49. Henrik
FORTY-NINE
HENRIK
Standing up from my captain’s chair as we near the fishing grounds, I stretch my weary muscles. My shoulders are especially tight, and there’s a sharp pain behind my breastbone. It’s been there for hours, ever since my conversation with Eirik.
Carina’s choices hurt me more than I care to admit, mostly because I’m confused about them. I can’t rationalize why she’d justify not telling me about something so important. Something that affects both of us.
Looking at the map, I see we’re almost at the next fishing grounds.
Heavy footsteps clomp up the ladder behind me. Assuming it’s Edgar checking on me again, I bark, “You again? You have perfect timing. We’re here. Go get the guys up.”
“Is everything alright, Cap? You’re grumpier than normal. Does it have anything to do with Edgar’s phone blowing up with calls and texts in the middle of the night?”
Recognizing the voice to be Kai’s, I frown, feeling terrible I snapped at him. Turning toward him, I see his wrinkled face is etched full of concern. I wave my hand in the air. “Sorry. It’s nothing.”
Although he seems to struggle with my answer, his lips remain closed and he just nods. I turn back to the computer, and he steps closer. “How’s the storm looking?”
I pull up the latest forecast. “It looks like we have a few hours before it’s expected to hit.”
“Well then, let’s maximize this opportunity and get to work. I’ll go make sure the guys are up.”
“Thanks. Oh, and Kai? I’m sorry if Edgar’s phone woke you up. It won’t happen again.”
He smiles, then heads for the ladder.
Ten minutes later, my crew is on the deck.
Derrik’s on top of the pots because the seas are rougher.
Roy is back to handling the bait. My guys operate as a well-oiled machine, and I’m incredibly grateful for that, knowing we’re heading into a storm.
Their movements are like a dance, each step perfected after much practice.
They get the first and second strings launched in record time.
By the time they get to the third string, the winds are picking up, moving from light to moderate.
The guys are so busy, they’ve likely not noticed.
From my vantage point, I observe it all.
In the span of an hour, the swells have grown, and the waves are now choppy.
Grabbing my radio, I call the deck to give a heads-up to the guys. “Looks like the storm is getting closer. Let’s be extra vigilant in getting these last few strings in the water.”
Even as the skies grow darker and the winds sharper, the ever-present familiar caw-caw-caw of the seagulls can be heard as they soar overhead. Their resiliency is impressive. I once read they are more stable when they’re facing the wind. Imagine if that is true for us as well.
By the time we get to the last string, the crew is not only fighting moderate winds but giant swells.
This storm is shaping up to be quite impressive, and I’m eager to head out of it.
Thankfully, the forecasted freezing rain hasn’t begun.
At only twenty degrees Fahrenheit, that’d be a major concern.
With the Brina bobbing up and down, I know things have gotten more dangerous on the deck for my crew.
“Steady footing!” I shout into the radio as a rogue wave crashes into us.
I have a hunch that I’ll be repeating that many times through this last string of pots.
I look out onto the deck and see that, even with the horrible weather, my crew is still making excellent time launching the pots.
The last hour has been intense. I’ve watched my crew grow increasingly fatigued.
Hoping to keep their spirits up, I turn on Nickelback and blare it over the deck speakers. Within minutes, the guys look revived.
“Five,” they all holler as they reach the last few pots. The countdown continues until they’ve launched them all. As soon as they’re done, they head into the galley. Turning to my maps, I chart the last pots before I plan the safest escape from the building storm.
Below deck, I hear laughter float up from the galley. I curl my fists as a bolt of jealousy shoots through me. “What do they have to be so happy about? We’re stuck in the fucking middle of the Bering Sea, trying to outrun a fierce storm.”
Our current situation and this thing with Carina have combined to ensure that laughter is the furthest thing from my mind.
Roy hums “Rockstar” as he comes up the ladder. “Derrik is putting on a pot of coffee. Do you want some, Cap?”
Although it’s the last thing I want, I need to stay alert, so I answer in the affirmative. The smell of cooking eggs floats up to me.
Roy smiles. “He’s also mentioned making egg sandwiches. Do you want one of those too?”
Just the thought of it makes my stomach heave, and I swallow thickly. Once I’m confident I won’t vomit, I mumble, “No, thanks.”
A few minutes later, Edgar delivers a large cup of coffee. Before I can even mutter my thanks, he’s standing too close, crowding my personal space. Already annoyed, I grumble, “Do you mind?”
“No, I really don’t,” he replies with a grin. What an asshole. Just like when we were kids, he’s provoking me on purpose. I grit my teeth.
Grumpy as fuck, I snap, “Back up. This is your only warning.” I’m not sure what I’ll do if he doesn’t, but punching him sounds like a great option. Then the responsible side of me weighs in, reminding me I still need him to be able to do his job.
Edgar puffs out his chest. Standing up, I face him toe-to-toe.
He isn’t as big as me, but he isn’t small.
He taunts me with a silent smirk. Up until we were in our early twenties, a threat from me would’ve been taken seriously.
But now, he just stares at me in challenge, waiting for my reaction.
I lift my hands to push him back, and he mirrors me.
But before I can touch him, he blocks me and growls, “Henrik, tell me what the fuck is going on with you.”
