Chapter 28
“This is so cool, house hunting,”Sara gushed from the back seat of Brett’s brand-new Audi SUV.
“So, wait. I’m confused,” I began.
“What else is new?” Brett said, rolling his eyes in mock style from the rearview mirror, sharing an inside joke with the girls, triggering high-pitched giggles.
“Very funny.” I glared. “What happened to your other car? What’s going on with all these changes? First, you get rid of your BMW for this boat. And now you’re looking for a house? Didn’t you just sign a new lease for your apartment?”
“Nothing is ever set in stone. And when I need something, I do what I need to do.” Brett peered at the girls through the mirror. “You hear that, girls? Never feel like you’re settling. Ever.”
I caught Sara smiling, absorbing all the advice from Brett’s lips. And Zoe, my cautious and reserved pre-teen daughter, couldn”t help but be drawn to Brett”s magnetism. His infectious charisma undeniably affected those around him—including me. I fell deeper in love with him every day; we had been on the same page lately. Even with having a child, while my mind wasn’t there yet, I could get there without the pressure or direct question of whether it would happen. Of course, certain things like marriage and all that fun stuff needed to happen before, but Brett functioned like this was it. We were each other’s futures. The only thing I found odd was this whole house-hunting adventure. Was he going to rent? I was completely confused by the afternoon’s purpose, to be completely honest. What was even stranger was how he wanted to stay within the girls’ school district, which was convenient geographically if he wanted to come to our house or vice versa. But he was also on the expensive side of the town with mansions. While the girls and I lived in a nice, comfortable house, ours paled compared to these structures.
As we pulled up to a gated community, my confusion only grew. This was not the neighborhood I had expected us to be looking at. The houses were extravagant, with sprawling gardens and perfectly manicured lawns. It felt as if we were entering a different world altogether. I had no idea Brett had this budget, and I never asked, either.
”Brett, I don”t understand,” I said, my voice tinged with uncertainty. ”Why are you looking at houses here? I didn’t even know you could rent in this area.”
He smiled at me reassuringly, his hand reaching over to squeeze mine. ”Julia, trust me on this,” he said softly.
“But why do you need such a big house to rent?” My eyes nearly popped when Brett pulled into a post-modern colonial house with black and white external finishes. The house was so crisp and fresh in appearance that it looked like a page out of an architectural masterpiece magazine. My heart rate increased, and blood rushed to my ears. “Brett, who is this for?”
Sara and Zoe exchanged wide-eyed glances in the back seat before whispering excitedly to each other. They were captivated by the opulence surrounding us, oblivious to the complexities beneath the surface. Fuck, this was not going to end well. My maternal instincts kicked into high gear and prepared me for battle.
Brett turned off the engine and faced me, his eyes swirling with anticipation and nervousness. ”Julia, I know this might come as a surprise, but... I want us to live together. All four of us. And what better way than a fresh start.” Brett motioned to the extravagant home while I remained frozen and stunned. Brett twisted around to Zoe and Sara, ready to burst from the vehicle and run inside. “Come on, girls. Let’s check it out.” He grabbed the door handle.
“Brett…” I warned.
“It costs nothing to look.” He opened the door with a permanent smile. “It’s exciting.” And closed the door with me glued to the seat.
I wasn’t excited. I was fucking pissed. As Brett led Zoe and Sara toward this mansion, my blood boiled. How could he make such a decision without discussing it with me first? We had been together for months, but this felt like a leap I wasn”t ready to take. I refused to give up my house. Brett had no idea the lengths I had to go to, the hoops I needed to jump through to keep the home I raised my babies in.
As I unbuckled my seatbelt, I practiced a series of deep breaths. Walking toward the house, I noticed how effortlessly Brett interacted with Zoe and Sara. They were all smiles and laughter, oblivious to the whirlwind of emotions that swirled inside me. Inside the house, everything was grandiose. High ceilings, marble floors, and crystal chandeliers hanging from cathedral ceilings. It was as if we had stumbled into a world beyond our own. Brett acted like this opulence was his natural setting. His eyes filled with excitement as he explored each room with the girls following like loyal pets.
