Chapter 10 #3
“All I want to do is make you happy, so that works for me.”
Together, we showered and brushed our teeth. Saul locked the door behind us and helped me into his truck. Absentmindedly, I rode alongside of him, unsure of what the future held for me. But, what I was sure of was the man beside me and the love that had been birthed between us.
It was a pleasure to watch unfold. I wanted nothing but bliss and happiness for us, but that wasn’t how life worked.
We were being dealt shit at the moment, but there was no doubt in my mind that Saul didn’t matter the hand.
He only cared about the players. As long as it was him and I, we’d win the game in the end. Together.
We arrived at Saul’s place within fifteen minutes. The burst of energy I had suddenly gotten was depleted by the time we entered the elevator. Everything felt like too much at once. Everything except him.
“Whaaaat?” I asked, watching Saul as he watched me.
“Nothing.” He lowered his head with a smile.
“Liar.”
“I’m just thinking.” He chuckled. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. I was trying to remain respectful but I almost kicked down your front door two weeks in a row.”
Shaking my head, I asked, “Why didn’t you?”
“Because, I didn’t want to get on your bad side, Summer. That would’ve hurt me more than not hearing from you all this time.”
“I wanted to answer–the phone and the door. I just–”
“Couldn’t.”
“I couldn’t. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You’re grieving. That looks different for everyone.”
“No. I am sorry. I shut you out. I shouldn’t have. Just had so much going on in my head and in my heart.”
“It’ll get easier.”
“I can hardly wait.”
Ping.
Saul’s fingers slid between mine as we stepped off the elevator and entered Saul’s home.
“We’ll wait toget–”
Our steps halted. Our conversation ended. And, both of our mouths slacked with the heaviness of words.
“What are you doing here?” Saul was the first to speak. “You need to leave.”
“I j–I just want to talk to you. Both of you. I owe you both apologies,” my mother sighed.
“You don’t owe me shit.”
“Watch your mouth so–”
“He doesn’t have to watch a fucking thing, lady. And, you heard him clearly when he said you need to leave. He was loud enough and clear enough.”
“Summer, is it?”
Tittering, I licked the skin of my teeth.
“You’re as pathetic as they come. Yes, it is Summer. But, please let this be the last time that name rolls off your lips.”
“I didn’t come here to upset either of you. I came to a–”
“You need to leave.”
“Can I at least talk to her?”
“No. You can’t talk to her,” Saul boasted. “She’s the last person you will ever be able to talk to on this green earth as long as I’m alive.”
“Son–”
“I’m not your son.”
The hurt that flashed across her face hit me right in the heart. She was pained at the thought of Saul not acknowledging her as his mother. Yet, here I was, her biological daughter, and she didn’t give a damn about me. She couldn’t even remember my name.
Chuckling, I made light of my disgust.
“And, all this time, I wanted to get to know you. Hug you. See you. Even know what you must’ve smelled like. Frankly, you smell and look like shit. Your wig has seen better days and that Chanel bag is uglier than your botox.
“You reek of misery. Shame. Neglect. And, deceit. You’re a walking disaster.
In your fake house with your fake family…
fake marriage… fake name… fake friends… fake wig…
fake smile… fake toenails… Everything about you is fraudulent.
I just wish I would’ve known it sooner so I could let go of the pain of your absence I’ve carried around all of my life.
“Truth is, my father was right all along. You didn’t deserve my goodness. My love. My forgiveness. You deserve the shitty life you’ve lived and the guilt that’s eaten away at your beauty. As Saul said, you will not speak to me as long as I’m on this earth.
“You made your choice and now I’m making mine. You’re as good as dead to me. I wish you nothing but turmoil for the rest of your existence.”
“Is that how your father taught you to speak to your m–”
“Girl. Fuck. You!”
“Out–” Saul waved toward the door. “Out. You have to leave.”
“Saul. Please. Just hear me out.”
“You’re upsetting my woman and you’re upsetting me at this point. You need to roll. You don’t owe anyone an explanation but the man who married you, and at this point he doesn’t want to hear you either.”
“Son.”
“OUT!”
The veins in Saul’s neck were visible. He was no longer looking at Angela. His eyes were on the door. Getting the point, Angela moseyed toward the door.
“I–”
“OUT!”
She quieted, making her way out. Saul turned to me, immediately.
“I’m sorry. I– I forgot she has access to my unit.”
“Don’t apologize. I needed that,” I breathed out. “I needed that.”
He wrapped me in his arms. His comfort was wavering. My body quivered as my nerve endings realigned. I lowered the gates and promised myself one thing.
I’m going to let him in.
I closed my eyes, knowing that when I fell, Saul would always be there to catch me.
I’m going to be his summer.
Fall.
Winter.
Spring.