my eyes still followed her. Which meant, when she turned her head as Bren opened the door into the courtyard, she found me. Staring.
She gave me a small, sad smile.
I nodded.
Thank God. Thank God, she’d already beaten the first hurdle. She would be well.
I’d make sure of it.
She would cry. She would have fearful nights. She would question herself. But she was strong, and courageous, and a fighter—whether she realized it or not. She would make it through this.
The sound of a nearby throat clearing caught my attention.
Ronen sat beside me, scraping his plate clean.
“What?” I asked, irritated.
Gil and Oros were getting up from the table. The others had left, except Harle, who stood a few feet away, holding his dirty plate, smiling as he spoke to one of the serving girls.
Ronen swallowed his final mouthful and pushed out his chair as he stood. “Walk with me,” he said abruptly.
I bristled. He thought I’d done something with Grace last night. Taken advantage.
I would let him know, in no uncertain terms, that that was not the case. But I had enough presence of mind not to have that argument here.
So, once we’d stacked our dirty plates, I followed him out, waiting until we were clear of the others in clusters and pairs in the courtyard outside, on the walk to the barracks, before I spoke.
“No matter what you’re telling yourself, it isn’t—”
“You have a meeting with General Arsen. Right now,” he said simply.
I snapped my head to look at him. “What for?”
Ronen’s brows rose. “You think he tells me? I just know I received orders to send you to his office the moment you were done with the meal. For the rest, you’ll have to ask him.”
“That’s it?”
Ronen stopped walking and frowned at me. “You were expecting more?”
“I wasn’t expecting anything at all.”
“Then I suggest you take the order. Now.”
“Right. Uh, right.” I turned from him, striding back to the path we’d passed that would cut across to the officer’s building, my chest tight.
Why would Donavyn want to see me? It must be something to do with the Shadowfang. I scanned through the previous days, but couldn’t recall anything I’d done—except cover a murder, I supposed—that would anger Donavyn, or create cause for him to discipline me directly.
Then, the conversation I’d had with him at the last Shadowfang meeting swam to mind and I tensed.
Send me to Fyrehold.
Had he changed his mind? He had said he’d consider me for a team. And if he had, if I was to be given a mission, that was precisely what I’d been aching for! Yet, the thought of it now twisted my stomach in knots. I couldn’t leave Grace when no one else knew.
I could tell others, I supposed. I’d meant it when I told her they’d support her.
They would. I knew they would. It was what squads were for.
And we’d all had our moments. Gil, in particular, would come alongside her with intention, watch closely, be protective without coddling her.
He’d be strong and present. And the thought of that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
I kept walking, but found myself suddenly reluctant. My feet dragging.
This was a good thing! If Donavyn had orders for me, they’d be better than flying patrols.
Yet, my traitorous mind provided the image, the sensation, of mounting Kham, and flying away, leaving Grace behind, and my stomach roiled.
No.
My nerves shrieked. I had to tell Donavyn, this just wasn’t the time. Or, maybe she could come with me?
Of course not. Not on a Shadowfang mission. She knew nothing.
But the dragons. They wouldn’t be ready for a separation like that. I should never even have suggested it.
Mind reeling, I hurried to Donavyn’s office on the third floor of the officer’s administration building, rapping sharply on the door, pushing inside the moment he called for me to enter.
“Sir,” I said with a hasty salute. “I know we spoke about the mission. But my request to leave was hasty—”
“Voski, tell me why you were curled up in bed with Grace this morning.”
I stopped dead in the middle of his office floor, my jaw slack.
Donavyn stood on the other side of his desk, arms folded, and his eyes dark and stern.
“I…” How had he known?
Oh fuck.
Bren!
Fury washed through my veins like fire. “I told Bren not to speak to anyone until she’d spoken to me! She ignored an order—”
“Sit down and shut the hell up!” Donavyn snapped.
My head jerked back. Donavyn was strong, and certain. Angry at times, but only when it was warranted. And always measured in his responses. Always honorable.
To my surprise, he stood stiffly. He looked offended?
“I gave you time! I understood the need for it. Even understood the desire to hide it. I’ll admit, you had me questioning my assumptions for a time.
But I know the bond, and I know the compulsion of it.
It was ridiculous to think that perhaps you’d resisted.
I gave you time to come to me and ask. But Bren discovered you this morning and thank God it was her.
That could happen any day of the week with any stableboy—or Furyknight. If Grace was called in for training—”
“I told Bren not to say anything until I explained—”
“She is my mate,” he snarled, stabbing his thumb at his chest. “Do not expect her to lie to me!”
“I didn’t ask her to lie,” I growled back. “I asked her to keep my confidence until I could make her understand the truth of what she saw. But clearly she hared off and came to you anyway—”
Donavyn was around that desk, moving like lightning despite his size, standing over me, lips peeled back from his teeth.
“Do not pour judgment on my mate when you share a bond and know its intimacy. Do not lie to me—and do not expect my mate to do so, either! You knew we were bonded, how you expected her to keep that to herself when she cares for both of you and we know.”
“Know what?!”
Donavyn’s eyes narrowed. “You can stop playing the game now.”
“I’m not!”
“She saw you in bed with Grace. You are many things, Voski, but a man who would take advantage of a drunk woman isn’t one of them.
I’ve done my best to keep others from her loft to give you the privacy, but dear God, man.
Haven’t we shown you that it doesn’t have to be this way anymore?
Bren and I live our bond openly. I understand that’s new, but what makes you think we’d expect you to hide this?
What makes you want to? The logistics will be tricky, but we’ll find a way—”
“I’m not hiding! I was helping Grace!”
Donavyn shook his head. “I don’t have time for this, so I will speak plainly, and pray that you come to your senses: I believe your bond with Grace is as potent and intense as mine with Bren.
The question is, why you think you have to hide it?
Because you saw the toll that secrecy took on us—and the freedom that comes with living openly.
The queen is far more sympathetic now, and the men will get used to it. ”
“No, you don’t understand—”
Donavyn put a hand up, and his head eased back, his expression thoughtful. “Hold. I hadn’t thought about… are you protecting her? Does she not feel the bond? She wasn’t bonded to Koa long before this happened, correct? And Koa’s wild—is there a problem there? A disconnect in some way?”
“No!” I protested. “That’s not… this isn’t… There is no bond!”
Donavyn shook his head, his jaw twitching. “Do you think I’m a fool?”
“Of course not!”
“You do understand that I’ve experienced this, and the compulsion of it? I know you like your solitude, but giving in to a divinely appointed mate is not a shame, Voski. You won’t be disciplined for it. God, if anyone understands that, it’s me!”
I couldn’t answer him. Couldn’t think. This barrage of assumption made my heart sing, and my guts heavy. Thoughts whirled, arguments. I couldn’t get a grasp of anything in my head.
“Voski,” Donavyn said quietly. “What’s going on?”
I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “Can you please tell me precisely what you experienced? What this bond you have feels like? For you?” I asked him shakily.