I wandered behind them, suddenly the outsider in my own life. The enormity of the decision Brett had made hung heavy in the air. It wasn”t just about moving in together; it was about blending our lives and our families. I was ready for the last part, but not here. This wasn’t my home, and it never would be.
There wasn’t even a realtor here. How did Brett have access to this house?
“This is my buddy’s listing. He knows we’re here and said if we’re serious to give him a call.” Brett spun around, walking backward, and acted as our guide.
Well, that answered that question. But it didn”t change that he had made this decision without consulting me and considering its implications on mine and my daughters” lives.
Brett steered us to the French doors overlooking an immaculate, flat backyard with plenty of room to put in a pool and turn this into an outdoor oasis with the right amount of time and money. Something told me Brett had both.
“Girls, check out the back.” He opened the doors, and the girls ran while Brett and I stayed on the slate patio. “What do you think?” Brett’s arms slinked around mine.
“What?” I snapped out of my muddled daze and locked eyes with Brett. “What’s going on here? Be honest.”
He sighed, his grip on me tightening ever so slightly. ”Julia, I know it seems impulsive, but I truly believe this is the right step for us.”
I pulled away from him, needing space and a chance to calm my racing thoughts. I massaged my temples, my eyes wandering out to the vast backyard adorned with the animated laughter of my children. They deserved stability and a sense of belonging, but was this the way to achieve it?
“So, you expect me to give up my house and move into a new one with you?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Well, now that you put it like that, I’m starting to think you’re not on board.” He rolled his eyes while keeping his energy light.
“Why didn’t you talk about this first with me? This is a gigantic step. Wouldn’t it make more sense for you to move into my house first, and then we’d see if we needed to move, or I don’t even know. Get engaged? You know all those things that should probably come first before buying some expensive house together?”
“Okay, chill.” Brett threw his arms up. “You’re making it like I’m holding some gun to your head.”
“No, that’s not it. Did you really expect me just to follow you blindly?”
“First off, I wasn’t going to ask you for a fucking dime toward anything. The business has been going really well over the last few years. I don’t talk about my position in the business. I know you look at me like some kid because I’m younger, but fuck, Julia. I work fucking hard, and if I wanted to buy us something for our future, just let me.”
“No. Not like this. That’s not how this works. You can’t just go and make big decisions for us without talking to me first.” I motioned between us, the air thickening.
“I’ve never done anything like that. What are you even talking about?” Brett’s face twisted, taking a step back.
“Oh yeah?” I raised an eyebrow. “How about in Miami when you declared us a couple and told all my colleagues? I had no fucking clue.”
Brett was about to say something, but instead, he motioned us inside and closed the doors to the backyard.
“You can’t just shut the doors on the girls.” I gestured to the doors.
“They’re fine. Stop trying to change the subject.” He waved the comment away. “So, are you saying you regret what happened in Miami?”
The tension hung like a thick fog as Brett and I stood in this stupid house, our voices echoing off the marble walls. The truth was, I didn”t regret what happened between us in Miami. It had been a whirlwind of passion and desire, an escape from the mundane routine of my everyday life. But now, standing in this lavish house, reality crashed down upon me like a tidal wave.
”It”s not about regret,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. ”It”s about trust. It”s about respect. And right now, I feel like you”re making all these decisions without considering how they might affect me and my daughters.”
“What are you even talking about? Everything I do is about you and the girls. This house could be great for us. Why do you want to hang onto the past like your life depends on it? Let’s get a fresh start together. You haven’t even fixed the fucking basement from the flood. Are you just looking for a fight? Because you’re doing a great job.”
I had to tell him why I just couldn’t let go. Brett wasn’t getting it, and if we continued to misfire a second longer, it would ruin us.
