Chapter 22
“Happy birthday, sis,” Cassie said as the table went silent.
“Thank you all.” Molly grinned. She paused for a moment, then blew out the candles.
“Here, honey.” Mama J handed her a knife and she started cutting slices for everyone.
Cassie looked on, taking in the moment. They had been coming here for Christmas Eve dinner since college, and though Molly’s birthday was a few days away in the no man’s land between Christmas and New Year’s, Mama J had always made a point to celebrate it while they were all together.
This was a big one, not just for the number, though the thought of her sister turning forty still felt surreal, but because so much had changed over the past year.
Even though it was their second holiday with the Jeffries family since Eva left, her absence still lingered at the table.
Molly was embarking on a new chapter, one she never anticipated or hoped for, and trying to move forward.
And though she rarely said so, Cassie knew how much she was still hurting just getting through every day.
She felt it deeper than she could have expected now that she was navigating her own broken heart.
But they had been through tough times together before, and as she looked around the room at all the faces of those who had wrapped them in love and acceptance since the moment they stepped through that front door so many years ago, she knew they’d be okay again. One day.
After they had all stuffed themselves further with cake, Janay caught Cassie’s eye and tilted her head toward her old bedroom where they snuck away to chat. When Janay closed the door and filled Cassie in on the conversation she’d had with Drea a few days ago, Cassie glared at her.
“You told her what?” Cassie could feel a tinge of anger creep into her voice.
To her credit, Janay looked remorseful. “I know. It wasn’t my place, but I kinda came down hard on her thinking she was being kinda shitty given your past, and then it became clear she didn’t know about your past.” She pointed to the ceiling and arched a brow at Cassie. “We’ll get to that in a minute.”
Cassie ducked her chin regretfully, not looking forward to explaining why she hadn’t told Drea about her past.
“Look, she was struggling, and when her eyes lit up thinking you were there and then got sad again when I said you’d left, I don’t know, I felt like I had just kicked a puppy or something.”
Cassie got stuck on the part about Drea’s eyes lighting up thinking she was there.
“I’m sorry,” Janay said. “But more importantly, why was I the one telling her all that new information?”
Cassie sighed and looked away, rubbing her hand on the yellow comforter as if it would save her from this conversation.
It wasn’t like she told everyone the first moment she met them that she had a problem with alcohol and now was sober.
Most people were chill enough that when she said she didn’t drink, they didn’t push for answers.
And she definitely didn’t go into the details of how she lost her parents.
Despite working through that grief for many years, it was still hard to say it out loud.
And did it matter? They were gone. That’s what mattered. Why bring up all the sordid details?
She wanted her mom’s memory to be of the amazing, caring woman who raised her, not how she was ripped from the world too soon.
And her dad, well, she didn’t think much about him at all anymore.
She had spent too many years hating him for what he did, to all of them, but it only drove her to the bottom.
No, she had made the choice not to let that event dictate the rest of her life, not anymore.
And it had all seemed behind her until this moment as she grappled with why she hadn’t told the person she was dating two crucial parts of her backstory.
She turned back to Janay who was watching her, waiting patiently as usual. “It’s hard to talk about.”
“Well, yeah. But I thought y’all were getting serious. I mean, how could you get serious with someone who doesn’t know some of the biggest things about you?” There was no judgment in her voice, only the obvious question that now seemed so simple.
Cassie bit her lip. “You can’t.” And for the first time, she realized it wasn’t just Drea alone who had pushed her away.
She had kept one foot out the door as well.
Sure, they had discussed some important things, but apparently only the stuff that didn’t cut too deep.
If she was being honest with herself, she knew the reason she hadn’t opened up fully to Drea.
And it had nothing to do with Drea’s reputation or how new it had been or even how deliciously unstable she felt when those devastating blue eyes searched hers.
“She’s not over you, you know. And you’re not over her. Maybe y’all should talk, for real though.”
Cassie held her gaze for a moment, trying to decide if it was really that simple, that all of the anguish might be resolved by simply communicating. That maybe they could resolve this. She blew out a breath and nodded, then looked at her watch. It wasn’t even seven yet. She had to at least try.
“Here ya go, bud.” Drea held out the misshapen gift to Jake, who leapt up from his spot on the floor, mid-LEGO construction, to grab it. Drea, Sam, and Ash all laughed as he tore open the dragon wrapping paper.