I drop my head, answering just above a whisper, “Nothing. Just leave me alone.”
“Not going to happen. I didn’t have a choice to leave it alone. I got dragged into it,” he says.
I sigh heavily. “You think I want to be dealing with this?”
“This? What’s this? Can you at least tell me what happened so Mia will stop calling and texting me?
I’m grateful we’re at sea and working, so I can ignore most of it.
” He sets his hand on my shoulder and drops his voice.
“Listen, I know better than anyone that Berg men don’t share feelings, but I know you’re angry and hurt, and your head isn’t where it needs to be.
From the phone calls I got earlier, I know it involves Eirik and Mia.
And from the way you’re acting like a grumpy asshole, I’m also guessing Carina has something to do with it. So, I’ll ask again, what is going on?”
Exhausted from trying to hold it all together, I collapse into my chair and bury my head in my hands. “Something happened with Carina, and we’re through.”
“What are you talking about? Weren’t you together when we left Kodiak? How did you two break up? Wait, is that why Mia and Eirik were calling?”
Sitting back, I frown as I cross my arms. “Forget their calls. Our phones are for emergencies only, and the two of them never should have been involved. And I haven’t talked to Carina since leaving Kodiak.”
“So she’s in the dark about everything? You just cast her aside when you had enough?” His words and implication that I threw her away like garbage angers me, and I grind my teeth so I don’t say something I don’t mean.
“After what she did, I don‘t want to talk to her again,” I tell him.
Exasperated, he leans forward, getting in my face. “Are you going to tell me what happened or keep speaking in circles? What did she do?”
“Fine,” I snarl. “You want to know? She lied to me. Are you going to leave me alone now?”
He frowns. “Lied to you? Are you sure? With the way Mia is blowing up my phone, it’s hard not to think there’s something you’re missing.”
“She told me she loved me, and we were talking about our future together all while she was looking for jobs in Hawaii. To make it worse, she told Mia, who told Eirik, and he told me.”
Edgar raises a brow. “That is seriously fucked-up.” Just as I’m about to agree, he adds, “But what if that’s only part of the story? I mean, if she was looking at jobs in Hawaii and didn’t tell you about it, that is suspicious, but what if she had a good reason not to share it with you?”
“I don’t know, Edgar. All I know is she withheld information that would affect both of us.
If the roles were reversed, I think I’d discuss the situation with the other person it involved rather than his sister.
” A fresh wave of anger washes over me. “If you don’t mind, I’d rather not talk about it anymore. ”
He nods, looking weary, like my soul. “One more thing,” he says. I make a sound in my throat. “You look exhausted. Do you want to get some shuteye and I’ll keep watch?”
My sanity needs a break from Carina invading my every thought, but I hesitate because he’s been the one working his ass off, launching pots in the frigid, horrible weather while I’ve been toasty warm in here. I open my mouth to tell him to go rest, and he puts up a hand to stop me.
He motions with his head. “Get out of that chair and go take a shower. Then get some sleep. You look like shit.”
I don’t need a mirror to know he’s right.
I stand and force myself forward. My body feels weighed down.
Each step I take requires more effort than the last. When I reach the galley, I’m winded and breathing hard.
The crew, who are joking around while finishing up their dinner, go silent when they notice me.
Without looking up, I feel five pairs of eyes assessing me.
Wordlessly, I retreat to my bunk to grab some clean clothes.
Ten minutes later, I emerge from the steamy bathroom, ready for an extended nap.
The lighthearted chatter from the crew has resumed, though it sounds like they’re wrapping things up before heading to their bunks.
Their happiness irritates me, and I shut my door harder than necessary before I crawl into my bed.
Sleep doesn’t come quickly. Instead, I lie there, staring at the ceiling, questioning the last ten months and what I thought I knew about Carina. I groan as I try to get comfortable for the hundredth time. Every time I think about what happened, the more confused I get.
I’d sworn to myself I wouldn’t look at my messages, but I power on my phone anyway, only to find over a hundred missed calls and texts.
All but two are from Mia or Eirik. They’re from the person who ripped out my heart.
No matter what, I can’t make myself open it. I slam the phone down onto my bunk.
Pain tears through my chest as my insecurities surface, reminding me I’m just a grumpy fisherman and that’s all I’ll ever be.
It doesn’t matter that because of Carina, I’d forged a new identity.
With her, I laughed, had fun, and had been spontaneous more times than I ever had in my entire life.
With Carina by my side, I tried new things and experienced old things with a fresh set of eyes.
I opened up and showed someone else the side of me that had always remained hidden from the outside world. And now we’re done.
How could I have been so na?ve? I fell completely in love with her, and look where that got me. Utterly disappointed in myself, I bury my head in my pillow and scream.
When a knock comes at my door a minute later, I freeze. “Cap? Are you okay?” Kai calls out. I let out the breath I’d been holding. Other than my brother, he’s the one person on the crew I’m closest to. I know he’s only asking because he’s genuinely concerned.
Swallowing hard, I clear my throat and reply, “I’m exhausted and not feeling great. I’m going to sleep now. But thanks for checking on me, Kai.”
“Okay, feel better,” he says.
Once he’s gone, I pull a thin blanket over me and close my eyes. I let the gentle rocking of the boat lull me to sleep. To what I hope is an escape from all the pain.