“Do you even realize what I endured in the divorce to keep the house? I had to buy Peter out, not to mention the countless billable hours I spent on attorneys to convince Peter to let me buy him out. He dragged me through hell, but it was worth it because my daughters got to keep their home. You would never have known because I thought I wouldn’t be put on the spot. It’s not your fault, but to blindside me like this and expect me to go with it.” I took a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart. The weight of my past struggles bore down on me, threatening to crush the bond between Brett and me. I had to make him understand.
”Brett, it”s not about hanging onto the past,” I said, my voice shaking. ”It”s about fighting for what”s important to me.”
Brett”s face dropped as he realized the gravity of my words. His hands fell limply to his sides, and he stepped closer, seeking a connection. ”I didn”t know,” he whispered, his voice laced with regret. ”I didn”t understand how much your house meant to you.”
“You never asked.” I tried not to sound angry, but I was tired of everything. “And you brush it off when I bring up anything serious. You like to keep things light, but sometimes, we need to talk about the heavy stuff. That’s not who you are.” I crossed my arms, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Just tell me. What do you want rather than springing it on me? Because I’ve had it up to here with these surprises.” I held my hand up to my chin to emphasize my point.
“Okay, fine.” His throat clicked. “Do you really want to know what I ask myself every fucking day?”
“Yes, I do.” My gravelly voice almost swallowed my strength.
Brett nodded as his eyes turned a shade of glassy. “Will we ever have anything of our own?” Brett’s voice screamed with hurt, unlike the usual happy tone I suddenly yearned for. But I asked for this.
A pang of guilt stabbed my chest, seeing the pain in Brett’s bottomless eyes. He had been so caught up in his excitement and vision for our future that he hadn”t stopped to consider…anything. But it was no excuse, and I couldn’t be in a relationship where impulse drove the decisions, leaving me to piece together the puzzle. “You can’t look at us that way. You and I should be enough. Like, what are you asking exactly?”
“A baby, Julia. What about a baby?”
“You’re talking about things that shouldn’t come first. What about getting engaged?”
“You know that’s implied. So, let’s jump to the chase. Would you have a baby with me, assuming the rest fell into place?”
My mouth went dry, and my throat tightened. I knew the answer Brett needed to hear, but I was still unsure if that was the answer I wanted to give. How old would I be by the time a baby even came around? I was already thirty-seven. Did I want another baby close to forty? After forty? I let his words sink in, the reality of what he was asking hitting me like a cold rogue wave. A baby. A tiny, precious life that would forever bind us together, even if everything else fell apart. And this wasn’t how I wanted to go about this decision. It felt like an ultimatum, a decision I needed to hand to Brett, but I wasn’t ready to. And he needed to embrace the fact I might never be ready. We needed to be enough for each other before all the bonuses.
“Well, I guess there’s my answer,” Brett snorted, walking away from me and heading into the pristine white chef’s kitchen.
“I didn’t say anything.” I followed him like a lost puppy.
“Exactly.” Brett’s back remained facing me, and he placed his hands on his narrow hips.
I took a step closer, my heart pounding in my chest, the thumping rushing to my ears. It was all I heard until laughter broke me from this trance. I whipped around and saw the girls running laps, or maybe they were chasing each other. But it was my first time seeing them genuinely happy in years. It should have been enough to pull me to where Brett needed me to be. After years of putting other people first, I wasn’t ready to do it again at the cost of my comfort and security. I knew what I needed, but suddenly, I realized that Brett needed more. And I didn’t have more to give.
“I’m starting to feel alone walking down a one-way street. And you’re either ahead of me or behind. But we’re not walking side by side,” Brett said, his eyes glazing over. “Why are you so guarded? Will you ever let me in?”
The air in my lungs deflated, and I didn’t know what else to say other than, “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah. Me too.” Brett couldn’t lift his eyes from the floor. “Where do you want to go from here?”
“Home.”