He pulled out a small plastic container with a blue top, followed by a red one, then green, and finally yellow, placing each on the coffee table as he went.
“Oh, I remember those,” Ash said.
Jake’s face was full of wonder as he looked at Drea. “What are they?”
Drea grinned. “Finger paint.”
“Awesome!” Jake grabbed the green one and started to open it.
Sam raised her hands in the air. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on, I’ll help with that. This stuff will go everywhere.” She shot Drea a pointed look. “Thanks, Drea.”
Drea ignored the sarcasm in her voice. “You’re welcome, Sam.” Then she pulled out a thin package hidden beside her on the sofa and handed it to Jake. “You’ll need this too.”
He ripped it open with equal fervor to the first one, jumping up and down when he unveiled the glossy white paper. “Mom, can we paint! Please?” He dragged out the word for maximum effect.
“What do you say?” Sam said.
“Thanks, Aunt D.” Jake ran over and wrapped his little arms around her neck. She hugged him back, relishing in the moment, hoping he never became too old for hugs.
“Okay, go put on some play clothes first. I’ll get the kitchen set up,” Sam said.
“Okay.” The word was barely out of his mouth before Jake bolted from the room.
Sam turned to Ash. “Babe, do you mind helping him? Find the green ones. Not the neon-green ones, the other ones, with the dinosaur on them.”
“Got it.” Ash set her hot chocolate on the coffee table, then kissed Sam before heading in Jake’s direction.
This had been their holiday tradition the past few years, getting together the evening of Christmas Eve and Jake getting to open his gift from Drea.
Drea had worried that things might be different this year, with Ash and everything.
But it felt like normal, except Sam seemed more content now that she had found Ash.
Drea was happy she and Sam had hashed things out the other night at Charlie’s.
She felt as if she were back with her real family, back home.
“Well, now we get to wrap the kitchen in newspaper.” Sam grabbed the remains of the wrapping paper off the floor and pointed at Drea. “And you’re going to help.”
“No problem.” Drea grabbed her hot chocolate and stood up.
“So why finger paint?” Sam asked over her shoulder as Drea followed her to the kitchen.
“I actually started volunteering with kids at an art space downtown.”
Sam tossed the wrapping paper in the trash and turned to her. “You did?”
Drea shrugged. “Yeah, it’s only been a couple of times, but it’s been cool. We were working with finger paint the first day and I thought Jake might enjoy it.”
“That’s really great. I’m proud of you.”
Drea set her hot chocolate down on the counter and grabbed a cookie from the pile sitting there, her chewing stopping abruptly as something off hit her taste buds.
“Oh, don’t eat those. I made them,” Sam said, but it was too late.
Drea winced, then grabbed a napkin and spit it out, chugging hot chocolate to kill the acrid aftertaste.
“Sorry.” Sam held out a platter of cookies. “Jake and Ash made these. They’re safe.” Sam grabbed a pile of newspaper and watched her for a moment. “Have you talked to Cassie at all?”
Drea had thought of nothing else since admitting to Sam how serious it had been. But she couldn’t bring herself to make the call. She finished chewing the reindeer sugar cookie that was redeeming cookies single-handedly. “No.”
Sam waited.
“I don’t know what to say and I doubt she wants to talk to me ever again.”
“Well, you work together, so you’re going to have to talk at some point.”
Drea frowned. “I know.”
“And going by her reaction to the butterfly ornament, she very much still has feelings for you.” Sam grabbed a bell-shaped cookie and took a bite.
Drea felt a prick of hope, but when she thought more about Cassie, she couldn’t imagine Cassie forgiving her for how she had treated her. She was glad the ornament had meant something to Cassie, but Cassie deserved more than she could give her.
Sam shrugged and pointed her cookie at Drea. “Up to you, but this is the season of miracles.” She gave her a goofy grin and Drea rolled her eyes.
After Jake wore himself out with finger paint, Drea headed home for the night.
Seeing Sam and Ash so happy, and driving past all the homes lit up with families inside spending quality time together made her feel more alone than ever.
Her thoughts kept returning to Cassie, and as she imagined driving to her house and making up and a future of bliss, her mind went back to all the things Cassie had kept from her.
She hadn’t trusted her, and if she didn’t trust Drea then, she definitely wouldn’t now.